Unmistakeable (4 page)

“Actually, I’ve been reading
Fifty Shades of Grey
. That Christian Grey is something else…”

Was she being serious right now?
“Um…you’re reading that?” This was awkward.

“Yep.” She moved to her bedside and grabbed a tablet. Then she turned it on then handed it to me. “That was the last page I was on.”

She didn’t expect me to read this out loud, right?

I felt the device in my hands and looked at the screen. “When did you get a kindle?”

“My medical student got it for me. He’s a sweetheart.” She didn’t look at me when she said it. “And he got me a gift card so I could download books.”

My heart moved into my throat. I froze, suddenly feeling disoriented. I remembered seeing Ash at the hospital months ago. He said he was bringing a gift to his patient, something to make her happy.

Was my grandmother his patient?

Was she the one who changed him? Made him more compassionate? “Nana, who got this for you?”

“His name is Dr. James, and he’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. He’s compassionate, kind, real, and honest. And he’s in love with a girl—but she won’t give him a chance. She sounds like an idiot to me.” She fluffed her pillow. “Now start reading.”

My hands started to shake. He’d been taking care of my grandma the whole time? And he talked about me? “I have to go.” I placed the kindle on the nightstand then headed to the door.

“Good luck.” She winked at me.

I was in such a hurry that I didn’t even notice.

I wasn’t sure how I felt anymore. Knowing Ash took care of my grandmother changed everything, and the fact she adored him made a difference too. She accepted Jace, but I never felt like she loved him.

Because she was a smart woman.

Now everything was all messed up. Ash already moved on and forgot about me, and now I missed my chance. I told him nothing would ever happen between us and he believed me.

This sucked.

I thought about taking my grandmother’s advice and fighting for him, but I was so scared to be rejected. I denied him so harshly and I wouldn’t blame him for doing the same to me. I hurt him, and I deserved to be hurt in returned.

I didn’t see him for the next few days. He seemed to be busy with school. I constantly looked out my peephole, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. But even if I did, I didn’t know if I would have the strength to talk to him. We hadn’t spoke once since I found out he was dating my sister.

Maybe he was avoiding me.

I hadn’t checked my mail in a few days so I walked into the lobby, wondering if my check from the gallery came in. I needed new supplies but didn’t have the money in my account to buy them.

When I walked to my mailbox, I spotted Ash. He was checking his mail, throwing away all the junk and the ads. His bag was over his shoulder, and his stethoscope was hanging out. He wore dark jeans and a black t-shirt, making his features stand out.

I froze, suddenly unsure what to do. He hadn’t seen me yet so I could escape without being spotted.

Like he could read my mind, he glanced my way. “Hey. Haven’t seen you in a while.” He went back to checking his mail.

“Yeah…” I walked to my mailbox besides his and opened it. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating. Being so close to him made the butterflies in my stomach grow into fire-breathing dragons.

“How’s it going?” He looked at a pizza ad then threw it in the recycling bin.

“Good…”
Not really.
“You?”

“Fine.” He opened a letter and scanned through it. Then he tossed it in the garbage. “Junk mail…”

I grabbed mine then felt my hands shake. Was he not going to bring up Payton? We’re just going to pretend everything was normal? Like this wasn’t awkward?

He shut his mailbox then locked it. “I’ll see you later.” He stuffed his mail under one arm then walked away.

That’s it?
It was like nothing happened between us.

I turned around and stared at his back. “So, you’re just going to fool around with my sister and not even mention it to me?” The anger seeped out. I didn’t realize how upset I was until that moment.

He stopped then slowly turned around. “She told me you were fine with it.” His eyes were guarded and his face was unreadable.

“Well…yeah…but I can’t believe you would even want to date her.”

“She’s a beautiful girl and she’s fun.” He shrugged. “And if you don’t care, then what’s the big deal?”

“It is a big deal!” I felt the tears burn under my eyes. “You claim that you care about me and want me to yourself but then you date my sister? It’s like nothing ever happened between us. It’s like you don’t care.”

