Unspoken (17 page)

“What about him?” she wanted to know if I was cheating on him and I wanted her to ask me straight up; it didn’t matter if it wasn’t very lady like.

“Does he know about Jackson?” she wanted to play that game, perfect.

“He does, actually they’ve met,” I nodded, she was turning a shade of red that reminded me of raspberries.

“What does Leonard think?”

“Well, much to my annoyance, he worries a lot about Jackson,” I shrugged and Alexa came to our table with the coffees.

“Did you know about this, Alexa?” my mother asked her and Alexa turned to look at me.

“Leave her, mother,” I shook my head and gave a sip of the coffee.

“You are playing with fire, Marion,” my mother drank her coffee “Leonard is a fine man, he likes you despite your career choice,” really? Are we on insulting terms now?

“He is a fine man, mother, but he is never around,” I shook my head “besides me and Jackson are just friends, there’s nothing going on between us,” I tried to look her in the eye long enough to make her believe that even though a few hours before we had been almost dry humping in front of Greg.

“Whatever it is you and that boy have is not a friendship,” she grabbed my hand. “It never was, it never will be, darling.”

“Mom, Jackson is engaged,” I finally said. I had no idea why because deep down, very deep down in my heart I hoped he would end it and then he would come back for me and then we would be an official couple and then my mother would have to deal with us being together. Wow, there I was, making stories in my head just like the aching to be pregnant body story.

“He is?” my mother’s voice brought me back to reality where I was not pregnant and Jackson was still engaged.

“He is, mother, we are friends and Leonard is my boyfriend ok?”

“Ok,” she finally said but even I didn’t believe what she said “anyway, what I really wanted to tell you,” Oh My God did she really have more to say?

“We are having Thanksgiving at our place, I would love for you and Leonard to come,” she smiled as if nothing that we just talked about had happened.

“I’m pretty sure that, in case Leonard is home, he’ll have dinner with his family, mother,” I said taking her empty cup and mine and taking it to Alexa at the counter.

“His family will be there too,” she grinned this time.

“You invited them?” I asked confused, we never had guests for Thanksgiving. Only that year that Alexa found out she was pregnant and her mother disowned her for like 3 weeks.

“I did,” my mother stood up and walked towards the door.

“Unbelievable, mother,” I crossed my arms and watched her from the counter, “you are doing everything in your power to get me and Leonard married,” I shook my head in disapproval.

“Can you blame me, Marion?” she looked insulted “your choice of men has been terrible in the past. For once you are with a man that has all the qualities of a good husband,”

“Maybe I don’t want to get married, mom,” I did. I wanted to get married one day, I just wanted to piss my mother off and I just didn’t see myself married to Leonard. Not yet.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Marion, of course you want to get married,” she waved goodbye and just like that left.

“Can you believe her?” I asked to Alexa that was looking at me still scared.

“No,” she said while giving a coffee and muffin to go to a lady “she’s seen Jackson, though and that is scary, Marion, you know she’s going to be here a lot!” she cringed.

“maybe she won’t,” I shrugged and went to the kitchen to make some cookies just to relieve the tension of talking to my mother. She would probably be around a lot, she didn’t want me and Jackson together and from what she said she had always known the nature of our relationship. She knew how heartbroken I was when he left and she always knew how my life light up with fireworks when he was with me. She was not a stupid woman.

Life was perfect. I was enjoying the summer with Jackson and my new life. Nothing had changed much because I was still working at the bakery and doing a bit of my own work on the outside, mostly with people I knew from school or teachers but I had to start somewhere.

“Are you working today?” Jackson asked me. We were in the pool house in bed, of course; I had spent the night with him and it had been amazing. At first I was a bit scared of staying because I knew Sara was around, it was summer after all, but then Jackson calmed me after he said he warned her mother to stay away from the pool house. I wanted to believe him but with Sara one could never be sure of anything.

“No,” I shook my head. Jackson snaked his arms around my waist and placed his head on my shoulder.

“Good. What do you want to do today? Beach?” he looked up and I smiled,
Really? Beach?

“Sorry,” he laughed.

“Do you hate that about me?” I asked while running my fingers through the mess of dark curls.

“What?” he frowned.

“That I can’t be exposed to the sun,” I smiled,
without turning into a carrot.

“No, I love it,” he climbed up on the bed and kissed my lips, “your sensitive skin becomes this,” he grabbed a tendril of hair in his fingers “this hair…” he smelled it “strawberry,” he smiled,
it drives me crazy.

“So you are ok with not going to the beach as long as my hair is around?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Your hair,” he kissed it “your mouth,” he kissed it “your body,” he kissed that as well.

Yes, my life was perfect, the one and only thing I was starting to dread was the fact that at the end of the summer two things would happen: Alexa was leaving for college in California and Jackson was starting his last year of college. A lot of uncertainty was starting to creep up on me and I tried to shove it away with great moments that didn’t allow me to think much. Like the get together at someone’s house, some friend of Connor’s I guess, where I was with Alexa not drinking because she was doing enough of it for both of us.

“I’m going to miss you,” said Alexa hugging me. I knew I had to prevent her from drinking but I was there to take care of her, her brother was somewhere in here not drinking either, that meant he wanted to impress some girl, and she was leaving home in a couple of weeks. I wanted her to have fun.

“I’ll miss you too but you’re going to have so much fun, Alexa,” I grabbed her free hand, “don’t feel bad for me, I am having fun too,” I winked.

“Talking about fun!” said Alexa jumping up and down. Seriously, that should be her last beer. I turned around and saw Jackson walking in the house with Ray. It made sense, it was summer, we all liked Ray, especially Alexa.

