Until (19 page)

Drew saw those in the conference room smile as Estella walked in, and then they lost that expression as he entered behind her. A what-the-hell-is-he-doing-here look permeated the faces. Drew tilted his head with a smile to the family members he knew and sat close to the door behind the large oak table awaiting the attorney.

The lawyer's paralegal walked into the room, did a silent head count, disappeared back into his office, and then the portly attorney walked out. His hair was salt and pepper and his complexion appeared yellowed. He placed the files at the head of the table, then said, “I am so glad you all could make it here today. First and foremost, as you know, Felicia Neal was not a wealthy person. I should say she was not a wealthy person in material possessions, but she was wealthy in her kindness toward others.”

And then he sat gingerly and said, “Let me first introduce myself. My name is Sid Rothstein. I met Felicia at our doctor's office about two months before she passed. And yes, I have cancer as well. Although she was at an advanced stage, I always noticed her trying to keep up the spirits of the other patients. One day we sat down and I shared a sandwich with her and told her what I did for a living. She told me she wanted to put together a will, and I told her I would do it under one condition. That she allow me to do it pro bono. We met several times, and the last time we got together, I visited her at the hospital a week before she left us.” The rotund counselor closed his eyes briefly to conceal his pain as his assistant whispered something in his ear and took a piece of paper from him after a pat on the back for consolation.

“I will add,” she said, “typically we do not wait this long to disburse the assets from a will, but that was Ms. Neal's decision. As I call off your name, please raise your hand and I will give you the package Ms. Neal has left you. After you have signed this document of receipt, you are free to go.” Drew silently held his breath as the assistant said, “Mr. Andrew Patrick Staley?”

“Here,” he said, embarrassed to be the first name called. Drew walked toward the front, intent on not making eye contact with anyone else in the room, signed the form, and was given a medium-sized box and a parchment envelope. While he considered it rude to just leave, under the circumstances he felt it best to do so.

As he sat in his car, Drew relaxed his tension-filled body in an attempt to slow the beating of his heart. He closed his eyes as he placed the articles he had received on the passenger seat and started to breathe deeply to gather his composure. He did not know if he was jittery due to the drama of the eyes upon him on the fourth floor, the items in the seat next to him, or the last page of the love story between him and Felicia being finally revealed. But as his pulse slowed, Drew opened his eyes and picked up the box. As he shook it like a Christmas gift, he could identify its contents. Felicia, who was a music buff, had left him a CD.

Backing his car out of the parking spot, Drew thought of Felicia's voice. How she would purr the lyrics to “I love you, I honestly love you,” in his ear as they made love. After shifting the car into first gear, Drew managed to open the box and dump its contents on the seat. As the CD fell free, he shook the box to see if there was a note inside, but there wasn't one. Glancing over, he noticed which CD she had left him, and no note was necessary. She had bequeathed to her love her favorite CD. It was her favorite for a number of reason besides the fact that it was the first album her mother had allowed her to listen to as a child. It was the first album she'd learned all the words to by heart. He was the first singer whose
Right On
poster had made it on her wall. And it was the first album that made her not want to have green eyes like her friend Heather, because of the song “Ebony Eyes.” The CD she'd left Drew filled him with emotion as he smelled it in the slight hope her scent would have remained. Its title was so appropriate for the moment,
Songs in the Key of Life.

It was a beautiful day in North Central Florida with just a slight breeze in the air, but Drew was in pain as he drove his car down the highway. He had no idea where he was going, but he knew he could not go back to the firm, nor could he face the memories within the four walls of his home at this time. Driving made him feel closer to Felicia, as if she could see him through the clouds, as if he could touch her one last time. And then he cued up the CD and fast-forwarded to her favorite song. He, too, had always liked the song “As,” because it spoke of a love that had no limitations. A love that would last for always. As the song played, Drew sang while his fingers rubbed the envelope she had left him. Her last words to him were inside, and he did not wish to read them on the road, so he turned and headed for their favorite restaurant. The Sovereign.

As he drove to the only spot they had affectionately called their own, he started to tremble as Stevie sang of physically dying, yet leaving a love that would last eternally. Drew shook his head slowly, inhaled to gain his composure, and missed Felicia just a little more.

