Unforgiven (14 page)

“You know, at the time, I didn’t understand. I was an orphan who could read minds. I wasn’t really anything special. My foster families could vouch for that.”

His frankness pulled at my heartstrings. He’d been through so much, yet he was still somehow holding it together. I, on the other hand, was a complete and total wreck.

“When I went back, I asked that very question to the man I found there. At first, he didn’t even remember me. But, after some persuasion, his memory came back. He said they wanted to get to me before the Unseen did. That’s all it was. I asked him why they didn’t recruit me instead. Apparently, they needed talented subjects for their trainees. For them, I was nothing more than a target for shooting practice.”

“It was slow and messy. But I didn’t kill him.” He looked at me then, a sad smile on his face. “I did him one worse than you. I destroyed his mind, leaving him a drooling vegetable. When I walked away, he was nothing but a worthless shell of a body.”

Were he and I really so similar? If so, maybe he could help me find a way out. “Mitchell,” I said quietly. “How did you come back from such a dark place?”

“I didn’t. At least, not right away. I was pleased with what I’d done. Owen wasn’t sure how to handle me at first. He couldn’t understand why I would destroy someone like that. Despite what you thought of him at first, he’s pretty black and white when it comes to killing people. But, he’s still a good friend and a brother in arms, so he tried to be supportive while constantly telling me what I’d done was wrong.

“I didn’t agree for a long time. Years. Only when I managed to let go of my anger did I see the violation I’d made. I hadn’t just killed someone—I’d ruined their life.”

“But—” I started, not sure how I would’ve finished if Mitchell hadn’t interrupted me.

“But nothing. That was the fact of the matter. Every once in a while, I check on him. He’s in an assisted living facility, eating from a tube because his family can’t bear to let him go. One time, I even stopped in to see him. To tell him I was sorry. But I couldn’t do it. The silence coming from the other side of the door was crushing. I’d left nothing untouched, and it showed.”

He sighed, the weight of what he’d done evidenced by his hunched shoulders. “In the end, I knew it wouldn’t do me any good. So I left. I haven’t been back since. That was right before you joined us.”

I scooted back and leaned against the wall, looking in the same direction as Mitchell. Resting my arms on my knees, I looked down the hallway, hoping to reconcile what I’d just learned with my own future.

What kinds of people use an ice cream sundae against you as torture? These are the people who deserve mercy?
I thought. But justification wasn’t the right path to follow, and I knew it.

“Boy, I could sure go for an ice cream sundae right about now,” I said, trying to distract myself from the tension around me.

He laughed. “When you get out, I’ll show you what a real sundae is. Homemade caramel sauce like you’ll never get out of a jar.” His smile lit up his face. It gave me hope to think he could still enjoy a thing that had been so terribly used against him.

“It’s a date,” I said. “Hey, Mitch, can I ask you something?” He nodded, so I went on. “How did you know what I was going to do?” He didn’t answer, so I prodded him a little more. “After I got back from my first job, I was carrying Maddie’s folder, not the scientist’s, when I came up here to work. You stopped me in the hall and told me to use caution. How did you know?”

He sighed and scrubbed his face with both hands. Finally, he said, “I’ve been trying to find your… aunt. David is concerned about that particular loose end. I knew David was planning to share the intel we had on Maddie with you, and when I saw you come back from your job with another file, I put two and two together.”

I leaned my head back against the wall.
David was working to find answers, if not for Maddie, then for my safety.
I’d really blown it.

Mitchell added one more thing before he left me with my thoughts. “I didn’t tell you any of this to make you feel sorry for me, or to tell you you’re not alone or some other BS. I told you so you’d know what the world is like on the other side of this glass. It’s different, now that you’ve killed someone on purpose. But that doesn’t make life unlivable.”

“But… Maddie.” My voice cracked, made unstable by sorrow.

“But nothing. Maddie is dead. If she were still alive, she’d have every right to judge you for what you’d done. But things being what they are, I don’t think she much cares either way. Let it go.”

I cringed at his harsh words, but he didn’t see. He was already walking down the long hallway, leaving me alone to consider the road I’d already walked, and the one that lay before me.

