Union of Sin (16 page)

“If you can’t forgive yourself, how am I meant to?” She pressed closer, unwilling to let him off so easily, yet unable to stay away. They both knew where this was heading. It could only ever end in her heartfelt acquiescence. He had to earn it though.

“Your heart is much bigger than mine. You’ll forgive me before I forgive myself.” He cupped her cheek and caressed her skin with his thumb.

“Then my next question is how can I trust you to not react the same way if I make another bad judgment call in the future?” She raised her chin, their mouths so close she could feel their breath mingling over her lips.

“I’m going to make mistakes, T.J. I
want
to make mistakes. But you need to trust that I’ve weighed the risks and come to the conclusion on my own. This garbage about you dragging me into a lifestyle I was never meant to be a part of is insulting. I want to be here. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have come tonight.” She swallowed over the dryness in her throat. “Yes, I’ll be smarter in the future, but I can’t live with the fear of you leaving me again. I don’t care if it’s for my own good. I need to know you’ll talk to me.”

“I promise to try.”

“Not good enough.” She retreated a step.

He reached out his arm and dragged her back into his chest. “I’ll do everything in my power to love you more than life itself.”

“I’ve always had your love. What I want now is your trust. Have faith that I can take responsibility for my own mistakes, and be confident I can deal with the consequences.”

He pressed his lips together, fighting the emotion taking over his face. “I promise.”

“Really?”

“Cassie, I’m trying my hardest. I always will. But I’m not going to lie to you. Until something happens, I can only prepare myself to act better in the future.”

She quirked a brow at him and wiggled from his arms. “Well, why don’t I make something happen?”

C
hapter Twenty

T.J. watched Cassie saunter from the darkened hall and didn’t let her walk out of view. He followed after her, his pulse increasing the more adamant her steps became.

“Are you okay?” Shay straightened from her position against the back of the sofa closest to the bar and didn’t flinch when Cassie continued toward her, sliding against the other woman’s body before brushing their lips together.

“Fuck me drunk.” Leo’s words rang heavy in the room. “What the hell did you say to her?”

T.J. ignored the question, too transfixed with the sight before him. Cassie glided her hand into Shay’s hair, the long strands of dark silk brushing through his wife’s delicate fingers. They were mesmerizing. Captivating. The two of them making out as if they were long-lost lovers, not women who were sharing their first kiss. At least he thought it was their first.

“Have they done this before?” T.J. slumped onto the stool next to Leo and pounded the bar. “Bourbon. Straight. Now.”

“Make that two,” Leo muttered. “And I fucking hope not. The way those two look together, I’m starting to think Shay might leave me for a better offer.”

She wouldn’t get the chance. T.J. grasped the glass Travis slid in to his hand and threw the liquid back in one gulp. Cassie had made her point. In her mind, she was testing boundaries and taking a chance. And no matter how inviting her so-called risk currently was, he’d had his fill for the night.

He needed her. To claim what he’d been missing for too damn long.

He slammed his glass down on the bar, giving his wife a warning before he strode for her. “That’s enough, ladies.” He moved in behind Cassie, slid an arm around her waist and flung her around to stand before him. “What was that all about?”

Her chest was rising and falling, her gorgeous lips kiss-stained. “I’m not going to return to a marriage where I’ll be scared to take chances.”

“That wasn’t really taking a chance, my love.” He prowled toward her, his dick pulsing at the way her pupils dilated.

She backtracked, bumped into the sofa and straightened as she kept distance between them, fleeing toward the back of the main room. “How was I to know she was going to kiss me back? She could’ve just as easily slapped me or pushed me away.”

“Really?” He quirked a brow. “From what I witnessed earlier, it seemed more like you were finishing what you’d already started.”

Her lips rose at the edges, and she snaked her tempting tongue out to moisten her lips. “Well, okay, maybe it wasn’t much of a risk…” She beamed at him. “Baby steps, right?”

A growl formed in his chest, the warmest, richest sound he’d ever made without conscious thought. Behind him was loneliness and safety. Before him stood pain and pleasure. The sweetest mix of everything volatile and risky.

He’d obsessed over Cassie’s protection and happiness—past, present and future. It was the way he measured his worth in the world. If this gorgeous woman was smiling due to his words, his touch, his love, he was a satisfied man. But he had to sever that addiction. He had to step back and let her find her own happiness. Make her secure her own safety.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” He was so close, yet so far. He could reach out a hand and touch her, to brush her smooth skin, to drag her against his body, only her smile faltered, piercing him in the chest with sorrow.

“You need to do more than growl at me to earn my forgiveness.” Her grin returned, washing away the hurt and replacing it with hope.