“Mr. Staley, how are you! Long time no see. How have you been?”

Drew greeted the maître d' at the door with a gracious smile. He had not been in the restaurant for several months, and as he palmed the gentleman's hand with a bill, he was led to his favorite table.

As he sat at the table and spread the linen in his lap, he looked around the restaurant for familiar faces but did not see any. And then he looked at the pond outside the window. Even in the light of day, he could see the red flood lamp at its center, which brought back fond memories. He could see the flamingos nesting at the edge of the rippling waves. In the distance there was a couple having a picnic on the plush lawn. And then from behind him he heard a high-pitched sneeze. “Bless you,” he said, and looked around. It was her. The attorney from the firm upstairs, Murphy, Renfro and Collins.

“Thank you,” she said with a smile. Even with her fingers in a tepee gesture rubbing her nose, she looked stunning to Drew. She was sitting with an older lady with red hair, and it appeared to be a working lunch. Drew turned back around to stare once again at the lake. A part of him wanted to tell the young lady he had seen her previously upstairs in Murphy, Renfro and Collins, but he could not as he turned his attention back to Felicia. Then he took the parchment letter from his coat pocket and gently laid it on the cream cloth covering the table. In his heart he tried to guess the contents as a couple at another table laughed aloud, but he could not.
What words could she put together to tell me goodbye?
he wondered.
To describe what the relationship had meant to her?

Then as he looked over the flicker of the candle flame, it was as if he saw her walking his way. She appeared as graceful as ever and sat at their table in the same chair she had sat in so many times before. Drew's lips curled into a smile as she gazed at him with an it's-going-to-be-all-right look. There were so many words Drew wanted to say to her but could not, so he just enjoyed her presence one last time. The young couple across from him laughed out loud and then said, “Sorry” to the others in the restaurant as Drew
smiled at them and then back at the love he had lost. She was wearing a white halter top, which he had bought for her in Cancún, and the antique pearls she loved to wear. Her color had returned and her auburn hair danced over her eyebrows. And in her eyes was a look Drew had not seen since their first visit to the oncologist. In her hazel eyes there was a childlike glint, an excitement, that had always made him weak before. Drew leaned back in the padded chair and was diverted by the waitress taking his drink order. When his eyes returned to her chair, just as on the day she'd left this earth, he was once again alone.

Drew's ring finger slowly traced a valentine over the envelope in front of him.
So this is how it ends,
he thought, wanting to open it so badly, but scared to death to do so because when he read these last words he knew that would be the last note of their song. The couple blurted out yet another laugh and the young lady looked at the other patrons with her palm extended apologetically as Drew smiled at her and then felt the object inside the envelope. As he pressed more firmly, he could tell it was a key. When the waitress returned with his mineral water and asked if he would like to order lunch, Drew told her he wasn't ready yet. Instead he opened the envelope.

Dearest Andrew:

I'm certain you never knew I did this and I had no idea that I would do it until I had this dream and the next day I met the attorney who gave you this package. In case you're wondering, I'm returning the key to your heart.
For some reason it never worked for me.

Drew, this is the toughest thing I have ever done in my life, but I could not leave this world without you knowing exactly how I felt. I lived a lie for so much of my life, I sometimes forgot what the truth was or how it felt.

Remember when I used to ride around looking for a house with your mother? Remember how you told me about the affair she had with the neighbor next door and how it made you feel? Well, on my rides with her we spent a lot of time talking about our feelings, and the
more I got to know her, the more she would open up. She had tremendous feelings for your father. She adored him in so many ways. But she did not love him, as you well know. She lived a lie his entire life, and while she never said it, I think a part of her regretted never being honest with him. I must say, Drew, that I had feelings for you too. But I have never truly loved you. Not the way I wanted to love you. Not the way I pretended to love you.
Not the way you deserved to be loved.

Why am I doing this? I could never tell you this face-to-face. I found the ring you bought me and I am so happy you never put me in a position to say no. There was one night I just knew you were going to ask me, and when you returned with it on your pinky, I did everything I could to push you away. Maybe I should have just told you then.
As I dictate this to the nurse, I am thinking I should have had the guts to tell you all of this in person.
In not doing so I guess I have failed you once again.

