Until You Believe Me (9 page)

"Sorry Ma, I've just been busy here." I didn't consider that a lie, just an omission of information.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come down for supper. I know you have to work tomorrow but you can see your old mom tonight."

I was actually pleased with the idea of having plans. A night not sitting around waiting to hear from Connor sounded exciting. "That sounds great, I'll leave here in a bit and come down. Be ready and I'll just pick you up."

"I expected to have to beg a little. Drive safe Madison."

"Bye Ma." I hung up my phone and was pleased with myself. I was happy to see her and part of the happiness belonged that I didn't have to think all night.

***

The drive was uneventful and I reached my mom's in record time.

We got seated at the table before she started in on me.

"So I was talking to Ben's mom, Shannon. She gave me some information that I'm sad I didn't hear from my daughter."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. I didn't see this coming and I should have.

"Ma, whatever you've heard I"m sure is incorrect. There is nothing to share with you and if there was I'd have already done it."

"Madison Marie do not roll your eyes at me. This is big and I'm a little hurt I didn't hear it from you."

I sighed, I might as well settle in and prepare for what was coming.

"I'll give you a chance to tell me before I assume everything I've heard is true."

I took a deep breath. I would have taken the night alone over this any day.

"His name is Connor. He owns the company doing the renovations at the university. We've gone out a few times, that's it."

"And how do you feel? Does he make you feel good?"

"Yes mother. He makes me feel like the best person in the world. He is extremely polite, he is kind, funny, amazingly thoughtful. I really just enjoy spending time with him. We haven't spent much time together alone at all but he makes me feel happy. Content is a better word. I feel full."

"Well that is more than I was hoping for. So you have developed feelings for him?"

"I care about him, yes. He make me feel good when we're even remotely close to one another."

"He is good to you?" Her tone was accusing and no nonsense.

"Very, I promise."

"Madison, you know I love you. I also loved your father. He wasn't always a happy man but he made me happy when he could. I know you don't understand it and you never will but I don't want him to hold you back. I have forgiven him for what he could not control. I want to make sure you do the same so that doesn't haunt you. I also want to encourage you to go back and see Dr. Richards. With all of this going on it might be a good place to make sure you stay on the right path. Your father or that bastard shouldn't be a reason for you to lose a good thing. You should tell this boy Madison, it will make it easier in the end."

The thought had already crossed my mind though I kept trying to dismiss it. "Nobody is screwing anything up for me. He makes me feel safe and good." The last night at his house replayed in my mind. I hadn't meant to be so obvious, just the tone of voice was eerie and unsettling.

"Madison, this is a big deal. If you care for him and enjoy his company the way you say you must be honest. There are going to have to be things you explain. He's going to need to know he has to earn your trust."

"Mom, I'm fine. He is fine. We haven't quite gotten to the part where I need to scare him off with my instability and my dramatic past. I'm not willing to let anything screw this up. Especially not things that are over and done with."

"I believe you I just worry. I worry about it happening again, I worry about you not being able to handle something good for you. It's so hard to see your daughter suffer and not be able to fix an ounce of it."

"Well it's just as hard to see your mother deal with bullshit and not be able to fix it too." I narrowed my eyes at her and it seemed to get the point across.

We ate our supper speaking on easier and lighter subjects. I realized how much my mother truly enjoyed her life. She loved being out and about and be seen and see others. I hoped that one day I would be that happy being me that I could share it with everyone else.

When I dropped her off at home she looked at me with the most motherly eyes I had ever seen. "Madison, if it gets down to it, let him love you. You deserve it. If he deserves your love, love him back. You are good enough and you deserve only perfection. If he is what you say he is, promise me you'll let him show you."

Her soft voice was slightly betrayed by the huskiness of impending tears. My mother never talked about guys or love or relationships. Due to the previous happenings in our lives it was kind of a taboo topic. To hear her be this frank and open and honest made me believe her. She wasn't nagging, she wasn't trying to win this argument, she just wanted the best.

I surprised her by hugging her. "Thank you mom, I promise. I'm in a good place. I might talk to him about it soon." I meant it. I felt that Connor had taken such a leap of faith with his dad and I that I owed him something.

"Love you, drive safely home."

"Bye Mom."

I sped off from her house and only ten minutes into my drive my phone rang. I pulse perked up seeing that it was Connor.

"Are you settled in for the night?" I answered.

"Madison, you're voice is like heaven right now. I'm settled. Curled up in bed after a very long day."

His voice was slight groggy and deeper than usual. "You sound tired. They didn't work you too hard tonight did they?"

He gave a small chuckle. "Just boring meeting after boring meeting. I had to all but sell my soul to the devil to get this job, but we'll know in a few weeks. There was quite the competition there. Now I know why I enjoy job sites. No stuffy board rooms or stuffy suits or stuffy guys. And to think, one more day of it." He yawned on the other end of the phone.

"You in a suit? That I would quite like to see. I only get dirty T-Shirt and ripped jeans." I took a deep breath before I said the next three words. It was a step and my mom felt I needed to take baby steps. "I miss you." I held my breath, letting the words out into the world, waiting for the fallout from it.

"That's music to my ears. I miss you too baby. Thank you, I needed that." His voice was gravelly and utterly sexy.

"It's very true. My day wasn't the same without seeing you."

"Have you been drinking." Connor asked without humor.

