Until You (21 page)

“Of course I do,” she admitted softly.
 
“But it hardly matters.
 
He won’t want to marry me, Brendon.”

Brendon sighed and his gaze turned speculative for a moment.  “I see.”
 
Clearly he knew his brother well and suddenly seemed to grasp the problem.  “But as you just said, it hardly matters.
 
He will marry you if I have to tie him up and drag him to the altar myself,” he said, his tone adamant.  “However, I hardly think that will be necessary.  I know my brother, Ashleigh.  He is a good man, despite his somewhat tainted views regarding many of the women of our class, and…well…the fact that he obviously seduced you of course,” he said, flushing slightly at having to say such a thing aloud.  “But, he never would have done such a thing if he didn’t have feelings for you.”
 
His expression was sincere.
 
“Nicholas will do the right thing, I know it.”

“Brendon, please, you don't understand.  It wasn’t like that.”
 
He hadn’t seduced her; in fact he’d tried everything he could to keep her away from him.  “It was my fault.  He doesn’t want to marry me, and I cannot force him to, I won’t; not even for the child I carry.  You mustn't blame Nicholas for what happened,” she said, her words spilling over each other in her haste to make him understand.

“Your fault?”  He looked at her as if she were speaking nonsense.  “Ashleigh, how can you say that?  Nick has to take responsibility for his actions.”

“No.  I know this is difficult for you to understand, but you cannot tell him, Brendon.  Promise me you won’t.”
 
She eyed him intently.  “If you do, I swear I shall
never
forgive you.”

He regarded her in frustration for several long seconds.  “Fine,” he said finally.  He turned away then, gazing off into the distance for a time.  When he turned back his expression was serious.  “Then marry
me,
Ashleigh.”

Raising her hand, Ashleigh placed it lightly upon his cheek.  “Oh, Brendon.  Your offer means more to me than you could ever know, but I think we both know that it would be a mistake.”  He was so young, she knew that he was far from ready to settle down and take on the responsibility of a wife and child, even if she were willing.  Even so, Ashleigh knew that his proposal had been sincere, and that he would honor it without hesitation.  She would always adore him for that.

“What will you do then?”

“I’m not sure, but I am a very wealthy woman Brendon; you won't have to worry about me.  My parents left me a small fortune and I am certain that my grandfather will support whatever decision I make.  Perhaps I will go abroad, make a new life for myself outside of England.”

“Ashleigh, you can’t just leave.  You have to tell Nick about the baby at some point.  At least give him a chance to do the right thing.”

The right thing
, that’s not what she wanted from Nicholas, not at all.  She wanted, needed so much more than that.
 
But how could she explain that to Brendon?  “I will, I promise, but please give me just a little more time to sort things out on my own.”

He nodded his head in agreement.  “I will always be here for you if you need me.”

She reached up to push a stray lock of his windblown hair from his forehead, and then leaned forward to kiss his cheek.  “I know.”

Sitting high amongst the dense copse of trees that overlooked the snow-covered valley below, Nicholas watched the tender scene between Ashleigh and his brother unfold from a distance, his expression dark and brooding, his rioting emotions nearly indescribable.  Though he couldn’t hear what they were saying, he could see them all too well, and what he saw was nearly his undoing. 

He had arrived at
Sethe
Manor a short time ago, and after receiving a thorough scolding from his grandmother for staying away so long, she had informed him that Brendon had recently returned from his latest voyage.  Anxious to welcome his little brother home, he’d discovered that Brendon had taken Ashleigh for a sleigh ride, and instead of awaiting their return he’d decided to ride out to meet them. 

What a stupid pathetic fool he was, he thought now.  He had been tortured by guilt and self-loathing for weeks because of what had happened between him and Ashleigh, and for a time he had actually begun to believe that she might be different from all of the other women he had ever known.  However, it was obvious now that his initial assumption had been the correct one.  In his absence, she had apparently turned her attentions to his younger, more trusting brother.  He felt as if he’d been hit by a sledgehammer.

Brendon drew women like bees to honey, and despite his youth, he was a master at seduction, well acquainted with women of all ages and sexual experience.  Unfortunately however, his brother wasn’t nearly as cautious as he was.  He wondered if Brendon had already bedded her.  Damn her!  Watching the pair below, he allowed his anger to spill forth; focusing on the growing rage within him so that it would cloak the bitter hurt he sought desperately to deny.  He would see the scheming little vixen in hell before he would allow his brother to fall into her duplicitous clutches.  He just hoped it wasn’t already too late, for all of their sakes.  Turning back toward the estate, Nicholas cast one last austere look at the occupants of the sleigh, before urging his mount forward.

When she and Brendon arrived back at the house, Ashleigh felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders.  It was such a relief to have finally shared the knowledge of her pregnancy with someone else, someone who didn't condemn her for what she’d done.  She also knew that she could trust him to keep his promise, certain he wouldn’t reveal her secret to anyone, not even his brother. 

As Brendon guided the sleigh into the stable yard, Ashleigh's tears had long-since dried and there was once again a rosy glow in her cheeks, heightened by the crisp winter air.  Brendon had lightened her spirits considerably and she knew without a doubt that he would someday make one very lucky and very special woman incredibly happy.  However, with his rakish good looks, boyish charm and libidinous nature, she also knew that he would inadvertently break a great many hearts along the way.