In a few minutes you will be coming up to visit me, so I should wrap this up now.

Drew, I must leave this world with a clear conscience. What we had was special. But I lived a lie. I can't allow myself to die with one.

Whatever it is you search for, my love, I hope you find it.

Until . . .

   
Felicia

After he finished reading the letter, Drew was bewildered. It appeared as though a veil had been dropped over his eyes as everything momentarily went black and he felt dizzy. He read it once again looking for a hidden meaning, but it only intensified the pain. His mouth was dry, although he did not think to drink from the water glass. All he wanted was air and to get out of the restaurant. Standing up wobbly-kneed, he took a bill from his wallet without looking at the denomination and left it on the table as the young attorney from upstairs asked with concern in her voice, “Excuse me, are you all right?” Drew looked at her and wanted to at
least nod his head yes, but did not have the energy as he walked past his waitress and the maître d' out the door.

Once outside, he leaned on someone's car, feeling nauseated. His nostrils flared with emotion. He put his hands on his waist and walked toward his car in the distance as a patron of the restaurant looked at him and said something to her companion.

As Drew sat on the hot tan leather, he left the door of the car open.
How could she do this? She had a chance to leave me her last words, and this is what she did?

Drew looked on the seat beside him and saw the orange and brown
Songs in the Key of Life
CD.
This can't be happening,
he thought.
This cannot be happening.
And then Drew turned on the ignition, ejected the CD from the stereo, popped it in the CD case, and placed it on the ground. As he put his car in reverse, he heard the plastic shatter and he drove away.

Betty could close
her eyes and see the pieces of the puzzle coming together in the case. Renfro had announced in their last meeting that another offer had been tendered for twenty-five million, but the partners felt they should hold out for a minium of fifty. He'd also indicated that he doubted the case would see the light of day in the courtroom. While he did not need to say the words, she knew part of the reason they expected the offer to double was because of the notes she'd followed up on in the file which had led her to the numerous cases that had been settled previously. Yet the hospital had taken no corrective measures to assure the acts would not occur again.

Betty opened her desk drawer for a pen and then removed her glasses as she noticed the three keys given to her by Evander. She had left them by mistake in the office, and as she picked them up they brought back fond memories. They took her to a time when she'd felt special. When she'd felt as if she was the only thing that mattered in his life. When he'd returned from Orlando and brought her lunch. The special date they had spoken of ended up being egg foo yung with plastic silverware on a beach towel on the floor of her office. He'd told Betty that since he had missed so much time from work and Mr. Ferguson was taking his family on vacation, he had to work a couple of double shifts.
Since she was putting in extra hours, Betty did not feel she was in a position to ask for more time, yet she missed his touch.

Then one night he made an impromtu visit around midnight, and after they had sex he immediately left, which was very uncommon for him. During the act, not once did he say
I love you,
not once did he look her in the eye. Hearing the front door open, she turned the large knob with the
H
on it in her shower as far right as it could go. Stepping inside the stall, Betty heard his truck's engine fade into the night, taking him with it. Leaning against the cold onyx tile, she heaved gasps of the dank air deep into her lungs. So many emotions begged to flow, yet she would not allow them. She was determined to be strong. But as hot steam covered the bathroom like a London fog, a tear fell. Betty slid down the tile, and as she sat on the floor with the water pelting her body, her forehead resting on her knees, she felt for the first time completely out of control. She had encountered her biggest fear. She loved this man. There was no denying it. But if he loved her, how could he do what he had just done? How could he take her body so savagely? How could he not say the words he had spoken to her before? How could he make her feel as if a part of her had been raped? Not physically, but a part of her that hurt so much more. This man whom she'd begged herself not to love had conquered her heart, and she was defenseless against anything he wanted to do to her.

A tap on the door pulled Betty from her trance.