“Make a list. Whatever you want is yours.” He’d make it up to her somehow. With every day for the rest of their lives.

He continued for her, her retreating steps approaching the back wall. “How come you’re running from me?”

“I have no clue.” Her words were whispers. “You’d think I wouldn’t be nervous after all the chasing I did to try and get you back.”

“Nervous?” He stopped, unable to move another inch. “Well, why don’t I start things off myself you can come to me when you’re ready?” He didn’t want her apprehension. He needed excitement, love, passion and hope for their future.
Baby steps.

She frowned, cocking her head in the cutest confused expression as he strode to the king-sized bed in the corner. He slid onto the mattress, resting his back against the headboard and crossed his feet at the ankles.

On the outside, he was relaxed. Calm. Inside was a different story. The pulse of his heart was heavy, a pounding ache in his chest. His hands were shaking, sweat slicking his palms, but his cock was the worst offender. He was hard as granite, the length of his shaft pressing against his zipper with incessant force.

Cassie sauntered forward, her steps measured and slow. Her gaze raked his body, focusing on the bulge at his crotch, then rising to his face.

He cleared his throat and wiggled his shoulders, settling into his position. “I haven’t had a chance to ask you what you think of the club.”

“It’s more than I ever imagined.” She glanced over her shoulder, taking in the room. “The bar, the rooms, the furnishings—it all fits together perfectly.”

“We try and keep security to a maximum. Not only on function nights, but during the vetting process.”

“I know.” A smirk curved her lips and she broke their stare to focus on the bedsheet.

She was breathtaking. Her hair loose, her curves tightly caressed by the dress she wore. He wanted her legs wrapped around him, her high-heel-covered feet crossed around his back.

“Of course you do.” He placed his hands behind his head, the picture of leisure. “You experienced the entry process for the masquerade party.”

She nodded, still looking down at the sheet.

“Do you have any idea what the memories of that night do to me?” They were vivid. A crystal-clear recollection continuously playing in the back of his mind.

“I’d take a guess that the effect isn’t nice,” she murmured. “From the anger you showed toward me when I told you, I can only assume you’re still horrified.”

Far from it. “At first, yes. It was brutal. But when I got home and went over those moments with fresh eyes, knowing it was you instead of a stranger, it was the most erotic memory I’d ever had.” He stared at her, mentally begging her to look at him. “You seducing me. Here. In front of all those people. I’ve been haunted by an insistent hard-on that can’t be assuaged.”

Her head shot up, the tops of her cheeks turning a light shade of pink as their gazes collided. “You’re not mad anymore?”

Only at himself. He’d still cheated on his wife, and that was unforgivable. “Mad?” He chuckled. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to jerk off to gain some semblance of relief?” His cock had been punishing him ever since. “I still remember your voice and the familiar way you said hi at the bar.”

“I hadn’t thought to school my tone.” The nervousness in her features began to settle, the apprehension in her eyes softening with comfort. “Well, I had, but I was too flustered to remember. I even forgot to take off my wedding rings until Zoe asked me about them in the change rooms.”

“I can’t believe you had me fooled.” Although, in hindsight, his eyes were the only things that had been misled. The rest of his senses had known—touch, taste, sound. Even her presence was familiar. The way he’d closed his eyes and pictured Cassie instead of the dark-haired, dark-eyed beauty. “But it was when you asked if I wanted to watch you that lust mixed with confusion. I didn’t stand a chance.”

She nestled on the foot of the bed, the dress slipping higher up her thigh.

“I guess I should return the favor,” he murmured.

Her eyes widened, her brow furrowing in the sexiest way. “What do you mean?”

He grinned, breathing in her nervousness. Consuming it. “It’s your turn to watch.”

Cassie swallowed and glanced over her shoulder, thankful that the few remaining people in the room weren’t paying them attention.

“W-what do you mean?” She turned back to T.J., receiving her answer from the quirk in his lips.

He removed one hand from behind his head and lowered it to his waistband. “Watch,” he reiterated, releasing the button on his pants and then lowering his zipper with torturing lethargy. “You scooted back onto that bed like a fucking dream.”

He hitched his ass off the mattress and lowered the material to the tops of his thighs, still with one lazy hand behind his head. The hardness of his cock was clearly visible through the thin material of his boxer briefs. She could see every inch, could almost feel the remembered sensation of his shaft in her palm.

“And that finger you placed in your mouth.” He groaned. “
Jesus,
that was hot.”

Her heart was fluttering uncontrollably. She was reliving those moments with a new perspective. No longer feeling the desperate humiliation.

