Unforgiven (Wanderers #3) (30 page)

“Do you want to talk about it?” Danni asked
softly.

“I don’t want to bother you,” he said, making his way
to the door.

“Xander, you’re not bothering me.”

“I really think maybe I should talk to someone else,”
he said, shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

“Why, does this have to do with Jasa?” she asked a
little hopefully. She would be lying if she didn’t secretly hope he
didn’t marry her. “You can talk to me about anything you know. You
don’t have to feel guilty about it. What we had was over a real
long time ago. We can’t keep tiptoeing around each other afraid of
hurting each other’s feelings. We’re bound to have other
relationships. It’s a part of life.”

“Why did I ever let you go?” He was right in front of
her, arms reached out as if he was about to grab hers.

“I let you go,” Danni whispered.

His hands stopped and he closed his eyes. “That’s
right. You left me.”

“Xander I…” Danni placed both her hands on his chest
and she could feel his heart start to race.

“I never stopped loving you,” he whispered.

Those few words made her breath catch and she
couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He slid his hands up her neck
and cupped her face. “Xander.” Danni shook her head, barely able to
get out his name. She pulled away. Being that close to him was hard
to resist the temptation and she knew she shouldn’t. She knew once
she allowed herself to give in there was no going back.

“I should go.” She took a step back.

“No Danni, wait. What if I said I made a mistake?
What if I said I don’t really want to marry Jasa?”

“Xander, don’t do this. Don’t throw your life away
over some silly doubt you think you’re having.”

“I’m only throwing my life if I marry the wrong
person. Just tell me one thing. One thing and I’ll leave here and
never bother you again. I’ll marry Jasa and this will be done.” He
took a step closer to her again. “Tell me you don’t love me anymore
and I’ll walk away. Just tell me the truth.”

“And then what? You’re just going to call off your
engagement and we ride off in the sunset together? This isn’t some
sappy Hollywood love story Xander. This is reality. You will leave
here tonight and you will marry Jasa as planned. That is your
future.”

“But that’s not the future I want. Danni, when I see
you, all I think about is what kind of life we could have had
together.”

“That’s exactly it Xander,
could have
. That
was the past and this is now. It’s time you moved on…I did.” The
last two words fell off her tongue before she had a chance to stop
them, but it was too late. She couldn’t take it back.

He was in her face instantly. “Then why are you still
here?” he growled. “Why are you working for my parents and living
in a house they bought you?”

She shoved him away from her, angry. “Because I
needed the Job Xander! It’s not like I had people lining up to
offer me my dream job. I’m a high school drop out with a kid. I did
what I had to for my daughter.”

His face fell and she knew he regretted what he said.
“I’m sorry Danni. I know it’s not easy for you. I just…it makes
things complicated.”

“For who? Me or you?” she snapped, still angry at his
earlier attack.

“Danni, I need you in my life. I want you. It’s
always been you.”

“Xander, you’re marrying Jasa.”

“Not if you tell me you still love me. Tell me you
love me and this will all be over. I’ll tell Jasa I can’t marry her
and then it will be me and you. I’ll take you and Hadley wherever
you want to go. I’ll quick my job so I can be around more and
whatever else you want. It’s yours. Just tell me you still love
me.”

Danni looked into his eyes and saw the longing. She
knew he was telling the truth. She knew he meant every word, but
she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let him give up everything for
her. She wasn’t worth it. He would only regret it in the end. Jasa
was the better choice. She could give him the life he deserved. She
bit her tongue and turned away. She knew she couldn’t lie to him.
He could see her aura. So she would have to close herself down like
he taught her. Hide her colors so he couldn’t see her true feelings
because the truth was she still loved him. She always did and
always would, but deep down in her heart she knew it was best if he
married Jasa. No matter how much she hurt.

Danni stood there a moment, took a deep breath, and
hid her colors. Then she turned back around to face him. “I can’t,”
was all she said. She couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud
when it wasn’t true. With those final words she turned to
leave.

