Unobtainable (2 page)

“Why? Why are you doing this to me?” she demands an answer, and I know she deserves it.

I face the audience that’s sitting staring at us, waiting for an answer, while they whisper and titter and gasp. I can only imagine what they’d like to do to me.

Mr. and Mrs. Turner are standing now. Mr. Turner’s face is awful red, his jaw is clenched and his fists are clamped tight at his sides. Mrs. Turner is holding him back, she’s been crying too. Now I really feel like shit. I seem to be making everyone cry today.

Mom is holding her hand to her chest, her other hand is clasped over her mouth and her damp tissue is peeking out at her chin. Dad’s arm is draped over her shoulder, he’s trying to console her, he doesn’t even know why yet. That look of pride has been replaced with confusion and disappointment.

Where the fuck is that bolt of lightning?

“I think you kids need a few minutes,” the minister says. “Come to my office.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I want an answer right fucking now!” Rebecca roars, the crowd gasps as her fists collide with my chest. “Now!”

“Rebecca Audrey Turner, this is a house of God,” the minister chastises her, as she drops down and sits on the steps, resigned to the fact there will be no wedding today. She stares up at me with sad, soggy, mascara stained eyes.

I let out a heavy sigh and join her. I never meant it to go this far. She’s so hurt, looking so pretty in her beautiful white gown, her veil cascading over her shoulders and wearing the elegant pearl necklace that had once belonged to her great-grandmother, draped perfectly around her delicate neck and she’s hurting because of me. I can’t imagine feeling any more disgusted with myself than I do at this very moment. I should have been honest with her from the day we met, but she was the answer to all my problems.

By now you’re wondering who the hell I am.

My name is Dyson Michaels and my life got flipped upside down the day my grandfather passed away and, in his ultimate wisdom, he chose to fuck up my life from beyond the grave.

~Six months prior~

“…therefore, in layman’s terms, unless you are married by July 18
th
, and within five years produce an heir, your portion of your grandfather’s estate and shares will be divided equally between your three siblings. You will inherit nothing.

If you marry but do not produce an heir, your shares will be divided among your siblings.

If you do not wed by said date, you may if you should so choose to, keep your position with your grandfather’s company and draw a salary. You will also be entitled the corporate benefits program.

Do you have any questions?...”

I knew by the word marriage, that it meant in the conventional way, with the usual
I do
between a man and a woman in a church with all the bells and whistles. I wanted to say no, I should have said no, but like the fool I am I said yes.

And now I’m trying to explain to everyone why it is that I’m breaking Rebecca’s heart and why I’ve been living a lie all my life.

I’m still waiting for that bolt of lightning to strike me dead.

~Dyson~

I went to work that Monday and glanced around my office, trying to imagine what I would do other than working at my grandfather’s company. This was all I knew, it was what I went to school to do, what else was there? I hadn’t made it to the pros due to a hamstring injury but I had graduated with highest honors and made my grandfather proud of what I had accomplished. Or so I thought.

Hell we all worked here, me and my three brothers; EJ, Clayton and Tobias. The only up they had on me was the fact that they were all married with children and I was still very much a single man at the age of twenty eight.

Tuesday I had spent the day hidden in my office, wondering when I would no longer be the gossip of the day, the subject around the water cooler, if indeed we had a water cooler in the office. It wasn’t like I couldn’t hear the giggles and snickers as I walked the halls. The quick look away the minute I caught the freak show stares actually made me laugh. It was as if
my kind
was new to the planet, like I was something to fear in case I was somehow contagious. It was laughable the way all these people whom I had been working with all these years suddenly didn’t know me anymore.

My grandfather was a true family man all the way. He believed that a man was not stable in the world until he was married and settled down, add a few kids to the equation and you had perfection. The problem was, that wasn’t me, and it definitely wasn’t who I was.

I happened to be a gay man, struggling to find my piece of happiness in this crazy world. I was like any other red blooded male wanting someone to share their life with, and a piece of hot ass once in a while.

Being forced into a lifestyle that was far from normal for me, by a dead man, made me shake my head, what was my grandfather thinking? I’m happy I had the courage to stop the wedding, but there was so much more involved in my decision, so many others that were affected by my choice. I just wish it could all go back to the way it had been before my grandfather had his massive stroke and had joined my grandmother in the vast unknown. I would have said heaven, but at this point in time, I wasn’t so sure anymore.

I heard footsteps in the hall and pulled myself from my thoughts, as I watched a little piece of the closest thing to heaven walk by.

Harley Cooper, now that man was everything I could wish for and everything I could never have. He was most definitely, unobtainable.