He slid his hand over his crotch and closed his eyes briefly. His arousal was seeping under her skin, making her ache for what was right before her. Making her wet for his length. She knew the pleasure he would bring her, could already feel it with the tightening of her pussy.

He stroked his cock through his underwear, holding her gaze as he did it. “I’ve come so many times since that night, but my hand never seems to be enough.” He slipped his fingers under the elastic of his briefs and lowered the material as he gripped his bare shaft.

Saliva pooled in her mouth, the greedy need for him becoming overwhelming. Over a year had passed since she’d felt him at the back of her throat. She couldn’t wait any longer. She needed a taste, a touch, anything to take her mind off the slickness in her panties and the way her core continuously convulsed, begging for penetration.

She inched forward on her hands and knees, spreading his legs with her weight as she sank between them. His cock was right there, a mere lick away. Pre-come seeped from his slit, taunting her while his fist continued to work the length, up and down, stealing a hiss from his lips.

She reached for him, wanting his grip to be hers, needing her fingers to be the ones bringing him pleasure.

“Not tonight.” He lowered his hand from the headboard and delicately gripped her chin. “I want you too much, Cassie.”

She nodded, sneaking her tongue out to moisten her lips. The throb in her chest became heavier, anticipation and nerves working side by side. This was her first proper experience in a sex club. The one they’d been daydreaming about for years. The masquerade party had been a job, a task to try and win her husband back. This was different. Right now was all about foreplay and arousal, heat and love.

“Come here.” He held out his hand, silently asking for hers, and guided her to straddle his lap.

The material of her dress pulled uncomfortably tight around her thighs, the hem digging into her skin as she hovered over him.

“Can I hitch it up?” His words were soft, gentle, unlike the T.J. she was used to in the bedroom. “I know you’re nervous. I am too. There are a million thoughts running through my mind. About our past and our future. Where we are and the people watching. But I don’t want to think about that. I just want to think about you.”

He leaned forward, brushing his lips over hers. “Nobody else exists anymore. I’m done with the outside world.”

She remained still, poised over his lap, staring into the truth in his eyes. “Hitch it up.”

He slid the material higher, exposing the top of her thighs, coming to a stop when he exposed her black silk panties. T.J.’s brow furrowed, the briefest hint that he knew what she was thinking as he slid his hands around to her ass, digging his fingers into her skin with delicious ferocity.

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” he murmured, adding pressure to his touch, guiding her down to nestle against the hardness of his erection. She withheld a groan at the blissful torture of his heated shaft. The only thing between them was one thin layer of material, which was currently soaked with her arousal. “And wet.”

She nodded. “If we were at home right now, I’d beg you to fuck me.”

“Do it anyway. What’s stopping you?”

She held in a nervous laugh. “Maybe the fifteen to twenty people that would come rushing over to see the show.”

His lips quirked, the unmistakable sign of arrogance she loved seeing in this man. “They know better than to stare. They’d steal a brief glimpse for now, and that’s all. They know you’re new down here.”

“Are you trying to make me more nervous?”

He chuckled. “No. But the few people paying us attention are currently doing so because you’re beautiful. You have a body built for pleasure. And it isn’t hard to tell what they’re thinking.”

“Hmm?” She didn’t want to ask. Her lips wouldn’t move to voice the words. The fact they were watching at all had adrenaline pulsing through her veins.

He leaned into her, nuzzled her neck, running his lips along her skin. “They want to fuck you, Cassie.” He nipped at her. “Almost as much as I do.”

She moaned, arching her neck to give him better access. Her nerves were on fire, every inch of her tingling with sensations.

“They want to tie you up. To fuck you until you scream. They’d fight to have you, if I let them.”

Her nipples hardened at his words. She didn’t want anyone else. Never would. Yet the admiration of strangers made her body ignite in the most delirious sort of way.

“They want you in the swing, your body completely naked apart from the straps holding you up. They want your thighs tight around their waist. Your pussy at their mercy.”

She closed her eyes and began rocking against his erection, unable to deny the friction her clit was demanding.

“They want you riding them. Just like you’re riding me, teasing my cock with that sweet heat of yours.”

She whimpered.
Oh, God
. She needed relief. Half her body had lost sensation, while the other half—the half that consisted of her thighs, abdomen and sex—were all pulsing, throbbing, tingling with a mass of intensity she couldn’t control.

He slid his fingers between them, and she snapped her eyes open to witness him gripping the crotch of her panties, pulling them to the side.

“I’m dying to be inside you.”

She was dying for him to be there, for the torment to be over and the pleasure to take hold. She hovered above him, her hands gripping his shoulders as he rubbed his cock down her opening, his fingers still holding her panties out of the way.