Until Proven Innocent (16 page)

It’s just starting to get dark and I see a beautiful new Japanese top-of-the-line SUV pulling in to park. This thing looks brand new and must cost as much as my Hummer, because I’ve seen them advertised on television with a price ‘as low as’ fifty-three thousand. This one looks fully loaded, so with all the accessories and sales tax, it’s probably well over sixty grand. Even more attractive than the vehicle is the driver. It’s Evelyn. I pause for a second to give her a chance to walk into the restaurant. It would be bad form for me to accost her in the parking lot. It’s dark in the corner where she parked, and I wouldn’t want to give her the idea that I’m a stalker.

I catch up to her at the reservation desk, and after a polite peck on the cheek for a greeting, she holds my hand as we follow the seating guy to our table, which is by a window that overlooks that part of the Marina where my boat is docked. Sitting there with that view in front of us naturally leads the conversation to boating. She starts the questioning.

“
How do you like living on a boat? My daughter mentioned you said you had one out here somewhere.”

I point to the most recognizable thing near my boat, which is George Clooney’s four-story high vessel. “You see that mega-yacht down the basin over there? Well it’s not mine, but mine is just a few boats away from it. And to answer your question, I like it a lot. It’s quiet and peaceful, and like being in a summer home at the beach.

“
Your daughter mentioned that her father used to like boats. What did he do, change his mind?”

“
No, he died.”

I did it again. One of these days they’re going to find a cure for foot-in-mouth disease, and I’m going to be the first one in line at the pharmacy. I use my best courtroom training to try and recover from this goof.

“
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Well, that makes you the prettiest widow in this restaurant.”

Nice try you jerk, but it didn’t work. Right after the other cure, someone will write a book entitled ‘things I should’ve said,’ and after I’m through at the pharmacy, I’ll be the first one in line at the bookstore.

“
Actually, I’m not a widow. We were divorced several years before his accident, and he was already involved with another woman. For once, his timing was right, and he died before he had a chance to marry her or change his will, so my daughter and I came out of it quite well. It was really over for the last couple of years while we were married, so there wasn’t too much grieving involved. I wasn’t happy to see him dead, but I wasn’t too happy to see him alive with that bimbo either. I hope you won’t think poorly of me for those feelings, but that’s the way it was. No sugarcoating, just the truth.”

That answers another question. Now I know how she can afford that new SUV.

“
How’s your daughter taking it? Does she miss him?”

“
At first she was devastated when he died, but after a while it became obvious that he was so involved with his new girlfriend that he just couldn’t spend the time to pay attention to his own daughter. Maybe it’s because the new love of his life was only a little older than his own daughter.”

“
If you don’t mind my asking, how did he die?”

“
Oh that’s okay, it’s a matter of public record. He was taking a helicopter from the airport to the top of his office building, and the ship’s door was a defective. He fell out. I don’t know what a door like that is, but my lawyers got the other side to admit to the fact that it was defective, and they paid for their mistake. So, along with the insurance policies and sale of the boat and other some other properties we owned, I can now afford to hang around here and meet you for lunch or dinner as often as you want. How does that sound?”

Fortunately, I don’t have to answer because the waiter stopped by to deliver another round of Patrón margaritas. This is starting to look too good to be true. A beautiful and intelligent female with plenty of money, and she seems attracted to me. The last time I got lucky like this I got framed for murder. I’ll ask Stuart to check with his bookies to see what the odds of the same thing happening to me twice in a twelve month period are. I was hoping that the drinks being delivered would create a pause that would give me an opportunity to change the subject completely, but I was wrong. She pushes ahead with the questioning.

“
Peter, have you ever considered getting married again, or did the District Attorney turn you off of that institution?”

“
Yes, I’ve thought about it, but that was before I had a kid.”

This takes her aback. “You had a child after your divorce?”

I can see that she’s curious about this, so seeing as it’s a relaxing dinner and we’re each imbibing a little, I take my and time and tell her the whole story, including my divorce, being thrown out of the house into the old boat in the backyard, The Lahaina Yacht Club, moving to the Marina, working for Mel, the old boat burning up, Melvin dying and leaving Suzi in my care, the Saint Bernard, how the firm works and just about everything else I can think of. After a while, I realize that I’ve been talking non-stop for the better part of the last hour… and through two more drinks.

“
I’m sorry Evelyn, but you asked for it. Now you’ve got it. My entire life story.”

Not only did she sit there and listen the whole time, she actually looked interested in what I was saying. Of course her next move was to ask to see the boat and meet Suzi, but I don’t think she’s ready for that yet, so I stall.

“
C’mon, Peter. You’ve already met my daughter. I should have the same privilege.”

“
Your right beautiful, but the main difference here is that mine is a little genius princess who needs to be properly prepared, because if I don’t do a good job of getting her ready to meet you, when you leave the boat, she’ll flash a ‘thumbs-down’ sign at me, and then I may not be given permission to ever see you again.”

“
Well, handsome, I can see that you know how to handle a big girl, but you’ve got a lot to learn about handling a little one.”

She may have a point there, but if she only knew how I screwed up my marriage to Myra, she might not have the same opinion of my ability to handle a big girl either.

The evening comes to a pleasant end without my being cornered into extending an invitation to the boat. I’ll have to talk to the kid first, because every time she thinks I’m in danger of getting involved with any woman other than Myra, they put their heads together to let me know why it can never work out. First there was Patty, who they accused of being a lesbian. Then there was Beverly Luskin, who tried to get me convicted of murder. The bad thing about Suzi and Myra is that they’re rarely wrong.

I think I’ll leave them out of the loop this time. I’d rather not give them a crack at Evelyn. I don’t know too much about her, but I feel pretty sure that neither she nor her daughter were involved in any murder plots.

