Until the End of Time (16 page)

“It’s always important that someone knows where you are. In case anything happens.”

“Something did happen,” Lucy said miserably, with tears bulging in her eyes. “He had a bottle of bourbon with him, in his pocket. I drank some of it, and it made me feel sick. And then I drank some more, and I don’t know what happened. I think I did it with him, but I can’t remember. He took me home, and I went right to bed, and the next day I wasn’t sure if I dreamed it or it was true, and I didn’t want to ask him. He never called me again or asked me out, so I figured maybe I didn’t do it and he was mad … but I think I did.… I just don’t know.” She started crying then. “And I just kept believing I didn’t do it. I wouldn’t do something like that.…”

“You can find out, just so you know,” Jenny said, trying to reassure her. “A doctor can tell you if you’re still a virgin or not,” Jenny said, and with that Lucy pulled up her shirt, and Jenny could see the bulge that was there, like a small round ball on her belly. They both knew the answer to her question then, and Jenny tried not to look shocked, so as not to scare her, or appear judgmental.

“I never got my period again after Halloween,” Lucy said softly. “I just figured maybe it stopped, because I hadn’t had it for that long,
and sometimes that happens, but now it’s growing, and I know I must have done it. I can’t even tell him, because he moved to another school. And he never talked to me again after that night. Jenny, my dad is going to kill me if I tell them. And he’ll kill my mom.” She dissolved in a river of tears next to Jenny, who put her arms around her, as she did a rapid calculation. It was March. And Lucy was five months pregnant. Here she had lost her own baby, when she wanted it desperately, four days before, and this child who didn’t even remember having sex was having a baby she didn’t want, that would ruin her life. Life truly was cruel. But in spite of that, Jenny did all she could to console her and waited for Lucy to calm down, trying to think what she could do to help.

“Do you want me to talk to your parents with you?” Jenny offered. Lucy hesitated and then nodded. “Don’t let my dad hurt my mom,” she begged her. “He’ll take it out on her if he gets mad at me.”

“We won’t let that happen,” Jenny said, hoping that would be true. “When do you want me to talk to them?”

“Will you come over tomorrow? My dad goes out on Saturdays. He goes to the bar in town and drinks with his friends. My mom and I will be home alone.”

“What time?”

“Like twelve o’clock? He’ll be gone by then. My mom just does laundry all day.”

“I’ll be there,” Jenny said, and gave Lucy another hug, and she left a few minutes later. Jenny went upstairs to find Bill and told him what had happened. Bill had been waiting for her upstairs, so as not to intrude on her and the girls.

“Poor kid,” he said, thinking about her. He had seen her in the group, although her parents didn’t come to church, but Jenny’s groups were open to anyone, whether churchgoers or not, and he approved of that. “What do you suppose they’ll do to her?”

“I have no idea. Her father has been violent to her mother when he gets drunk. And he’s not going to be happy about this with a fourteen-year-old kid. I’m going over to talk to her mother with her tomorrow when he’s out. I guess she’ll have to have the baby—she’s five months pregnant. It’s a crime for a kid that age to go through that. She’s a child herself.” The evening and Jenny telling him about it sobered them both, and Jenny got up early the next day. She was in her yellow truck and on her way to Lucy’s house shortly before noon, and Lucy was waiting outside for her.

They went inside together and found her mother folding laundry in the kitchen, humming to herself. She looked shocked when she saw Jenny in her kitchen. She knew who she was, and that Lucy went to her group.

“Is something wrong?” She looked at Lucy immediately. “Did you do something bad in the group?” Her voice was filled with fear and accusation, as Lucy shook her head and her eyes filled with tears.

“No, she didn’t.” Jenny answered for her, which confused Lucy’s mother even more. She looked like a nervous woman, and she had been quick to accuse her daughter, which was what Lucy had said often in group. Her mother was always blaming her for something.

“I’m pregnant,” Lucy said, burst into tears, and threw her arms around her mother’s neck, who began to sob too. Jenny got them both to sit down at the kitchen table with her, and they went through the whole story. Lucy’s mother was distraught and kept asking her
how she could have done it. But she had. Nature, a bottle of bourbon, and a persuasive boy had convinced her, and now there was a baby growing inside her that nobody wanted.

