Until We Touch (24 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY

L
ARISSA
HELD
HER
brand-new certification in her hands. She had to admit, it looked really good. She had a frame waiting for it at the day spa. She was going to meet Bailey there and together they would hang it.

The past couple of weeks had been a lot of work. She’d chosen a paint color and learned what it was like to patch, sand, primer and paint. She’d ordered linens and oils, and arranged for the massage table to be delivered. She’d gone to her first estate sale with Isabel and Ford and had found a beautiful antique desk that would be perfect for any paperwork she had to do at her new location. She would officially be open for business on Monday.

She was moving forward. Painfully, slowly, but progress was made. The nights were the toughest. Not so much the evenings—she could keep those filled. But nights were long and empty and she spent them missing Jack.

Nearly everyone she knew was taking her side. Even Percy, whom she saw a few times a week, was trash-talking him. Larissa supposed she should have been gratified by the show of support. But all she could think was that he was alone in all this. Despite everything, she worried about him, wanted him, needed him. Loved him.

She accepted that maybe she was a one-man woman. That she would spend the rest of her days wanting what she could never have. And if that was the case, she was going to have to figure out how to be happy on her own.

“A problem for another day,” she told herself as she hurried toward the day spa. She went inside and used her shiny new key to open the door to her room. Once there, she paused to take it all in.

The walls were a cool, restful shade of sage. The massage table—the biggest, baddest one available—stood in the center of the large open space. To the left were the two storage units, now filled with pretty baskets of fresh sheets, blankets and towels. A corner cabinet held her oils. There was a bench by the door where her clients could sit to put on shoes and socks. Hooks and hangers gave them a place to hang their clothes. Her appointment book lay open on her small desk.

She reached for the small, backless, rolling stool that she would use during massages as well as at her desk, then sat down. After picking up the phone, she hit the talk button to access her newly acquired business voice mail.

“You have seventeen messages. Press one to hear your messages.”

Larissa frowned. Seventeen? Was she getting prank calls?

She pulled a pen out of her bag and a pad of paper from her single desk drawer, then pushed one.

“Larissa, it’s Eddie Carberry. I want to schedule a massage. One of those hot stone ones. But I don’t want any little rocks between my toes. That’s too weird. Thursday afternoons work best for me.” Eddie left her number and Larissa wrote it down.

The second call was from Mayor Marsha, also scheduling a massage. The next message came from Josh Golden saying he’d heard she understood about old sports injuries and he wanted to set up an appointment. And so it went. Seventeen calls with more than half of the people interested in standing appointments—either weekly or biweekly.

Larissa dutifully wrote all the information down. When she’d finished, she put the phone back on its cradle. She looked at her new license, then at the beautiful space she and her friends had created. And then she smiled.

* * *

O
N
DAY
TWENTY
-
THREE
without Larissa, Jack woke to the sound of rain on his windows. The house was silent otherwise. Empty. He was the only one there. He’d wanted to be by himself and now he was. He had no job, no friends, no lover, nothing. It should have been a dream come true. Instead, he found himself in hell.

He got up and crossed to the window. Low gray clouds obscured the mountains. He could have been anywhere. When he thought about it, there was nothing holding him in Fool’s Gold. He could be miserable somewhere else.

But even as he thought about packing up and disappearing, he knew he couldn’t go. There were things he had to see, had to know how they ended. If he was gone, he wouldn’t be there when Percy took the GED test and later when he found out he’d passed. He wouldn’t see Taryn get married or hear that Sam and Dellina were expecting their first child together. If he was gone, he wouldn’t know if Kenny ever fell in love and if he wasn’t here, he would never catch sight of Larissa again.

Because that was how he got through the day. Seeing her from across the street or by the park. He knew her routine, knew where she liked to run and who her friends were. There he was, Jack McGarry, star quarterback, Super Bowl champion, reduced to being nothing more than a pathetic stalker.

No, he couldn’t leave. But he also couldn’t stay like he was. Empty. Useless. Lucas would be so damned disappointed.

