Unhurt (11 page)

Holy shit. I wasn’t prepared to end up here ANY day. If by some fucking miracle there was a lonely condom to be found somewhere within my house, it was in all likelihood way past its expiration date.

I let out a frustrated whine against his bare chest, which didn’t help matters any.

“Who waits until
this
moment to mention they’re not prepared?” I hissed.

“It’s not like I’m the only one who forgot.” In spite of our current predicament, neither of us had stopped our roaming hands and mouths.

“I’ve never really had to worry about this. I don’t usually have random hook ups. And the last time I had sex, my boyfriend and I had both been tested.” The last bit came out as more of a moan than actual words. Derek was slowly but surely driving me to the brink of insanity by his touch alone.

“Well, yeah, military always checked me too, but what about the other thing?” he asked, like it was
the other thing
he was most concerned about now, given our clean bill of health.

“What other thing? Oh, the baby thing. That’s not an issue.”

He paused to clarify, “So, we’re good?”

I didn’t even answer. I couldn’t. All the words in my vocabulary had evacuated my brain and all I could think about was him inside of me. My head shook up and down in a desperate nod while I rushed forward and started kissing him again. After four years of not getting laid, I was so done with fucking talking.

***

A
ll of my senses were on the verge of going completely haywire. Breathing her in, tasting her. Watching the soft expressions of pleasure on her face. Joss was captivating, taking me prisoner one sexy smirk and ridiculing glare at a time. Even covered in mud with clumps of grass still stuck in her long brown hair, she had me turned on long before she had me pinned to the side of her house.

“Oh my God,” she exhaled loudly, eyes closed and resting her head on the mirror behind her while her long legs remained curled around the back of my thighs. “You should come over to garden more often.”

“I’m moving in, remember? And I’ll be happy to garden with you anytime you like.”

She giggled. “Yeah, I bet.”

Which reminded me. “Oh, and for the record, having sex with your fiancé can hardly be considered a random hook up,” I scolded playfully.

“Seriously? You do know the whole marriage thing is in no way related to our actual relationship. Right? I mean, we don’t even have a relationship.” Joss still had the expression of someone who had a really good buzz going, but her tone had taken a more sober turn.

“We don’t have a relationship.” I was really just repeating her. No question. No argument. It was the only way I knew how to avoid either.

“Yeah. We’re just...friends.”

I nodded. “Friends. Who just happen to garden together.”

“Exactly. Really, really impressive gardening skills by the way.” Her hand reached up to pat my chest. It was ironic really, to be friend zoned while I was standing there naked, my dick still within inches of her.

“Well, friend. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. And I’m just guessing, but Aunt Deb probably won’t let us sit down at the dinner table looking like this.”

She shook her head, laughing.  Then she closed both arms around my neck and repositioned her legs higher up enveloping my waist. “To the shower.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I was all too happy to oblige. Lifting her up from the counter, it took all of three steps before I lowered her back down and we were both standing in the tub. It was the first chance I’d gotten to really look at her. She was fucking spectacular.

I could feel my mouth stretch into the same ridiculous smirk it was taking on now every time my eyes lingered on her. Like the mere sight of her made me feel things that simply couldn’t be contained on the inside. I’d had a stone-cold poker face once upon a time. Clearly, that shit was now history.

M
y legs
were still shaking when I stepped out of the bathroom. I was pretty sure it was from the post sex adrenaline still surging through me at high speeds, but there was a small part of me, okay - it was getting increasingly bigger by the minute - part of me, that was scared I might be in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack and just hadn’t noticed it yet.

I could feel Derek walking behind me even though he was no longer touching me. Which, of course was what I had wanted. Touching post sex would imply that it had been more. That there would
be
more. And there couldn’t be.  Not between us. Not while I had to deal with Travis and needed Derek to be my stand-in husband. Maybe if my track record with men had proven to be more successful, I would have been open to the idea of enjoying the possibility of a budding romance in correlation to the fake relationship we were building, but the past had proven time and again that I couldn’t keep a man.