I walk her to the car, get my kiss goodnight, and stagger back to the boat. I don’t understand it. She drank as much as I did, but I can hardly see where I’m walking and she looks completely unaffected.

Now back on board, I see some messages waiting for me. Olive wants me to know that she hasn’t heard from Hal recently, so my plans worked. She’s using the money she earned for not appearing in the commercial on her honeymoon with Vinnie.

Stuart called to thank me for letting him borrow that DVD, but complained that something must be wrong with it, because he couldn’t access the Menu feature by using his player’s remote control.

Tony called to make sure I wasn’t getting in his way in the murder investigation, and Special Agent Snell wants me to buy some more DVDs off of that website.

I haven’t heard from April for a while, so I won’t bother her with a phone call. It looks like she’s not being bothered by her apartment manager, and I want to give her some time to grieve over the loss of her boyfriend.

It’s late in the evening, but I know that the counterfeit DVD website works around the clock, so I go to their website and order two more titles. Snell and his group will no doubt be watching them all the way through, so I make a special effort to select the most boring ‘chick flicks’ in their catalog. I also check with the local video store that’s open all night to verify that these particular titles won’t be available on video or DVD for another couple of months. This lets me know for sure that I’m ordering pirated movies. I then make a note to tell the guy at the private mailbox place to not touch those boxes, because they’re going to be fingerprinted. He looks like he’s been in the system before, so I’m sure he’ll take my advice and keep his hands off of my mail. Before turning in, I leave two plastic evidence bags out for the kid, with a note telling her to bag the DVD’s that come in and then call Snell’s office so a messenger can be sent to pick them up. I’m amazed that I can think of all these things so clearly. It must have been the combination of Evelyn and the Patrón margaritas that increased my brain’s powers. I’ll have to try this experiment again soon.

*****

I refuse to have an alarm clock anywhere near my sleeping quarters, and always make sure to turn off the landline and cell phone ringers before turning in. I’m not a doctor on call for emergency surgery, so there’s no situation I can think of that’s important enough to wake me up before I’m good and ready. The kid and dog both know where I am if a need should arise, and everyone else in the world can wait until I wake up the next morning.

*****

Hershel Belsky didn’t want to wait. When I turn on my cell phone this morning, I see that he called six times while I was sleeping. There are also a bunch of messages on my machine, so I guess he’s trying every way he can to reach me.

One of the messages on my voice mail is from Nick at Volcano Productions. He also wanted to let me know that Hershel was desperately trying to reach me.

I quickly go through all of my messages and erase the ones from Hershel. An email comes in from him. I’m starting to get the idea that he really wants to talk to me, so I might as well call.

*****

Beverly Hills is one of the most land-locked areas in the Los Angeles area. There’s no freeway going there, so you have to suffer the traffic and exorbitant parking fees, which are doubled for me, because the parking guys charge my Hummer for two spots. The last time I visited a friend’s office in Beverly Hills, it cost me over fifteen bucks to drive there and have him buy me a fourteen-dollar lunch. In addition to hating traffic, going to Beverly Hills just doesn’t make economical sense to me, so whatever he wants will have to be done on the phone.

“
Oh, Mister Sharp, thanks for calling. The Production Company gave me your telephone number, so I left some messages for you.”

“
About nine, to be exact. What do you want Hershel? If you’re looking for phone sex, you’ve got the wrong number.”

“
Hah, very funny. It so happens that I have a business proposition for you.”

I don’t respond. Let’s see how he handles the silent treatment.

“
Okay, okay, so you don’t sound too enthusiastic. Here’s what I have in mind. I’d like to sign your client to be my official spokesperson in all my future television commercials. I know she’s a little overweight, but the viewers love her. I’ve been getting more business since that last commercial than I ever thought was possible. Whattaya say? Can we make a deal?”

I tell Hershel that her boyfriend was the movie producer who got killed. He said that he’d heard about that crime, and understands if she’d like some time to get over it. He makes me promise to get back to him in the next couple of weeks, after I’ve had a chance to discuss it with her.

*****

Every time I walk past Tony’s boat, it looks like there’s a police convention going on there. He’s still on suspension, but all of his police friends are on his side and helping investigate the murder he’s charged with. Because the case is an open file with the District Attorney’s office, the officers still on duty can justify spending time on it. From the traffic that also reaches our boat, it looks like his investigative team has been instructed to filter all of its findings through the kid, who is a genius at organizing facts that appear to be unrelated, and then connecting the dots to solve a case.

Other than A. Conan Doyle, one of my favorite literary detectives is Rex Stout’s Nero Wolfe, the original armchair detective. He was fortunate to have a personal assistant named Archie Goodwin, who did all of his legwork and reported all findings back to his boss, who would then process them through his mental computer and come up with a solution to the crime.

In some ways, Suzi is the modern day Nero Wolfe, but she outdoes him in two ways. First, instead of just one Archie Goodwin, she’s got an entire staff of trained professional detectives doing her legwork. And second, in addition to a mental computer, she’s got every piece of software known to mankind to help her sort the information. I also have a feeling that as a result of our past involvement with the authorities, she’s got copies of all their official law enforcement programs.

*****

Tony finished his scenes on the Venice Soundstage, and Ren tells me that everything went smoothly. They’re still shooting some final scenes and post-production should start in another week or so. I’ve been consulted on courtroom procedures several times, and since my work is now done, our office will be invoicing them for my fee.

Aside from a slight weight loss, you’d never realize that Tony’s been charged with murder. I’m reminded of an old saying that goes something like ‘sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me.’ Well, that’s not entirely true. Of all the names I’ve been called in my life so far, there’s one that really hurts when I hear myself being called it: ‘Defendant.’