Unscripted (20 page)

He shoots me an all-knowing grin. Ryan is the kind of guy who will rat anyone out in this game. I’ve got to hand it to him. The boy wants to win.

“Well, I did happen to hear a few voices coming from a bathroom in the first room on the left,” he says, placing the book down on his chest.

I smile, whisper a quick “thanks” and drag the guys back to the first room. This time, however, I notice a strip of light peeking underneath the bedroom’s en-suite bathroom door.
Damn
.
How did I miss that?

“Do I knock?” I mouth to Devon, the cameraman. He shakes his head.

“There’s a camera in there,” he whispers in my ear. “The guy’s probably so drunk he doesn’t even remember. Let him hang himself.”

I tiptoe to the bathroom and place my ear silently against the door. At first, I can’t hear a thing, but after a few moments there is the distinct sound of a woman’s giggle. I turn to Mitch, the sound guy, to make sure he can hear everything. He touches his headphones and nods a yes. Thankfully, the couple forgot to take off their mics, which is expressly forbidden anyway, but cast members try to get away with it all the time. So now we have them on camera, and they’re still mic’d, and they have no idea that we’re catching every sordid detail that’s going on in that tiny bathroom.

After an eternity of giggles, whispers, kissing sounds and, God help me, moans, the bathroom door finally opens. Stripper Girl comes out first adjusting her bikini top, sees us and immediately starts to laugh. “Holy shit, Frank! You’re so busted.”

Frank shrugs his shoulders and plops onto a big comfy chair. “Big fucking deal.”

“Hey, I need to grab an OTF with you, Frank,” I say.

“Why not. Don’t run away, Jasmine.”

“I’ll just be over here, baby,” Stripper Jasmine says as she adjusts her bikini top.

I look over at Devon and roll my eyes. He smiles and crouches down next to Frank in order to get a good close-up.

“So, Frank, what were you doing in the bathroom?”

“Nothing.”

“Can you please include my question in your answer?”

“I was doing nothing in the bathroom.”

“Can you tell me who you were doing nothing in the bathroom with?”

“I was doing nothing in the bathroom with this lovely lady over here.” Frank points to scantily clad Jasmine who is now standing next to the window, fluffing out her hair in preparation for her big camera debut.

Devon pans over to her as she makes her way back toward Frank. She sits in his lap as he places both arms around her neck.

“What do you think Katie will say?”

“Dude, Katie’s dating all of us at the same time. Why can’t us guys have a little fun? Right, baby?”

“Yeah,” Jasmine says, cracking her gum loudly.

I smile at Frank. “That’s a good point. So, you don’t think this will affect your strategy? Actually, what
is
your strategy?”

He pauses for a second. “Well, I know Katie. And she’s a pretty jealous girl. So, I figure, if she finds out about this, it’ll drive her fucking nuts. I remember one time in the eleventh grade she heard I made out with Betsy Hanover, and she fucking bawled to me about it for hours, but then apologized for being such a bitch and begged me to take her back. This
is
my strategy!”

“Uh huh.” I nod my head. “Well, it sounds like you know Katie pretty well.”

“I know Katie better than any of the dickheads here.” He smiles smugly.

“Okay then. Do you have a message for Katie?”

Frank looks into the camera. “Once you pick me, I’m all yours. Until then, you’ll just have to share The Frank.”

“Great. Thanks.” I turn to Jasmine. “Do you have anything you want to add?”

“Nope,” she says as Frank nuzzles her neck.

“All righty. Let’s all go back downstairs. Sound good?”

No longer acknowledging my existence, the couple head out of the room, arm in arm, as Devon, Mitch and I follow closely behind.

I think I know who Katie will be getting rid of in the next elimination.

It’s 12:30 a.m. and the party is finally winding down. We were paying the girls by the hour, so they left promptly at midnight. There were no big goodbyes between Frank and Jasmine. Just a quick hug, and kiss on the cheek.