He was the fantasy that caused my heart to skip a beat and the visual in all my dreams. Harley was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, there was no other that could compare to him. He screamed confidence with every stride he took. He had gorgeous silky blond hair, a luscious layer of golden scruff on his face, beautiful sapphire blue eyes and a smile that melted my undies. The only problem? He didn’t know I was alive. He’s had me acting like a love sick klutz from the first day he came to work at my grandfather’s company four years ago.

I happen to be the head of the accounting department, a less than glamorous position, keeping me locked away in my office most days eager to get a glimpse of Harley passing by my door. I started leaving my door open that very day, listening for footsteps, watching for a glance, hoping for a fleeting look as he dashed by. Then out of the blue today he stopped, leaning his shoulder against my doorframe with a sexy ass smile, that quite literally took my breath away.

“The guys are meeting at
Chances
bar for a few drinks after work on Friday to celebrate Remington’s retirement,” he walked closer to my desk, I wanted so badly to lean into him and sniff in all of his wild masculinity, maybe even lick his face, that would do it for me. “Are you going to join us?”

“Um, I,” the words would not come. As usual I was reduced to a useless puddle by being in the same room as the man.

“Dyson, what do you say, you going to be there?” Harley asked, with a chuckle. “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

Just the way my name rolled off his tongue made my dick twitch. Uncomfortable? That’s not exactly what I’d call it.

“No,” I managed to blurt out, like a lunatic.

Harley’s brow creased for a moment as if not believing my lie. “Well, if you can make it, I’ll see you there.”

I’ll see you there.
His words brought goose bumps to my skin. I was such a girl when he was around, swooning like a love sick puppy.

With his hands tucked casually in his pockets, he turned and walked out the door. The ass on the man was spectacular, he had what I liked to refer to as a bubble butt, it was round and plump and it filled a pair of dress pants to perfection.
I could sink my teeth into a piece of that
, I thought, as I chewed on my bottom lip and ogled his fineness.

“By the way,” he said, turning and catching me staring at his posterior, flicking his brow. A small smirk creased the corner of his mouth, “there was a problem with my pay this week. I should talk to
you
about that, right?”

“Uh, yeah me.”

“It can keep until tomorrow though, if that’s okay with you. Unfortunately I have to run. I have things to do that won’t keep, but I’ll come see you?”

“Sure, tomorrow will be fine,” I smiled, watching him exit my office.

Fuck. I looked at my watch, it was only Wednesday and Friday night was forty-seven hours, twenty three minutes and thirty one seconds away.

My phone rang and I regretted immediately ever picking it up.

“Accounting, Michaels speaking.”

“Dyson, I left my key with Mr. Caldwell next door and an itemized list of what you owe my father on the coffee table, don’t forget to pay the bills on the list too,” Rebecca said, her tone calm, cool and collected. But I knew her better than that. You see, there is nothing more terrifying than a woman scorned, especially when she was scorned by her gay ex. “and just so you know…I’m keeping the ring.”

“I’m sorry, Becs,” I said, even though it was beginning to sound like a bad recording on a continuous loop. “Keep whatever you like and tell your father I’ll take care of everything today, tell him I’m-”

“Stop saying sorry!” she yelled into the phone. “You’re so fucking irritating. I don’t give a shit how sorry you are, you should be. You humiliated me you prick…oh, and I’ve decided I’m going on
our
honeymoon with Debbie…and I’ll be moving out of town when I get back.”

The only thing I could hear myself saying again was sorry, what more was there to say? I was scum of the earth and I ruined her life with my lies, my secrets changed everything and I couldn’t blame her for hating me.

“Be happy, Rebecca,” I said, genuinely. “Don’t let what I did to you change the sweet person that you are.”

Every inch of my skin crawled from the aura that hung heavily charged in the silence as I waited for a response. I was priming myself for an explosive stretch of verbal diarrhea that would put the eruption of Mount Vesuvius to shame, and then I heard her take in a deep breath.

“Nothing could ever take away who I am, certainly not you,” she said, calmly. “I want to know something though.”

“Anything.”

“Have you always known?”

“Known what?”

“That you’re gay,” she whispered, as if saying it quietly would make it any less real. “I mean…
I
didn’t make you gay did I?”

I couldn’t help but laugh because her question was so innocent, but it proved that the world was still a very ignorant place.

“I did, didn’t I?” she asked, with asphyxiated horror in her tone.

“No Becs, you didn’t make me gay,” I told her. “I assure you, I was born this way. It’s not something there is a cure for, you can’t take a pill and make it go away. This is who I am, and as much as my family and friends don’t want to accept it, I can’t and I won’t change for anyone.”

