Authors: Unknown
It was easy to see how anyone could fall in love with him. He appeared so sincere, his words and actions so genuine. How could an unsuspecting female doubt his intentions? She herself was fortunate in that she had her sister’s experience to serve as a warning— even so she had very nearly followed the instincts of her heart. Escaping only just in time.
Damn the fellow, she thought. Why did he have to turn up on this trip and spoil everything? It had been so wonderful before he appeared. Thank goodness they reached the Cape tomorrow. It might be a good idea to leave the ship there. Even if there was no flight to Mahe she could fly to Durban and from there to the Islands. It would save having to spend an extra three or four days on board the
Oceana
trying to avoid Ashley. There could only be embarrassment between them if they met now.
On the other hand it would upset Pieter’s arrangements if she took a different plane. Everything was planned. He knew exactly when she would be arriving and would have his boat at Mahe to meet her. No! She sighed deeply. She would have to finish the journey and could only hope that Ashley would be of the same mind and steer clear of her.
As lunchtime drew near pangs of hunger made Lorna realise that she could not stay in her room all day. She could only hope that Ashley would have his meals sent to his suite. It would be impossible to change her table at this late stage of the journey.
It was with a rapidly beating heart that Lorna made her way down to the dining room half an hour later. She need not have worried. Ashley was absent, as indeed he was at dinner It looked as though her hopes were to be fulfilled.
She had forgotten all about the Grand Ball and when Fay came into her cabin ready and dressed for the occasion, Lorna was lying on her bed trying to concentrate on a novel. “Hey, isn’t it about time you were ready? You’ll have Ashley here in a minute.” Lorna looked at her friend bleakly. “I’m not going.”
“What do you mean? You
must
go. It’s the last time we’ll all be together. I’m leaving you tomorrow, don’t forget,” and then as she looked at Lorna more closely, “I say, are you ill? You look very pale.”
“I’m all right.” Lorna sat up, pushing back her hair where it had fallen untidily across her face. “It’s all over. I was terribly rude to him this morning. I doubt he’ll ever want to speak to me again.”
“I can’t believe it,” said Fay, surprised. “I really thought you had something going between you.”
“Me too, for a while, but I’m glad it’s over. I should only have worried that he was going to tire of me.”
“Are you? Glad, I mean. You don’t look very happy. In fact I’d go so far as to say that you look as though it’s the end of the world.” She sat down beside Lorna. “Come on, snap out of it. Get yourself ready. I expect Wes will be only too pleased to partner you.”
Lorna clapped a hand to her brow. “Wes! No, thanks.”
“What’s the matter?” frowned Fay. “Don’t say you’ve fallen out with him as well?”
“I’d forgotten—you don’t know about last night. He came here rather the worse for drink and started making a nuisance of himself. Fortunately "Ashley came and sent him packing before any harm was done.”
Fay was horrified. “I don’t believe it. Not Wes. He wouldn’t risk his job like that.”
“That’s what I thought, but jealousy does some funny things. He’s all right now, I think, but I don’t fancy spending an evening in his company.”
“Poor you ! It’s all happening. But I still think you ought to come. We can stay together. Keenan’s on duty anyway.”
Lorna suddenly sprang to her feet, her decision made. “Okay, you’ve persuaded me.” She would put on her prettiest dress, wear her brightest smile, and if Ashley Ward was there he would see that she didn’t care two hoots about him.
Ashley was in fact conspicuous by his absence. It seemed as though everyone else was there, intent on enjoying this last dance to the very full. Neither Lorna nor Fay were at a loss for partners and long before the evening was over Lorna felt exhausted. She would have liked to return to her cabin, but knew that Fay would immediately cry down any such suggestion, and kept herself going by sheer willpower.
It was midnight and the last waltz had been announced when Lorna felt a tap on her shoulder and a cool voice asking :
“May I?”