Entering the house, Ashleigh immediately dashed up the stairs to her bedchamber, thinking to request a warm bath to take the chill from her bones.  Removing the thick wool jacket she had worn under her cloak, she reached into the pocket and realized that she only had one of the soft leather gloves that she’d removed when they had gotten out of the sleigh.  As the gloves had been a gift from Tiffany last Christmas, she didn’t want it to become lost.  Realizing that she had probably dropped it somewhere between the front drive and her chamber, she quickly retraced her steps.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs however, she was momentarily distracted from her search, thinking she heard Nicholas’ voice coming from down the hall.  Curious, she made her way toward the rear of the house, quietly nearing the door of his study.  As she drew closer, she realized that it was in fact Nicholas’ voice and her stomach did a crazy little flip-flop.  He was back!  Her breath caught and heart beat wildly in her chest.  If she had believed for even a moment that her feelings for him had diminished while he’d been away, she knew in that instant that she had been wrong.  Every nerve in her body seemed to be over-sensitized and she wanted nothing more at that moment than to look upon his beloved face.  She took a single step forward, hesitating just outside the door which had been left partially open.  She froze though, when she heard his next words.

“I mean it Brendon; stay the hell away from her.  That girl you are so fond of is nothing more than a conniving bitch looking to snare a wealthy husband just like all the rest, and unless you want to find yourself leg-shackled to the little schemer, you had best take my advice and keep your distance.” 

“If you weren't my brother I would tell you to choose your weapons for what you just said,” Brendon replied, his voice deadly serious.

“Well, it appears my warning comes too late,” Nicholas said, a look of extreme displeasure upon his face.  It was just like Melissa all over again, but this time it was worse.
 
This time it involved his brother.
 
“Have you already bedded her?” he demanded, sickened by the thought.

Brendon, clearly too incensed to speak, could only stare at his brother in silent outrage.

The overwhelming pain tearing at his soul made him lash out in anger.
 
“In case you haven’t yet had the pleasure, let me be the first to inform you that in the past, the young lady with whom you are so clearly enamored, has been as free with her favors as a dockside whore.  You will take no virgin to bed little brother, I can
personally
guarantee it.”

Brendon’s hands curled into fists at his sides and he took a single step towards Nicholas.  “You son of a bitch!”

In the next instant, both men heard the faint sound of the door being pushed open and turned their heads toward the noise, staring in shocked surprise at the beautiful young woman who stood framed in the doorway, her face ghostly pale, completely drained of color. 

Ashleigh’s wide, luminous green eyes were riveted on Nicholas.  Listening to his cruel words, she’d felt as if her heart was being slashed to ribbons and bitter bile rose up in her throat, choking her.  Anger, shame, misery, and humiliation flooded through her, making her dizzy.  If not for Brendon’s obvious fury, she would have turned to flee, but she could not allow him to do something he would later regret, so she’d had no choice but to make her presence known.  They were brothers and she would not be able to live with herself knowing that she had somehow come between them. 

She forced her gaze from Nicholas and turned to look at Brendon beseechingly.  She said only one word.  “Don’t.”  Fighting down a surge of nausea, she knew that if she stood there even a moment longer, she would either become violently ill or simply collapse to the floor in a crumpled heap.

As Nicholas and Brendon watched in stunned silence, Ashleigh slowly backed away from the door, and then turned and ran down the hall.  Brendon was the first to recover his wits.  He ran toward the door and out into the hall, but Ashleigh had already disappeared.  Turning back toward Nicholas, he glared at him, shaking his head from side to side in disgust, before ultimately walking away, his jaw clenched tightly to keep from saying aloud what he was clearly thinking.

Ashleigh ran past the
Sethe’s
startled butler, out the front door and down the steps, unwittingly heading in the direction of the stables.  When she realized where she was headed, she slowed her pace and then walked the remaining distance to the stable, moving as if she were in a daze.  Entering the large stone building, she made her way toward Raider’s stall, unconsciously seeking comfort from her beloved four-legged companion.  Despite her near trance-like state, she managed a polite “thank you” to the young groom who smiled at her and held out her missing glove as she passed by.

Entering Raider's stall, she pressed her cheek against the stallion's thick neck and finally allowed the tears to fall, weeping into his silky mane.  “I am such a fool,” she choked brokenly.  How could she have been so stupid, so hopelessly naive as to think that their night together in the library might have changed anything?  It had obviously meant nothing to Nicholas, and had only served to strengthen his erroneous assumptions about her.   His apology, the tenderness he had shown her, the absolute beauty of their physical union; clearly his actions had been due only to the over-abundance of alcohol that he had consumed that night and nothing more.  The realization was devastating.  As she leaned against Raider, the powerful horse stood perfectly still, even as violent sobs wracked her slender body.

Gradually, the smell of freshly cut hay mingled with the sounds and restless movements of the nearby horses brought her back to her senses.  She glanced around to see if anyone had been watching her, but thankfully all of the grooms and
stablehands
seemed to be busy elsewhere or were intentionally granting her the privacy she needed.  

As the last of her tears slid down her cheeks, she furiously brushed them away.  Nicholas Leighton had made her cry for the last time, she vowed silently.  His words had been beyond cruel, and so unjust.  She wasn’t sure what had made him say those horrible things to Brendon, but there was no mistaking that he
had
said them.  One thing she did know, however, was that she was never going to allow Nicholas to hurt her again.  In her heart, she knew that their night together had been special.  It had been an act of love, at least on her part, and despite his hateful words she would never let him succeed in making her feel guilty or ashamed about it.  But clearly it was time to move on, time to let go of her foolish fantasy; she realized that now.  Giving Raider a final hug, she left the stable and returned to the house. 

She deliberately went in through the servant’s entrance and took the back stairs to prevent the possibility of running into Nicholas.  When she reached the sanctuary of her room, she found Annie there, hanging some freshly laundered clothes in the wardrobe.  She politely requested a steaming hot bath and then asked Annie to press one of her most elegant gowns for dinner.  She longed to skip the evening meal, but she didn’t want to upset Madeline, and she certainly didn’t want Nicholas to think she was hiding in her room.  She would never give him the satisfaction of knowing how deeply his words had hurt her.