Until I Break (20 page)

I’m more than a little disappointed. So much
weight was lifted from me after our talk that I fell asleep on the
couch downstairs in front of the fireplace before Alec could even
return with the drinks he was pouring us. I remember him carrying
me up the stairs and I remember him pulling the covers up over me,
but that’s it. I slept more soundly than I have in months. Maybe
longer.

But where is he? Where did he spend the
night?

I slide out of bed and walk to the windows
that look out over the ocean. It’s a beautiful day and, by the
looks of the position of the sun, it’s not exactly early any
more.

I turn and head for the bathroom. As I pass
the sink on the way to the toilet, I see the note stuck to the
mirror.

Make yourself at home. There’s bagels and
coffee in the kitchen. You’ve got the place to yourself until
lunch. I’ll be back by then. Enjoy the sun.

—A

While it would’ve been nice to wake up next
to Alec, having some time to relax and collect myself is probably a
really good idea. This is a lot to wrap my head around. I’ve never
been in a relationship like this before. Nowhere near it, in
fact.

I walk down to the kitchen and grab half a
bagel, slather it with cream cheese and pour a cup of coffee from
the already-brewed pot. I wander the house as I nibble, admiring
the flawlessly-positioned artwork, the immaculate décor and the
breathtaking views from nearly every window.

Within thirty minutes, after roaming the
entire empty house, I’m back upstairs. I stare out at the secluded
balcony off the master as I sip a glass of lemonade, listening to
the silent call of the padded chaise lounge and the ocean just
beyond it.

I glance at the clock. It’s only a few
minutes after ten. It’s warm enough to get some sun and it’s early
enough that I’ll still have time to shower and be ready for Alec by
noon.

But I didn’t bring a bathing suit.

Feeling more daring and lighthearted than I
have in a long time, I strip my clothes off, grab two towels from
the bathroom, wrap one around myself and head for the balcony.

I set my glass down beside the chair, drape
one towel over the cushion then look nervously around before I drop
my own towel and lay face down on the cushion. I giggle, imagining
Chris rolling her eyes at my silliness. She’s the type that would
sunbathe in the nude without thinking a thing about it. I, however,
am not.

Until today. Today, I might be that girl.

I relax in the warmth of the sun. When my
skin begins to tingle, I roll onto my back to feel the hot rays
caress my face and chest. I’m in that drowsy state between sleep
and wakefulness when I hear his voice.

“I must admit, I’m very happy with the way
you ‘make yourself at home’.”

I jump when Alec speaks from somewhere near
my left ear. Instinctively, I sit up, crossing my arms over my
chest and drawing my knees up to hide my nudity. I shield my eyes
from the sun to focus on him. He’s standing slightly behind me with
only a towel draped loosely around his hips. My mouth goes dry as I
take in his wet black hair and the drops of water that glisten like
specks of gold on his bronze chest.

Instantly, I’m right back in my book with
Daire and Mason. The setting is so similar, it’s like déjà vu. Only
Alec is real. And he’s really here. And so am I.

“I thought you were going to be gone until
lunch.”

“After my workout, I decided to come home for
a shower. What can I say? I couldn’t stay away.”

That makes me inordinately happy, but not
enough to make me drop my guard.

“If you’ll hand me that towel,” I say,
nodding toward the one I left crumpled on the floor at his feet,
“I’ll go get a shower, too.”

Alec kicks my towel out of the way. “How
about this one instead?” he asks, reaching for the towel that
encircles his hips. My mouth falls open and no sound comes out. My
gaze is glued to his hand and my mind is willing him to remove the
towel. “No?” he says when I don’t answer. “Well, now you have no
options. I don’t think I’ll let you have your towel,” he says
casually as he moves to stand at the foot of the chaise. “I don’t
think I’ll let you go back inside either. Or get dressed. You’re
here. I’m here. And you
did
agree to do as I say, did you
not?”

I nod. Even though he told me I have nothing
to fear, and I believe him, a thin thread of anxiety works its way
down my spine. He’s already shown me what he likes, what he can
be
like. But I find that it also excites me. I remember his
words, the things he promised he’d do to me, things he promised
he’d make me feel. And I don’t doubt I’ll feel them all.

