Until Harry (19 page)

I nodded against his chest. “Do you think Mum or Nanny would let me miss it?”

He pulled back from me, thought on it, then smirked.

“They’d personally go over to New York and put you on a plane home.”

They would – that was God’s honest truth.

I cringed. “I can only imagine.”

Lochlan smiled at me, then leaned in and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes, then reopened them and looked up at him. “Are we cool?”

He gazed at me for a moment and said, “Yeah, Lane, we’re cool. I’m tired of being angry with you. I know it’s because I just miss you and worry for you, but if you want to live abroad, then I’m going to deal with that. Things will change between us, I promise.”

He hugged me again, and just like that, the tension between Lochlan and myself disappeared. It felt damn good too. I pulled back from my brother when I heard the sound of a throat clearing, and froze when I saw Kale standing in the open kitchen doorway, his hands in his trouser pockets. His lifeless eyes were trained o
n m
e.

“Lane?” Kale’s voice murmured quietly.

Oh, God.

“How . . . how long have you been standing there?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

He licked his lower lip. “Long enough.”

Did he hear everything I said about him?
I panicked.
Fuck.

I squeezed my eyes shut. “I have to go.”

I needed to get away from everyone and be on my own. I pushed myself away from Lochlan and practically ran by Kale, only to be brought to a halt next to the sitting room when a body stepped out in front of me.

“You aren’t going anywhere!” This voice belonged to my father.

I refused to look at anyone.

“I meant I’m going to my
hotel
room. I promised Mum and Nanny I’d stick around to help with Uncle Harry’s house and his belongings. I’m not skipping town – I just want to be on my own for a while.”

My father didn’t budge. “You can be alone up in your room, you don’t have to—”

“Sweetie, let her go,” my mother said softly.

I wasn’t so surprised to hear her say that. I looked up and found her in the doorway of the parlour, watching me through exhaust
ed eyes.

“We’ll see you tomorrow?” she asked me.

I nodded my head.

“Then go on to the inn and get some sleep, sweetheart.”

I walked over to my mother, gave her a big hug and kissed her cheek.

“I love you – you know that, right?” I whispered in her ear.

She nodded and squeezed me tightly. “I love you too, darling.”

I turned then and headed towards the front door of my parents’ house but froze when
his
voice spoke.

“I’ll walk you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’ll be fine.”

I felt him behind me.

“I wasn’t asking for permission, Lane.”

Oh, damn.

I licked my lips. “I can’t be alone with you right now.”

Kale rounded on me and got in my space, not caring that everyone in my family was behind us, watching with intent.

“Deal. With. It.”

How?
I wanted to scream.
How the hell can I deal with anything when it comes to you?

I exhaled. “Kale—”

“Lane.”

I set my jaw and looked up at him. “Why do you have to be so difficult?”

He shrugged. “It gets results when it comes to you.”

What the hell does that mean?
I frowned.

I shook my head. “You’re being a complete arsehole right now for no reason. You realise that, don’t you?”

His lip quirked. “I’m aware of it, yes.”

I ignored the snickers from behind us.

Kale’s eyes showed that he wasn’t backing down on his offer to walk me to the inn, so I shook my head, pushed past him and opened the front door.

“Come on if you’re bloody coming then,” I grumbled.

I heard the smile in his voice when he said, “Yes, ma’am.”

I could hear him chuckle under his breath as I exited my parents’ house and walked briskly down the pathway and out of the garden. He was hot on my heels and jogged to my side, where he easily matched my strides because his legs were a lot longer tha
n mine.

“You’re going to give yourself a stitch if you don’t slow down,” he commented.

I grunted. “It’s either walk fast or thump you for—”

“For what?” he said, cutting me off. “Making sure you get to the inn safely? You think I’m taking chances when it comes to your safety?”

I sighed and slowed my pace down.

“You’re taking the decision away from me about whether you accompany me to the inn.”