“Wake up! I caught you daydreaming,” Carol said as she stood in the doorway. “Hon, have I got the lowdown for you!” Betty smiled as Carol closed her door, beaming with fresh gossip. “But first you gotta swear this goes no farther than this room!” Before Betty could utter a word, Carol said, “I was just downstairs with Patsy. You know, Burt Collins's secretary? She told me that she couldn't stand working for the man and then she just started rattling off things about him. About how he treats his wife and all, which to me was irrelevant. So then I asked her what he thought about you. And guess what she said. She said she overheard Collins and Murphy discussing this case months ago when you
were working on Lopez, and they picked you because they wanted you to deliver the summation. The strategy they're going to use is to allow Renfro or one of the other attorneys to go in there and fight with the opposition and then allow you to smile and be the good guy in the summation to the jury. So in answer to your question, darling, you got this case on your merit. It had nothing to do with color or anything else. They could have picked several of the other female attorneys here, but they chose you because you are the best and they know it!”

Betty smiled softly as thoughts of Evander churned in her mind and then said, “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

As the phone rang Carol said, “I thought you would,” and then exited the office to her desk. Over the speakerphone, she said, “Betty? Line two-oh-three.”

Betty lunged for the phone.
Be Evander, be Evander, be Evander.
“Hello, this is Ms. Robinson.”

“Hey, girl. That Negro called yet?”

“No,” Betty said to Jacqui, “but actually I haven't thought about him all day.”

“Whatever.”

“Seriously. Girl, I have been too involved with this case to deal with him and his games.”

“Uh-huh, like I said before. Whatever. I know you, Betty. You can't pull that on me,” she said as she bit into what sounded like a piece of fruit. “So is he still in town?”

“Yes,” Betty replied quietly as she walked over to close her office door. She then sat on her desk and eased off her shoes. “I called him yesterday and we talked for about five minutes, but he said he was too busy at work and that he would call me as soon as things slowed down a little. Well, he didn't call, so I phoned him last night at home, but he was talking to his mom. Before you start, yeah, I know. He said he would call me back and that's the last time I spoke to him.”

“Umm. So you think he's got something else going on?”

“Jac, to be completely honest with you, I don't know. And I really don't care anymore. I mean we've had our fun and I've got too much going on in my life to allow this man to get inside my head right now. I just wish if he has changed
his mind about all of this that he would at least have the balls to tell me.”

“Betty, let me tell you something about men. They don't think like us, so no, if he didn't want a relationship, he would not just come out and tell you. See, men are just put together differently. I think deep inside they mean well, but they are all dogs, and I don't mean that in a negative way. They are just . . . different. And we keep expecting them to react like a woman with a penis, and that ain't gonna happen.”

“I know, I know, I know,” Betty said, wanting to change the subject as she looked down at her dangling feet. “So did you ever hear from that Harry guy?”

“No, and I don't plan on hearing from him either. Tell me something. And I need you to be honest with me, okay?”

“Yes, I do,” Betty whispered as she closed her eyes and answered Jacqui's question before it was asked.

“Damn, you know me too well. Well, girl, if you really and truly love this man, and you feel it in your heart, what are you gonna do? What is it worth to you?”

“I don't know. That's the problem. I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I mean I sit here and for five minutes I think of ways to break it off and then the next ten minutes I think of ways to win him back.”

“So you do think he has something on the side.”

After a pause Betty replied with a long sigh, “Not really, I don't know. I mean the more I think about it, things started to change after I got this case. And I try to look at it from his point of view. I was hardly ever there during the Lopez case, and what do I do? I go out and get a bigger case.”

“Betty? Don't do this.”

“Do what?”

“Don't do what you're doing. Don't blame yourself for what this asshole is doing. I mean he knew you were an attorney from day one. You don't have a nine-to-five job, and cases like this one come with the territory. He knew what he was getting into, so if he's that petty, then he's got a problem, not you. But don't blame yourself for what this jerk is doing!”

“I'm not, Jac. Trust me, I'm not. But you do have to look
at both sides of the problem, and I think it takes two to tango. I mean it would be easy just to say he's a dog, but I believe there's more to it than that.”

“Well, tell me this. Deep in your heart . . . do you really think—”

“I used to. Now I'm not so sure anymore.”

“Used to what?”

Betty held her breath and then said, “Used to think he loved me.”

“Damn, you do know me too well.”

