Unraveling of Avery Snow, The (16 page)

We drove to
Merrymere and the girls ohhed and awed at how lush the landscape was here. We stopped a few times for picture ops and even climbed a few trees. Kerri was in wonder of how friendly people were and how much there was to do in the outdoors. I secretly wished she would move here, too.

We reached the park and starte
d our small hike. It wasn’t long; I didn’t want to put too much strain on Kerri. Once we reached the top Ianni didn’t care about her shoes.

“It’s like Home,” she remarked. Tears filled her eyes as she stood and watched the water flow down the river rocks. “
It’s unbelievable how peaceful this place is.”

“Well believe it! I love it here. I have become so at peace with everything,” I told her and Kerri. “I don’t worry about
my past. I don’t mourn Dallas.”

“You mean you’re over him?” Kerri asked as she sat on a rock.

“Yes, I am. At first I had a hole inside me. But I came here and things were so clear to me. We were not meant to be together. It wasn’t what my life path was.”

Ianni
looked shocked, her eyes wide. “Do you remember your life path?” I didn’t remember what I had set out for the course of my life. I just knew he wasn’t in it.

“No, but you do
, don’t you?” She nodded. I knew she would never tell me what my choices were and who I was supposed to be with. “I don’t know who I am meant to be with, but I do know that I am open to all possibilities.” I sat with Kerri and she put her arm around me.

“You know Landon left town
, right?” Ianni asked. I didn’t know he did. I wouldn’t know because we didn’t talk anymore. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head.

“Yeah, Dallas left for New York and Landon was gone when he came back,” she finished.

“Do you see Dallas a lot?” I asked. It was a silly question because she worked for him.

“Yeah, I do,” she averted
her eyes and I let it go. I didn’t want to talk about him.

“Well, the last vision I had with Landon I saw my own death. That was pretty much a turning point for me. I didn’t wa
nt to remember anymore,” I told her.

I got up and turned to walk back down th
e hill. She grabbed my shoulder. “What did you just say?”

“Ouch
, Ianni,” I mumbled as I rubbed my arm. “I said in my last vision …”

“That! You had a vision with Landon?” I nodded. I didn’t think anything about it.

“What’s the big deal?” Kerri asked Ianni, who’s face went pale.

“You’re not supposed to have visions unless you recall your past. He had his memory shaved and that would mean you wouldn’t have any with him,” she said as she paced back and forth. “Are you sure his touch would cause them?”

“Yes, I am sure. But I had a vision with him when we first met. I didn’t know my past then?”

I remembered the first time we met on the side of the road and he touch
ed my hands slightly. It brought about a vision of us in a field.

“That’s different. You were dream recalling,” she said matter of
factly. “That’s when you remember in your dreams, but he doesn’t remember, so it shouldn’t happen.”

I didn’t think it was odd that he still gave me visions. Maybe I was causing them. Whatever it was it bothered
Ianni.

“Come on
, let’s go. I am starving,” Kerri said. Ianni nodded and we walked back to the car.

The girls left the next day. Their trip was short but fun. We did as much together as we could.
Ianni didn’t bring Landon up to me again until I was saying goodbye to them.

“I want to tell you something,” she said as Kerri loaded up her bags. “I know your life path Avery
, but I can’t tell you who you’re meant to be with. Not because I won’t tell you, but because you didn’t choose a mate this time.”

I didn’t understand what she was talking about.
I didn’t choose a man to marry?

“You decided to be alone. You didn’t want to be
married. You wanted to be on your own.”

“Oh,” was all I could say. I would end up a spinster. I would
never settle down and have kids.

“It doesn’t mean you won’t have a mate. It just means that at the time you di
dn’t care to have one,” she assured me. I felt relieved. “So I don’t know if you will end up with Landon, but I know you are not meant for Dallas.” She kissed the top of my head and I didn’t want her to go. Now I knew how she felt the day I left her. She was about to take off in a car and leave me standing here without her.

“I love you
, Ianni,” I told her.

“I love you too
, girl! Be strong,” she said.

Kerri and I hugged and I told them to drive careful
ly. I was now overprotective of Kerri. I worried about the baby too much maybe. It may be the only baby I get to have in my life and I wanted it to be safe.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Rain

Over the next few days the ache for my friends dulled and I could go back to talking with them on the phone without crying. Life was falling back in place.

Astrid and I had dinner together a few times, but she met someone and was spending time with her. I didn’t feel lonely
, but I felt odd. I didn’t know what it was I was going through. It was more like I needed someone but I didn’t know who. I had a void that wasn’t filled. I chalked it up as the rainy days of fall that were starting to get me down.

I made a special trip to my favorite bakery one night to get a pie for myself. Anytime I got sad out here, this pie wou
ld make it all better. Caramel apple pie, to be exact. It was gooey, delicious, and everything I needed at the time. I got a big piece, a cup of hot coffee, and sat on my couch. I was watching a sappy love story when the rain pelted the roof. It was loud and reassuring, letting me know I wasn’t alone. I was surrounded by the grace of God. He was here with me.