Without turning she knew who it was and just as surely knew she could not refuse. Smiling politely, she took his hand, felt the warmth of his other hand as it rested lightly, impersonally, against the small of her back. They were jostled and pushed as they moved round the overcrowded dance floor, yet to Lorna it was as though they were alone. It took all her willpower to assume an air of indifference, especially when their bodies were forced together, but she knew she must fight her feelings. Despite the scene earlier he still had the power to torment her senses. When she stumbled over an outstretched foot and he pulled her close her breath caught achingly in her throat and she prayed for strength to see her through to the end of the dance. Minutes later he steered her towards the door, murmuring, “I’ve had enough of this. Let’s get outside,” and she did not resist.
It was not until he had found a shadowy corner away from the lights and sound of the band that Lorna asked herself what she was doing. Had she no pride? Did their disagreement mean nothing to her? Proudly she lifted her head. “I don’t know why you’ve brought me here. There’s nothing more to be said.”
“On the contrary, there’s a lot that needs explaining, but we’ll leave that for now.”
“Then what do you want? Why did you ask me to dance? Aren’t you satisfied that you mean no more to me than any one of the men in there? Are you trying to soothe your bruised male ego? It won’t work, you know. I re—”
Firmly and deliberately Ashley’s lips came down on hers, stemming the flow of words, sending her senses reeling with desire. It took every ounce of self-control to resist him, to stop her arms from curling round his neck and pulling his dark head closer. But somehow she did it. Somewhere she found the strength to remain inert even though her heart felt as though it was breaking in two.
At last, as he realised the futility of his actions, Ashley’s arms fell limply to his sides and Lorna could see in the faint light the disappointment on his face.
“What did I tell you?” she remarked lightly before she broke down and spoiled everything. “Now do you believe me?”
“It seems I have no choice,” he answered flatly. “Goodnight, Lorna.”
And he had gone, disappeared into the darkness. Lorna was left wondering whether it had all been a dream, but her bruised lips were the proof of his presence and she hated herself for what she had done to him. The only comforting thought was that their friendship would have ended one day anyway, so it was as well for it to happen now before she found it impossible to give him up.
Lorna woke the next morning with the strange feeling that there was something wrong. A few moments passed before she realised that they were in Table Bay Harbour and the difference was the unusual silence. After two weeks at sea the distant throb of the engines and the constant swish of the bow wave became so much a way of life that it was as if part of her was missing once they stopped.
She did not immediately jump out of bed. There was so much to think about. Even though she had lain awake half the night trying to sort out her muddled thoughts.
Ashley had undoubtedly approached her with the intention of finding out her true feelings. He must not have believed her earlier statement. Was he concerned? Or was it merely his self-pride that had been wounded? She would like to think he really was worried, but it seemed highly improbable. In any case there was nothing she could do about it now. He had finally accepted that he meant nothing to her—in spite of the fact that it had broken her heart to do so. She would soon learn to accept that the only man she had ever truly loved could never be hers. In time she would be able to laugh at herself, congratulate herself on her near escape, but at the moment—it was as if part of her heart had been tom away.
Arrival in Gape Town ought to have aroused some interest instead of the apathy she now felt. It was almost too much effort to wash and dress. Her actions were automatic and as she made her way down to breakfast her legs felt wooden and lifeless.
The dining room was a hubbub of noise and excitement. Almost half the passengers were leaving the
Oceana
here and were busy exchanging addresses and promising to write.
She ate her breakfast, achingly aware of the empty place opposite, convinced that Ashley would now avoid her for the remainder of the voyage. He had promised to show her something of Cape Town, but now, left on her own, Lorna did not know what to do. The idea of walking round a strange town by herself was not very appealing, nor. did she look forward to spending the time on board ship. They had two days here. She would have to fill in her time somehow.
Her problem was solved when Fay burst into her cabin a short time later. “Isn’t it exciting? I can’t wait to see Gordon again. You must come and meet him.”
Lorna tried to echo her friend’s enthusiasm, but it was difficult when you felt as though the bottom had dropped out of your world. “Thanks—but you’ll want to be alone.”
“Don’t be silly. There’ll be plenty of time for that. Do come, I know Gordon will be pleased to see you.” Fay would be genuinely disappointed if she refused, Lorna knew, and it would provide welcome relief to time spent alone. “Okay. It’s nice of you to think of me when I know you haven’t seen your husband for ages.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll make up. Are you ready?”
