Unscripted (17 page)

“So, why did it end?” I try my best to act serious, all signs of a smile now gone from my face. But I just want to give him a big hug. He looks so sad, so lost.

I wonder if he likes Mexican food.

“We eventually broke up because we were in different places in our lives. I was graduating college, she was just starting. It never could’ve worked. I didn’t want to ruin her college experience. She was pledging a sorority, she needed to date and experience life.”

I nod knowingly. “I understand completely. So can you tell me why you’ve decided to come on this show?”

“I’ve decided to come here because I want a second chance with Katie. I want to try and win her back. We’re both older, wiser. I think I could make her happy.”

I sigh. “So what do you think your strategy is going to be?”

“My strategy is simple. I have to prove my love to her. I have to prove to her that I’m not here for the same reasons everyone else is. It’s not a game for me. I have never stopped loving my sweet, darling Katie.”

I scratch my cheek and tilt my head toward my notes.
My sweet, darling Katie?
Hmm, there is a bit of the ick factor hanging on that last line. How can he love a woman he hasn’t seen in nearly ten years? Who says that? Okay, time to get a hold of myself. This guy is so damn good-looking he’s nearly hypnotized me. I turn back to Christine, but now
she’s
smiling at Ryan like a puppy dog.
Oh Jesus.
This guy is good!

The night is finally coming to a close. I only interviewed two more guys. One who has never met Katie before tonight, but is already besotted. And the other, Frank, her high school boyfriend senior year. He’s clearly going to be the resident asshole. When I asked him why he decided to come on the show he said, “I’m not going to lie. She was fucking frigid in bed when she was seventeen. I’d love to see if she’s learned any new tricks.” Now that’s the kind of guy you want to bring home to Daddy.

The guys eventually removed their masks in a pre-arranged ceremony in the gazebo. They all stood in a semi-circle facing Katie, as she took off each guy’s mask one by one. It was kind of anti-climactic because she didn’t look very surprised. I’m guessing she sussed out most of the guys’ identities by the night’s end. But it was still fun to watch.

Now I’m just ready to go home, get into my bed and sleep for the next whole day. These hours are going to be the death of me.

It’s 3:15 in the morning and I’m exhausted. My feet are pounding from the nonstop walking and I have a kink in my neck. I’m still too keyed-up from the day to sleep, so the best option is to change into my pajamas and watch bad TV until I can’t keep my eyes open. Fortunately, I have tomorrow off so I can wallow in nothingness all day long.

I take off my shoes and tiptoe down our hallway, trying my best not to wake Zoë, but her bedroom door is open. That’s strange. Zoë always sleeps with the door closed. I peek into the room only to find her bed still made.

“Zoë?” I call out to the darkened apartment. No answer. Zoë said she was just going to dinner with her friends tonight. She’s not one for the clubs anymore, so where could she be at three o’clock in the morning?

I’m fighting a little knot of fear in my stomach. She’s a grown woman, but this is very unlike Zoë. She used to always leave a message on my cell when she’d sleep over at Jeff’s. Even though I feel a little like her hysterical mother, I dial her number. After one ring, it goes straight to voice mail. At the beep, an annoying automated voice informs me that her voice mailbox is full.

I walk over to the answering machine and notice the little red light is flashing. I feel a surge of relief as I hit the button. But it’s not Zoë who’s left a message.

“Hello, Zoë, it’s Douglas. Your voice mail was full, so I thought I’d try you here. The meeting with my investors is running a little long, so if you get this in time, come by the restaurant at 8:15. If I’ve missed you, don’t worry, I’ll have a lovely Pinot Grigio waiting for you at the bar. See you soon, baby.”

I shudder slightly at the word
bab
y. Douglas? I’ve never heard Zoë mention a Douglas. I pick up the phone and check caller ID. At 7:20 there was a call from Lush. Lush? Wait, wasn’t that where I had dinner with Zoë and her friends a few months ago? Oh God. Douglas? Not the Silver Fox.

Is Zoë dating the Silver Fox?
Blehhhh.

I can’t get a clear picture of him in my mind, but I
do
remember a ponytail and orange, leathery skin. And the fact that the man is pushing sixty makes his choice of
baby
creepier, if that’s possible.