Christine and I are now sitting on the terrace steps watching the guys in the hot tub discussing the evening’s events. I’m exhausted. It’s been a long night. Plus, I still have that drive home from Malibu to West Hollywood, which will take me at least forty-five minutes. I have to keep reminding myself that I willingly signed up for this job. I believe my words to Will were, “I have no life.” Why did I do that again?

“Abby.”

I hear a curt voice echoing behind me from inside the house. Turning around, I see Lisa standing with Knit Cap. I almost forgot about the incident with her and Will earlier. Stretching out my arms and legs, I stand up, yawn and walk over to them.

“Hey, I want you and Tom to go back to the office and edit all of the footage with Frank and that girl so it’s ready for Katie to view in the morning,” Lisa says as she glances at her expensive diamond-encrusted watch.

Tom scratches his head through his ridiculous purple cap. God forbid he should ever take it off. “Sounds good to me,” he says through a mouthful of crooked teeth.

I must have a look of horror on my face because Lisa continues. “I know it’s late, but the tapes were already sent back to the office and have been digitized into the Avid so they’ll be ready to go when you guys get in.”

I begin to frown, and I mean
really
frown, like an “I want you to get hit by a bus” frown. I cannot believe that this woman wants me to go with my least favorite person back to our office in Hollywood and edit the Frank and Jasmine footage
now.
I’ve been here for thirteen and a half hours, for God’s sake.

I can’t hold it in. Up until this point, I’ve been super-polite, but now I’m pissed, I’m tired, I’m cranky and I’m hungry. “You know, Tom is a lead editor. He seriously doesn’t need me. It’s only going to be a short clip reel for Katie. No big story arcs. I’m pretty sure he’s got it covered.”

“I want a producer there with him. We can’t afford for anything to go wrong.”

“I’ll come too,” pipes up Christine, who has just sneaked up behind us. “I want more edit bay experience. Plus, the more the merrier.”

“That’s fine. The three of you guys can take the production van back down to the parking lot. It shouldn’t take you more than half an hour to get back to the office.”

I can’t let this go without a fight. “What time is Katie going to watch the footage tomorrow?”

“Around eleven in the morning.”

“Well then, maybe you can get a producer who wasn’t on tonight, along with another editor, to come into the office at around 6:00 tomorrow morning? Doesn’t that make more sense?”

Lisa places one hand on her hip. “No, it doesn’t. I don’t want anything to go wrong. What happens if the Avid crashes? Or the footage wasn’t digitized properly? There wouldn’t be enough time to edit it and get it over to us by eleven. Plus, it’s too late to call anyone now. I’m sorry, but you guys are just going to have to do it. I don’t hear anyone else complaining.” She waves her hand toward Christine and Tom. “You guys can all take tomorrow off.”

“But tomorrow is my wire-working date. It took me days to set that thing up.”

Lisa shrugs her shoulders. “It’s not a big deal. Amy can produce it. Just sleep in tomorrow. Relax. Maybe get your hair done or something.” A subtle but oh-so-malicious smile emerges from the side of her mouth.

Lisa is a bad bad woman.

Nothing beats a paper cup full of Oreos to get you through a fifteen-hour shift. At least that’s what I’m telling myself as I walk from the office’s craft service table, back to the dimly lit edit bay, clasping my second helping of cookies.

Knit Cap, Christine and I have been at the office for over an hour trying to cut the reel for Katie. Unfortunately, the Avid has crashed three times, so we’ve barely made a dent in our work. It’s odd, because during that down time, we’ve all been pretty quiet. Normally, Knit Cap would be yapping away, cracking bad jokes, flirting shamelessly and yelling out his trademark “Titty!” at every cut. But tonight, he’s acting all businesslike and professional. It’s completely bizarre. When he does speak, it’s only about the content of the footage and how we should arrange it. I’m almost tempted to ask him if he’s feeling okay.

Even Christine, who’s sitting a good three feet behind us on a black vinyl couch, hasn’t said a word. Twice I’ve had to turn around to make sure she was still awake.

