Unison (The Spheral) (64 page)

An orange sleeve, the least respected of all ranks, stood and thrust his fist in the air. “We are one in Unity, we are one in Unity!”

Everyone got up and cycled through the phrase. Through each pass, the words cut through me, defeated me. I believed the lower ranks would scream for freedom once they heard the truth, but they heard nothing. Their minds had been successfully conquered by the Unitian Oath…as mine had once been.

“You win!” I shouted. “I thought I could erase my mistakes by freeing you, but I can’t.” After my admission, all the pressure I put on myself lightened. Everyone quieted down, and I took a moment to catch my breath. “I don’t want to force my truth on you. If I do that, it becomes a lie because it doesn’t belong to you. That’s why the words I spoke here today are as arrogant as the Overseer’s. Truth isn’t given to you by someone speaking behind a pulpit. Mine emerged from out of my experiences and my understanding of them. I cannot release your truth, nor would I want to because you all deserve the circumstances you accept as I deserve mine.”

The crowd shouted obscenities at me, and my anger returned. “Enjoy your servitude.” I pushed the microphone away.

“Torrin was very convincing. We were all fooled,” the Overseer said to me.

“How do you do it?—ignore your conscience?”

“I can’t ignore what I’m a part of. I live to serve Unity, which is an extension of my conscience.”

I laughed at him. “I was more convincing when I said it.”

The guards escorted me out of Unity Hall. I expected to be taken to reintegration. Instead, they led me out of the dome and even handed me my plazer. Something didn’t seem right. I suspected they might be following me, so I hiked a longer route back to the cabin taking frequent breaks to make sure I was alone.

LOOSEN YOUR SLEEVES

I
climbed Emerald Mountain halfway and stopped at the high ridge to take a final look at Unity. Under the peaceful night sky lifetimes of regrets were amplified in my head, and I wanted them silenced. I got out my plazer, aimed it towards my head, and vowed to remain on the opposite side of the old tunnel in my next incarnation.

“Damon.”

Beside me stood Sutara, who appeared closer in age to my mother. She gently unclasped my fingers and took my plazer.

“I got what I wanted, and it was all for nothing. For seven incarnations I made it my mission to stop myself from inventing Harmony, but the Unitians don’t want to be saved.”

Sutara tossed my plazer over the cliff.

“How will I protect myself if I run into a pack of wild dogs?” I asked.

“Run the other way.”

“I can’t run that fast,” I said.

“Then
stop
.”

“We’re not really talking about wild dogs, are we?”

“What are we talking about then?”

“Why do you think we remember our incarnations?” I asked.

“To humble ourselves…and become less foolish.” Sutara smiled. “Uncle Vivek told me that. The older I get, the more like him I sound.”

“There are worse people to sound like.” I pointed to myself. “How is your uncle? I’m thinking about visiting within the next year.”

“He died two years ago, shortly after he broke his hip,” Sutara said. “I believe he welcomed his death. He could no longer travel, and you know Uncle Vivek. Traveling was his life.”

“Stagnation was probably more deadly to him than his injury.”

“You knew him well.”

“Did he suffer?”

“If he did, he never told me. Uncle Vivek was his usual self to the end. On his last night the priest came in to offer prayer, and he shooed him away.” Sutara continued in a low exaggerated pitch. “‘Now I can die in peace, Suti, without all the metaphysical balderdash.’”

“That was a good impression of your uncle.” I gazed at the dome.

“Do you know where you are now?” Sutara asked.

“On the high ridge, overlooking what used to be my—”
Something isn’t right
.
If I was really here I wouldn’t be talking to Sutara. And the Overseer—why did he allow me to speak? No Unitian ever got away with challenging him.
My whole body trembled when recognition struck. “I’m in reintegration.”

“They captured you after you fired your weapon in Unity Hall.”

“How do you know all—”

“This has all happened before,” she said. “I contacted Tyrus. He’s going to ask Wade to help free you. You can then return to the cabin.”

“How do I know you’re not part of reintegration?”

When Sutara wouldn’t answer, I waved my finger at her. “If you’re not real that means everything I experienced up to this moment was a delusion. Am I right?” I couldn’t read Sutara’s expression. “Tell me now!” When she wouldn’t answer, I positioned myself at the very edge of the cliff side and flapped my arms wildly. “I’m getting ready to fly!” I yelled and squawked.

“Damon…please. I cannot bear to see you do this again.”

“Don’t worry. I can’t be harmed! Anything is possible in reintegration! When I hit the ground and die, I’ll be reanimated for another round.” I laughed, but nothing was amusing. I felt as delusional as the time I spent talking to ghosts in the trainlets.

Sutara glared at me. “I have done all I can for you. My conscious is clear.” She walked away.

I fell to my knees and screamed until I ran out of breath. I collapsed on to my back and recalled the time I lay dying in my fifth incarnation and how the sky looked the same as it did now. Like Shisa, Sutara never left. She sat nearby and listened as I continued to scream, cry, and admonish myself over my lifetimes of mistakes. After I exhausted myself into silence, I sat up and probed Sutara. “How can I be sure you’re here?”