Wait, if he’s baby-ing her, this can’t be a new thing. How long has she been seeing this guy? Why didn’t she tell me?

Well, at least it’s no longer fear that’s causing the knot in my stomach.

I wake up at 11:00 a.m. and head straight to the kitchen for coffee. Still no Zoë. I can’t believe she didn’t even call. If not for that little message from her
Douglas,
I’d be comforting her parents at the police station right now.

I pour some half-and-half into my coffee, sit down at the table and flip through one of Zoë’s wedding magazines.
The White Album
is playing on my iPod speaker, but it’s not helping my mood today.

After about twenty minutes, I hear the key turn in the front door lock. Zoë walks in, wearing a rumpled black dress, her hair in a messy bun. She spots me and looks immediately regretful.

“So, you’re alive,” I say.
Passive-aggressive? Check.

“I’m so sorry, I should have called. The night just got away from me.”

Wow, she has no intention of telling me. I could play out the whole scenario, ask her how dinner was, catch her in another lie, but I’ll just skip that part.

“And how was Douglas?” I ask. Yes, still passive-aggressive. I feel like her mother must have felt when Zoë was sixteen.

Her eyes open wide.
Busted.

“How do you…?”

“He left a message for you. Lucky he did, or your parents would be combing the hospitals by now.”

“I’m sorry. I just wasn’t ready to tell you yet.”

Yet?

“How long have you been together?”

“We’ve been friends for a few months. We’ve only recently started dating.”

“A few months? Are you kidding me? You’ve kept him a secret for a few months? How old is he, anyway?

“Fifty-eight,” Zoë says.

I shake my head and exhale loudly. “Your dad is sixty-two.”

“I know how old my dad is. Why does that matter? Age has nothing to do with it.”

“Well, if not age, then what? Why have you kept this little relationship hidden?”

“Because I didn’t want to deal with
this.
” She waves her hand. “You are so judgmental.”

“Well, if you hadn’t
lied,
I’d probably be less judgmental.” A memory flashes. Jeff thought Zoë was cheating on him. “Just out of curiosity, did this friendship begin while you were still with Jeff?”

Zoë blanches. “We were only friends then.”

“Oh, Zoë.” It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask if Douglas’s money had anything to do with their friendship, but that’s a line I don’t want to cross.

“Who I choose to be friends with is none of your business. I’m not going to defend myself to you.”

“You’re right. I just wish you didn’t feel like you had to lie to me.”

She takes a seat next to me at the kitchen table. “I know. Don’t be mad. I totally botched this. I was going to tell you next week, I had it all planned. Douglas was going to treat us to a fancy dinner at Lush. Please don’t be mad.”

I look at Zoë’s plaintive expression and realize I’m not mad anymore. I know I sound like a six-year-old here, but my feelings are really hurt. Why wouldn’t she tell me? I tell her everything. How could she keep this a secret for so long?

“Okay. I just wish you had been honest.”

“I know, me too. I just wasn’t ready. No more secrets. I promise. I really like him, Abby. He’s a man, not a boy.”

A man with a lot of money.

“So, will you have dinner with us next week?”

Oh God, I so don’t want to. “Maybe. Work is going to be really crazy.”

“Well, you just let me know. We can do it spur of the moment, Douglas does have his own restaurant, you know. Five actually.”

Although I know she’s joking, Zoë’s smile is a bit self-satisfied. My stomach growls loudly, and I give a little chuckle.

“Ooh, I want to hear all about your first day. Let me get changed and then I’ll whip us up an omelet.”

Zoë tromps off to her bedroom and I pour myself another cup of coffee.
What, Douglas, the amazing restaurateur, couldn’t cook up a little breakfast this morning?

So maybe I’m still a little mad.

I park my car on a residential street and walk toward the Vista entrance of Runyon Canyon. Today is Sunday, my first day off in a week, and for some insane reason I’ve agreed to spend my few free hours hiking with Stephanie and Nancy. Not a walk. A hike. It’s been a long time since the three of us hung out, so when Nancy told me she’d adopted a dog, it sounded like an opportunity to see the girls and maybe get in a little exercise. What was I thinking?

Nancy and Stephanie are already here. While Nancy stretches, Stephanie leans against a tree drinking coffee, holding the dog’s leash. She looks slightly pissed off.