He pulled on his robe and went to the kitchen where he made coffee. After pouring himself a cup, he wandered into his office—a big library of a room he never used. There were books he hadn’t read and a sofa he didn’t sit on. Behind cabinet doors were boxes Larissa had dragged over to his place. They contained letters from families the two of them had helped. The only point of the room was the laptop on his desk that he used.

He started to walk toward it only to find himself circling around the lower cabinets and opening one of them. He pulled out a box and carried it over to the coffee table by the sofa. After sitting down, he raised the lid and looked inside.

On the top was a threadbare stuffed giraffe. It had once been purple, but had faded through washings to a pale gray. One ear and one leg were missing. Under that were pictures of a little boy holding the giraffe.

The oldest pictures showed a small, pale boy with a weak smile. Jack would guess he was three or four. The hospital setting made him look even smaller and more helpless. His parents tried to smile at the camera, but there was no way to disguise their worry.

More pictures showed the boy—Jeffrey—in a hospital bed, celebrating a birthday, then Christmas. Then the scene changed with a big banner behind the bed proclaiming
Transplant Day!

The next photos showed Jeffrey with the telltale scar on his chest. But he looked better, with more color. He was sitting up instead of lying in the bed and his parents, while exhausted, had genuine smiles.

He reached for the letters, the notes, the cards. Larissa documented all that they did. She’d visited Jeffrey and his family three times. She’d arranged for the rest of the family to be flown in over the holidays, and when Jeffrey was discharged and ready to start acting like the healthy little boy he now was, she’d set up a trip to Disneyland.

There was a thank-you note from Jeffrey’s mother, addressed to him. She mentioned his generosity, his compassion. She said she knew about his brother and the loss the family had suffered and appreciated how he’d turned that into a blessing for them.

There were more boxes. Dozens of them, all filled with letters and pictures and mementos, like the ratty giraffe. There was a photo of him at a high-school prom because the girl they were helping was seventeen and she’d been away in hospitals for so long she didn’t have any friends, let alone a boyfriend. So Larissa had talked him into taking her to the dance.

So many people helped, he thought. In such a short period of time. And these were only the humans. If he added the cats and owl and chiweenies to the mix, they were well into three figures. Hundreds of souls saved because he was a sucker for Larissa and she wanted to save the world.

He leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes. He could imagine every part of her. How she sounded, how she moved, how she smelled. He ached for her. Not just in his bed, but in his life. He’d pushed her away because... Because...

He remembered his high-school football coach lecturing the team and the lesson that had stuck with him through his entire career was a simple one. “You are either the solution or you are the problem.”

Jack had always been part of the solution. Whether it was how to break a losing streak or save a young PR associate who didn’t have anywhere to live, he was front and center with the fixing. It made him feel good. It helped him belong. It kept him safe.

Taryn was right, he thought grimly. The reason Lucas had heart disease was he had a heart in the first place. Jack was all flash. He looked good on the poster, but in a crunch, the best you could count on was that he would write a check. Taryn held Score together, Larissa made him a hero by caring. But what did he bring to the table?

You’re either the solution or you’re the problem.
Somewhere along the way, he’d become the problem.

He didn’t want to risk caring. He got that. He knew why. He could list the reasons and most people would probably agree with them. They would think he was being smart. Careful. Reasonable. But the price for that was everything he had now. The price for that was nothing.

He opened the first box again and stared at the tattered giraffe. Jeffery had given it to Larissa to thank her for all she’d done. In turn, she’d given it to him because, as she put it, he made it all possible. But she was wrong. He was only along for the ride. She was the one who made everything possible. He was a sucker for Larissa. He knew that. Had always known it. Whatever she wanted, he was all in. She only had to call and he was there. She was the one person he would stop anything for.

He stood up and swore. He was in love with her. Based on his actions, he’d loved her from the first moment he’d met her. Only he’d been too stupid to realize it. Or too afraid. Larissa’s mother had missed the mark by 50 percent. Larissa wasn’t just in love with him. He was in love with her.