Two paths diverged in a yellow wood.
Maddie’s voice echoed in my mind. It seemed ages ago when she’d said that to me. My choices had seemed so much simpler then—one job over another, not one life over another.

“Well,” I said aloud to the room, hoping she’d hear me. “I certainly took the road less traveled.”

In the following silence, I decided to try to get some rest. I didn’t know what the road ahead held for me, but whatever it was, I wanted to be ready.

Tracy came to get me in what I assumed was the morning. Without windows or any natural source of light, the Unseen relied on their watches and clocks to separate day from night. I didn’t have my watch, and there was no clock in the cell, so I was sleeping when Tracy showed up. She seemed only slightly irritated at having to wait.

Surprisingly, I’d slept rather well in the cell. I suspected my exhaustion had finally caught up with me and silenced my concerns about my future.

It only took me a few moments to haul myself out of bed and get ready to go with her. I didn’t intend to push her patience by dilly-dallying. She walked me down to David’s office in companionable silence. I really didn’t have anything to say to her right then. Either she understood, or she didn’t. Nothing I could say would change that. I had no idea if what I’d done would change our relationship. I hoped not, but I didn’t have any control over it, and somehow, I’d come to peace with that.

What Mitchell told me the night before had hit home, and I hoped I could take the same peaceful approach with Owen. If he came around and decided he still wanted me in his life, I’d be there in a minute. If not, hopefully I could let him go. The thought made me catch my breath, but I pushed forward as we entered David’s office to receive our assignments.

It surprised me to see Owen sitting in the chair Tracy usually occupied. He stood when Tracy came in, offering it to her, but she grabbed another one from one of the training rooms.

Once we were crowded around his desk, David didn’t waste any time getting started. “Mackenzie.” His sharp tone startled me, forcing me to look straight at him. “I realize it might be a mistake to trust you with the upcoming job, but we don’t have anyone else with the skill to successfully complete it.”

I chanced a glance at Owen, who appeared to be pouting in the chair next to me. His arms were folded across his chest, as if in a defensive posture, and there was a deep frown face as he looked at his feet.

David brought my attention back to him. “There are lives at stake here. A lot of them. We need you to be fully focused on the job. No more of your childish vendetta. No more sulking. Just the job. Expect further restrictions on your privileges when you return. My trust in you has been broken.”

Forcing myself not to act wounded at his description of my behavior—after all, he was right—I tucked in my bottom lip and nodded.

“Fine. Do not disappoint me again, Mackenzie.” The familiar words made me bristle, and his fatherly tone didn’t help. I tried to shake off the feeling of discomfort. He might have been my father, but he’d missed most of my life. I didn’t need his approval or disapproval. All I needed was to do my job.

“So, what’s the job?” I asked, trying to sound confident.

“We’ve had several members of the Unseen working tirelessly to uncover more about Dux Ducis. Owen here is one of them. He’s the one who actually discovered your target.”

He didn’t look up at the mention of his name. I knew because I was still staring at him.

Sensing something brewing, I asked, “If Owen’s the one who found the guy, why isn’t he looking into him? He probably knows the most about him.”

“Because the man is considered highly dangerous. We feel you are best equipped to handle him.”

The words pushed me back in my seat. Was that why he was mad? Did Owen want this job and resent me for taking it? “But I’ve only been here for a few months. Surely, Owen is—”

David cut me off. “If you’re concerned you’re stepping on his toes, that’s not what he’s upset about. We all agree you’re the one for this job. Owen wants to go with you as your safety.”

“Oh.” It was as if all my breath had gone out of my lungs at once. Why would he want to go with me after what I’d done? “But after what I—”

“After what you did, we’re not confident Owen can keep you under control, should something happen. Tracy will accompany you.”

I looked over at Tracy, and she nodded. I chose to take it as an encouraging gesture.

“Back to the target. We’ve uncovered a plot against Coda.”

Of all the ways I’d expected him to finish that sentence, he’d chosen the most unexpected. After all, it wasn’t a major sporting event, a popular rock concert, a cruise ship, or anything like that. It was a highly intellectual gathering only known to those in the classical music community. Why target something like that? It wasn’t like the general public would be directly affected.

