Untrusting (Troubled) (6 page)

I go to the office to let the dogs
out and Steve’s waiting for me.  I’m surprised.  He helps me with the
dogs, but he wants to talk, too.  He wants to know why I seem to be afraid
of him.  I tell him I’m not afraid of him.  I consider him a good
friend, nothing to be afraid of.  We’re sitting in the grass with the dogs
when he blatantly says, “I like ya a lot and I wanna go out with ya, but I
don’t know if you’re willing.”

“We’ve been out several times, and
I enjoyed myself.  I like you, but I haven’t dated in a long time.  I
don’t know how to act in that kinda situation anymore.  You might find I’m
no fun, so can we see each other with other people around ‘til we decide if we
like each other enough?”  Thank goodness the sun’s going down and he can’t
see my face.  I’m having a difficult time correlating my thoughts with my
words.

“I don’t mind others bein’ around,
it takes the pressure off of us to entertain each other and lets us be
ourselves rather than self conscious and nervous.  But there’s one thing I
have to do.”  With that he stands and pulls me up.  He puts his arms
around me, pulling me closer and kisses me, gently.  My stomach feels like
lightening is shooting across it in all different directions.  I’m afraid
to react, or dare move to put my arms around him.  When he pulls back,
he’s breathing hard and so am I.  “Sher,” he whispers as he pulls me back
to him and holds me.  “I didn’t expect that,” he whispers, “but I liked
it.”  I’m unable to speak at all.  Number thirty one jumps up on him,
demanding his attention, and wanting in with her puppies.  We break apart
and put the dogs away.  Before we get in our trucks to leave, he hugs me
and kisses me on the head, the easiest place for him to reach since I only come
to his chest.  We say goodnight and go our separate ways.

I don’t let myself think about the
kiss ‘til I get home, a tough thing for me to do since it’s taken over my
thoughts.  If I’d allowed it full thought, I’d have had an accident, for
sure.  I walk in and flop down in the arm chair, letting out my breath
with a whoosh.  That kiss was too much.  I need to remember what I did
that took it that far.  I go over my actions through my shower which is
cooler tonight than usual, but I can’t remember any of them, just the
lightening.  But I must’ve done something.  What!?  I fall
asleep trying to remember.

Friday morning I get a call and
have to go out to the Wilcox ranch, a sick horse.  I’m gone most of the
morning.  When I get back Maria has things on schedule.  The dogs are
outside and she’s in process of cleaning the kennels.  I check on the
puppies, finding the runt of the new litter in trouble.  I tend to her
with Maria’s help and she’s better.  Maria and I finish cleaning the
kennels just before Miss Lili comes in with lunch.  We clean up to have
lunch.

Miss Lili talks through
lunch.  She tells us about how the boys are grinning and beaming
today.  She’s not sure why, but she believes it has to do with us. 
She wants to know what happened last night.  I haven’t had time to talk to
Maria, yet, so I hesitate.  She assures us that if we don’t tell her, the
boys will.  I tell her Steve helped me with the dogs last night.  She
knew that, but what else happened?  I admit to being kissed. 
Aha.  Then she looks at Maria.  Maria admits to being kissed, too.

“Just as I thought, the boys are in
love.  I’ve never seen them this way before.  They’re walking on
clouds, smiling, teasing, in high spirits and ‘ready to slay dragons’, as my
mother would say.”  Maria and I look at her, confusion showing on our
faces.  “You don’t have to understand, right now, suffice that you know
those boys are smitten.  They have it bad for you girls.  Isn’t that
the way it’s said these days?”

Maria and I start talking, not
understanding, because we haven’t done anything and we certainly haven’t made
up our minds about the guys.  Miss Lili tells us that isn’t important. 
What’s important is that the boys have feelings and hope.  After their
past with women, they’ve found someone they feel they can trust and care about.

We tell her our past is just as
checkered, but we can’t jump in like they, evidently, have.  She says
they’ll take it slow, but they have it bad and that’s good.  She was
getting concerned about them.  They’d become jaded about women, not
finding one that would last.  Miss Lili adds she couldn’t be more pleased
with their choices.  We have nothing to say.  Miss Lili has given us
her stamp of approval, whether we want it or not.