I didn’t know wh
at time it was when a pounding came on the door. I sat upright and my head swirled. Once I got my bearings, I looked at the clock. Two in the morning. I listened again, hoping I was hearing things, but the pounding started again. I didn’t know who could be beating my door down at this hour. I pulled my blanket around my shoulders and approached the door with caution.

“Who is it?” I yelled
, trying my best to sound tough, but I was jelly inside.

“Landon!”
Holy heck. Landon was at my door? That couldn’t be right. I looked through the peephole, and sure enough, a soaking wet Landon stood at my doorstep. I opened the door and he smiled at me. I didn’t smile back because I was too confused.

“Hi,” he said simply, water dripping
down his face.

“It
’s two in the morning,” I said, dumbstruck.

“I know. I had to come see you. I need to talk with you.” Well how do you turn t
hat away? I didn’t; I let him in.

“Let me get you a towel,” I
slurred, still in shock. I tossed him a clean towel and he dried his blond hair. He looked terrible. He was thin and his facial hair had grown in. He looked like a grunge rocker who had stayed up late too many days in a row.

I poured the last remnants of my coffee, still hot in the carafe.

“Coffee?” He nodded and took the cup. I stood at my kitchen counter and he sat across from me.

“You look great.
Washington is treating you well, huh?”

“Yeah it is. Why are you here?” I blurted. He laughed and set his cup down.

“I needed to see you. I am sorry about showing up at this hour, but I have been looking all over for you today.” He took another sip, his hands shaking. “And finally Astrid told me your address.” I had forgotten he knew Astrid from the wedding. I knew now that they didn’t hook up because she didn’t like men. I giggled inside for some reason.

“Okay, but why didn’t you just call me?”

“Because it’s not the same telling you over the phone,” he explained as he stood up. He set his cup in the sink and came closer to me. He was so close I could feel his breath on my face. My skin tingled as I inched closer.

“I remember
, Avery,” he whispered in my ear.

“Remember what?”

“I remember you and me, and our lives together. I never forgot. Shaving my memories didn’t work.” I held onto the sink, afraid I would fall. I was severely light-headed. He recalled it all and knew this whole time. That meant that he just pretended to forget.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Or
Lillith, for that matter,” I asked angrily.

“I didn’t want to be a nuisance in your life any longer. You wanted to be with Dallas
, so I wanted you to be happy. As for Lillith, it was really difficult to ignore her, but I did.”

I backed away from him
, needing a moment to think. I took in his innocent face after he let me in on his little secret. I wanted to be mad, but I couldn’t. He was trying to do what he thought I had wanted.

“
You knew when I came to your door the day I woke up after Dedrick and Benjamin died? You knew me?” He nodded. The day I had awoken after the fight with Dedrick and Benjamin I ran to him. I was sick with worry that he had forgotten me. When I reached his door he didn’t know me. Or rather pretended not to.

“What then, you just ran around whoring yourself out?
You must have slept with over forty women. Did I not matter to you?” I didn’t know why I cared about his sex life. It shouldn’t have mattered, but it did. If he remembered me, then why all the women? Why the woman from the hotel room? Was that necessary?

“I never slept with any of them
, Avery,” he said as he came closer to me. “It would never get that far. I tried to forget you. I did. But I couldn’t meet anyone who meant anything to me.

“None of them were you. Like that girl at the hotel room. I wanted to lose myself and not think about you
lying in the next room. It was you that I wanted to kiss that night. You that I wanted to make love to. Not that girl!”

I stepped away and he came closer. He wanted to be in my space
, but I didn’t know how to feel about his confessions right now.

“You wanted me so you brought her back to the hotel?
Sorry, but that doesn’t seem very cool.”

“Yes. I closed my eyes and envisioned kissing your lips. I ran my fingers through
your
hair, and caressed
your
skin. Only, when I opened my eyes it was never you. That is why I told her to leave that night.”

I had backed into the couch and plopped down. I didn’t know what to think. I was in a state of shock.

“Don’t you see, Avery? I love you. I always have. Even if I try to forget you I can’t. I wanted you and Dallas to be happy. Hell, I even tried to give him relationship advice, but he kept messing things up.” He knelt down on his knees before me, taking my hands in his. I let him. “I couldn’t stand to see him hurt you. I had to find you and tell you how I felt. I am only asking for a fair shot. I want to make you happy. Will you give me that chance?”

“I-I-
I don’t know,” I stammered. It was too much information all at once. His eyes dropped and he looked injured. I had hurt him. He stood up and grabbed his jacket.

“I understand. If you don’t fe
el the same that’s totally okay, I just wanted to give it a go. Can’t blame me for trying,” he muttered, opening the door. “Can we still be friends?”

“Of course,” I
said. He smiled at me and ran his fingers through his wet hair. I got up off the couch and walked towards him. He looked every inch the sexy Landon I had admired from afar. The one I had to look away from when I was in Dallas’ arms. I gave him a hug and he held me tightly, seeming to not want to let go. Warmth spread through me, and it lit me up.