“Good for you,” she said, surprising me. “I want you to be happy too…I’d like to rip your fucking eyes out, but it’s better we didn’t get married and then you spring this shit on me. What about the Will?”

I opened the top drawer of my desk and stared at the fat white envelope containing my copy of the Will. “I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to wait and see,” I tried to laugh at the bizarre situation ahead of me.

“At least you get to keep your job,” she said, clearing her throat. “I better go…don’t take this wrong.”

“What?”

“I never want to see or hear from you again,” she said, her voice quaking. “I love you, I hate that you are gay but I always will love you…there just isn’t a place in my life for you anymore.”

There was a click and then stagnant air before I had a chance to reply. I loved her too, just not the way she needed me to. I hit end on my phone and took the Will from my drawer, stuffing it into my jacket pocket. I would have told someone I was leaving for the rest of the day, but no one would have given a shit. The black sheep was leaving the building, raise the banners and let the flags fly.

“Where do you think you’re going?” my oldest brother EJ asked, as I passed him in the hall.

EJ, short for Edward James is the CEO of sorts, even though that’s not his official title, it is a well-known fact that he’s the one in charge and we all answer to him. He’s gruff and grumbly like a bear with a sore dick most of the time, but when the chips fall he’s the first one at your side helping you pick them up. He immediately accepted my being gay with the shrug of his shoulders, like it was nothing he didn’t already know and he couldn’t care less. I just wasn’t in the mood for any of his officious crap today, it was only two in the afternoon but I wanted this day to be the fuck over.

“Does it really matter, as long as I’m gone?” I snapped at him. “I can’t take any of your bureaucratic bullshit today, okay?”

“Get over yourself little brother,” he snapped right back, he was always into giving as good as he got. “This is a business we’re running here, leave the personal shit at the door and act like a professional. This place running smooth is how the bills get paid.”

“I was talking to Rebecca…she’s moving out of town. I not only fucked up my own life, EJ, I’ve fucked up hers too,” I confessed, hoping for a little needed sympathy, which I knew wasn’t about to happen.

“She’ll survive.”

As cold and callus as that sounded, he was right.

EJ had never been an admirer of Rebecca’s. He told me on more than one occasion that he considered her to be a like a black widow spider who would find a way of weaving me into her vile web, she’d chew me up and spit me out once she got her hands on my money. I don’t know if I totally agreed with his analogy, but she was spoiled.

“Yeah, well, I need to figure some shit out, I have a ton of wedding bills that have to be paid today,” I said, turning to the main door of the building. “I
will
see you tomorrow.”

“Fucking right you will,” EJ snorted. “Get your shit together before you walk back in this building, because life goes on kid whether it’s a smooth or bumpy ride.”

Words of wisdom
brought to you by EJ, don’t-give-a-rat’s-ass, Michaels
, I rolled my eyes as I walked out the door.

The final bill was rubber stamped with paid in bold red letters. It was officially over, to the sum of eighty-five grand, that plus the fifteen thousand dollar rock Rebecca was keeping as her consolation prize, I’d say I got off pretty easy.

I still had open wounds to lick as I pulled open the heavy glass doors of
Chances
and sauntered up to the brass railed bar, sitting my ass on one of the old fashioned leather stools. I ordered a rum and coke and took the Will from my pocket. I studied the words I had highlighted in yellow on the third page, second paragraph down and chugged back most of my drink in one mouthful.

My grandfather had always been a shining example of a staunch professional and prosperous business man. I just couldn’t for the life of me understand why he had left such an outlandish stipulation regarding me of all people in his Will, unless his intention was to fuck me over, but why? If I had been a woman would he have done the same? If I
was
a woman, I would be kicking some chauvinistic ass at this very moment with a multitude of highly paid lawyers at my backing.

“Again?” Andrew, the bartender asked.

“Make it a double this time, Andy,” I said, dropping the papers onto the bar and lifting my glass to my lips. I needed this. I was planning on closing the joint and waking up in my bed tomorrow with no memory of how I got there.

“My condolences on your loss,” a voice said, from my left side.

“Excuse me?” I asked the woman sitting on the stool next to me.

I hadn’t noticed her until this moment and to tell the truth I had no interest in being very sociable. She was very pretty, she had long brown hair, green eyes and was dressed in a cream color Vera Wang two piece business suit. Without a doubt her intention was to flirt with me for a while, have me buy her a few drinks and then try to coerce me into her bed.

I’m not trying to come off as an egotistical asshole, but women coming onto me was a regular occurrence, it happened to me all the time, after all I was a very attractive man. I stood six feet two inches tall, with a fairly rugged build thanks to my football days and plenty of time spent at the gym coupled with my chocolate brown eyes that matched my hair. I’d say I was quite eye-catching.