But Miss Lili isn’t through
yet.  She talks about how Bob’s smitten with Shay, too.  How they all
find Shay well mannered, fun, out going, handsome, and loving.  She
praises Maria on her parenting skills.  Maria thanks her for the
compliments for and of Shay.  Bob, in his playing with Shay, thinks he’ll
be athletic and academic and he should know with a B.S. in education and a
minor in child psychology.  Steve has a B.S. in agriculture with a minor
in business management.  He wanted to be a rancher, but became a fireman
because it was what the town needed.  Steve is actually the Fire
Chief.  They trained to be firemen in different places, Bob in Atlanta and
Steve in California.  The two came home and putting their training
together, formed the fire department.

We talk ‘til two o’clock.  Two
hours for lunch, unheard of before today.  We check the schedule box and
start to work on the next newsletter.  Steve and Bob come in at five fifteen. 
We put the dogs out and notice Miss Lili was right, the boys are in good
spirits today.  They’ve always teased and made jokes, but today they’re
quieter, in a loud way.  They’re smiling, and beaming, too.

I go in to check the new puppies
and Chaucee.  They’re getting along very well.  I go into the office
to find Bob and Maria in a kiss that embarrasses me.  I back out, before I
interrupt them.  All the puppies aren’t totally house broke yet so I clean
some of the kennels.  Steve comes looking for me.  He put his arms
around me and pulls me to him from behind, kissing the top of my head.  He
turns me and kisses me gently, causing the lightening storm in my
stomach.  When he pulls away he says, “I’ve been waiting all day for
that.”  During the kiss, I’d heard the door from the office open and
close, but I couldn’t break the contact.  I guess I’d waited for the kiss,
too.  This time, I find my arms around him when the kiss is broken. 
“What are you doing tonight, besides the obvious here?  It’s Friday night
and I’d like to take you out.  I’m sure Bob’s going to ask Maria out, we
can double.”

“I don’t know.  When I finish
here, I’ll need to shower and change clothes.”

He looked me up and down, “That’s a
picture you should never’ve put in my head.”  He smiles and steps
back.  Maria and Bob come in to find out if we’re going out tonight. 
“I don’t know,” Steve answers, without letting me go, “she hasn’t answered
yet.”

“By the time I get through here,
get home, shower and change it’ll be almost midnight.  It’ll be too late
to go out.”  I can’t work out a way to get it all done sooner.  Maria
suggests a call to my mother for a change of clothes and, maybe, Mom and Dad
will let the dogs out at nine, for me.  Maria wants to go out with Bob, I
can hear it in her voice, but not alone.  “That’ll be quite an
inconvenience for Mom and Dad, but I’ll ask.”  Mom and Dad are only too
happy to help, they have dance class at seven, anyway.  It should be over
before nine so they’ll let the dogs out, no problem.  They’ll be here
about six.  The date is on.  Everyone shows their joy with hugs.

Okay, I have about an hour to get
things done.  I’ll shower and change at Maria’s and the guys will pick us
up there.

Mom calls from my house. 
“What do you want me to bring?”

“I don’t know.  All I know is
we’re going dancing.  I haven’t been out in so long I don’t know what to
wear.”  I look at Maria and get a shrug.  She doesn’t know what to
wear either.

Miss Lili steps into the office,
“The boys say the girls at the bar wear jeans and tank tops or shirts. 
Oh, and boots.”  Maria and I look at each other, shrug and I tell Mom what
was said and it’s decided.

Mom and Dad are at the office at
six fifteen with my clothes, make-up, and shampoo and conditioner. 
They’re sure we can improvise anything else I might need.  I thank them
and decide I need to talk to them more.  I didn’t know they were taking
dance lessons.  We say goodbye and Maria and I head to her house. 
Miss Lili rode her tricycle home, where the boys are getting ready for our date.

The guys arrive at eight to pick us
up.  They look great.  We go to the drive inn for a burger then out
to “Wylie’s.”  Steve and Bob seem to be known here, everyone speaks to
them when we come in.  We excuse ourselves to go to the bathroom. 
We’re taken aback by the familiarity Bob and Steve are experiencing.  But
in a small town, the guys could walk into any place and know everybody in it,
and so can we.  Being known somewhere, anywhere, around here is the usual,
not the unusual.  As proof, most of the same people say “hello” to us when
we entered.

