Untitled Book 2 (26 page)

I follow him out to the four-wheel drive, sliding in when he open the doors. “Chicken or burgers?”

“Let's get both,” he says, putting his seat belt on. I do the same, realizing that I've never really been alone with Rake before, and I have no idea what to talk to him about. He takes care
of that though, making me feel comfortable. Sometimes I forget that not everyone is as awkward as me.

“Well, we can't go shooting,” he says, looking straight ahead.

“Why not?”

“Because I forgot to bring a gun, unless you have one stashed away in that purse of yours.” He pauses. “Why did you even bring a purse? If you try to pay, I'm throwing you out that window. You'd probably fit through it too.”

“You don't have a gun in the car?” I ask, opening the glove box. “What kind of criminal are you?”

He gasps, pretending to be hurt. “Is that what you think of me?”

“There's no gun in there but there's a shitload of condoms,” I say, pursing my lips.

Rake chuckles, glancing at me for a second before returning his eye to the road. “Priorities, Shay.”

“Are they yours? They're extra-small ones,” I joke, pulling one out and throwing it at him.

“Definitely not mine then. Maybe they're Vinnie's?”

“Trust me when I say that they're not.”

They weren't even small condoms, they were extra-large, I just wanted to annoy him. We go through one drive-through, then another, getting way too much food for two people. Rake eyes his food, then me, and says, “I'm wondering what I care about more right now. Eating this food, or possibly getting into a car crash if I let you drive.” He grabs a piece of chicken, and I do the same. We look at each other, and then slap the pieces of chicken together. “Cheers!” I say, making him laugh.

“Cheers. Luckily, when it comes to food, I can multitask,” he mutters as he takes a giant bite.

When we get back to the clubhouse, Vinnie is standing by his bike, texting on his phone. He rushes to the car, opening my door and scowling. “Jesus, fuck! I tried calling you, I had no idea where you were.”

I rub my mouth with the back of my hand. “I just went to get food.”

“I can see that,” he says quietly, as I grab the bag and exit the car.

“I didn't think you'd be back so early, that's why I didn't bother messaging you.”

“You could have anyway,” he grumbles, rubbing his hand over his head. “I freaked the fuck out for a second. And no one else was here, so it made it even worse. I wasn't sure what had happened.”

“Everything all right?” Rake asks, coming over with double the amount of food in his hands. “Sorry, Vinnie, I didn't know you'd freak out. We were gone only thirty minutes.”

“No problem, brother,” Vinnie replies, helping me carry the food.

We walk into the clubhouse and sit at the kitchen table, sharing our food with Vinnie. There's something I need to talk to him about, but I know it's going to be a very awkward conversation, so I've been avoiding it since yesterday. I figure that I'll tell him tonight in bed, and try not to spend the rest of the day worrying about it. Rake and Vinnie talk about some run that the men are going to on the weekend, but I find out that Vinnie and Tracker will be staying behind this time. I wonder what they do on these runs, or what they're even for. When I ask, they both answer at the exact same time, saying, “Club business.”

So I just bite into my chicken, not bothering to ask them any more questions on that subject.

“Save some for me,” Rake grumbles, making me laugh as I point out his pile.

“You're so greedy!”

“You're so tiny, how much food can you possibly need?” he fires back, checking over me.

“Let her eat, it all goes to her ass,” Vinnie adds, chuckling at my outraged gasp.

I put down the piece of chicken. In a moment of immaturity, I pick up Rake's last piece and lick it. He shoots Vinnie a look that says, “Control your woman.”

Vinnie just laughs. I for one am glad he's in a good mood. I push my burger toward Rake to make up for it, which he accepts with narrowed eyes. Guess I was now on his shit list, all over a piece of chicken.

“Are we still going to shoot?” I ask him.

“No.”

My lip twitches.

I look to Vinnie. “Want to take me shooting?”

Vinnie's never taken me before, it's always been something I do with Tracker and Rake, kind of like our little bonding moment.

“Okay,” Vinnie replies, and I can see his mind working behind his eyes. “Let's see what you've got, Shay.”

I'm going to show him.

Right after I emerge from this food coma.

“N
OT
bad,” I comment as she hits six out of the ten cans. “I'm actually pretty fuckin' impressed.”

She smiles widely, and aims for one of the cans left standing. I ask her if I can take a shot, then hit down the remaining cans.

“Team effort,” she says, moving to stand next to me. “Vinnie, there's something I want to talk to you about. I was going to tell you tonight, but we're here, all alone so . . .”

I put the safety on the gun and ask distractedly, “Is this the future talk?”

She nods.

To be honest, I don't really want to have this talk right now, mainly because I'm terrible at being open about my feelings and shit, but if she really wants some reassurance about us, I'll try my best to give it to her.

“I want to be with you, Shay,” I tell her. “I know we haven't been together long, but I don't give a fuck. I've never wanted a woman like I want you in my life, I've never felt like this before, like I just know you're mine, you know?” She nods, and I take a
deep breath, needing to get the words out. “I will give you everything in my power to give, do anything to make you happy, but you need to know a few things. A life with me means no marriage and no children.” Her face falls, but I keep going, wanting her to know that it has nothing to do with her. “I don't really believe in marriage. I don't think two people have to be married, it's just a piece of paper, and I've always known I'd never get married. You know the childhood I had, in foster care until I was eighteen, and I just never planned on having any children in my life. I don't think I'd be a good role model, I never had a father, so I have no idea how to be one. I want you, Shay, more than anything, so I just really hope you want me back enough to still be with me.”