“Don’t do that. Don’t hide your feelings from me,” he
snapped.

She stopped, but then found her courage to take the
next step. “Daniela! I know Hadley’s mine.”

Everything stopped, the room grew silent. Danni stood
still. Afraid if she moved she would give too much away. “Just
admit that you love me and we can all be together. We can all be a
family.”

She closed her eyes. This wasn’t happening. He didn’t
know. There was no way. He was baiting her, grasping at straws.
Taking a guess in hopes he was right. “You’re wrong, Xander.”

“She could be…if we were together. I would adopt her
and love her like she was my own. I already do.” She felt his warm
body close to hers. She spun around slowly
.
She was face to face with him. “Daniela,” he
whispered. The sound of her name from his lips was like a crushing
wave. She opened her eyes to look at him. His hazel green eyes
stared back into hers, reminding her of their daughter’s. Reminding
her of the love they shared and the beautiful creation of that
love.

Danni held her breath and pleaded with her eyes for
him to touch her. Just one touch to ease the dull ache of pain she
felt inside. As if he heard her plea, he reached up
,
and cupped her face. That was all it took for her
heart to explode. It felt like an arrow had pierced her chest
causing her to gasp. She fell into his arms and laid her head on
his heart
,
listening to the murmur in his
chest. His heart beat rhythmically. Like a song that played only
for her. She got hit with a swirl of emotions. So big and so
powerful she lost all control and before she knew it her lips were
on his. The kiss silenced all of her doubts when he pressed harder
against her mouth.

The burn she felt when their lips collided was like a
fire lit up inside her. She was suddenly dizzy and confused and
then Jasa flashed in her head. She pulled back abruptly. “I’m
sorry,” she stammered, holding her fingers to her still burning
lips.

Xander’s eyes were still closed. “I shouldn’t have
done that.”

“What?” he said, finally opening his eyes to look at
her.

“I don’t know what came over me
.
I’m sorry I should go,” she turned to leave.

He grabbed her arm. “Don’t go.” She knew it was
wrong. She knew she should leave and never turn back, but it was
just so hard to make a conscious decision when he was touching her.
She knew she let her colors show and there was no turning back now.
“One night, just give me this one night. That’s all I’m
asking.”

Danni knew she would lose herself if she stayed, but
she always deserved that one night. That one night to say goodbye
for good. Danni turned around to face him. She ran her hand over
his chest and she could feel him quiver beneath her touch. She
slowed her shaking hand. “It’s okay,” he whispered. Closing her
eyes she let her lips do all the talking.

Oh how she missed him. She hadn’t been with anyone
since Xander. Sure there were ones that tried. She went on a few
dates even, but none of them ever compared to the way she felt when
she was with him. In one swift movement he lifted her off her feet
and carried her to the bed. He laid her down gently before removing
his shirt. Danni pulled him down on top of her running her hands up
his back and across his shoulders, feeling the scars beneath his
tattoo. The ones she was all too familiar with. Xander flinched
slightly and she pulled away. He shook his head. “No, it’s okay,”
he said, putting her hand back on his shoulder.

His lips crashed back into hers and she nearly lost
her breath. His hand slid up her side and she lifted herself
slightly so he could take off her top. His lips trailed down her
neck, across her collarbone, and then down to her chest. A tiny
moan escaped her lips as his tongue flicked slowly down her
stomach. His hand slipped up the back of her thigh making her
shake. He pushed her skirt up a little further, tugging at her
underwear lightly before slipping his hand back down her leg and
stopping at the back of the knee. Gripping her leg tight, he pulled
her on top of him. Danni ran her hands down his chest while he
slowly edged his up the back of her thighs and cupped her
behind.

She let out a small giggle as his hands danced
dangerously close to areas that haven’t been touched by a man in
years – the gynecologist doesn’t count. Danni slipped her hands
down the front of his slacks, finding pleasure in watching him
squirm. He quickly sat up and smashed his lips into hers. It wasn’t
long before all their clothes were off and Xander was back on top
taking control. She moved her legs so he was positioned perfectly
in between her. “I love you,” he whispered, looking straight into
her eyes. “Tell me you love me too.” She knew he needed to hear it.
He needed to know.