Adam held me in his arms after I had passed away and I watched him as he did. I was standing with my Deliverer. She was letting me say goodbye before she brought me Home. Adam cried into my lifeless body. He had struggled and fought with me when I was in the beginning stages of the disease. He was my rock when I needed him to be. It was as tough on him as it was on me. In the end I wanted to go and he didn’t want it to be over, but he let me leave because he knew it was best for me not to suffer anymore. In the end, when I decided I didn’t want any more treatments, he agreed. Not because he wanted to see me stop fighting, but simply because he didn’t want me to hurt. He would rather take all the pain of the loss of me and let me go. He stayed that way, sobbing, for what seemed like an hour. I walked over and rested my lifeless hand on his shoulder. Minutes and hours were of no concern to me now. So my Deliverer could wait. He needed my touch; he needed my hand on his shoulder.

Finally the nurse came in and she pulled him off gently. “It’s time to let her go now
, Adam,” she said to him.

He sat up and took one last look at my body.

“She left a long time ago. She is standing with me now. With her hand on my shoulder,” he told her. She gave him a puzzled look. “She is waiting to leave. It’s okay Elsie, you can go now.” He spoke to the air. A smile came across his face and I kissed his head. I walked to my Deliverer and she cradled me in her arms one last time. This time I wouldn’t fight with her to let me say goodbye to him. I knew he would be okay without me. He only wanted my happiness; his didn’t ever matter. Not in this lifetime or the last. Once I was in her arms I recalled that he was my twin soul, my Affinity. And we had been reunited in every life. Our love was one to last lifetimes. We would always be together, no matter who tried to keep us apart. Every obstacle would be torn down, for we would never part.

He let go of me as the last words of our memory sounded in my head.
For we would never part.
But I did let us part. Right then, I let him go. He left my house and walked out of my life. Maybe forever, maybe not, but I didn’t try to keep him here. I closed my door and watched him walk to his car through my peephole. I let him walk away from me.

What was I doing? I did love him. I have always loved him. Even when I loved someone else I had a love for him
, causing turmoil inside me and hurting my heart. I thought I could fight it, but I couldn’t. I still can’t. When we kissed the first time I should have never left. When we held hands that day in the river I should have never broken the bond. I should have never let him walk out of my house.

I opened the door and went running into the rainy night.

“Wait!” I yelled to him before he reached his car. “Landon, wait. I …”

He stopped and turned.
“You?”

“I love you
, too. I have in every lifetime. I always will, and I can’t fight it anymore,” I said as the rain drenched my face. My vision was blurry but I thought I saw him smile. “I came out here to forget, hell, I ran away, okay! But no matter what I got over and whatever I forgot, your face I could always see as clear as day. Everyone else faded away, but your face didn’t.”

“Because you love me?
”

“Yes, because I love you. I don’t care what Heaven thinks about us. I know we are meant to be.
Because our love can last lifetimes.”

“
You’re letting it be me?” he asked.

“Yes, I am l
etting it be you that I am with—” He didn’t let me finish. He crushed my lips with his and I wrapped my arms around him. That feeling of emptiness went away and I felt at home in his arms. Finally!

We could be together and no one could keep u
s apart. My void for him earlier was filled now as we kissed in the rain. It was cold, but we made it warm with our mouths. An explosion of warmth caressed my lips, traveling all the way down to my feet. He picked me up and carried me into the house, slamming the door behind us.

As he undressed me and brought me into the bedroom I shivered from the cold and from the loss of his body with mine. He lifted me and
gently laid me on the bed. He took off his clothes and his body was thin, but I knew why now. He was sick without me. Now that we were together he would be fine. He would shave his face and get some rest. And he would be back to normal.

He lay next to me and caressed my face. I have never felt so comfortable with anyone in my lifetimes.

“You’re so precious, Avery. You are the most important thing to me in my life,” he said as he played with my hair.

“Shut up and kiss me,” I told him.



The next m
orning I awoke next to him and smiled. I was finally with him and it felt damn good. I didn’t have to worry about hurting anyone or letting anyone down. I was free to make whatever choices I wanted to now. He rolled over and the sunlight hit his face.

“Good morning,” I said.

“Yes, it is a good morning.” He pulled me on top of him and kissed me passionately. I wondered if this feeling would ever go away between us. It wasn’t likely. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be with someone like him until now. Now I knew we were a perfect match.

His phone buzzed loudly on the floor. “
Wanna get that?” I asked.

“
Nah, let it go to voicemail. You’re more important.” But the phone kept buzzing.

He finally got it and answered. He smiled at me as he talked to the other person. Suddenly his face went pale.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. He didn’t answer

“Where is he now?” he asked the caller. “Okay
, we’ll be right there. I’m with Avery, of course.” He hung up and looked at me gravely.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“It was Ianni. Dallas has been in a motorcycle accident. He is in the ICU.” He grabbed his clothes and got dressed. “Come on, we have to go back to California before it’s too late to say goodbye.”

“Wait, it’s that bad?” I was in shock.
Only moments ago we were in each other’s arms and everything in the world was all right.