“You cannot.”

“Is that why you refused to talk to me?” Had anyone heard our conversation, I would’ve sounded more like a son speaking with his mother.

“Each time I come to you, I feel weaker, and I’m not sure I can visit you again,” Sutara said.

I got on to my feet. “How many times were we here together?”

“I can recall three.”

“Three? I don’t even remember one,” I said as I reflected on my first incarnation. I had memories of killing Kai in my office after he told me about the Overseer’s genocidal plans to spread Unity; however, I still couldn’t remember doing it. It seemed as though my omni-consciousness awakened in stages throughout each incarnation, and Sutara was somehow ahead of me.

“What happened?” I asked Sutara.

“You couldn't trust your memories. I tried to help, but I only made you more confused and angry.” Sutara got up and walked towards the cliff edge. “You jumped…right from where I'm standing.”

Sutara cried, and I rushed over to hug her.

“I couldn't find you in this incarnation again.”

“I more than likely died,” I said. “Jumping from this height in reintegration can be as lethal as doing it for real.” I held both of Sutara’s hands. “Forgive me. You’re the last person in this damaged world I’d want to hurt.”

“After I saw you take your life, I dreamed about it for many nights. I thought we would never escape.”

“This time, we will.”

“Do you believe that?” Sutara asked.

“No. But I’d rather
believe
I’m free than surrender my life to the Overseer.” I got out my holologue, momentarily forgetting I was in reintegration. “I’m not sure if I exposed the location of the cabin to—”

“You didn’t.”

“Are you sure?”

“Your mother lived for several years after you died. Wilfrid and Michael watched out after her.”

I tossed my holologue and backpack off the cliff. “Might as well lighten my load.”

“Will you try to deliver your message to your people again?”

“If I’m ever seen in Unity again, they’ll throw me back into reintegration.”

“If you want to free yourself from all of this, you will find another way.”

“Considering there are infinite
another ways
, I’ll eventually get it right.”

Sutara took my hand and held it. We gazed up at the night sky and talked about Vivek’s final years, laughing over how he died still viewing metaphysical explanations as nothing but balderdash.

Wade helped me up from the reintegration chamber, and Tyrus was standing next to him.

“Did you find Flora?” I asked Tyrus.

“She passed out during the assembly and was taken to the hospital.”

“When?”

“Right after you were dragged out.”

I recalled a female screaming before one of the Unity Guards stunned me. “Do they know what’s wrong with her?”

Tyrus placed his hand on the side of my arm. “Don’t worry. I was told she’ll be okay. We’ll come back for her later…along with Lidian. I don’t want to risk smuggling too many of us out at one time.”

I nodded in agreement and looked at Wade. “Good to see you.” I shook his hand.

“Now I know.” He smiled.

“Know what?” I asked.

“There’s no such thing as the scourge.”

“Thanks for helping us.”

“I’d help anyone who challenges the Overseer,” Wade said. “Your brazen stand against him was inspiring—and enviable. Wish it was me holding the plazer.”

“Looks like I’m the one leading you into trouble for a change.” I laughed.

“If firing a plazer into the air is the best you can do, you’ll be easy to surpass.”

I raised a brow. “Don’t be so quick to assess your competition. You’ll find I’m a much more formidable opponent.”

“Can you engage in this tired show of masculinity at a later time?” Tyrus said. “The next night patrol will be around shortly.”

“Stop taking the fun out of my rescue, Tyrus.” I slapped his back. “Worse that could happen is we get killed.”

Tyrus rolled his eyes. “You get more slocking obnoxious with each lifetime.” He walked away.

Wade laughed. “What fun we would’ve had if we were in University together.” He eyed me seriously when I didn’t laugh along.

I smiled devilishly and followed Tyrus out.

“You were joking…right?” Wade followed. “Because I’m too young to die.”

“Loosen your sleeves,” I said. “Once we’re out of Unity, we’ll all live longer,” I said.

We rendezvoused with a Striker at the rear access. He wore a mask to avoid being recognized and let us out without saying a word. After we climbed the surrounding foothills, I stopped for a final look at Unity. As much as I hated everything it stood for, a part of me would always exist within the dome. Many of my memories, dreams and desires were ghosts forever drifting within its utopian illusion.

“They say don’t look back, but I never agreed with it either,” Tyrus said. “If you don’t look back, you don’t learn.”

SPHERAL

T
he myriad of incarnations I lived through placed me in every conceivable mode of existence. I was a murderer, a victim, a man of honor, a liar, a tyrant, and a savior. These discordant roles defined my experiences, but I had no idea who or what I was.  I needed answers, and Sephroy was the only one who could give them to me.

“What’s the hurry, Chap?” he asked after I pushed my way inside his trainlet. 

“I want to know about the Six, and you’re going to tell me now!” I removed the echoer from the desk drawer and thrust it in front of Sephroy’s face. “And where did this technology come from? According to my metallurgical scanner, this metal doesn’t exist.”