Up on deck Lorna’s first glimpse of South Africa was the improbable Table Mountain rising majestically above Cape Town. She had not realised what the sight of land after several days at sea would do to her.
The impact of the towering grape blue heights quite took her breath away, but Fay was anxious to go ashore and Lorna was unable to fully appreciate its beauty.
The gangplank was down as they joined the queue waiting to disembark. Suddenly Fay gave a shriek and pointed. “There he is! There’s Gordon!” and proceeded to wave her handbag energetically. All Lorna could see was a blur of expectant faces as friends and relatives waited on the harbour side, but she smiled politely and waved too so as not to disappoint her friend.
The formalities did not take long and soon Fay was in the arms of her husband. A big, burly man, with a ginger moustache, he was not at all what Lorna had expected, but his delight in meeting a friend of Fay’s was overwhelming.
“I’m really pleased to meet you,” he said, pumping her hand. “I was worried about Fay making this trip on her own. I’m glad you two made friends.”
He swung Fay’s trunk and cases on to the back of his waiting station wagon as easily as if they were empty. “You’ll come and have a drink with us? It’s not far.” Then, turning to his wife, “I’ve got a surprise for you, honey. We’ve got a place of our own.”
“Gordon! Where?” Fay danced about excitedly. “I thought we’d got to make do with rooms.”
“I’ve rented it off this fellow I met. Reasonable too. We’ll be able to save, then we’ll soon buy our own house—if you like it out here?” These last words anxiously.
“Of course I will,” said Fay, tucking her arm into his and reaching up to kiss his cheek. “You like it— that’s good enough reason for me.”
Lorna felt a swift stab of envy and turned away. It was her own fault that her brief affair with Ashley had ended, but it was difficult not to feel regret. Fay’s happiness served to accentuate her own depression. It would be unwise feeling as she did to accompany them home. She would almost certainly feel worse.
“Come along,” Fay touched her arm. “Gordon’s waiting.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Lorna blinked back the tears that threatened and with a flash of insight Fay nodded.
“I understand. I suppose it’s pretty obvious how we feel about one another. Still, you will visit us before you go back to England?”
“I’ll try,” said Lorna.
“You’d better, or I’ll never forgive you. Listen, Lorna. Nothing’s ever so bad as it seems. It will work out in the end, I’m sure. Call it intuition or what you like—you and Ashley are meant for each other. This is from someone who’s seen the signs and knows.”
Lorna smiled wryly. “I wish you were right—but after last night he’ll never want to see me again.”
Gordon tooted his horn impatiently and Fay, after giving Lorna a quick hug, ran to join him, calling, “Keep your chin up and don’t worry. I’ll let you have my new address and when you write I shall expect to hear that everything’s hunky-dory between you. ’Bye now.”
Feeling more alone than ever in this mother city of South Africa, Lorna walked through the streets of the Foreshore, scarcely noticing the towering blocks of buildings built on land reclaimed from the sea only twenty years ago.
Her wanderings took her through the narrow streets of the picturesque Malay slave quarters, past museums and art galleries, which normally she would have found fascinating but which today held no interest. She stood for a moment staring at the imposing entrance to the old Castle, reputedly the oldest building in the Republic of South Africa and later she found herself in Kirstenbosch Gardens on the slopes of Table Mountain itself.
Here she found peace. The species of flowers and shrubs seemed endless, the riot of colours hurt her eyes and the scents were too many and varied to distinguish. Yet here, away from the swarming city, she came to terms with herself.
It had been a mistake in agreeing to Ashley’s suggestion that they make a fresh start. She might have known it would never work out, “Except,” she whispered to herself, “I never thought it would end with my falling in love.” She bent and touched the delicate petals of a pink protea. If only he hadn’t been so nice to her—it would never have happened. She was so sure she hated him, positive that after what he’d done to Margo she could never forgive him. Yet here she was, as much in love as anyone could ever be and half inclined to believe that he wasn’t so bad as Margo had made out.