Unhurt (13 page)

“Oh sure. Like I’m going to be that graceful,” Derek said dryly. “And what do I do about his little foot? It’s going to get cold when it’s no longer insulated by my neck and chin.”

I stifled a laugh, not wanting to wake Wyatt when Derek was going out of his way to let him sleep. Not that he would stay that way much longer anyway. We had another fifteen minutes max before Wyatt bounced to his feet and then began his day at full blast. I wasn’t going to tell Derek that though. Not when he was being so charmingly considerate that it was actually making me want to make him breakfast. And I didn’t cook for anyone. If it weren’t for Deb, Wyatt and I would have been living on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Okay, not really. But basically, yeah, I was limited in the cooking department. Not in ability, but certainly in desire. Until now.

“Wyatt’s foot will be fine. Just stick it under your pillow after you’re up. He won’t care.”

Derek left the bed causing slightly more commotion than I had, but still leaving Wyatt impressively unbothered, all things considered. Escaping a sleeping toddler was an acquired skill. One didn’t just come by that naturally.

After an awkward moment of both of us just standing there staring at each other in silence, we followed it up with an even more awkward moment a second later when we repeatedly ran into each other while attempting to leave the room without making any further eye contact, something meant to avoid further awkwardness, but clearly, and suddenly obviously inevitably, completely backfiring.

Some strange shuffle and dance moves later and we were practically running down the hall in opposite directions. I headed toward the bathroom to brush my teeth and in general assess the situation regarding my overall appearance, which as expected had not fared well overnight, and Derek hurried toward the front door to take Hattie out.

***

I
watched Hattie make her rounds, walking the fence line and sniffing every plant, leaf and twig along the way, and couldn’t help but smile. I knew it was temporary and pretend, but for a while – a brief enchanted moment in time – my life would be completely normal. I would experience the everyday things so many people took for granted and I never expected to encounter at all.

Who knew sleeping with a partially numb and tingly arm while getting kicked in the face could be so satisfying? But it had been. I’d slept better than I could remember ever having done before. Sure, Hattie had eased the nights for me ever since I’d gotten her. Her presence alone had been enough to lessen the nightmares. The nightmares. Shit. How the hell would I explain those? Maybe they’d stop altogether now. Not likely. Maybe it was time to call a doc and get on some meds, but I just couldn’t see myself doing that. I had a handle on things. For the most part. The only question was whether or not Joss would be able to handle it, too. And when exactly I’d have to tell her...and how much.

T
he next
few days seemed to fly by, probably because part of me was hoping time would stand still altogether, but then there it was, Saturday morning. The day of my wedding.

Derek had moved the bulk of his stuff into the house already and we’d even managed to blend it in with all the crap that was already there. I’d always thought living with a guy would suck big balls, between dealing with shitty bachelor taste and gross boy habits, but I was pleasantly surprised. Derek not only knew how to put the seat down, he successfully hit the bowl every time as well. He didn’t leave wet towels on the ground and I’d witnessed him do one load of his own laundry already. Aside from his clothes, the belongings he deemed important enough to bring along for our marriage adventure included a small desk he had built himself using some old kitchen cupboards, which naturally I fell in love with instantly, the matching stool he had to go with it, Hattie’s giant bean bag chair and a vintage military footlocker he claimed contained his most prized possessions, but in reality was filled only with trivial things a boy would rather not part with like his old baseball glove and a remote control airplane he’d probably purchased way too late in life to ever admit or bring it out of hiding in front of anyone.

All in all, I had nothing to complain about. Least of all the fact that I was enjoying some sexual perks on the side in addition to the fantastic new furniture. Much to my delight, the man’s penis was apparently engineered like a cat toy, capable of providing endless hours of entertainment, although we were still limiting our activities to straight sex. No foreplay, no cuddling after, and kissing
only
during the actual act. Well, while we were awake anyway. The two nights I’d spent with him since had gone down much like the first one, the only exception being that I hadn’t put up a fight anymore.