And I couldn’t even blame the guys. I was pretty sure it was mostly me. I was bossy, independent, snarky and even mean, prone to crushing male egos without even noticing while rarely apologizing after. It was never intentional. I just hadn’t ever been particularly tactful or charming.

I came from a family where a battle of insults was considered the highest form of affection. A solid dose of genuine sarcasm was about as close as you could get to an ‘I love you’ and generally speaking, bullshit was taught to be called out, not practiced. The Kelleys didn’t pussyfoot around people.

Somehow Bobby had fared better with our upbringing than I had. He could blatantly insult people to their faces and they would respond by laughing hysterically, even after he assured them he wasn’t kidding.

Girls were even more responsive. One of Bobby’s most successful pick-up tactics was approaching the hottest girl he could find, tapping her on the shoulder, then making a face when she turned around and muttering a ‘never mind’ as he walked away. Those dumb bitches would follow him every fucking time. By the time they were done cursing him out, he was buying them a drink and sealing the deal.

Meanwhile, I’d been living with the reputation of being a bitch since freshman year in high school. Not that I minded. Those who knew me understood that beneath all of that cold, crass personality, I was hiding a pretty solid heart. There wasn’t much of anything I wouldn’t do for the people I loved. Only somehow, most guys didn’t seem to feel it was a particularly redeemable quality when I wasn’t able to stroke their tender egos or accommodate their need to be in charge.

Point being, Derek would likely come to similar conclusions eventually. Sure, he seemed to be temporarily entertained by my wit and willingness to make an ass of myself – my only two points of attraction when it came to the male species – but that would hardly be enough to sustain a relationship long enough to secure me custody of my son. No, we would have to stay friends. I was much more adorable and forgivable as a fun buddy who put out on occasion than I was as a girlfriend. Being one of those always came with expectations I couldn’t begin to fulfill. Mostly, because I never wanted to.

“Did you guys already eat?” I stared blankly at the cleared table in my dining room.

“Hell yeah, we ate. Do you have any idea how long the two of you were in that bathroom?” Underneath Aunt Deb’s disapproving tone I definitely detected a sliver of mockery. “How dirty did you two get?”

“What?” Derek looked slightly shocked by the question.

“She meant the mud, you idiot.” I slapped his shoulder for selling us out. Not that she hadn’t already known exactly what we’d been doing in there. Still, I generally preferred not to confirm things she could eventually use against me, and this was just the sort of thing she’d be prone to throw in my face if the opportunity lent itself to doing so.

“Anyway, you must both be starving after all of that physical activity.” She brought two large pasta bowls filled with Jambalaya over and set them down on the table.

At the same time, Derek seemed to be struggling to conjure up an appropriate response.

“She’s still talking about gardening. Relax.” I played with the new t-shirt he was wearing, encouraging him to follow me and take a seat at the table. It was weird seeing him in Bobby’s clothes, but it was by far the better option over having him walk around with nothing more than a towel folded around his waist.

“I was actually talking about your little romp in the bathroom, but if you’re more comfortable pretending that my insinuations are really harmless references to your gardening activities, by all means, we can all continue assuming each other’s ignorance and enjoy the bliss of it.”

Like I was saying - around here bull shit was called out, not practiced.

“Holy shit, Deb. Can you put off murder by mortification until after we’re married and he helps me win my case?”

“Seriously. Do you realize I have been shot at and wasn’t as scared as I am right now. Sitting here. With you two.” Derek’s fork was shifting through the rice repeatedly, like he was too frazzled to scoop up an actual bite or something.

Of course, Aunt Deb was too busy cracking herself up to give a shit about either one of us.

“Good grief, you’d think the two of you would be a little more relaxed after getting some. You’re more uptight now than you were before you had your hoo-ha recharged.” She was shaking her head and having a good chuckle while putting up the last of the dishes. “Are you sure you guys did it right? Oh well, guess it doesn’t matter. You’ll have plenty of time to practice.”

