Unforgiven (10 page)

Settle down,
I thought. But how could I possibly do that? My fingers twitched. In that moment, I needed music. I did something I hadn’t done in a very long time. I got up, dug my iPod out of my backpack, and let Gaspard deal with my worries.

The music surrounded me with its familiar notes. And although Maddie didn’t come with them, that was ok. This was different. This wasn’t about finding her. It was about finding focus. And Gaspard de la Nuit had never let me down in that department.

Before the end of the piece, I drifted off, carried into the depths of my own mind by Ravel’s work.

The next morning, Tracy and I chose a different table at the coffee shop, farther away from the scientist’s normal spot, in an effort to go unnoticed. We sat across from each other, silently scheming. For what had to be the fifth time, she stressed the importance of getting in and out of the professor’s mind as quickly as possible. I nodded as our target came through the door, perfectly on schedule.

This time, I zeroed in on him and immediately made my way to the wall of nothing. It made a hollow glass sound when I knocked on it. Admittedly, I was a little disappointed when my hand made contact. Secretly, I hoped my hand would just pass through it, and this defense would prove to be like the others—artificial and unimpressive.

Looking back at some of the other traps, I wondered if I could use something from within his mind to break down the wall. I walked back to the hole, haphazardly covered with brush and debris, searching for a stick wide enough to do some damage. Finally, I found one I hoped was suitable, but when I tried to pick it up, my hand passed through it.

Of course it did. The stick isn’t real, you idiot.

Frustrated, I went back to his wall, considering my options, knowing time was ticking away as I debated what to do. The professor could very well leave the coffee shop before I made any progress. With no other ideas, I took off my left shoe. To my relief, I was able to hold it in my hand. I suspected that it worked because I’d brought it, along with the rest of my clothes, into Dr. Jeppe’s mind, which made it more real to me.

At first, I merely tapped the wall with the heel of my boot, afraid of the consequences, although I couldn’t imagine what they might be. If Jeppe discovered me, I knew he wouldn’t be thrilled about my presence, and that was the only motivation I needed to work quietly. But it had no effect, except for a pleasant little glass ‘ting’ sound. I hit a little harder, slowly increasing my force until I was all-out pounding on his wall, the sound resonating through the landscape around me. Soon, the wall began to crack.

But before I could bring it down, I felt the tug.
No,
I thought.
He must be getting up.
I fought to stay in his mind, doubled down on my focus, and continued pounding his wall with my shoe, until it finally came crashing down around me. I skittered away from it, trying to shield myself from the falling shards of glass, despite the fact that I was wearing several layers and probably wasn’t in any danger at all.

Sweating from the effort, I wondered if I was actually perspiring in my seat across from Tracy. I could only hope I wasn’t showing any visible distress.

Grateful for my long sleeves, I brushed the glass from my arms and made my way through the mess I’d created inside Dr. Jeppe’s mind. As soon as I made my way inside, I knew he wasn’t a reader. His thoughts were scattered and disorganized, and his memories were too easily accessed, just out in the open for anyone to collect as they saw fit. It didn’t take long for me to find the information I needed.

Dux Ducis is really putting the pressure on.
His voice was higher and more unsure than I’d expected it would be. He seemed frightened in this memory.
I’m beginning to regret agreeing to explore this avenue.

Who is Dux Ducis?
I wondered, dreading to go further down the rabbit hole.

But I delved deeper into Jeppe’s memories anyway, searching for the moment he’d met Dux Ducis. I needed to find out who he was, not to mention what he wanted Jeppe to do. Unfortunately, their first contact seemed to have happened via email, not in person. Dux Ducis had introduced himself as an interested benefactor and asked him how far he could take his research with proper funding. At first, Jeppe had been excited. But then, the threats started arriving. They were on a tight deadline, and Jeppe wasn’t making the kind of progress this Dux Ducis wanted to see. One note even threatened that the work would be tested on Jeppe if he didn’t deliver, and fast.

It wasn’t clear how Dux Ducis found Jeppe’s cell phone number—his e-mail address was easily accessible to anyone with Google, but his cell phone was unlisted. Still, found it he had. The threats and sensitive information all arrived via text messages on his phone. He’d never even heard Dux Ducis’ voice.

I ignored the sense of dread building in the back of my mind, with Dux Ducis at the root of it. Something sinister was going on, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to figure it out—and prove it—in time to put a stop to it.

All right, so I don’t know who this guy is. But maybe I can find out what he wants Jeppe to do.
I continued to move ahead, searching for clues as to the nature of their arrangement. What I saw next would be burned into my memory for the rest of my days.