His voice never changed. He stayed calm the entire time. “You told me nothing would ever happen between us. And you said I shouldn’t wait for you. So, what was I supposed to do, Alaska?”

“I…I don’t know.” Now I felt like an idiot. I just wanted to hide under a rock.

He stepped closer to me. “Do you want me to stop seeing your sister?” He watched my face, gauging my reaction. “Because I will if that’s what you want.”

Could I be that selfish?
“Do you like her…?”

“I think that’s obvious.”

His words ripped my heart apart. “I just…I don’t know.”

“What do you want?” His voice was more aggressive.

“I…no, I don’t want you to date her.”

“Then consider it done.” He rested his arms by his sides.

“Thank you.” I held my tears back.

“Anything else?” he asked. Now he seemed annoyed. “Anyone else I can’t date? You don’t want me but no one else can have me? What are you? Five?”

My eyes widened. “I never said I didn’t want you...”

“That’s what you said when I confessed my deepest feelings for you. You told me to move on and not wait around. But when I do you get upset. Alaska, what the hell do you want? Do you want to be with me?” He stared me down, waiting for me to answer.

I thought about my grandmother and what he did for her. “You took care of my grandmother…”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Sorry, what?”

“Your patient…she’s my grandmother.”

“Mrs. Patelo?”

I nodded.

He was quiet for a while. He seemed to be thinking about something, reliving the past. “I guess that make sense.”

“She loves you.”

“Well, I love her too.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked down. The fact he had my grandmother’s approval made me trust him more. She held him in high regard, and they obviously had a special relationship.

“Alaska?”

“What?” I still didn’t look at him.

“What do you want from me?”

I knew exactly what I wanted. “Do you even want me anymore…?” If he was with other girls, then his feelings for me must be different.

His eyes softened. “That’s a stupid question, Alaska. You’re the only woman I’ve ever really cared about. That will never change.”

The knot in my throat was starting to lessen. “I’m scared to get hurt…”

“I know.”

“But I don’t want you to see anyone else.”

“Okay. Can I see you?”

“I…I don’t know.”

He smirked. “This doesn’t sound complicated at all.”

I wasn’t in the mood for jokes.

He came closer to me then stared me down. “You aren’t the only one risking heartache. Don’t forget that. If you want to be with me, tell me. Don’t beat around the bush and don’t be unsure. Tell me what you want.”

Feeling him stand so close to me made my hair stand on end. “I…I want to be with you but…I need to go slow.”

“I don’t have a problem with that.”

“I don’t want you to see anyone else but me.”

“Consider it done. And I want the same from you.”

That was never an issue.

He dropped his bag on the floor. The sound of it hitting the tile made my breathing hitch. His hands gripped my wrists and pulled them down to my sides. Then he moved his hands to my hips. “You know what I’ve wanted for a long time?”

The blood pounded in my ears. My body was suddenly on fire. Feeling him touch me was what I longed for. I couldn’t count all the nights I thought about him, missing him. “What?” My voice cracked.

His hands moved around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. “A hug.”

That wasn’t what I expected. But when I thought about it, I realized we’d never done that before. Even the night of the showcase all he did was hold my hand. The closest we’d ever been was when he pressed me against his door and kissed me. We skipped all the bases and immediately went for home plate. But now we were backtracking.

He closed the remaining distance between us and pulled me to his chest. He was a foot taller then me, and my head reached his shoulder. I pressed my face against his chest, breathing in his scent. His arms stayed around my waist, and one hand rested on the dip of my back. He pressed his face into my neck and took a deep breath, his warm breath hitting my skin. I moved my arms around his neck and let myself relax. He was finally in my arms. He was finally mine.

I wanted to stay like this forever, just let him hold me in the lobby of our building. When I thought of him sleeping with my sister, it made me sick. But my desire for him was greater. I didn’t want to lose him. I was just happy I wasn’t too late. This conversation could have gone much differently.