“Hi,” I say as I lean down to pet the dog. He’s a huge, furry thing, chocolate-brown with big brown eyes. “He’s adorable! Is he a he?”

“Yes. His name is Leopold. Leo for short. I just love him so much. I knew the minute I saw him, he was my dog,” Nancy gushes.

I stop petting him and he brushes my hand with his paw. Damn he’s cute, but big. “What kind of dog is he?”

“He’s some kind of a Labradoodle mix.”

“Leo,” I say as I scratch behind his ears, “I always thought Labradoodles were tiny.” I look over at Stephanie still nursing her coffee. “Well hello, Stephanie.”

“Hey.”

“You seem cranky.” I pat Leo’s head and stand.

“I’m tired. I say we skip the hike and go for breakfast.”

I’m about to second the idea when I see Nancy’s face. She looks so disappointed. Damn it. “Come on, we could all use the exercise,” I say, trying to sound enthusiastic. “We’ll be done in an hour, then we can go get pancakes.”

“Yay! You are going to love it. Just being in nature will rejuvenate you. You can’t bring that coffee, Steph.”

“Why not?” Stephanie asks.

“You can’t bring coffee on a hike. I have water for us in my pack. That’s all we’ll need. Water and fresh air. Coffee dehydrates you. Throw it out.”

She picks now to start one of her anti-coffee tirades?

“Luckily for you, I happen to be almost done.” Stephanie takes a large drink, bending her head backward and tilting the cup up to get every drop. “Ready.”

“All right. So where are we going, exactly?” I ask as we start walking.

“It’s going to be so beautiful. We’re going to take the western trail to the top. The views of the city are spectacular. Then we’ll hit Indian Rock on the way back. It will be amazing, I promise you.”

“Hmm, that sounds like a lot. You know I’m not much of a hiker,” I say doubtfully.

“You will be after today.”

“So where’s the parade of hot guys?” Stephanie asks, looking around.

“Is that why you said yes to this?” I ask.

“Pretty much.”

“I’m sure we will encounter some attractive men,” Nancy says as we begin climbing uphill, “but that is not why we are here today. We are here for this.” Nancy sweeps her hands toward the mountains. Which, to me, don’t look all that beautiful. An orange haze of smog hangs over the hilltops, making the shrubs and dwarf-sized trees around us appear brown and dead.

“Just so you know, I’m here for the hot guys,” says Stephanie.

“I’m not so sure why I’m here,” I pant. We’ve been walking for five minutes and I’m already out of breath.

“You guys,” Nancy sighs playfully. “So how’s the show, Abby?”

“It’s okay. Crazy busy. We had our first elimination last night. She kicked off two guys. And that took six hours to shoot.”

“Who went?” asks Stephanie.

“One of the new suitors. He apparently had bad breath. And an old crush.”
Crap. Didn’t I sign a confidentiality agreement?

“And how’s Will?” Nancy asks, tripping a bit to keep pace with Leo.

“Fine. I barely see him, he’s so busy.” Busy fending off advances from Lisa it would seem. “How’s work for you?”

“Amazing. I am getting the most amazing trade-outs for the show. I just love being able to help people.”

Nancy’s currently working on a home makeover show. It’s basically her job to get companies to give them stuff for free.

“How’s Zoë doing?” Nancy asks.

“Fine. Busy with work.” I don’t really feel like going into the whole Zoë situation right now. “Gym update please,” I say to Stephanie.

“Eh, it’s slow. I just want to open. But there’s permits and insurance and inspections, it’s such a pain in the ass.”

“Stephanie, you shouldn’t talk like that,” scolds Nancy.

“Like what?”

“You can’t call your new business a pain in the ass. Don’t you see that by saying that, you’re
making
it a pain in the ass? Your negativity is causing the problem.”

“I don’t buy that. I’m not being negative, I’m making an observation.” Stephanie places her hands on her hips as we start to climb the wooden steps that are embedded in the hill. “Right now, it’s a pain in the ass. Maybe next week it’ll be fantastic.”

“Words have power. People have no idea how important their words are.”

Here we go.

“God, it’s hot. Are you guys hot?” I unzip my hoodie and tie it around my waist.