I couldn’t even look Derek in the eye anymore. I just stared down into my bowl, wondering if there was anything big enough in there I could shove into Deb’s mouth just to keep her from saying anything else. Aside from one particularly large jumbo shrimp I wasn’t willing to part with, I didn’t have much to work with.

“Just treat her like any other wild animal,” I mumbled preparing to take my first bite. “Keep calm, don’t run and for the love of GOD, do not make eye contact. It will only encourage her.”

We sat in awkward silence until my aunt finally finished in the kitchen and went to join Wyatt in the living room, a bowl of fresh grapes in hand.

“Just to be clear,” Derek whispered, “I
was
doing it right...right?”

My head shot up in an instant. I was mid spoonful and a trail of sauce was running down my chin from the unexpected interruption. My mouth opened, prepared to say something...anything...who the hell knew what though.

None of it mattered. The gleam in his eyes gave him away even without his smirk.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Just trying to hold my own around here.” He grinned at me and I couldn’t help but think how much this friend thing I had insisted on was really going to suck ass.

After dinner, Wyatt roped us all in to play a round of Go Fish, his current favorite, before he let me wrangle him off to bed without too much of a fight.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah, baby.” I was shifting through our most recent score from the library in search of something that would entertain Wyatt while still keeping me from wanting to stick forks into my own ears just so I wouldn’t have to hear myself read it. Then I found the stack of Prudence Hayes books and knew I was good to go. Wyatt loved little Hazel Spellinwitch and, given her refreshing sense of humor, so did I.

“Things are a lot more funner now that Derek is here.”

I placed the book in my lap as I felt my heart sink. “Things weren’t fun before?”

He shrugged innocently. “They were. But we haded too many girls. I like having another boy.”

I lifted my brow skeptically. “Are you sure it’s not his dog you like so much?”

Wyatt grinned. “Maybe.”

I sighed, relieved that I hadn’t failed him any more than my mother had me. She’d been cheap in the pet department as well. A few dead goldfish and I’d never graduated to anything bigger. Or furrier.

“Well, lucky for you, they’re both going to be around for a while.” I reached up and tucked his blanket around his shoulders.

“Because you and Derek are getting marrieded.”

I nodded, trying to seem as casual and matter of fact as I could. “That’s right. Does it bother you at all, Monkey? Mommy getting married?”

He wriggled his arm free and thoughtfully tapped his mouth with his finger. “No. I thoughted all boys and girls get married.”

“Close enough.” I’d save the more in depth conversation for a few years down the road. “Alright then. You ready for this book or what?”

Wyatt quickly dug his arm back under the covers and posed himself in the perfect sleeping position. “I’m ready.”

And so I began to read. He was out before I even reached ‘the end.’

***

“Y
ou know, she isn’t going to make this easy for you.”

I’d been zoning out to the sound of the TV and the tone of Deb’s voice registered with a slight delay.

“What?” I rolled my head to the left to get a better look at her sitting on the couch beside me.

“Joss. You like her.”

Suddenly feeling like I needed to be on top of my game for this conversation, I pulled myself up from the comfortable slouch I had settled into and crossed my arms as if they could shield me from whatever intrusive line of questioning Aunt Deb was about to pelt my way.

“Of course I like her. I mean, she’s great.”

She shook her head, a clearly condescending laugh escaping her lips. No, escaping was the wrong word. That would imply that she had in some way, shape or form attempted to hold it in, which I’m quite sure she had not.

“Okay.”

“How are you laughing at my answer? That was a completely legitimate way to respond.”

“Sure it was. That was the perfect way to respond. Of course the only time people respond that way is when they really hate someone, or -”

“Or what?”

“You know.” She winked at me as she stood up from the couch and went to leave the room.

“Wait.” I hurried after her since she gave no indication of stopping. “Whatever you think is happening between Joss and me, it’s not. I mean, yes I like her. Yes, things got a little extra friendly in the bathroom and yeah, I agreed to marry her. But, seriously, we’re just friends.”