After several minutes of silence, he pulled away. “Come over.”

“Okay.” I didn’t think twice about it.

He grabbed his bag and we walked hand in hand to his apartment. His place was perfectly clean like it usually was. When I passed his bedroom, I imagined my sister on those sheets and it made me hate her a little bit. But I was the one who gave her my consent so that really wasn’t fair.

Ash sat on the couch then waited for me to join him. I didn’t know what he had in mind, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to be with him. As soon as my butt touched the cushion, he grabbed me and pulled me into his lap. He leaned back and positioned me on his chest. I felt a metal chain through his shirt but I couldn’t see it past his collar.

Once we were together, he took a deep breath and said nothing.

“What did you want to do?” I whispered. I listened to him breathe and felt his chest rise and fall. His cologne moved into my nose and I inhaled it, loving his scent. I was comfortable on his chest and I never wanted to move. The silence was nice. It was what I craved after the chaos of my mind.

His fingers moved through my hair gently, pulling the strands off my neck. “This.”

CHAPTER FOUR

Ash

“I have a bone to pick with you.” I walked into the room then sat at Mrs. Paleto’s bedside.

“What?” she asked. She had a smirk on her lips like she knew exactly why I was there.

“Did you know Alaska was the woman I loved?”

She shrugged. “I may have had a hunch…”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I would never interfere with a beautiful love story.”

“But you did. You told her I was your doctor.”

“No, actually I didn’t.”

“Then how did she know?”

“I told her a medical student got me a kindle. She seemed to know it was you.”

I ran into her at the hospital months ago. I was delivering a kindle and a gift card. She must have remembered. “Well, I have good news.”

“Please tell me.” Her eyes lit up.

“She and I finally got together.” The weight on my heart disappeared as I said it. I really didn’t know if pretending to sleep with Payton was going to help or not but I was desperate.

She clutched her chest. “That makes me very happy.”

“I thought so. But she wants to take things slow, which I don’t mind. I know she has trust issues, which is completely understandable.”

“She’ll come around. I’m very happy my little girl has a good man in her life.”

“A good man?” I thought I was anything but that.

“Yes.” She gave me a firm look. “You’re compassionate and selfless. Just because your past isn’t pure doesn’t mean your future won’t be. And it’s better to have a man that’s gotten his sins out of the way. You’ve seen the garbage of the world so you know a diamond when you see one.”

Alaska was definitely a gem. “I suppose.”

Her eyes turned serious. “Take care of her for me when I’m gone.”

That broke my heart. “Don’t talk like that. Nothing has even been decided yet.”

“I’m going to have this surgery, and there’s a very good chance I won’t make it.” She said it with a calm acceptance. “That’s the fate I’ve come to terms with. You even said it yourself.”

“I’m a doctor, not a psychic. Doctors are wrong all the time.”

“But most of the time, they are right.”

I hated having his conversation.

“Promise me you’ll take care of her.”

I’d grown fond of this woman in a short amount of time, and now I was even fonder of her because she was Alaska’s grandmother. Alaska already experienced so much heartache. If she lost her grandmother, her world would be turned upside down. “You don’t even need to ask me that. Together or apart, I’ll watch over her.”

“I figured you would.”

“Does she know about everything?” I asked.

“No. And I prefer it if you didn’t tell her.”

“According to my code of ethics as a physician and federal law, I’m not allowed to.”

“Good.”

“But you really shouldn’t leave her in the dark about this.”

“I’m not going to cause that girl any more pain than I have to.” She had a determined look on her face. “My will is in order and the girls will have what they need when I’m gone.”

“Stop talking in absolutes.”

“Dear, sometimes you just know.”

‘Then why have the surgery?”

She gave me a firm look. “I refuse to sit in this hospital bed for the rest of my life. If I can’t leave this room and experience the joys of life, then I don’t want to live at all. I’m practically a hamster.”

I couldn’t agree more. I’d prefer death too. “You should at least tell her about the surgery.”

“I will.”