“It’s gorgeous. Do you want some water?” Nancy reaches into her pack.

“Yes.” All I can manage is one word. The path seems to be getting steeper by the second.

“I don’t believe that
Secret
bullshit,” Stephanie says as she adjusts her sunglasses.

“It’s not
The Secret
, it’s the law of attraction,” Nancy says matter-of-factly as she wraps her hair in a ponytail. “I’ve been living positive long before
The Secret.
But regardless of the title, the message is still important. You are what you say. If you say, ‘I’m broke, I can’t pay my bills,’ the universe gets the message that you are broke and can’t pay the bills. So then that’s what will happen.”

“So you have to police your thoughts all the time? You can’t talk about your problems or else you’ll get more?” I ask, getting in the game.

“Complaining never accomplishes anything. Of course, you don’t stifle your feelings, but you have to think about what you
will
have, instead of what you don’t have now. Don’t live in the lack. It’s a vicious cycle.”

“But I like to complain,” says Stephanie.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m capable of a complaint-free existence,” I add, pausing between words for air.

“Well, everyone complains a little. But then you have to snap back and change your thoughts. It may not always work, who knows why the universe works the way it does, but you have to always have a positive intention. Here’s my intention—Today, I will meet a gorgeous, sweet, spiritual man.”

“Okay. Today, I will make a million dollars,” Stephanie announces.

I’d like to chime in on that million dollars thing, but I can’t speak without fear of passing out. I look over at Leo. He looks a little droopy, too. A few minutes ago he was dragging Nancy up the hill, now he’s keeping pace with her.

“Make fun, but I challenge you to a positive day. One day without negative thoughts—it will be an incredible learning experience for you both.”

“Pass. I like my negativity. Hmm, not a hot guy in sight,” Stephanie says.

“When we get to the top, there will be plenty of choices, I promise you.”

As Stephanie and Nancy bicker back and forth about the lack of hot guys, I drain the rest of my water. There’s not a trashcan around so I stick the bottle back in Nancy’s pack. Leo is now trailing about five steps behind Nancy, in line with me.

“How much longer?” I heave. The hike is so steep that my knees are practically touching my stomach.

“Yeah, this is pretty extreme,” Stephanie puffs.

“We’re almost to the top. Don’t you feel wonderful?”

“Mmm.”
Must not speak, must preserve strength.
My legs feel abnormally heavy. Every step is an effort.

As we pass a sign that reads Caution Rattlesnakes, I decide I’ve had enough. “Need a break.” I stop walking and collapse by a bush, basking in the shade.

“Would you like an energy bar?” Nancy asks.

I shake my head no, making a loud “oomph” as Leo flops down next to me. He’s panting in my ear, trying to get as much shade as possible.

“Wow, Leo needs to get in shape,” Nancy says.

I glare over at her. “Shouldn’t you say Leo
will
get in shape?”

Stephanie laughs.

“Let’s rest a few more minutes and then keep going.”

“Or we could turn around now and go to breakfast,” I say hopefully.

“Believe me, it will all be worth it when we get to the top. Come on.”

Stephanie looks at me and shakes her head. “I don’t know, Nancy, who are we going to have to carry out first? The dog or Abby?”

I look over at Leo, who is panting uncontrollably. Maybe he was better off at the shelter. I take a deep breath and stand up. “I’m coming.” I’d crawl, if it wouldn’t look so undignified.

We finally reach the top. Nancy was right on two counts: the view is pretty cool (regardless of the smog), and there are a lot of cute guys around. Unfortunately, I can’t enjoy either as I suspect I may be having a stroke.

“I’m going to see if Leo will poop,” Nancy says as she pulls out a baggie from her pack.

“I’ll be here.”

“Me too,” says Stephanie.

“I thought you wanted to mingle with the hot guys?” I ask as I stretch out my legs.

“Well, I’m not up for mingling. I smell like a gym sock. Why did we ever listen to Nancy?”

“I don’t know. I think ’cause she makes everything sound so promising. We’re suckers.”

“Yes we are. So what’s up with Zoë? Is she still on that action movie?” Stephanie asks, stretching her arms above her head.

“Yeah, for a couple more weeks.”

“Any news on the Jeff front?”