She stays frozen for a few seconds, then schools her expression. It fuckin' kills me that she's hiding her emotions when she hasn't done it since we first met.

“I see,” she says, not looking me in the eye. “This is a lot to process, Vinnie.”

“I know,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. “And I should have told you sooner. I really think we could be happy, Shay; we don't need kids or a piece of paper for us to have an amazing, fulfilling life together.”

“I know,” she says, seeming distracted. Needing to touch her, I bring her against my body, hugging her in my arms.

“Let's go home. We can talk about this some more, if you like, or we can discuss it later after you've gathered your thoughts.”

I was just 100 percent honest with her.

I don't want to hurt her, I don't want her to leave, but she has to know what I'm thinking and feeling, where my head is
at. I want both of us to be happy, and she definitely deserves my honesty. She's quiet as we walk back through the woods to the bike, and it's almost as if I can feel her withdraw from me. I almost wish I could take the words back, but I can't, and I shouldn't have to. I can only hope that she understands and can find it in her to give us a chance. She leans against my back on the ride home, giving me hope that she isn't trying to distance herself, because she doesn't need to hold on to me so closely.

Maybe I'm just looking into things that aren't there though. She's quiet—too quiet as we get off the bike and walk inside the clubhouse. She doesn't even smile or tease Rake when we pass him, and he makes a chicken-licker joke. She just goes straight into our room, gets into bed, and takes Lana's new book from the side table and starts to read it. I decide to give her a little time alone before I try to talk to her again, so I sit in the game room with a beer and think about what the fuck I'm going to do if she decides I'm not worth it. It's a lot to ask of any woman, I know, especially because some dream of being mothers their whole lives. Then again, more and more women are opting not to have children too. Shay never mentioned wanting kids, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't. It probably means I should have brought the topic up a long time ago.

Yeah, I fucked up.

One hour and two beers later, I walk into our room to find her asleep. I remove my shoes and slide in next to her, wrapping my arms around her tightly. “I love you, Shay,” I whisper to her. “Please don't leave me.”

*  *  *

The next morning, I find her awake early, already showered and dressed and sitting in the kitchen, eating some toast.

“'Morning, you're up early.”

She smiles, but it seems forced. “I couldn't sleep. What are your plans for today?”

“Sin wants some help painting his house today,” I say, scanning her face. “Do you want to come? Faye will be here though, because the paint smell apparently isn't good for the baby.”

Her face brightens when I mention Faye. “No, I'll stay here and hang out with Faye. She's going to show me how to throw knives.”

An average day with Faye then.

“That sounds more fun than literally watching paint dry,” I say, kissing the top of her head. “I still want to talk to you a little more about yesterday. I don't want things to be strained between us. You know you can say whatever is on your mind, right? I won't hold it against you.”

Just like I hope she won't do to me.

“I know, I know,” she says, leaning into me. “Why don't we go out to dinner or something tonight? We can talk about everything then.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. “Sounds like a plan. I'll be back in a few hours anyway. Now give me a kiss.”

She lifts up on her toes and kisses me. I deepen the kiss, wanting our connection back—it's like I can just feel something isn't right, and I need to fix it, now. Today. I will fix it.

“Do you want something to eat before you leave?” she asks, resting her palm on my chest like she always does. “I can make you some bacon and eggs, or some pancakes or something.”

“No, I'm fine,” I say, running my fingers along her collarbone. “Sin says food is provided. Probably knows it's the only way to get us there.”

She grins and says, “Ten bucks says Rake will be the first one there.”

“I don't know,” I say, loving the fact she was acting more like herself. “He likes his sleep too.”

“He's like a giant kid.”

“Says the woman who licked his fried chicken yesterday.”

She lifts her shoulders in a shrug. “He deserved it.”

I kiss her again, unable to stop myself. The truth is, yesterday scared the fuckin' shit out of me, and I can't wait to get all this over with so we can go back to being Vinnie and Shay.

“Probably,” I murmur, taking a step away from her. “Faye should already be on her way here, so you won't have to wait long—or do you want me to wait until she gets here?”

She rolls her brown eyes and says, “I'm sure I can manage for ten minutes without you. Besides, I'm not even alone, Irish and Tina are here.” She pauses. “And Colt. Will you tell me how the other two puppies are doing? Maybe take some pictures?”

“Yeah, of course,” I say, leaving the kitchen. “Sin says they're destroying his garden and ruining his life.”

“Dramatic much?”

I grin at her, lingering for a second before leaving for Sin's house.

The sooner I get there, the sooner I can come back and take my woman out to dinner. After we talk, I'm going to bring her home and make love to her all night.

Yes, I fuckin' said it, I'm going to make love to her.

Fuck.

How the mighty have fallen.

And I don't even give a fuck.

*  *  *

When I arrive at Sin's, I'm about to walk inside when my phone rings.

And that's when everything goes to hell.