“Okay.” I sat with her for a while, just enjoying the silence. “How’s your kindle?”

“Great. I’m loving
Fifty Shades of Grey
.”

I smirked. “Yeah?”

“I didn’t know what a butt plug was until now. And I wish I’d tried it out when my husband was still around.”

I laughed. “I’m sure Alaska and Payton would love to hear that.”

She shrugged. “Sex is a part of life. Whoever said it couldn’t be discussed was wrong. It can be beautiful.”

I never had sex that was beautiful. It was always aggressive and meaningless. I didn’t look at the girl and she didn’t look at me. The lights were always off and I was just trying to get off.

“I know Alaska is going to be a lot of work. She’s always been that way. Payton seems to accept her parents’ abandonment better than Alaska. I’m not sure why. They look similar but they are both very different.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“Just be patient with her.”

“I will. Not because I want to, but because she’s the only girl I’ll ever want in this way.”

“And she’s a very lucky girl.”

I knocked on Alaska’s door, excited to see her face when she opened the door.

She was wearing a yellow dress with gold bracelets. Like always, she looked breathtaking. “Hi.”

“Hey.” I didn’t hold back like I normally would. I hooked my arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. “You look nice.”

“Thanks.”

“Did you have plans?”

“No. I was just working on some stuff.”

“My friends invited me to go out. I’d like it if you would come with me.”

She fidgeted in place, seeming nervous. “Sure.”

“Cool.”

She grabbed her jean jacket and pulled it on. Then she came out, locking the door behind her.

I grabbed her hand and walked her to my car. It was nice to hold her, to do what I wanted when she was around. Instead of keeping my distance, I could do and say what I wanted.

I got the door open for her then came around the car. “What are we listening to?”

“U2.” She put the CD in.

“You have excellent taste.”

“Because I’m using your music selection,” she said with a laugh.

“You’re still picking my favorites.” I grabbed the wheel with one hand and left my other hand on her thigh. She didn’t push it away or flinch. My touch was welcomed.

When we arrived at the bar, I opened the door for her then hooked my arm around her waist. I was with the hottest chick in the world, and I felt like I was showing off a trophy to everyone. She was mine, no one else’s, and I wasn’t going to let her go.

I spotted my sister and Scotty in the booth. “I see them.”

“Okay.”

I pulled her with me then let her scoot in first. Then I put my arm around her shoulder and sat close to her, being as affectionate as possible.

Livia’s chin was hanging so far it was practically touching the table. “Are you…did you…?”

“Yes.” I didn’t want her to explode.

“Yes.” Livia clapped her hands excitedly. “I’m so happy for you guys!”

Alaska blushed slightly. “I guess I couldn’t stand the idea of sharing him with anyone.”

Scotty winked at me. “Nice.”

“We can go on double dates every weekend.” Livia wouldn’t shut up.

“Every weekend?” I asked incredulously. “Let’s backup a little bit.”

Sage took his seat with a new beer in hand. “Never thought I’d see the day that Ash James takes a wife.”

“Remember this moment, boys.” I rubbed Alaska’s shoulder. “Because it’s the beginning of something beautiful.” I cast a fond look at Alaska then looked away.

Alaska rested her hand on my thigh, squeezing it gently.

It made my hair stand on end.

“Now I need to find me a wife,” Sage said. “They’re either sluts or the good ones are taken.”

“Craigslist,” Scotty said.

Sage glared at him. “I don’t want to pick a serial killer. I’ll pass.”

“Where do you think I found Livia?” Scotty said.

Sage hit him in the shoulder. “You’re so full of it.”

I spotted Payton across the bar. She was talking to her girlfriends then her eyes glanced my way. She did a double take when she saw me with Alaska. Then she marched to our table.

This should be good.

“It worked.” She held up her hands in victory. “I knew it would work.”

Alaska narrowed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“You actually think I’d go for your man?” Payton laughed. “There are too many fish in the sea to take your leftovers.”