I found myself in a lab with white walls and oak-colored cabinets. Dr. Jeppe was dressed in his white lab coat, pushing his glasses up higher on his nose with a hand covered in a blue glove that went up to his elbow. He stood in front of an island—on one side there was a sink. Arranged on the white countertop in the middle were a recording device, some papers, and a laptop. He turned the recorder on and started talking. “I’ve successfully combined three of the four toxins into a gas. Today will be the first live test of the substance.” He moved over to a glass box.

“Subjects are two primates, most similar in lung capacity to humans. Additional testing will be done on pigs, to monitor possible skin reactions.”

My instinct to pull away from this memory was overwhelming as dread deepened in the pit of my stomach. But I had to know what Jeppe and now Dux Ducis were doing, so I stayed put. The chimps were cleaning each other, totally unaware of the fate that awaited them. Although I didn’t know what was coming either, I knew it wouldn’t be good.

Dr. Jeppe moved over to a pump set up outside the glass box. “The test begins now, at oh nine hundred hours on September 15, 2014.” He flipped a switch on the pump, and it hummed to life.

Soon, the box filled with smog, and the chimps started to scream. It was the most horrifying sound I’d ever heard in my life. Everything about it—the pitch and length of the cries, the sheer desperation of the sound—told me they were dying and they were afraid.

Although I knew it was ridiculous, one of the chimps looked right at me, its brown eyes pleading for help. I reached out for it, but this was just a memory, and I was helpless to change it.

Before long, big chunks of fur started falling off the chimps, blood poured from their eyes, and their screaming was interrupted by bouts of coughing that led to spurts of bloody vomit. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see any more of their suffering.

After entirely too long, the chimps fell silent. I heard Dr. Jeppe’s voice and peeked out of one eye to see what he was doing. He watched the chimps without emotion, typing notes into his computer. “Upon initial observation, the toxin seems quite effective. Subjects appear to be deceased after only four minutes and thirty-eight seconds of exposure. Adding the fourth toxin may speed the process.”

The fourth toxin? It was all too much. I finally pulled myself out of his mind, desperate to escape.

When I opened my eyes, I realized I was drenched in sweat. I dared to glance over at Dr. Jeppe, who was looking at his watch with a confused and flustered expression on his face. He quickly gathered his things and rushed out of the café.

Leaning forward on the table, I rested my head on my folded arms. “I think I’m going to be sick,” I whispered.

“Not here,” Tracy said, totally unsympathetic to my plight. She stood up and kicked the back of my chair, apparently encouraging me to follow her.

It took everything I had to keep it together long enough to get outside, where I leaned on a handicapped parking sign and left my breakfast on the pavement.

Tracy took me by the arm and ushered me over to—and then into—the car, which was parked a short distance away, before I could even wipe my mouth. Once seated in the passenger seat, I immediately started shaking. Moments later, Tracy started the car and glanced at me.

“Nope. Not here. Hey.” She paused, waiting for a response, but I didn’t give her one. I kept hearing the otherworldly shrieks of the chimps. I clapped my hands over my ears to try and block them out. As I thought about what I’d seen, not to mention the toxin’s potential effects on humans, bile rose again in the back of my throat.

“Hey!” Tracy yelled, forcing me to look at her. “Keep it together. You’re stronger than this.”

I shook my head, tears springing to my eyes. No, I wasn’t stronger than this, and I certainly wasn’t strong enough to deal with this scientist. Chimps were just animals, but watching them suffer like that… I could only imagine how I would have felt if I’d seen him torture people.

Owen was right. There was pure evil out there, and I couldn’t even begin to comprehend it. Disappointment and regret blanketed my heart. I should have never taken the job with the Unseen. I was ill equipped.

I was so busy thinking about the screaming, bleeding chimps, I didn’t even realize we’d made it back to the hotel.

Tracy led me into our room and helped me sit on my bed. Then she knelt in front of me and stared into my tear-filled eyes. “Pull it together, Mac.” She grabbed hold of my chin and shook my face a little—not hard, just enough to get me to look at her. “I mean it.”

After I took a deep, shuddering breath, she nodded at me. “Good. Now, tell me what happened.”

I couldn’t. I couldn’t talk about it right then. Saying the words out loud made them real. I’d been so very wrong about the scientist. But then the memory of what he’d said about the chimps’ lungs being similar to a human’s echoed in my head, and I knew I had to be strong. I had to force myself to do what needed to be done. Flying up off the bed, I accidently caught Tracy in the chin with my knee. “We have to talk to David. We need to warn him.”

Tracy and I didn’t speak much on the way home. She must’ve opted to let me work through the ordeal on my own. Or perhaps she was off in her own world, trying to puzzle out what I’d seen and what should be done about it.