Jackson kissed me and rested his head on my forehead. He smiled,
I’m here.

“You are,” I said passing my arms around his waist.

“They really do that all the time,” said Ray to Alexa that was already looking at him as if he was some kind of chocolate brownie.

“They do,” she went closer to him “want to go for a beer?” she asked him.

“For him!” I managed to stop kissing Jackson “you’ve had enough,”

“Are you worried,” Jackson asked kissing my cheek getting dangerously close to my ear.

“No, why would I be worried?” I said closing my eyes.

“You
feel
worried,” he stopped kissing me and looked at me raising an eyebrow.

“I’m scared,” I finally said.

“About the future, us, Alexa, everything,” I looked down at my shoes that seemed quite interesting.

“Everything will be all right,” he hugged me and played with my hair just the way he loved it. I missed that whenever he wasn’t around. “you are mine, Marion, nothing is going to change that,” I knew that because even if he didn’t want to I was already his. I had given myself a long time ago and I couldn’t undo that. I took comfort knowing that but I didn’t know if he was mine. I wanted to believe he was because he came back to me every time but Sara Bardwell was a constant presence that reminded me how fragile our relationship was.

December was going by so quickly and the busiest time of year was upon
Bake it off!
We had a lot of requests for fruit cake and themed cupcakes so I spent most of my time working. Alexa wanted to work extra hours because she wanted to have the best gifts for Mika, although I told her I would gladly help her with that, and the poor little Jessie was beginning to regret ever applying for this job.

“Greg!” I practically yelled “could you pass me more fondant?” I was fucking tired of fondant. I had been handling that shit every day, all day, for the last couple of weeks.

“Jessie,” I turned to look at the poor child. She seemed scared of whatever I was going to give her. “I need you to color the fondant, please,” I said giving her the fondant that Greg had passed me.

“You don’t use the colored one,” she asked and I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that she was a girl that didn’t know much about gourmet bakery or baking at all.

“No, we don’t,” I smiled at her, “everything we do in here is done from scratch.”

“Ok, sure,” she nodded and went to the table where the fondant was. I loved that about her: her attitude. She was always up to anything even if that meant dealing with horrible clients in the busiest time of year.

“Greg, help the girl,” I said and saw Jessie widened eyes, “he is harmless, believe me,” I smiled and went out front.

“If I see one more fruit cake in the next 10 minutes I will lose my shit,” I said to Jackson as I sat in front of him. Ever since Thanksgiving we’ve been back to normal but with a strange sense of doom lurking over us. Maybe I was just too tired.

“I love your fruit cake,” he said and then laughed out loud and smiled at me,
that sounded wrong.

“It did,” I undid the bun and massaged my scalp.

“Headache,” he asked without looking up from the computer.

“Yes,” I got up and went behind the counter to get a couple of pills and a juice. “I hate the holidays,” I said as I swallowed the pills and chased them down with the juice.

“You used to love them,” still not looking up from the computer.

“Yeah, I didn’t own a bakery that was famous for its fruit cake,” I shrugged.

“About the holidays,” he finally closed his computer and looked up to me.

“Yes?” I asked confused. So serious about Christmas.

“I’m going home for them,” I nodded I assumed he would “I’m not coming back after New Year’s” oh! He was leaving for two whole weeks. It wasn’t much, I’d lived without him for more than that in the past but going home to his fiancé for two whole weeks meant that he might not come back and he knew it, or he wouldn’t have waited for a specific moment to tell me about it.

“Mar?” he asked and I just stared at him.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Jackson,” I got up. I needed to bake something.

“C’mon, Marion,” I heard him behind me as I walked towards the kitchen.

“What do you want, Jackson?” I finally said looking at him “I really don’t want to talk about it because you are going to do whatever you want to do,”

“No, I will do what’s best for us,” Oh Hell No!

“Is there a us?” I was moving my hands a lot the way I always do when I am upset “is there, Jackson?”

“There has always been,” he came closer and I put my hands on his chest and pushed him.

“No, no,” I shook my head “I’m too tired to do this,” I almost let a tear out

“We need to talk, though,” He said hugging me and I let him this time.

“We do but not today,” I had my forehead against his chest and I could feel his heart beat. I loved it and hated it, it reminded me of what was supposed to be mine.

“Not today,” I felt his voice on his chest. He kissed the top of my head and then left.

I looked up and found Greg and Jessie in there.

“Really, Greg, you need to make a sound or something,” I said getting ready to make chocolate chip cookies.

“Marion,” I heard Connor’s voice and looked for him “here,” he finally said running towards me

“Hey,” I gave him a hug.

“Stocking for the party?” he said looking at the vodka bottles I had in the cart.

“Yeah,” I nodded

“Me too,” I looked into his cart and he had red cups and chips and some wine coolers. Every year the day before Christmas eve we had a huge party; for the past 3 years it had been at the bakery.

“So, how are you doing?” he asked me as we both walked to the jello section. I was in charge of the jelly shots.

“I’m fine,” I said looking at the boxes in front of me.

“You know I’m talking about Jackson,” yeah I knew I just didn’t want to talk about it.

“I don’t know, Con,” I still seemed very interested in the vanilla flavored jello box in front of me.

“He’s going home and you are scared that he won’t come back,” he put his hand on my shoulder and I turned around.

“Yes,” I shrugged “I am. Did he send you?” I raised an eyebrow.

“No, he didn’t,” he said with a very guilty looking face, “ maybe he did, a little, but Marion, you are more my friend than he is and I want you to know that you have nothing to worry about ok?” I want to say ok but I couldn’t. I couldn’t say ok and made myself believe that it was going to be all right, I had to open up to the possibility of not seeing Jackson ever again after the party.