He started for the door of his office only to stop. What if it was too late? What if he’d screwed up everything to the point where it couldn’t be unscrewed? What if she wouldn’t forgive him?

“She has to,” he said aloud. There was no other choice. He needed to be with her. He needed to show her that he was exactly who she’d always claimed he could be. She’d seen the best in him when he’d never seen it himself. Now he had to live up to what she’d always believed.

He showered and dressed, then drove out to the university. It took a little convincing but he finally got in to see President Newham, even though he didn’t have an appointment.

“How can I help you, Mr. McGarry?” she asked.

“I’m here about the coaching job,” he told her.

“You made it very clear you weren’t interested. You said you were the last man we should pick.”

“I was wrong,” he told her, then wondered how many times he was going to have to say that again today.

An hour later, he parked in front of Paper Moon. While what he needed was on the bridal side, he happened to know Isabel spent most of her time in the part of the store with the regular clothes, so he started there.

The tall blonde was just finishing up with a customer when he entered. Her quick, cold glance told him word had spread all through the female community of Fool’s Gold. What he didn’t know was whether she was pissed at him for what he’d said to Taryn, Larissa or both.

When her customer left, she crossed to him. “What do you want?”

“I need to rent a dress.”

“We don’t rent dresses.”

“Fine. I’ll buy one. A bridesmaid gown.”

Her gaze narrowed. “Why?”

“To make a point. Please. Just sell me a dress.”

“The only one I have is five thousand dollars.”

He handed her his credit card.

Her lips pressed together. “You’re an idiot. I don’t have five-thousand-dollar bridesmaids’ dresses.” She walked past him. “Come with me.”

He followed her through the opening to the shop where Taryn had tried on wedding gowns. He ignored the wide and frilly skirts and waited until Isabel handed him a pink dress with lots of bows and ruffles.

“Will this do?” she asked.

He nodded. “It’s great. How much do I owe you?”

“How long do you need it?”

“About an hour.”

“Then take it. If you break it, you buy it.”

Just like that. “Don’t you hate me?” he asked.

“I think you’re a jerk, but that’s no reason for me to act like one.”

Because in their hearts, most people were pretty decent, he thought. Why hadn’t he realized that before?

He took the dress. His next stop was the halfway house where Percy lived these days. He hadn’t seen the kid in almost a month and had no idea what his reception would be like, but this was one of the fences he needed to mend.

He gave his name to the woman who answered the door, then waited. A few minutes later, the teen appeared at the top of the stairs. His expression was wary as he approached Jack, but he held his head high and his shoulders square. He faced Jack man-to-man.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said by way of greeting. “About what I said and how I let you walk away. You weren’t a project. I said it because having a kid scares me. I don’t want to care that much. I don’t want to risk losing anyone close to me. The flaw in my plan is that I already cared. I was fooling myself, which is okay, but I hurt you and that’s not.”

Percy stared at him, but didn’t speak. Jack didn’t know what the teen was thinking, but knew he had to keep going.

“Larissa is special,” he continued. “She sees how things are supposed to be. I admire that in her. I admire how you’ve kept it all together. You didn’t get into trouble, when that would have been the easy path. You stayed strong and I admire that, too.”

Percy looked away and cleared his throat. “It’s okay, man.”

“It’s not. I miss having you around. I want to help you with your studies.”

“Kenny, Sam and Taryn have that covered.”

“I want you to move back,” he said, looking at the teen. “I don’t want this to be temporary, Percy. You’re too old to be adopted, but I’d still like you to be part of my family. I’d be proud to have you as part of my family.”

Percy’s expression turned wary. “Why are you saying all this?”

“Because it’s true. Because I’ve been a jerk and I want to fix it. I want to be better. But mostly because of what I said before. I miss having you around. I want to be the one you talk to about your classes and what four-year college seems like the best fit. I want to be the one you call after your first interview. I want...” Jack hesitated. “I want to matter.”