Luckily, she was able to get a flight out pretty quickly, so we got home in the early afternoon.

Tracy had called David from the airport in Michigan to tell him we were on our way home. Their conversation was brief, and no details were exchanged. I didn’t know if that was normal protocol, or if it was because I hadn’t shared many details with Tracy. The echo of the chimps’ screaming kept me from dwelling on it too long.

On the drive back to the facility, she finally spoke. “Tell me something, Mackenzie.”

Failing to acknowledge her, I watched the greenery of my home state zip past us.

“How did you keep him there?”

That
was enough to get me to look at her. “What?”

“At the time he would normally leave, he stood halfway up, but then his face took on a confused expression and he sat back down. He’d already finished his coffee and read the paper, but he stared down at the newsprint anyway, holding his cup in his hand. Then, as soon as you opened your eyes, he seemed to come back to himself. He flew out of the café, obviously late for work.”

I tried to make sense of what she was telling me. “When I was at his wall, I felt the tug of him leaving. But I hadn’t gotten into his head yet. So I just said no, but I wasn’t necessarily talking to him. I wasn’t consciously trying to control him; I just wanted to get the job done.”

“I see.” Her tone indicated she was a little taken aback by my answer, and frankly, so was I.

“If I stay, I need a lot more training, Tracy. I can’t just run around unconsciously controlling people. That’s kind of dangerous, isn’t it?”

But she ignored my question. “What do you mean,
if
you stay?” The alarm in her voice was unmistakable.

“I don’t think I’m cut out to be such an active member of the Unseen. Maybe I can do paperwork or something more behind the scenes? Owen tried to warn me about the evil out there, and so did you. But I can’t handle it.” I stared out the window, but instead of the passing landscape, I saw the chimp’s big, brown eyes staring at me through the glass of his prison. I shut my eyes. “I’ve let you down.”

She chuckled, which wasn’t exactly the response I was expecting. “That’s ridiculous. You haven’t even shared the nature of what you learned with me, but I can already tell this mission was a complete success. You’ve done your job, and you’ve done it splendidly. What more could we ask for?”

“For me to not be emotionally shattered by the job.” Hysteria surfaced again, and I practically shouted the words at her.

She glanced at me and frowned, then stared straight ahead as she guided the car back to our home. “That will come,” she said after a moment, her voice uncharacteristically hushed.

But maybe I didn’t want it to come. Maybe I didn’t want to be an unfeeling, jaded, robot member of the Unseen. Silence hung between us for the rest of the car ride, but my mind was less than silent. A little voice argued that Tracy wasn’t that way. Sure, she seemed a little jaded, but she wasn’t a robot, per se. She had feelings; I knew that better than anyone.

I sighed heavily and watched the changing landscape as we neared headquarters. The problem was that I wasn’t Tracy, Owen, or Mitchell. And I didn’t know how to deal with me.

We went straight to David’s office as soon as we arrived. He was poring over some files on his desk when we came in.

“Please,” he said, motioning toward the two chairs in front of his desk.

But I didn’t want to sit. We’d been sitting for far too long, and Dr. Jeppe was close to something. I didn’t fully understand what, but I knew it was terrible. That experiment with the monkeys had taken place almost a month ago. Who knew how much he progress he’d made since then. Maybe he’d successfully added the fourth chemical. Maybe not. It had seemed plenty deadly without it.

I paced back and forth while Tracy and David waited for me to start talking.

“Has she been like this the whole time?”

“Just since our last encounter with the scientist,” Tracy said, not bothering to lower her voice for my sake. “She’s been wildly emotional since then.”

David nodded and went back to waiting.

“You were right,” I said abruptly, deciding that was a good starting point. “He
is
evil.” But I couldn’t bring myself to continue quite yet. That would mean telling David about the experiments—saying those awful words out loud.

“How is he evil?” David asked. Both he and Tracy were watching me closely.

“His research…” I trailed off, searching for a way to make them understand without having to explain. I could have just shown them, of course—let them into my mind to see the horrifying vision. But no, I had to be stronger than that. This was my first assignment, and I had to do it justice. In the end, I swallowed the revulsion building in my stomach and told them everything. Right down to the screams. I flopped down heavily into the chair next to Tracy when I was finished.

“Who is Dux Ducis?” David asked.

“I don’t know, some benefactor apparently. He approached Dr. Jeppe via email, and after that, they contacted each other solely via text messages. He’s never heard his voice, let alone met him in person. I think he’s a bit afraid of the guy, actually. And rightfully so, based on the threats he’s been getting… not that he doesn’t deserve them.”