She pushed back the hair that had stuck to his face
from sweat, then looked into his eyes and smiled. “I love you
Xander.” That’s all it took. Once the words left her lips it gave
him the green light to move forward. Danni gasped from the
incredible sensation that rushed her body. He kissed her as his
hands roamed every inch of her skin. She arched her back allowing
him to go deeper. A moan escaped his lips. Her hands ran through
his hair and she wrapped her legs around his hips pulling him
tighter to her. They were lost in the moment and no longer able to
control themselves. She could feel him tense and try to slow his
movements, but when she pushed herself into him he had a hard time
controlling himself.

Not wanting to rush, Xander grabbed her wrists with
one hand and thrust them above her head and used his other hand to
push down on her hips to stop her from pushing herself up.
Unfortunately the move only excited her more, causing her to let
out a small cry. “Danni, I can’t…we need to slow down.”

“Don’t stop.” She broke free of his grasp and pushed
him down on the bed rolling on top of him. That lasted about a
minute before Xander took over and was back on top. He always had
to be in control, but this was one time she didn’t mind. Her whole
body was tingling. Xander shook and then collapsed on top of her
and kissed her desperately before he rolled over to his side. They
both lay there trying to catch their breaths. Not ready to let go
just yet. Danni rolled over on her side and wrapped her arm around
Xander’s waist while she laid her head on his chest. His heart was
erratic. She smiled, feeling content. Xander kissed her hair and
then slid his body down to wrap his arms around her. Their legs
tangled together as they lied there and tried to control their
breathing.

“Tomorrow will be the start of our lives together. I
promise you I will do right by you,” Xander said. Danni closed her
eyes tight. She no longer felt at ease. She knew what she would
have to do was hard and it was killing her. She decided to leave it
be for the moment. She would tell him in the morning that it was
just one night. That was all he asked for and she never promised
him anything else. She would just enjoy it while she could. Bask in
the glory of this last night they allowed to give themselves. Danni
sighed and relaxed into Xander, falling asleep in his arms.

Danni made sure she woke before Xander did in the
morning. She quickly and quietly slipped out of his arms hoping she
wouldn’t wake him. She got dressed and picked up her shoes so she
could tip toe her way out without waking him. Before she left, she
turned to take one last look at him. He was resting so peacefully.
He looked so happy, relaxed. Her heart broke at the sight of him
and she knew if she didn’t walk out she wouldn’t be able to. Oh how
she wanted so badly to slip back into bed with him and lay in his
arms, but she had convinced herself she was doing the right thing.
Jasa was the better choice. No matter how much Danni loved him she
knew he would be better off with Jasa. She hastily wiped away the
tears that escaped and opened the door to the bright morning sun,
slipping herself through the small crack, and then closing the door
behind her. Closing the door on that chapter of her life.

As always, I woke up starving in the morning. So I
went to the kitchen first thing. Grandma Bea was already there
cooking breakfast. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms
around her waist. “Good morning Gran.”

She smiled and relaxed in my arms. “Good morning
bumble bee. Will you do me a favor and set the table?” I grabbed
the plates from the cabinet to set the table. I caught Danni
sneaking in from the outside, tiptoeing in like she was doing the
walk of shame.

“Good morning,” I said, making her jump.

“Ella, you scared me,” she said, grabbing her
chest.

“Why so jumpy?” I asked with a slight smile on my
face.

“I’m not,” she said defensively. “I just didn’t
expect anyone to be up this early.”

“Uh-huh,” I said in a teasing tone. “Gran’s making
breakfast if you’re hungry?”

“I think I should go.”

Xander came barreling through the door like a bat out
hell. “Danni,” he said, his voice a little panicked. I looked to
Danni who looked a little frightened. She caught Xander’s eye
before she turned back to me. “Ella,” he coughed. “I didn’t um, see
you there.”