Kale laughed. “It’s been years since I took anything from you. Let’s call this a catch-up on due goods.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re something else.”

“Yeah,” – he chuckled – “I know.”

My lip twitched.

We walked in an oddly comfortable silence for a few minutes, and when we neared the inn, something clicked within me. Back at my parents’ house, my instinct had been to run away because that’s what I was good at, but now I got it – that nothing had ever been resolved by leaving them, by leaving Kale, by leaving Yo
rk. F
or six years I’d felt exactly the same as the day I left York, if not worse. I’d allowed my fears to blind me. I’d let the “what i
fs” win.

What if I couldn’t handle seeing Kale happy with a family?

What if I came back home and fell into a deeper state of
depression
?

What if? What if? What if?

“What’s wrong?” Kale asked, clearly wondering why I came to a sudden halt.

I looked at him and blinked. “I’ve just realised something.”

He licked his lips. “What’s that?”

“I don’t want to stay at the inn; I don’t want to be away from my family,” I said, and shook my head clear as a cloud of confusion lifted from me. “I’ve been on my own for so long that I felt like I needed to get out of the house and away from them, but that’s not what I need at all. I need their love and support, and I think they need mine too.”

A smile broke out over Kale’s face. “Then let’s get your things from the inn, check you out and go back to your parents’ house.”

Could things really be that simple?
I wondered.

I nodded. “Yeah . . . yeah, let’s do that.”

We walked to the Holiday Inn, and before we headed up to my room, I informed the lady behind the desk that I would be checking out. It was past checkout time, and I didn’t know if she would charge me a fee, but she told me it was perfectly fine, so Kale and
I h
eaded up to my room.

He hovered near the door while I walked into the room and lifted my suitcase onto the bed.

“
That
is your case?” he asked.

I nodded. “I left the city in such a rush, I just grabbed what I could think of and practically ran to the airport.”

Kale was silent for a moment and then he said, “I’m sorry you’re going through this, Lane.”

He was still the sweetest, most caring person, even with the hollowness within him now.

When I didn’t reply, Kale told me to get any belongings of mine from the bathroom, and he would wrap up my hair appliances, laptop and chargers. I planned on doing exactly what he asked, but the silence between us screamed at me. I didn’t understand why he was being so nice to me. I understood his being kind during my uncle’s funeral, but why hadn’t he so much as hinted at being mad? I’d left on such bad terms and hadn’t been there for him when Kaden died.

I swallowed and said, “Why don’t you hate me?”

He stopped rolling the wire around my hairdryer, and placed it on the desk.

“I’m not doing this in a hotel room, Lane.”

I sucked up my fear.

“And you aren’t leaving here until you answer my question,”
I co
untered. “I don’t want to have our talk right now, I just want to
know why you don’t hate me when I have given you every reason to.”

The muscles in Kale’s back tightened before he turned to face me, his hazel eyes locked on mine. “I’ve never hated you, and I never will,” he simply said with a shrug of his shoulders. “You mean more to me than any other living person on this planet, and if you think after not having you in my life for six years that I’m just goin
g t
o ignore you and play some stupid game, then you’ve got another think coming, kid.”

I felt my eye twitch. “I’m
not
a kid anymore, Kale.”

The eyes I loved so much dropped to my chest, then lowered until he was leisurely drinking me in. It made me feel weak; one look from his whisky-coloured eyes and I was done in.

“I can see that,” he mused.

I swallowed and felt in my heart it was the right moment for me to say what I had been carrying around since last night.

“Kale, I’m so sorry about Kaden.”

He went silent for a long time.

“Who told you about him?” he asked after a deafening silence.

I looked down to my feet.

“My dad. I was at my Aunt Teresa’s and Uncle Harry’s grave the night before the funeral, and he showed me . . . showed me where Kaden was buried. I saw you and Drew at the plot yesterday after my uncle’s funeral, and I wanted to go over to you, but I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

“Look at me,” he said after a moment.