“I mean he acts the same . . . but different. Know what I mean? Seems like he's just going through the paces sometimes.”

“Are you sure all of this changed when you got the case? Or was it after you told him you loved him?”

Betty gazed at the carpet, not wanting to answer the question. The question that had kept her awake the previous night.

“Well, anyway, girl, do you think it's worth salvaging? And if so, what are you willing to do to keep him?”

As Betty opened her mouth to answer, Carol said over the intercom, “Miss Robinson, Renfro on two-oh-four.”

“Thanks, Carol. One second, okay?” Betty said as she eased from her desk and put on her shoes. “Jacqui? Dear, I got a call coming through. Can I call you back later?”

“You know where I'll be. But before you hang up. Could you just answer my question?”

Betty stood in front of the window and looked down on the people walking below as she said to her best friend, “I'll do whatever it takes to keep him. Okay?”

“'Bye, sweetie.”

Gathering her composure, Betty said, “Hello Mr. Renfro. How can I help you?”

“Yes, Robinson. I would like to discuss a few points with you on the case. Would you grab your files?”

Betty reached for the files in her bottom drawer as the case momentarily chased the thoughts of her love life from the forefront of her mind.

As Betty drove home with a box full of files to go through, she had a firm grasp on the case and felt that if the rumors were in fact true, she could not wait to give the summation. Stopping at a red light, she reached into her purse for her phone and dialed it without looking down. “Yes, this is Betty. Is Evander there? Thanks, I'll hold.” As she held the phone to her ear she had no idea what she was going to say. But as he said hello the light turned green and she knew she had to say something. “So how are you?” she said in the driest tone she could muster.

“Fine. Beep, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to call you back last night. I kinda fell asleep. I had to be in here this morning at four.”

“Oh, that's fine.” she droned. “So. How's your mom doing?”

“My mom? Oh, my mom's okay. Same old story. Jo running her crazy with those kids of hers and her sorry husband and also Shawn.”

“Evander? We really need to talk.”

“About . . .”

“About us.”

“What about
us
?”

Betty did not want to get emotional. This was not a card she was going to give him the benefit of seeing. But she needed answers. “Evander, things have changed. And I know you know what I'm talking about. We hardly touch each other anymore. We never talk like we used to. I mean if there is someone else, Vander, trust me, you can tell me,” she said with a smile in her voice and fear in her heart that he would do just that. “I'm a big girl. I can take it.”

“Betty . . . Betty, if the truth be known, there is no one else in my life. I know things have changed and I can see that we don't act the same around each other either. I would be willing to say it's all my fault. But half the time I would call you and we would discuss the doctors in your lawsuit or we would discuss what Collins said or Renfro did, and while I want to be a part of all of that, in all honesty, Beep, I miss what
we
were. What
we
had the weeks before you got this case. Seems we grew so much closer after Lopez, and as soon as you got the big case . . .”

“We started growing apart,” Betty whispered.

“Betty, there is no one else. I would never do that to you. My love has grown too deep and wide and I respect you too much to ever do that. You know, we have not really kissed since that day we were in your office? I mean, I always feel I am talking to the attorney and not the woman I fell in love with, and it's scary, especially after what happened with Yolanda. Her career sorta broke us up. Don't get me wrong, I know it's a package deal and I do love to hear about what you are doing at the firm. But, Beep, I love you.”

“Evander, please don't say that if it's not true.”

“Aww, Beep. Baby, you know I love you. But I'm sorry. I fell
in
love with
you,
not the attorney. The
you
that can't tell jokes to save your life. The
you
that always hides those stuffed animals under the bed when I come over. That's the Betty I miss, and since this is going to be a trial that will last at least six months, I guess subconsciously I was preparing not to see her for a while.”

“Evander?”

“Yes?”

“I'm sorry. I know that's not what you are asking from me, but I should have been more conscientious of your feelings. I just get so wrapped up in my work, and since I have never . . . well, since I have never loved a man like I love you, it's hard for me to walk that tightrope sometimes. It seems the more of you you give, the more I need. Facing Amitrust or Midway is cake. Knowing how to love you . . . well, that's the part that's hard for me.”