Her mother told Lucy that her father would kill them both, which had been Lucy’s fear too when she said it to Jenny. And Jenny offered to be there when they told him, but Lucy’s mother, Maggie, looked frightened and defeated and said it would only make things worse. She thanked Jenny for her help but said they would have to take care of it now. Lucy would have to go to St. Mary’s, before anyone knew what had happened, and give the baby up for adoption. The whole thing was so depressing, and Lucy just sat at the kitchen table and sobbed. She was still crying when Jenny left an hour later, and she was distressed when she went home. She talked to Bill about it, and there was nothing they could do.

She called Lucy that night but there was no answer, and Lucy showed up at Jenny’s house at eight o’clock the next morning. She had run all the way there. She said they were taking her to St. Mary’s that morning, just as her mother had said. Her father said he didn’t want to see her again until after she had the baby and gave it up. Her mother was driving her. She said her mother had cried all night, but she hadn’t let her dad hit her. He had hit her mother instead, several times. She thanked Jenny then, threw her arms around her neck and hugged her, and ran back to her house across town. Jenny promised to visit her at St. Mary’s, and she knew the other girls would suspect what had happened when she disappeared for several months. The baby was due in July, and Lucy would be back shortly after, never quite the same, after going through childbirth and giving up the baby. She would spend the rest of her life wondering where it was.

Jenny was haunted by it all day, and she went to see Lucy’s mother the next morning and found her crying in her kitchen with a black eye. She looked at Jenny in despair. She seemed like a woman who had no hope and no way out, like so many victims of abuse, and Jenny’s heart went out to her. Jenny told her about the abuse group, on Monday nights, and Al-Anon, and urged her to come. Maggie said she might but looked frightened and uncertain. And much to Jenny’s amazement, she showed up that night, looking terrified, but she came. Jenny went to see Lucy at St. Mary’s the next day. She looked heartbroken and subdued. The nuns were very nice to her, and they told Jenny that Lucy had been examined by a doctor and had confirmed that the baby was due in July. It would be put up for adoption, and they assured her they would find a good home for it, and Lucy would go home as soon as she delivered.

When she saw Lucy again, she clung to Jenny and sobbed and begged her not to leave her there, but Jenny had no other choice. She sat with Lucy until she calmed down, and then Lucy turned to her with a strange, haunted look.

“Will you take my baby, Jenny? I know you want one. I don’t want it to go to anyone but you. I know you’d be good to it, and it would never have to know it was mine. But I would know, and you and Bill would give it a good home.” She was sobbing again, and Jenny was shocked at what she had said, although it seemed strangely providential. This was the kind of situation Gretchen had talked about, a young girl who got in trouble and was going to give up her baby. She had told her to come to St. Mary’s for an adoption. She and Bill had decided to try again, but this might be a blessing for everyone. She didn’t know what to say.

“I’ll talk to Bill about it,” she promised, and Lucy was calmer when she left. There were twenty other girls there from neighboring counties all in the same situation, waiting to give birth, relinquish their babies, and go home. Some of them looked even younger than Lucy. It was heartbreaking. And all the way back to Moose, Jenny thought of what Lucy had said. She went to find Bill as soon as she got back. He was at his desk, working on his sermon. He knew where she had gone, to Alpine to visit Lucy, and he could see the deep concern in Jenny’s eyes.

“She wants us to take the baby,” Jenny said in a strangled tone, as she sat down across from Bill. “I don’t know if her parents would agree to it, but it’s a thought. We could still have our own,” she added sadly, wondering if that was true. “The baby is due in July.”

“Is that what you want?” Bill asked her softly, sounding surprised. Adopting Lucy’s baby hadn’t occurred to either of them. They were just worried about Lucy and her mother. This was not what they’d expected or wanted. They weren’t ready to adopt yet, but it was a baby, and it needed a home, Lucy was a sweet girl, and she wanted to give it to them. “Let’s think about it,” he said quietly. “We can talk to her parents in a few days.” Jenny agreed. She didn’t want to rush into anything. And this was so sudden.