“I’m just observing you guys. I’m not sleeping,” she says, putting on her oval tortoise-shell glasses.

“Okay, but you’re pretty quiet over there. Maybe you should just go home and get some sleep.”

“I really don’t have much experience in the bay, I want to stay.”

“Mmm. Okay, but no snoring.” I turn back to Knit Cap. “So since we only have the one stationary camera in the bathroom, and nothing to cut to, I think you should just take the most salacious moments, and then fade to black in between each moment.”

“Got it. Which moments do you want?” asks Knit Cap without even turning to look at me.

“The first one can be when they walk into the bathroom and lock the door. Then let’s use the one where you see them kissing by the shower. Then we’ll do the one where he picks her up and puts her on the sink and they make out for a bit. Last, I say use the shot where he takes her legs and puts them around his hips. We’ll fade to black one more time and then show them walking out.” I look straight at Tom, waiting for some kind of response. How can he resist it? This is a perfect moment for an obnoxious Knit Cap comment.

Instead, he nods his head, gives me the thumbs-up and starts to type away. Maybe it’s the fact that we’ve all been working around the clock. Or perhaps he’s just trying to act cool in front of Christine. Either way, I’m surprised, but relieved.

As Knit Cap bangs away on the keyboard, Christine leans over to me. “I can’t believe how bitchy you were to Lisa tonight. It was hilarious.”

“What do you mean?”

“Arguing with her about working tonight. I’ve never seen anyone talk to her like that.”

“Like what? I wasn’t bitchy. Maybe a little cranky, but certainly not bitchy. I was just giving her some constructive criticism about her plan, that’s all.”

“No one argues with Queen Lisa,” Knit Cap adds with a smile. “Didn’t you see how red her face was getting?”

“Mmm hmm, it was bitchy.” Christine taps her pen on her notebook.

“Come on! It was ridiculous having us come here so late. Have a better plan, Crazy,” I say, my arms flailing.

“She is gonna torture you,” Christine sings.

“What about you? ‘The more the merrier,’” I say, imitating Christine’s squeaky little voice.

“Hey, you were on your own. I was just trying to defuse the situation.”

“Traitor,” I say jokingly. “Eh, I’m off tomorrow, this will all be forgotten.”

“Doubt it.”

Yeah, me too.

“So.” Knit Cap spins around in his chair and faces us. “Who else has picked up on the sexual vibe between Lisa and Will?”

The image of Lisa pulling her hand away from Will’s face appears in my head. My stomach lurches at the thought. But why? I don’t like Will in that way. I respect him, sure. I think he’s a great guy. He’s smart, and yes, even handsome, but that’s it. He deserves better than Lisa.

“I haven’t really noticed. They don’t act like a couple,” Christine says.

“They’re together all the time. Plus, Mike the grip said he heard two people going at it in the hedge maze two nights ago.” Knit Cap smirks at Christine. “It would only make sense if it were those two. They disappear and shit all the time.”

I shift uncomfortably around in my chair. “Really?”

“Hell yeah. I see the way he checks her out. He’s totally into her. Guys know these things.”

That’s so not Will’s style. He’s refined. Professional. I could never see him ravaging a woman yards away from the rest of his crew. Plus, Lisa would never do it in a bunch of bushes. Only the Four Seasons for that Jimmy Choo stiletto-wearing shrew. I shake my head to get rid of the image.

I turn to Christine, hoping she’ll dispute this Neanderthal’s opinion, but she’s focused on scraping off her chipped nail polish. “What do you think?” I ask, trying to be casual. Inside, my stomach is churning. “You think it could have been Will and Lisa in the maze?”

Christine shoots Knit Cap a dirty look. “I doubt anyone was in that hedge maze. Everyone knows Mike’s full of shit. He probably made the whole thing up.”

Knit Cap shrugs his shoulders and turns back toward the Avid. Both of them are clearly done with the discussion and want to get back to work.

I shove an entire Oreo cookie in my mouth and resolve myself to the fact that Lisa and Will are not a couple. And even if they were, I wouldn’t care at all.