Anticipation blooms in my stomach like a lazy
lotus blossom.

“Remove your arms. I want to see your
breasts.”

My hesitation is minimal, but he still
notices. “Ah-ah-ahh. Remember the rules,” he reminds. “Do as I
say.”

Forcing myself to act, I relax my trembling
arms away from my chest. I see his eyes drop. My nipples furl
tightly and ache under his prolonged scrutiny.

“Beautiful,” he whispers. “Now spread your
legs. Drop them on either side of the chair.”

Why, oh, why didn’t I leave my underwear
on?

Heart pounding, I part my thighs and let my
feet fall off the chair until I feel the warm wood of the deck
beneath them.

I see the muscle in Alec’s jaw tick as he
looks unabashedly at my exposed femininity. Heat gathers there and
I can’t be sure if it’s from the sun or from Alec’s gaze.

After several nerve-racking seconds, he moves
to my left, stopping at my shoulder. He bends over, reaching
forward for my glass of lemonade. Ice cubes clink against the side
as he absently swirls the liquid.

I look up to find his eyes raking me from
head to toe. He doesn’t take them from me as he tips the glass to
his lips and takes a long drink. When he lowers it, I see an ice
cube pop out from between his lips. He reaches up and takes it
between his fingers.

Dropping his hand to my chest, Alec circles
my left nipple with the melting cube. It tingles with the
stimulation. “Mmm, that’s what I like. I want to see them hard. And
tight. Begging for my mouth.”

Leaning over, he wraps his lips around my
nipple. Although his mouth is cool, after the touch of the cold ice
cube his tongue feels like the lick of an open flame, hot and
searing. I gasp. Drawing it further into his mouth, Alec gives it
one quick hard suck before he lifts his head.

His eyes meet mine. He says nothing, just
watches me as he takes another sliver of ice into his mouth. We
stare at each other for several long, tense seconds before he leans
across me to take my other nipple.

When I feel his tongue this time, it’s cool
against my hot skin, still warm from the sun. The temperature is an
equal, yet opposite contrast, and just enough to leave me
breathless.

He speaks after he releases my nipple this
time. “I want to see you play with them now,” he says, moving back
down to the foot of the chaise. “Now,” he orders sternly when I
don’t comply immediately.

I bring my shaking hands to my breasts and I
rub my flattened palms over the nipples. Alec’s eyes are on my
hands for a few seconds, but then I see them drop down to look
between my legs again. My muscles contract, squeezing at the
thought of his body inside mine, throbbing under the heat of his
blatant scrutiny.

Alec reaches into my glass of lemonade and
pulls out another cube of ice. He straddles the end of the lounge
chair, his knees touching mine, and he trails the ice cube up the
inside of my thigh.

“I want you to pinch your nipples every time
I put this ice cube inside you,” he explains, reaching forward to
slide the long piece of ice into me. He only puts it in a little
ways. “Pinch them.” I do as he asks. I feel a twitch low in my
stomach and my body clutches at the ice. He pulls the sliver out
and then puts it in deeper, his fingers penetrating my entrance as
he does. Obediently, I pinch my nipples. Another delicious squeeze
in my belly. “I want you to feel the ice melting. I want you to
feel my cold fingers.” He pushes his fingers in deeper. I feel the
coolness of them as well as the liquid from the melting cube that
runs back out around them. It trickles down the crease between my
butt cheeks. “Concentrate on how good it feels. Know that I could
make you come, but I won’t. You will do that only when I give you
permission. Do you understand?”

I nod. At the moment, I’m not thinking of
anything other than what this man is doing to me, what he makes me
feel all over and deep down. He makes me feel free in ways I’ve
never felt free before.

I watch as he takes another long cube from
the glass. He reaches down and pushes it into me, using two fingers
to force it deep inside. He manipulates it, wiggling his fingers as
he does. I pinch my nipples and my body sucks at his hand. I
moan.