“Other than the fact that it’s completely over? No news.”

Only sadness. I called him two weeks ago to let him know I was thinking about him. It was a mistake. Emotionally, he was still in the same place as the box day. He kept asking about her, if she missed him, if I thought there was any chance she would come back…and by the end of the conversation, he was pissed all over again, accusing her of only caring about money. I guess it’s true; friendships really can’t survive a breakup. You always end up picking sides.

“Things have been weird between me and Zoë lately. We actually had a fight the other day,” I say, kicking at a chunk of dirt under my shoe.

“What about?”

“Oh God, she’s dating this older guy, and kept it a secret from me.” And she probably cheated on Jeff. But I won’t be sharing that little nugget of information.

“How much older is he?”

“He’s fifty-eight.”

“So how rich is he?”

I laugh. Leave it to Stephanie to ferret out the most important factor here. “Very rich. Very cheesy. Did I mention he’s rich?”

“Doesn’t surprise me. So how long before she stops working?”

“She’s not going to stop working. She’s worked too hard to get where she is. This is just a phase, a bad reaction to Jeff. No way she’s attracted to this guy. I give it a few more weeks.”

“We’ll see.” Stephanie pauses for a second. “So, I know this is violating your whole denial zone, but I have to ask. How are you doing with the movie?”

“It’s hard,” I say, lowering my voice. “You know, I haven’t thought about Matt in any serious way in over two years, but now I think about him all the time. And it’s not that I miss him. I envy him. It’s so fucked up.”

“It’s totally understandable. But you can’t let it get to you. So he wrote a screenplay. He’s still an asshole. And, just because he made this one movie doesn’t mean he’ll make another.”

“That’s just it. Why should I resent his success? It’s so petty. I’ve never been a jealous person, but I am now. Bitterness, not an attractive trait.”

“Take it from someone who knows bitter, you’re not bitter. This is a rough patch, it will pass. You’re doing really well at work now. Granted, you’re kind of on a road to nowhere, but for now you’re doing well…”

“Not helping,” I say. But I’m laughing.

“And the movie will be out of theaters soon, you won’t have to think about it. Well, until it comes out on DVD…”

“Nancy,” I whisper jokingly. “Come back, I need you.”

“Then there’s cable. That thing will be on twelve times a week.”

“I should get rid of HBO now.” I grab Stephanie’s sleeve. “You don’t think I’m an awful person?”

“You’re one of the least awful people I know. Hey, would you look at that.” Stephanie points to Nancy. A hot guy is chatting her up. Leo and the guy’s dog stand by, sniffing each other’s butts politely.

“Wow. Maybe today you will get a million dollars.”

“Doubtful,” Stephanie chuckles. “Maybe I should try a positive day after all.”

“Couldn’t hurt. Although, that would mean no complaining.”

“No gossiping.”

“Yikes, is that even possible?”

“I don’t know. It sounds pretty boring,” Stephanie says.

“Yeah, but you get a hot guy out of the deal.”

“Ha. Let’s try it. Pick a day next week.”

“Really? Okay. How ’bout tomorrow?”

“Okay. But don’t tell Nancy.”

“Yes, that would make her entirely too happy,” I say, laughing.

Nancy comes bounding over, her face lit up with a giant smile. “Did you see? He is gorgeous! And did you see he had a Labradoodle too? We’re meeting at Café Des Artistes tomorrow night for dinner.” She looks furtively over her shoulder, making sure he’s not overhearing our conversation.

“Oh, we saw. He is a fine specimen,” Stephanie says, tilting her sunglasses down.

“And do you remember my intention today? See, it works.”

“Yes, yes, we remember. Let’s go I’m starving,” I say. I dread the walk, but at least it’s all downhill.

“We should really head to Indian Rock. It’s just magnificent,” Nancy says as she puts on her backpack.

“Is it a longer walk?” I ask.

“Hmm, maybe by ten or twenty minutes.”

“Hell no.”

“I need food,” Stephanie adds.

“Fine, fine. Next time.”

The one thing I’m
positive
about: There will not be a next time for me.

I groggily hit the snooze on my alarm clock and stretch.
Sweet Jesus, I’m sore.
Why did I agree to that walk from hell yesterday?