I exhaled before looking up at him, hating that his expression had changed to one of sadness.

“Thank you for your condolences about my son.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want to be formal . . . not about this.

“I saw his picture on his headstone . . . He was adorable,” I
wh
ispered, my eyes still closed. “He had your nose and lips; he even had your tiny birthmark on his neck.”

Kale’s breathing picked up, and I hated myself.

I opened my eyes but kept them downcast. “I’m sorry, Kale. I’m making everything worse. I’ll go and finish packing—”

I turned to walk into the bathroom, but Kale shot across the room and grabbed hold of my arm. “No.”

I turned my head and looked at him. “No, what?”

He stared at me with his puppy-dog hazel eyes. “Don’t leave. I’m not mad at you; I was just remembering my son. You would have loved him. He was the most perfect being I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, Lane. He was . . . everything.”

A sad smile curved my lips. “I’ve no doubt. He was your son, Kale. He wouldn’t be anything less than perfect.”

“You think he looked like me?” he asked, surprised. “I think he looked more like his mum.”

I smiled brightly. “Men always see the beauty of the mother in their children’s faces. He was the perfect mix of you both. You and Drew created someone astonishing.”

Kale’s eyes bored into mine. “Thank you.”

I nodded. “My pleasure.”

“Do you want to see a video of him?” he suddenly asked, his eyes alive with pride. “I have loads of videos, and pictures of hi
m too.”

“Like you even have to ask,” I beamed. “Gimme.”

Kale smiled at me and quickly dug out his phone from his pocket. “I only have a few videos and pictures on my phone, but I’ve loads more backed up onto flash drives and storage sites that
I c
an show you if you want.”

A daddy protecting the physical memories of his pride and joy. It hurt me that memories were all he had.

“I’ve got time to see every second of him, Kale,” I assured him.

He did something that shocked me then: he reached out and put his arms around me, and pulled my body into his. It wasn’t a hug of sorrow and sadness like the ones he’d given me over the past couple of days; it was a hug of promise. A promise of what I didn’t know, but whatever it was, I felt it in my bones.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he said into my hair.

It took me a second, but I lifted my arms and put them around his body and squeezed him. “I’ve missed you too, Kale, more than you know.”

We stayed like that, hugging one another until Kale stepped back and stared down at me. “I know this might sound stupid, but I can’t believe you’re really here,” he said with a shake of his head. “When I first saw you on Friday in the parlour, I wanted to be the one to touch you instead of your dad, just so I could see if you were real. I’ve dreamt so many times about you being back here, I wasn’t sure if I was just seeing things.”

His admission stunned me.

“Kale,” I whispered.

“It’s dumb,” he blurted out, flushing slightly. “I know—”

“It’s not dumb,” I interrupted. “When I’m in my apartment in New York and I’m falling asleep at night, I hear your voice
in my he
ad. Sometimes it keeps me awake because I miss you s
o much.”

I wasn’t embarrassed to admit something so private; it felt right to tell him.

Kale swallowed. “You’re still my best friend.”

“I know, pup, and you’re mine.”

He looked away from me. “I can’t believe how our lives have turned out. Everything is so different from when we were kids.”

I sighed. “Tell me about it. I’ve wished for a time machine many a time to go back and change some things.”

Kale looked back at me then. “What do you want to change about your past?”

It was my turn to look away then. “You said you didn’t want to have
that
conversation here.”

He cleared his throat. “I don’t . . . sorry, I guess I’m just using every second I can to talk to you, and I’m saying the first thing that pops into my head.”

I looked back to him, reached out and pressed my hand against his arm. “I know this will be hard to believe considering I’ve bolted before, but I’m not running away. I’m going to stay right here in York and make things right with my family, and with you, bef
ore I even think a
bout anything else. Harry would’ve want
ed that.”

He would have. He had told me enough times over the years.

“What about you?” Kale promptly asked. “What do
you
want?”

“A lot of things,” I replied, my heart heavy.