Alaska looked at me, the confusion in her eyes.

“She and I were never together. She was just trying to help me win you over,” I explained.

“So you manipulated me?” She didn’t sound happy.

“Don’t get mad at him,” Payton said. “This guy has been working his ass off just to be with you. Frankly, I don’t know how he stands you.”

Sage laughed at her comment.

“Now don’t be a bitch to him and just be happy.” She pointed her finger at Alaska. “I mean it.” Then she walked away, shaking her ass the whole time.

Sage turned in his seat, wanting to get a good view. “She’s cute.”

“Who?” Livia asked. “Payton or her ass?”

“Both.” Sage gave her a smug look.

I looked at Alaska, seeing the fire in her eyes. I knew she felt cheated and embarrassed. I played her directly into my hands. “I never wanted Payton. It’s always been you, Alaska.”

“I can’t believe I fell for that…”

“I’m sorry. I was desperate.”

She seemed to calm down. “It’s okay. This is what I wanted anyway.”

I released the tension in my shoulders. That could have gone a much different way. I was going to tell her myself but I wanted to wait for the right time. Having Payton drop it on her like that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

I leaned close. “What would you like to drink?”

“I’ll have what you’re having.”

“You still have good taste.”

She smiled at my comment then turned her face.

“I’ll be right back.” I turned to Livia. “Don’t scare her off.”

Livia rolled her eyes. “Go to hell and burn there.”

“So I can see Satan, the being you worship?” I left the booth before she could shoot a comeback at me.

I ordered the drinks at the bar then waited for them to be handed to me.

“I hear through the grapevine you’re off the market.” A sultry voice reached me from a short distance.

I turned to see Vanessa, one of my regulars. “I am. Looks like our fun is over.”

“For now. This won’t last long.” She had a knowing look on her face.

“Shows how much you know.” I grabbed the drinks and carried them to the table.

Livia and Alaska were talking about the gallery, stuff I didn’t have any opinion on. Scotty rolled his eyes while Livia chatted away. Sage kept eyeing Payton, unable to stop looking at her.

“She’s slutty,” I said to him.

“She is?” He sighed miserably. “Damn. Why can’t I find a girl with good morals?”

“Because you’re looking in a bar,” I snapped.

“That’s where you met me,” Alaska said.

I turned to her. “And do you remember how the conversation went? I didn’t ask to take you to coffee and talk about your every dream and hope.”

She sipped her beer. “I’ll never forget it.”

I really wanted to kiss her, to taste the foam on her lips, but I held it back. I knew she wanted to go slow and that was fine with me. I wanted to be inside her like crazy, but I wanted her to be ready. If we made love then she took off, it would hurt too much.

I turned to Livia, unable to look at Alaska a second longer because I didn’t trust myself. “Are you going to dinner with Mom and Dad?”

She had no idea what I was talking about. “What?”

“They invited me to dinner this weekend.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure they invited you. You’re their golden boy.”

“I’m not a golden boy,” I argued.

“Not anymore.” Scotty laughed. “At least when you told your parents you were a manwhore.”

I shrugged. “It was bound to come up eventually.” I turned back to Livia. “They seriously didn’t invite you?”

“I’m not a virgin so why would they invite me?” Livia had a sour look on her face. Then she looked at Alaska. “Our parents are snooty assholes—just a heads up.”

I glared at my sister. “Don’t listen to her, Alaska. They’ll love you.”

“Am I meeting your parents?” The fear was in her voice.

“Eventually…I didn’t mean this weekend.”

She breathed a sigh of relief.

Scotty kept laughing at Livia’s comment.

“Maybe Dad wants to discuss medicine or something.” I couldn’t think of a better reason.

“Don’t get too crazy.” Livia rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be a brat,” I argued.

Livia finally backed off and drank her beer. We spent the rest of the evening talking about various things. Livia was working on a new piece and she was excited to show everyone. Alaska was quiet, but she spoke up every now and then. Maybe she was still shaken up about Payton.