Now that the big day was upon us and I knew it would entail more than a simple trip to the courthouse, I was standing in front of my closet staring at my clothes like a deer in the headlights. I didn’t have wedding attire in there. I’m not just talking nothing suitable for my own wedding, I’m saying I didn’t have anything in there I would even dare wear to someone else’s. Not that I ever got invited by anyone. It seems saying ‘I’m sorry’ in response to someone’s engagement announcement will not warrant an invite. In turn, I was sort of bummed no one had offered me their condolences when I’d been forced to share the news of my impending nuptials.

Regardless, there I was, knowing full well that the justice of the peace Aunt Deb had hired, as well as the DJ and photographer, would be waiting out in my backyard for me come noon, along with about twenty other people she had seen fit to invite to this spectacle. Somehow, some way, I was going to have to pull a bride worthy ensemble out of my ass.

I was contemplating whether or not I could get away with converting a floor length bohemian skirt into a sort of summer dress on such short notice when I heard a knock on the door shortly before it creaked open.

“Hey. Deb wants to know if you’ve had a chance to write your vows yet.” Derek’s eyes were sparkling in clear anticipation of my emotional combustion.

“Is she fucking kidding me? We’re not writing our own fucking vows! I don’t even want to exchange the traditional ones! A simple ‘do you want to get married?’ is all we need!” I gritted my teeth, literally growling as I prepared to dash from the room dressed in nothing but a towel.

Derek caught me by my elbow as I was zooming by. “Hold on there, feisty-pants. I was just fucking with you.”

My crazy face fell and turned to stone. “That shit’s not funny. You almost got her killed just now.”

“Someone’s a little tense today.” He was mocking me with great enthusiasm. Like he didn’t know exactly what was making my muscles tighten up to the point of cramping.

“Why aren’t you?” It was an excellent question. One I couldn’t wait to hear the answer to.

But he just shrugged. “Nothing to be tense about.”

“How do you figure? Even if the concept of marriage doesn’t frighten you, we’re about to commit fraud. Surely a law abiding citizen such as yourself finds that a little bit unnerving?” I certainly did. Although, I wasn’t really sure what the consequences would be if we got caught. I mean, neither of us was getting deported if we got busted. However, it likely wouldn’t help my custody battle any, which to me was kind of even worse.

Derek reached up and began to massage my shoulders. His touch was strong and gentle at the same time, slowly but surely bringing distance back between my ears and my shoulder blades. “Listen to me, okay? This is not the scariest thing either of us has ever faced. We’ve been to war. We’ve had to battle. Two very different types, I grant you, but we both know how to fight, how to be courageous. But those skills won’t be needed today because today, the enemy is not invited. It’s just you, me and Wyatt making some simple plans to spend some time together...plans that will be overseen by a guy in a suit and witnessed by an audience of twenty. No big thing.”

I laughed dryly. “Yeah, no big thing.” He’d left out the part where we were supposed to be keeping things platonic and uncomplicated for the sake of our little arrangements and instead were doing it like rabbits every chance we got. I couldn’t even deny that I was kinda thinking of doing him right then and there. That might have actually relaxed me a bit.

As tempted as I was to unlatch the belt on his charcoal grey dress pants, I busied my hands by digging through the pile of clothes I had accumulated on my bed in search of something to wear.

“You look too nice, by the way. Dress pants and a button up shirt?” On the other hand, maybe if he had taken it to the next level by putting on a tie instead of leaving the top two buttons undone and revealing just enough skin to make me want to slide my hands inside, I would have been able to actually focus on getting dressed myself.

“Bobby’s coming.” Like that was an explanation. My expression must have conveyed that it wasn’t a sufficient reason because he continued. “He’s your brother, and, I haven’t seen him since before we made our little deal here. I just feel like I need to do whatever I can to tip the scale in my favor so he doesn’t just walk in and punch me in the face for shacking up with his sister.”