"No! Why would I be?" I was taken aback by the bizarre question.

"That is the most feeling I've gotten out of you ever. Despite my random non- macho emotional outbursts, you've always had a poker face. I'm shocked and loving it Madison." I could hear his smile and knew he was picking at me good naturedly, though he was correct.

"Well that should just show you that you need to come home because I'm losing my mind, talking all crazy even." I laughed hearing his chuckle.

"Tomorrow baby, so soon. I'm beyond overjoyed to think of coming home to you."

That was a thought. Connor coming home to me. Not just coming home, not just seeing me. But me being there as a part of his home. That reached down and awakened my giddy 14 year old self.

I just sat there feeling content and happy. Only a few seconds passed and I heard Connor's breaths becoming deeper.

"Connor, go to sleep. You're falling asleep on me." I could tell I had startled him awake.

"Yes ma'am. I'm about ready after talking to you. One more thing though Madison. You're amazingly something. Don't forget it. Goodnight sweetheart."

"Goodnight Connor."

I put my phone on the passenger seat and smiled. Not only did he continue with his daily affirmation, but the sweetheart's and baby's made my heart skip a beat.

Chapter 12

Friday couldn't have gone fast enough. I left around four after saying goodbye to Ben and that we would catch up next week. I wanted to go home, get some supplies for the weekend before heading out to Connor's.

Grabbing clothes, my make up, shampoo and body wash, and a few other things I was ready.

I stopped at the grocery store to get some things for the weekend and for dinner tonight.

I didn't understand why I was nervous to be at Connor's alone, but when I was putting the key in the front door I felt extremely jumpy. Everything was as I remembered. I put my stuff in the main sitting room, not wanting to have anxiety over where I was sleeping.

I brought the groceries in from the car and after awhile I got everything put away. I felt like I was snooping but in reality all I wanted to do was make it neat and ready for Connor to come home.

Connor texted me around 5:30 saying he was on the road and would arrive around seven. I planned on making lasagna for dinner so I decided to get under way. Rarely did I make a big to-do over a meal. After all, it was only me eating so I usually settled on something easy and quick.

I was cleaning up with the lasagna in the oven when I heard the front door open and close.

I quickly walked into the sitting room and couldn't help myself, seeing Connor there in his suit. I may have squealed as I ran and jumped into his arms. He hugged me tight to him, I smelled his cologne and made a note to find out what kind it was. I hugged him tight and enjoyed how solid his body felt but how softly he held me.

"You, waiting for me in my house is literally the most amazing thing I have experienced in this world thus far. No lie sweetheart."

"I'm glad you're back." I said muffled against his shoulder.

He set me back on the ground. "I need to get this monkey suit off and unpack. Give me ten minutes and I'll be right back." He took his bag down the hallway back to his room.

After he was out of my view I realized I was still smiling. I smiled even harder at this. Whatever was happening here, with he and I, I was going to take it as it came. This feeling was so much greater than anything I could imagine.

Connor found me in the kitchen, I poured us two glasses of wine and I took a seat at the big island in the center of the kitchen. He was dressed in jeans and a polo shirt.

"So, tell me every moment of your days while I was gone. Not in a stalker way, but I am totally interested in everything that could have possibly happened."

"Nothing interesting. Well except for these love notes that the students kept handing me on Wednesday. I went to dinner with my mom last night, and I talked to you on the way home and here I am, letting myself into your house and cooking you dinner in your kitchen." I took a sip of my wine and smiled at him.

"I really enjoy the thought of you in my house, I enjoy you seeing your mother, the love notes from the students are kind of troubling. I'd be infatuated with my professor if she were you though. That reminds me, hang on, one second." He set his glass down and tip toed down the hall. He came back grinning from ear to ear, holding an envelope.

"I can't imagine what's inside." I eagerly started opening it. Inside was a postcard of a beach scene, on the back in his handwriting read:

Madison,

You're amazing and I am completely infatuated with you. Until you believe me, you're something else in the best of ways.

Connor

"You're here, you could have just said it. But thank you, I have begun to quite enjoy these white envelopes." I laid the postcard on the dining table and went to check the lasagna. I bumped right into Connor as I turned around after closing the oven door. He was smiling his sweet boyish smile and he pulled me to him. Without saying a word he bent down and kissed me. It was like heaven to feel his warmth and his lips. It took only a few seconds for the kiss to move to the next level. He pulled me closer to him, resting his hands on my hips. I wanted even closer to him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. His lips were on mine, both pressing for more but in a gentle, not demanding way.

Every nerve in my body was in the on position. He broke the kiss and I slowly opened my eyes to see his face close to mine. He rested his forehead against mine and smiled. "I spent the past two days wishing I had done that before I left. I swear, you never left my mind Madison. I am utterly intoxicated by you."

I ran my hands through his hair. "Connor, I really missed you. I've been content, beyond happy these past few days."

"That's speaking volumes coming from you. I just want you to know, and this is just an FYI, no pressure to respond. But I'm not seeing anyone else. Even before I met you I wasn't, but now I'm definitely not. I just want you to know that."

"Thank you. I always appreciate your honesty Connor. I like that you are willing to put it all out there. I hope you understand I'm not accustomed to doing the same thing. That being said I wasn't nor am I now seeing anyone else." I blushed a little at the admission. He made me want to bare parts of myself to him that I had held under lock and key for so long.