The band’s set up and Maria and I
are surprised to find the band is local.  We know everyone in it. 
What we didn’t know was these people are musicians and singers.  Bob and
Steve are telling us about the music while we wait for our beer.  They
tune up then come over to our table to say “hi.”  Three of the band
members are volunteer firemen, one of them a woman, but this time we have time
to introduce ourselves.  Janice, Randy, Wayne, Brad and Willis make up the
band.  They’re all ranchers except Janice, who’s a rancher’s wife and
works at the hardware store in town.  They move around the room greeting
the other patrons, grab a beer and start to play.  They’re playing country
and classic rock ‘n’ roll.  We watch them and the dancers for the first
song or two then the guys ask us to dance.

Maria and I look at each other and
admit to the guys we haven’t danced in years.  They smile saying they
haven’t either, but they’re willing to try if we are.  We get up to dance
to a slow song.  None of us were wrong, we haven’t danced in a long time
and it shows.  A couple of friends come over to help us with our
steps.  We dance with them for a while, perfecting our “stepping on toes”
move.  Then they start teaching us the line dances.  We’re better at
the line dances, there’s no guessing what the next move will be.  The
other dancers help us stay within the limits of dancing and no stepping on
toes, either.  Before we know it, the four of us are really dancing and
having fun.

The second band break, I go outside
for some fresh air and Steve follows me.  We go to the side of the
building to be out of the way of the door and the people coming and
going.  There’s a breeze blowing, something we haven’t had for several months. 
“You think we’ll get the hang of slow dancing?”

“I don’t know, but I’m having
fun.  I didn’t know this place was here, shows you how much I get
around.”  I answer.

“If it wasn’t for Janice, Willis
and Randy I wouldn’t know this place existed, either.  They talk at the
station about the things they see and the people that come here.  Most of
the firemen come here when they can.  Bob and I have been here a time or
two, but usually sit and listen to the band.  There aren’t many single
women that come here.  I hear that makes the place a little more laid back
and quiet.  Bob and I like it, but don’t come very often, since the band
declared us the most eligible bachelors in the bar the last time we were here,
mostly because we’re the only bachelors in the bar.  We got teased about
not coming out after that.”

“Why didn’t you come out
more?”  I’m curious.

“We didn’t take the time to come
out.  We didn’t have anyone to come with.  We don’t drink much, a
couple of beers a night, but we take up a table that could be making more money
for the bar.  And, of course, there’s Grams and her activities.  She
likes to keep us to herself sometimes.”

“That’s some pretty good reasons.”

Steve moves closer to put his arm
around my shoulder.  I don’t move away, hoping he’ll kiss me, but he just
snug’s me up to him and holds me.  He kisses my head before he suggests we
go back in.  We turn to see Bob and Maria in a lip lock that won’t stop
and didn’t, ‘til Steve  asks, “Hey Bob, y’all going in?”  Bob raises
his head says yeah, but never looks away from Maria.  We turn, take a few
steps and turn back to see them back in the kiss.  We smile, but Steve
hollers “Come on you two.”  They look at us, come back to earth and move
toward us.  Maria has her head down and Bob has the look of murder in his
eyes.  Steve just smiles at him.  Maria and I go to the bathroom.

“That was some kinda serious
kiss.”  I say, teasing her.

“They’re all like that.  I
can’t say I object because it’s wonderful.  I want to sleep with him, but
I can’t with Shay around and I’m not on birth control, yet.  Then there’s
the waiting period for them to take effect.  But I don’t know if I can
hold out much longer.  I’m thankful, and mad, Steve broke it up.” 
She’s drying her hands.

I put my arm around her shoulders
“You’re strong enough to make happen what you want to happen.  If you want
to wait, you will.”  She smiles, nods, and puts her arm around my
back.  Her head comes up and she looks stronger as we walk out to join the
guys.

The rest of the night we dance,
talk, and dance some more.  Our dancing’s getting better, fewer toes are
stepped on.  At one the band’s about to quit so we leave to beat the
traffic.  Since nine the bar has steadily filled to standing room
only.  Bob’s driving and Maria’s sitting in the middle.  Steve and I
are sitting in the back seat next to each other.  Steve has his arm around
my shoulders across the back of the seat, playing with my hair and sending
chills down my spine causing me to shiver.  “Cold?”