“Oh. That.” Generally speaking, my brother was the exact opposite of a badass. I wouldn’t necessarily come right out and call him a pansy, but compared to an ex-Navy SEAL, he really seemed about as scary as a kitten. Still, he could bluff like nobody’s business, so just because I knew he was easier to take down than a stack of pillows didn’t mean Derek knew. “I don’t think a nice shirt is going to score too many points with my brother. You know what will though? Keeping me from walking down the aisle naked.”

He laughed. “I really think you’re making this harder than it is. Just pick the first dress you pull out of this mountain of clothes and call it good. You’re going to look beautiful no matter what you wear anyway.”

“This is no time for flattery, Derek Tice! This is serious. The first dress I pull from the pile? Okay, let’s see. Here we go. You really want me to wear this?” It was a simple little baby doll dress with plain straps and a paisley pattern. It had been cute once upon a time. Then, after deciding I could touch up a dresser really quickly without going through the trouble of changing first, I’d gotten several spots of teal paint on it. From there, I’d seen little reason not to garden in it. Hence the stains along the hem of the dress, not to mention the hole on the side from where I’d gotten caught on a branch.

Derek was busy examining the dress as well. He’d barely made it past the waist band before he started shaking his head. “Don’t you have anything you haven’t painted in?”

I shrugged. “No. I paint all the time. Sooner or later all of my clothes wind up on my body while I’m doing so. It’s just how it goes. They’re only clothes, and I care more about the furniture than I do about whether or not I get paint on my dress.”

He sighed loudly. “Alright, for the sake of my face and Bobby’s fist, let me see what we can do here.” He bent down and started pulling out random pieces of material, dismissing most of them two seconds later. When half of my wardrobe had moved from the bed to the floor, he abandoned the task and moved on to my closet. “Anything left in here?”

“Just some stuff I haven’t even looked at since high school. I doubt any of it even fits. My boobs came in after graduation.” They were real and all, they’d just missed the initial puberty boat and had to wait for the next ferry. Unfortunately, they’d been spaced out quite a lot.

Derek was hidden behind the closet door already. “Then why did you keep all this stuff?”

“Because there’s nothing wrong with any of it.” And because when Cara and I had been nine we’d found her mother’s old trunk of clothes from the seventies and played the most awesome game of dress up ever. Consequently we’d made a pact to save all of our most awesome articles of clothing from that point forward so that one day our own daughters could have an afternoon as amazing as ours. After Cara died I’d stopped collecting, but I hadn’t been able to part with what I had already accumulated.

“A-ha!” Derek announced, implying some sort of success in there. I was still skeptical. Until he stepped out of the closet holding up a purple strapless maxi dress. Back when I’d bought it I hadn’t had the rack to hold up the top, but now that wouldn’t be a problem.

“Holy shit, I forgot all about that dress.” I reached for the soft material and held it up to my chest. It was gorgeous.

“Obviously. There’s no paint on it.”

Smartass
.

I looked at him just standing there. “Um, now that you’ve averted the bridal wear crisis, maybe you could go find another place to swoop in and save the day?”

“Oh, right.” He nodded sheepishly, realizing I had no intention of dropping my towel in front of him. Not because I had anything to hide at that point. He’d certainly seen all there was to see beneath it. It was more as a safety measure for him really. Once that towel came off, I’d see no reason for him to be wearing any clothes and then we’d wind up being late, walking down the aisle with disheveled post sex-hair and clothes that were put back on in a post-sex haste and then Bobby would set aside the fact that he was a pansy ass and punch Derek for real. Because that was just the sort of brother he was.

Once I was alone and finally had a suitable ensemble to wear, it took me less than ten minutes to be dressed and ready. After a final peek in the mirror, there was nothing left for me to do but walk out and face the music. Literally.

The house was completely empty as I made my dead woman walking stroll through the hall and out into the living room. The curtains were pulled back and I could see a small crowd of people gathered outside in the backyard. I couldn’t help but wonder how many among them had their doubts about the legitimacy of this wedding. Not that I had many friends these days. They were all acquaintances really. Or former friends. Unless they’d been at the bar the other night, they would no sooner know whether Derek and I had been a long term item for the last three years or if I magically pulled him from hat with a puff of white smoke.