After my hell day, I sleep until noon, and awake to find Zoë in campaign mode. Her goal? A bonding dinner with Douglas. She says it’s a rare occurrence for me to be home (of course she doesn’t mention that it’s also a rare occurrence for her to be home) so we might as well take advantage of it. Zoë has a way of making me feel guilty.

“He’s really important to me, and you’re really important to me, so it’s about time you two got to know each other,” she says as I’m still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I’m too tired to put up a fight, and I have to admit, slightly curious to see the Silver Fox in action.

So here I am, eight hours later, sitting with Zoë in one of Lush’s hip outdoor canopy tables, a prime and much coveted location, according to her.

“I didn’t see this part of the restaurant before,” I say, glancing around at the décor. While the restaurant inside is classic Hollywood swank, the patio is a lush Moroccan garden. An elaborate mosaic fountain dominates the courtyard and multicolored stained-glass lanterns sit on every open surface. Rich tapestries of gold and reds surround every intricately carved wooden booth.

“Douglas wanted each section of the restaurant to have a different feel to it. He calls this area Arabian Nights,” Zoë says as she scoots into one of the booths, adjusting the colorful silk-
and-beaded pillows behind her back. “It’s where all of the A-listers sit because you can close off the tapestries to make the tables completely private.”

I nod my head. “That’s cool. So where’s Douglas?”

“Oh, he had a quick conference call, but he promised to come by right afterwards.” Zoë pours us each a glass of wine. She looks really beautiful tonight. Her auburn hair is blown out, so it has that perfect combination of straight pieces with just the right amount of waves. If I want my hair to look like that, it takes my hairdresser three hours with a roll brush, hairdryer and flat iron. I always feel so guilty afterward because he looks as though I’ve put him through the most grueling workout of his life.

Her makeup also looks fresh, and she’s wearing a black, flowy tube top, showing off her tiny shoulders and toned arms.

“So, how are things going with you two?”

She smiles brightly. “I know what you’re going to say, but I have to be honest with you. I’ve never been happier.”

“Wow.” I mull this over for a second. “Well that’s good. Is it getting serious, then?”

“It’s not getting serious, it
is
serious. We’re good together.”

“So, has he ever been married before?”

“No.” She knows where my mind is going with this one. “He says he hasn’t found the right one yet.”

He better hurry up. Time ain’t exactly on his side.

“So what do your parents think?” I ask.

“They can’t believe how worldly and successful Douglas is.” Zoë beams.

Well, I guess that’s a nice way of saying “really old” and “filthy rich.”

“And my mom
loves
Douglas. They have so much in common. Sometimes my mom will call to talk to me, and ends up talking to Douglas for like an hour instead. It’s ridiculous.” Zoë laughs. “She thinks he’s perfect for me.”

I smile and nod my head. Of course they have a ton to talk about. They’re practically the same age. Although I love Lynn, I’m sure the only thing she cares about is that Zoë lands a man with money. She wants her little girl to have the same easy life she always had.

“Look what he bought me today.” Zoë lifts up an off-white purse adorned with simple leather flowers. “It’s Prada.”

I take the purse from her hands, inspecting it on all sides. “It’s nice.”

“Nice? It cost over $2,000! Do you think Jeff ever bought me anything like this in all the time we were together?”

“How do you know how much it cost?”

“I looked it up online,” she says, lifting up one eyebrow. “Anyway, the point is, Jeff would have thought it was a waste of money. But Douglas isn’t like that. He enjoys the finer things in life.”

“Just because Jeff didn’t spend thousands of dollars on gifts for you doesn’t make him a bad person. It doesn’t mean he didn’t love you.”

“I didn’t say that. Douglas likes making me feel special, it’s important to him. We spent the whole day yesterday at a spa. You think I could ever have dragged Jeff there?”

“No,” I say quietly. Why did I even bring Jeff up? I’m not in the mood for another argument tonight.

