Unstable (41 page)

He steps carefully and takes a seat at my side. “I don’t know which I should be more concerned about. The fact that you think this is safe and don’t listen to a damn thing I say, or the fact you came out here. Tells me you’re not okay, baby. What can I do?”

“You already did it, didn’t you?” I gulp. “Got him buried? Told the Kings?”

“Yes to both.” He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me against him, laying a soft kiss on my temple. “But you need something more or you wouldn’t be out here. Tell me what it is and I’ll give it to you.”

I lay my head on his shoulder and sigh. “There’s nothing else you can do. Holding me is all I need. I just came out here because, never mind, it’s silly.”

“You know I won’t think so. Nothing you’re thinking or feeling is silly and I want to help. Please say it.”

“You laugh, I slap.”

“Got it,” he says without laughing at the warning.

“I feel like, up here, I’m closer to Heaven. I need to feel close to Heaven right now, so I can feel close to all of them.”

“Not silly at all, my precious girl.”

“I didn’t handle Hadley’s death well, to say the least. I wasn’t even here for my mother’s, death
or
life. And now Bourbon. I know he’s just a dog, but not to me. He was a companion, a huge part of the life I left, still waiting, just the same, when I came back to it. And I want to get this one right. I want to handle at least one death like a normal, caring person who doesn’t flip out or run away from it.”

I tilt my head up and look at him, finding warm eyes watching me with patience and love. “Does any of that make sense?”

“It absolutely does, baby. And while I’m not thrilled with the roof thing, if that’s what you need, we’ll sit here all night. And you are you know, handling this very well. You’ve grown, changed in certain ways, and I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

“Thanks,” I mutter, too sad to acknowledge that I might feel a bit of pride myself. “We can go in.”

“You sure? I’m out here with ya now, take all the time you need. Henny, baby, look,” he says excitedly and points to the sky.

I stare in wonder at the serendipitous shooting star and briefly close my eyes to make my wish, then open them to watch it disappear, burn out, into the vast darkness.

“Yeah,” I say with a new found solace, “I’m ready. Let’s go in.”

He stands first and gives me his hand, cautiously moving me to walk in front of him, his hands finding a sure grip on my hips. “I’m not sure if I put this on the list and you just forgot,” his voice has a teasing lilt, “or if I was the one who forgot. But just to be sure, let me say, you need to ask me to join you
before
you traipse out here in the future. Serious, baby, put it on the list.”

“Won’t matter.” I climb back through the window then step out of the way for him to do the same. “Not gonna be living here much longer and I have no immediate plans to camp out on the roof that will belong to the Kings. Might be rude. And a little creepy.”

Inside now, he moves in closer, eliminating any room between our bodies. “That’s right, didn’t think about that. But now that I have, add
this
to your list for damn sure. At the top, in all capitals. The roof of our new home is
much
higher off the ground than here, and if you even
think
about going out on it, I will tan that ass ‘til you can’t sit down. I’m not kidding, Henley Gene. Do. Not. Do. It.” His eyes are a stormy, dark blue, holding mine captive. “Promise me, right now.”

“I promise. Feet on the ground, got it. Your roof is high as hell, it’s not like I’m a daredevil. Sheesh.” I turn to head downstairs and for some reason, even though I clearly agreed with him, I still get a swift swat on the ass.

There’s just no pleasing him.

THE NEXT MORNING WHEN
I wake up, Keaton’s spot is cold, but there’s a note on the pillow.

‘Had some errands to run, didn’t want to wake you. Be back soon. Love you, K’

I climb out of bed and head toward the kitchen…and stop, a piercing ache swelling up in my chest.

Bourbon doesn’t need his pill this morning. Or ever again.

Tears swell in my eyes and I walk quickly back in the direction from which I came, away from my painful oversight. I keep my shower brief and get dressed even faster, then hurry to the Gator.

And within minutes, find myself at a scene becoming way too familiar.

Me and a fresh mound of dirt.

Beneath it, a shell that once held a precious soul I loved. Gone.

“Hey boy,” it comes out croaky, “just wanted to check out the job Keaton did. Looks like he got it done right. You know, Bourbon,” I sit down, “I was wondering why I haven’t been back to their graves, but found it easy to come out here. I thought it was because with them, I still feel guilty, not taking care of one, leaving the other. But I left you too, didn’t I? And when I came back, you acted like nothing ever happened, loved me unconditionally from the moment I showed back up.”

I drop my head in my hands and force myself to say aloud, admit, the truth. “She would’ve done the same. My mom’s love was just like yours, absolute, no matter what. God, I was such a fool.”

I’m still just sitting there, out of words, filled with thoughts, when Keaton pulls up in his truck.

“Thought I’d find you here. You alright?” He saunters over, his tone vacant—as if he’s gauging
my
mood before he picks his own.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just about to check on the horses, actually.” I stand, brushing the dirt off my pants.

“Already taken care of, cows too.” He smiles.