“Why Coda?” I asked, trying to make sense of it.

“This year, over twenty thousand people are expected. I think the sheer numbers have attracted the Potestas’ attention. Their motivation behind the attack is less obvious. Perhaps that’s something you will discover.”

Thinking of all the big names in today’s classical musicians, I started to panic. “But some of the greatest musicians in the world will be there. Can you tell the organizers at FSU to cancel the event?”

“I’ve advised them to do so, but so far, they haven’t. They don’t believe we have enough evidence.”

“What do you think the Potestas are planning?”

David took a breath. “Unfortunately, we think they’re going to unleash the latest version of the chemical Dr. Jeppe developed.”

“What?” It came out in an accusing hiss. “You can’t let this happen.”

“No,
you
can’t let this happen. The man Owen found is thought to have a close connection with Dux Ducis. We need to uncover his identity so that we can do whatever it takes to stop this plot. If we don’t…” He paused and looked straight into my eyes. “If
you
don’t, tens of thousands of people will die.”

A shudder ran through me as I thought of the screaming chimps. “And they won’t die easily either.”

“No, they won’t. You need to get us as much information as quickly as possible so we can stop that from happening.”

“Fine. When do we leave?” I looked over at Owen, assuming he would be helping Tracy and me on this one.

“Now. You’ll take one of the cars to Atlanta as soon as you’re ready. But Owen and the rest of the research team is staying here to search for further information.”

I frowned, but I knew it wasn’t the time to argue. “I’m ready.”

As we left David’s office, I realized I wasn’t as ready as I thought. Owen hung back, and Tracy went on ahead, catching me between the two of them.

Tracy looked back when I stopped walking. “Go on ahead. I’ll meet you at the car in twenty minutes.” She nodded and left the gym.

Walking back to Owen, I tried to find words to say to him, but they wouldn’t come. I kept hearing Mitchell’s story in my mind. If he could forgive him, he could forgive me, right? But panic clawed at my gut. If I lost Owen… only then did it hit me how grave a loss that would be.

I didn’t look at him when I approached, taking care to watch my feet as they closed the gap between us.

He let out a heavy sigh and folded me into his arms. I collapsed into him, but the words still didn’t come.

“You are the worst kind of impossible.”

“Which kind is that?” I asked, my words muffled by his neck and shoulder.

“The kind that is impossible to understand, impossible to forgive, but impossible not to.” He pulled back and looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes. The ones I fell in love with what seemed like ages ago. “The kind that’s impossible to be without.”

“Lucky for me,” I said, incredulous that this man had decided I was worthy of him after everything I’d put him through. I had been so quick to turn my back on him for what he’d done. He had every right to do the same to me, but instead, he opened his arms.

He reached for something in his pocket. “I have something for you.” He handed me my iPod.

I took it out and turned it over in my hand, unsure of what it meant.

“I took the liberty of adding the London Symphony Orchestra’s latest recording of Gasbag de la Noot. I thought it might help you concentrate.”

I held it in my hand, not closing my fingers around it. In that moment, a small shift happened in my mind. Maddie was still there, but I allowed all the other emotions, thoughts, and fears I’d been holding back into the forefront of my mind. I allowed Owen all the way back in. I wanted him in my future, I realized—and I actually
wanted
a future.

I closed my hand tightly around the object. “Thank you,” I said, proud my voice didn’t waver.

“You’re welcome. Now go pack. It’s over four hours to Atlanta, and you’ll need it to read up on this guy.”

I groaned. “Didn’t I just get back from doing this?”

“No. You just got back from your dumb-ass vigilante mission. That was how you decided to use your vacation, so now you don’t get one.”

“Ah,” I said, knowing there’d be more digs like that in my future. Somehow, it didn’t bother me anymore, not now that I knew I’d been forgiven.

Leaning in, I didn’t even think about what I was doing or what would happen if he didn’t respond. All I was doing was saying goodbye to a man who loved me better than I had loved him. Silently, I vowed to change that as I kissed him deeply.

“Good luck,” he said when we finally parted.

I nodded as I walked away, but I hoped we wouldn’t need luck to carry us through the days ahead.