They spent the weekend thinking about it and discussing it some more. They both liked the idea. It seemed like a ready-made situation for them, and it would be a blessing for Lucy and her parents as well. Bill called Lucy’s parents and made an appointment with them for Sunday, after church, allegedly to talk about Lucy. And they offered to adopt Lucy’s baby. Her mother looked relieved, and her father said that he wanted an agreement from them that they wouldn’t
disclose whose baby it was, ever. They could say they had adopted it in New York. And if Jenny and Bill were willing to do that, Lucy’s parents would let them have the baby. It was a simple arrangement, and both sides agreed to let St. Mary’s know. Jenny said she wanted to be at the birth with Lucy and her mother, to see the baby born. Her father didn’t care. He looked like he’d been drinking before they got there, and as soon as they concluded their business, he stormed out of the house and slammed the door. Jenny hugged Lucy’s mother, who was crying, and they left.

And Maggie showed up at the abuse group again. This time she had a determined look in her eyes. She said she wasn’t going to let her husband push her around anymore. And she wouldn’t let him lay a hand on Lucy when she came home. When Jenny called Lucy to check on her, she said that she and her mother were getting along better. Jenny suspected that the abuse group was having a positive effect on Maggie.

Jenny went to see Lucy later that week and told her that she and Bill would adopt her baby and were thrilled to do so. And Lucy looked enormously relieved. All she wanted was to know that her baby would be in good hands, and she was sure that Jenny and Bill were the best parents she could have chosen. All they had to do now was wait for the baby to come. It was only four months away.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Jenny said to Bill that night. “We’re going to have a baby in four months.” He smiled at her and took her in his arms. They had four months to get ready for the most important day of their lives. The day they brought their baby home. Jenny didn’t mind at all that she wasn’t giving birth to it. She would be there when it was born. Bill would have liked to be too,
but he didn’t want to intrude on Lucy, so he would have to wait until the baby left the delivery room in Jenny’s arms. It had all worked out in the end. They had lost two babies of their own, and now this fourteen-year-old girl was giving them their dream. It was the greatest gift she could have given them. Jenny told her that every time she saw her, and thanked her for the gift. She and Bill talked about it all the time now when they were alone. It was all Jenny could think about, and she finally admitted to Gretchen that they were adopting a baby, but they didn’t know who the parents were. And Gretchen was so happy for them. Jenny had told her mother as well, who was cautiously happy for them and hoped it would work out well. She was afraid the birth mother might change her mind and Jenny would be disappointed. Jenny assured her that wouldn’t be the case.

Jenny moved her office to a corner of the living room, and they started getting the nursery ready in May. And Maggie had continued coming to the abuse group for the past two months. Her stories were the same as all the others, of being beaten and slapped around by her husband, as she had been for years. But something had changed. She was no longer willing to accept the treatment from him that she had taken before.

And as they waited for their baby to come, Bill never missed an opportunity to tell Jenny that he loved her until the end of time.

Chapter 9

Jenny was painting the nursery one morning in June, when she heard the doorbell ring. Bill had gone off to see Clay Roberts about some repairs they needed to make to the church, and Clay wanted to discuss them with him, as the head of the church board. She went downstairs and opened the door, and found herself looking at Debbie, with three of her children all around her, and the baby in her arms. She looked frightened, she had a huge black eye, and her arm was in a sling.

“Jenny, can you help me?” she said without preamble, and Jenny stepped aside immediately so they could come in. The children were all wearing pajamas, Debbie looked hastily dressed, and she had nothing with her except a shopping bag full of diapers for the baby and some snacks for the kids.

“What happened?” Jenny asked her, looking worried. She went to the fridge to get juice for the kids and poured Debbie a cup of coffee.

“He said he was going to kill me,” she said in a hoarse whisper, as they walked a few steps away, so the children couldn’t hear them.
“He thinks I’ve been cheating on him, and I haven’t. He’s crazy. One of his friends came over and tried to help me fix Mikey’s crib. He must have said something to him when they went out drinking together, and Tony came home, threw me down the stairs, and gave me a black eye. I want to go to my older sister in Cheyenne. She said I can stay there until I find a job. I didn’t tell anyone where we were going. I just left when he went out. He’s crazy. I think he really would kill me. He started using uppers, and he drinks all the time now. I can’t stay there anymore, he’s going to do something terrible to me or the children. I can’t take the chance.” She was willing to run away to save her children, but for herself she had stayed there and taken the abuse for years. Jenny was just glad that she had finally gotten up the guts to get out. She was young, and she could start over and have a good life.