“Those were your
errands
?” I ask with narrowed eyes. Very odd choice of words he’d used for
chores
.

“No,” he looks at the ground, then realizes his mistake and quickly recovers, gazing at me…but not fast enough.

“What aren’t you telling me, Cash?” I cock my head, an upward lift to one brow.

“We can talk about it later. You take your time here, I just wanted to check on ya.”

“Already told you, I was about to leave. And chores are done, thank you by the way, so my schedule is
wide
open to discuss whatever secrets ya got eatin’ ya alive.” I step up to him, running my hand down his arm. “Spill it.”

“I…um,” he rubs the back of his neck, “got that appointment made for ya, with a female doctor outside of town. For…you know…” he stammers, unconsciously revealing an unsurety I didn’t even know he was capable of—telling me, again, that he’s not telling me everything.

Turnabout is fair play though, and fun, so I full-out press him.

“You made a doctor’s appointment for me?
And they let you
?”

“Yep. Said I was your husband, knew all your info, piece of cake,” his voice gains confidence, but his eyes turn a guilty shade of indigo and won’t directly meet mine.

“And you
drove
all the way there to make an appointment? Couldn’t you just call?”

“Uh…yeah…no, I called.”

Caught in another one of my effortless traps.

“Okay,” I drawl out the word, circling him, trailing a fingertip over his body as I do so. Kinda like a spider, twirling a web around him before I lay in with the fatal bite. “So that was a simple phone call, that I should’ve been the one to make, but I’m gonna let it slide. Because I’m more interested in the
errands
that required you leaving, driving somewhere. The secrets you’re not telling me that have you fidgeting like a junkie needing a fix.”

“Woman,” oh, he goes straight on the defensive, “there’s a big difference between secrets and surprises. Will you just let me give you some?”

“Are they good surprises?”

“No.” He now looks at me, to give me a condescending, smart ass expression. “They’re terrible, ‘cause you know how I just love springing bad shit on you. Really, Henny? Of course they’re good.”

“Point taken.” I nod curtly and stop circling to stand directly in front of him. “Okay, yes. I’ll be patient and wait for these good surprises of yours. You can breathe now,” I snicker.

He does, a deep one, exhaling slowly through his nose. “Good Lord, I’m gonna have to rent a freaking storage locker in another state to hide your Christmas presents, aren’t I?”

“Maybe.” I hitch a shoulder. “I don’t like surprises, they’re never good. But who knows, you might change my mind. We’ll see.”

“We sure will.” He grabs my waist and tugs me to him. “My money’s on me. I know my girl, you’ll like them.”

He kisses me, a soft sweep of his lips over mine, then asks, “You ready to head to the house for some lunch? One of the top secret stops I made was…” he pauses dramatically, “the grocery store. Just a few things to get us by until we make the final move.”

“Very covert.” I waggle my eyebrows. “Yeah,” now my voice and spirit both lose their gusto, “just, give me a sec.”

I turn back and stand over Bourbon’s grave once more. “I forgot to tell ya, buddy, I’m gonna be moving, but not far. I’ll be right next door, and I’ll come see you. I promise.”

I feel Keaton move in behind me, saying nothing, simply offering silent support.

“I just wish…”

Keaton finishes my whisper. “That Gatlin could’ve said goodbye? Or, you could’ve talked to him about it?”

I spin in his arms, my brows dipped in confusion. “I was gonna say ‘I wish I would’ve been here with him when he died.’ Why would you bring up Gatlin out of nowhere?”

His expression is implacable, one I’ve never seen and can’t read. But his tone is very clearly imploring. “I know you used to find comfort in talking to him, about everything. I just wondered if you wish you had him now, for support.”

I give it serious consideration before I lock eyes with him and take great care to speak with the certainty I want to make sure he hears. “No, it never even crossed my mind. When you need someone to talk to or their support, you go to your best friend. The person who will not only know you well enough to understand and empathize with what you’re feeling, but will selflessly do everything they can to make it better. As best they can, anyway.”

I reach up and cup both his cheeks. “That’s you, Keaton. I don’t need anyone else.
You
are my best friend and the one I want to share everything with, good or bad. Forever.”

“God, but I love you.” His smile is positively dazzling, the sheer happiness behind it soothing my soul. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that.”

“Why don’t you take me home, feed me lunch, and show me?” I lower my lids and slowly lick my lips.

Without warning, I’m hoisted over his shoulder, being carried toward his truck. “Changing up the order, baby,” the gruff sexuality in his voice sends a ripple of desire though me. “Showin’ ya first, maybe twice, then I’ll feed ya.”

Yeah, I’m okay with his plan. Wasn’t that hungry anyway.

KEATON

I KNEW THE DAY
that my Henny told me Gatlin was leaving signified a phenomenal step in the right direction for our relationship. One that honestly, I never really believed, or
let
myself believe would ever really happen…for fear of devastation when and if I found out I was wrong.