“No, exactly. Douglas and I are just more in tune. Did I tell you he’s taking me to Paris next month?”

I snort reflexively. “I didn’t realize you guys had gotten to the point where you’re taking vacations together.”

“I know it’s moving fast, but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels as though we’ve been together for years.”

I let out a small sigh. She’s smiling. Hell, she’s even glowing. I shouldn’t ride her on this. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.”

“I am, I really really am. Okay, enough about me. I haven’t seen you in ages. Tell me how work is going. How’s the bitch?”

I wince. One of the reasons I decided to go out tonight was so I could talk about Lisa. Well, Will and Lisa to be exact.

“Eh, the same. She hates me. You remember Will?”

“The one you’re scared of?”

“That was
so
two jobs ago.” I wrinkle up my nose, feigning annoyance. “Anyway, I think I sort of caught him with Lisa last night.”

“Were they kissing?”

“No, but they looked like they could have been.”

“And?”

“It’s just that she’s an awful woman.”

“Well then, why would he even go for her?”

I shrug my shoulders and start to pick at my cuticles. “Because she’s beautiful. Super thin. Strong. Successful. Jesus, she’s probably my age and she’s my boss.”

“Who cares? You say she’s a bitch, so why would he go for a bitch?” Zoë gently pulls my hands apart to stop me from destroying my nail beds.

“When does that ever matter to guys? All they initially care about are looks. I don’t think they realize she’s a bitch until it’s too late. He probably just sees how incredibly fabulous and sexy and put together she is. And when I think she’s being bitchy, he probably thinks she’s just being tough and good at her job. Maybe he respects that. Who knows.”

“Okay, but my question is why do you care?”

I have no explanation for her so I shrug and take a sip of my wine.

“Do you like him?”

“No!”

“Are you sure? Because it looks like this is really bothering you. It’s okay if you like someone. You’re allowed to have feelings for a guy, you know.”

I shake my head and laugh a little. “I just don’t want to see him end up with
her.
” I spit out the last word as if it’s poison on my tongue. “Anyway, I’m not his type.”

“Ah hah!” she cries out. “You do like him! You’re just scared of getting hurt again. Why would you think you’re not his type? I tell you all the time how beautiful you are, and how smart you are, and funny, and sweet. Everyone says it. You just don’t see it.”

I look down at my hands. I don’t know what to say. I’m not even sure how I feel. But before I can even respond, I see Douglas walking toward our table. He has a bottle of Cristal in one hand and three champagne flutes in another.

“Hello, my darling girl.” Douglas places the champagne on the table and gives Zoë a kiss on the lips. I can’t help but stare at his graying ponytail and leathery skin. Darling
girl
is definitely the appropriate term.

“Abby, it’s so good to see you again.” He leans over the table and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “You’re even lovelier than I remember.”

I swallow hard. I’m not good with compliments, real or fake.

“See. I told you. Everyone thinks you’re adorable.” She touches Douglas’s arm. “Abby doesn’t think she’s pretty.”

Oh my God.
Are you kidding me?

“What’s this?” Douglas asks, as he waves over a waiter to open our bottle of champagne.

“Oh come on, Zoë,” I say, with a forced smile. “Drop it. We have better things to talk about. Douglas, your restaurant is just beautiful. I hear you’re treating us to a special menu, I can’t wait.”

“You know, there’s nothing more endearing than a woman who doesn’t know her own beauty,” Douglas says, winking in my direction. “Corey, what do you think?” Douglas turns his attention to the cute waiter who has just appeared at our table.

What the bloody hell? Can this man not take a hint?

Corey pops the cork, then turns his head to Douglas. “About what?”

“About this dark-haired lady on your left. Is she not a vision?”

My face feels so hot you could probably fry an egg on it. I am shrinking from the humiliation of it all.

Corey grins at me as he fills our glasses with champagne. “She’s uh, beautiful.”

Jesus, Joseph and Mary I am going to kill Zoë for this. Douglas is practically paying this dude to compliment me. “Ach, stop!” I hide my face in my hands.