In an out, he penetrates me with his fingers,
forcing cool water out with each thrust. He takes another ice cube
from the glass and pushes it inside me. I pinch my nipples,
concentrating on not giving in to the building tension. “Remember,
you will not come now. You will not come until I tell you that you
can. You will not come when I’m licking lemonade from inside you.
You will not come when I’m tasting the mixture as it pours out of
you. Sweet as honey,” he says, taking an ice cube into his mouth
then bending his head to lick between my legs.

My fingers bite into my breasts when his cold
tongue finds my clitoris. It flicks and teases the sensitive nub
until my hips are moving against his mouth, begging for more as the
tension builds. “Pinch your nipples,” he mutters against me. Just
as I do, he sucks my clitoris into his mouth and pushes another ice
cube into me with his long, long fingers. I squeeze my eyes shut
against the tight feeling, against the aching squeeze in my lower
abdomen.

I hold my breath, biting back a gasp when he
moves down and thrusts his tongue into me, his fingers replacing
his mouth at my clitoris. At a loss as to what to do with these
sensations, I move my hands down to thread them into his hair,
holding him against me as I grind my hips against his wet lips and
cool tongue.

My breath is coming faster and my skin feels
tightly stretched over my trembling muscles and liquid bones. The
world slips further and further away as my focus centers more and
more on his wicked tongue and cool fingers.

And then he stops.

It takes me a few seconds to realize that
he’s not going to continue. And when I do, I’m both confused and
frustrated. I feel as though I was on the verge. But now I’ll never
know.

When Alec comes to his feet at the end of the
chaise, he doesn’t say anything at first. We simply watch each
other. On the inside, I’m throwing a childish tantrum, stomping my
foot in peevishness. But on the outside, I’m as calm as still
waters.

Finally, Alec comes around to the side of my
chair and reaches for my hand. “Come on. Let’s get you
showered.”

He hauls me to my feet. And I let him. My
limbs feel heavy and…dissatisfied, as if my every muscle is
weighted down.

I let Alec lead me inside, through the
bedroom and into the bathroom. I watch as he turns on both shower
heads and tests the temperature a couple of times before he walks
back to me.

“Let’s get your mind on something else. Like
me,” he says, the corners of his mouth twitching as though he’s on
the verge of a smile. But it never materializes. His expression
stays just as intense, even when he reaches down and loosens the
towel at his hips and lets it fall to the floor.

I want to look down so badly. But I don’t. I
keep my gaze trained on his as he backs toward the shower, leading
me along.

When he turns to step inside, I allow my eyes
one short flicker down to his perfect butt, but then I bring them
quickly back to his wide shoulders. He moves in front of the spray
then turns around and pulls me toward him. He does it so quickly, I
can’t see anything. But when he snugs me up against him, I can
certainly
feel
what I didn’t see.

His rigid length presses into the softness of
my belly, making me tingle from the waist down. His hard chest rubs
against my sensitive nipples, making them ache for his attention.
And his eyes burn down into mine, full of challenge and
determination and a passion I’ve never before encountered.

“I want to watch you bathe,” he says softly.
“And I want you to watch me.”

With that, Alec reaches for two bars of soap,
handing one to me. I take it and he backs up a couple of steps,
creating enough space between us that we can move freely.

His eyes roam over me from head to toe as he
rolls the bar of soap in his hands. I mimic his actions, finally
feeling free to look him over.

And he’s just as flawless as I expected him
to be. His broad shoulders taper to a trim waist and a thin trail
of hair that leads downward. His hips are narrow and, between them,
a long, thick shaft of masculine perfection.

I see one of Alec’s soapy hands slip into my
view. It glides down the inside of his hip and moves in to what I’m
focused on. I can’t look away as I watch his fingers wrap around
the base of it and stroke slowly toward the tip.

“You did this,” he whispers. “This is all for
you.”

My heart skips in my chest as I watch his
thumb circle the engorged head before he tightens his grip and
makes his way down to the base again. Up and down, I watch him
travel the length several times before I realize that I’m warm and
achy and out of breath.

I jump when Alec takes my right hand and
guides it toward him. Eagerly, I wrap my fingers around him,
reveling in the hot steely feel. He moves his hand over mine and,
together, we explore his body. He plays my fingertips over the
bulging vein on the back side, and he plays them around the satiny
tip.