David frowned at that information. “Tracy, what do you think of his defenses?”

“I’m bothered by them, to be sure. From what Mackenzie said, it doesn’t sound like he’s a full-fledged member of the Potestas. I suspect someone in their ranks, possibly this Dux Ducis person, put the defenses in place in an attempt to protect the information in his mind.”

“A disturbing proposition,” David said.

“You can do that?” I’d never considered the defenses might have been set up by an outside party, but it made sense since there were no other indications Jeppe was a reader.

Tracy looked at me, a sly expression on her face. “You can do anything you put your mind to.”

I rolled my eyes at her terrible pun. David smiled and said, “The important thing is to never assume something isn’t possible. It can leave you open to attack. Tracy is right. In the world of the mind, anything is possible.”

The conversation lulled for a moment, so I sat back in my chair, allowing my eyes to wander to David’s desk. The file he’d been reading lay open on his desk, and there, plain as day, was Maddie’s smiling face staring up at the ceiling.

The shock of seeing the image made me sit bolt upright in my chair and point accusingly at the file. The movement startled Tracy.

“Why do you have a picture of Maddie in that file?”

David sighed heavily. “I was just studying the incident, Mackenzie.”

“David, I don’t think this is a good time,” Tracy said.

My world stopped. In that moment, the chimps were gone, and the scientist was no one. All I cared about was what was in that file. My hands started to shake, so I folded them in my lap in an attempt to show how mature and collected I was… not to mention totally prepared for whatever he had to say.

Clearing my throat, I said, “Now is as good a time as any.”

David eyed me skeptically. “Tracy might be right. I wasn’t anticipating the job to have such a deep impact on you. Perhaps we can discuss this later.”

“No, please. I want to know.”

Tracy frowned and leaned back in her chair, but then reconsidered and sat forward again. “David, I urge you not to discuss this matter at length right now. You weren’t with her over the last twelve hours. She’s been an emotional wreck. I don’t even know what’s in that file, but whatever it is could break her.”

“You don’t need to talk about me as if I’m not here.” I took a deep breath. “And I can handle it. I know I can.”

Tracy eyed me, but what she saw didn’t change her mind any. “Mackenzie, this is not about some perceived weakness on your part. It’s about your mental health. I’ve seen your mind. Your grief has made it terribly unstable. Whatever is in there, you may think you want to hear it, but I can assure you that you don’t.”

“How do you know?” I turned on her. “You never got any closer to finding your sister’s killer, so you know how painful it is not to know who took her life. Why would you want to rob me of that knowledge?”

“What kind of closure do you think it will give you? Are you hoping that you’ll find out Maddie’s killers have already been eliminated? Is that what you want to see in that file? If so, you’ll be disappointed. Usually, there’s only vague, unconfirmed information about suspects. Do you want to live with that kind of frustration?” She paused for a moment, letting it sink in. “Or worse, what if it’s evidence telling us the Potestas weren’t involved at all? That Maddie, like everyone else on the train that day, was just a victim of a random act of violence, nothing more, nothing less. What will you do?”

“I don’t know. But I should be given the chance to decide for myself.”

David nodded. “The timing may be poor, but it’s standard operating procedure for agents to get some time off after an assignment. You will have the rest of the day today and tomorrow free. Do with it what you will.” He pushed the file toward me. “I will need that back in full when you’re finished. You are not to make copies of it. I don’t need sensitive information falling into the wrong hands.” I nodded as I eyed the folder, not willing to touch it just yet.

“And I need you to be ready to go back to work Thursday. There’s a lot to do.” My eyes snapped up to him. The scientist. The chimps. The chemical. True, I didn’t want people to die at the hands of Dux Ducis and the scientist, but my heart was in that folder. I could only hope I would have more focus once I had answers. Reaching forward, I took it off his desk and met Tracy’s disapproving gaze head on.

“Thank you for this,” I said to David, but I didn’t break eye contact with Tracy.

“Are you sure you want to do this? The information in there…” He paused. “It won’t be easy for you to read. If you want to talk about it, my door is open to you.”

I nodded, but I wasn’t sure I would feel much like talking… particularly not to him.

“Don’t disappoint me, Mackenzie. We need you now, more than ever.”

The statement stopped me short. “That’s an odd choice of words,” I said, even though I knew what he meant. But I’d heard that particular line so many times from my former aunt—
don’t disappoint me, Mackenzie
—and I was through with being a disappointment to the people in my life. “Was it you who taught my ‘aunt,’” I made quotation marks with my fingers, “to keep saying that to me while I was growing up without you?”

He stared at me slack-jawed as I walked out of his office, the file tucked carefully under my arm.