Unwanted Stars (27 page)

"Okay, rest well. Talk soon. Call me anytime."

"Come with me," Campbell said, taking the phone from my hands and placing it in its cradle. He led me to the bathroom.

"You need a nice hot shower,” he said, turning on the faucet. “It'll help you clear your head."

"Thanks," I said, staring off into space. I know I took my clothes off. Within moments my naked body was reflected in the mirror. But, I wasn’t there. Not really. I felt like I was hovering above my body, watching Broken Auden lean heavily against the sink. I found Campbell’s gaze in the mirror. His eyes were pained. "Wait, don't go."

"I'll be right out here. Not going anywhere."

"No, I mean...join me."

"Auden," he said, shaking his head.

"I need you," I whispered.

"Are you sure?" he asked, squeezing my hand.

"Yes. Absolutely certain."

We stepped into heat of the water. It soothed my muscles and aching head as the steam enveloped me. Campbell stood uncomfortably far from me, as if he was afraid to touch me, like he was afraid I'd break in two.

"Don't do that," I said. "I'm still me."

"I know, sweetheart. I just-I feel helpless right now. I can't fix this."

"No one can," I said, allowing the tears to stream from my eyes. Campbell pulled me into his chest and rocked me slowly back and forth.

"Shhh, I've got you. I'm here."

My hands balled into fists at my sides. Campbell reached for them, placing them on his shoulders.

"Let it out," he said.

Angry, guttural sobs escaped me, making my throat burn. I clutched his shoulders to keep from falling to my knees. I felt weak and deflated and completely lost.

"Who am I?" I sobbed. "Who the fuck
am
I?"

"Look at me," he said, taking my face in his hands.

Water poured all around me. It streamed down my face. I blinked frantically through the heat of my tears."You are the most incredible woman I've
ever
met,” he uttered slowly, with meaning. “ You're magnificent, Auden. Truly and utterly
magnificent
."

"I don't know what to think anymore," I said, choking on the words, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand as the scalding water rolled down my chest. "This is a nightmare."

"I know it is."

"But I can't wake up. I'm never going to wake up from this."

"No, you won't. But, time will help. So will answers."

"I'm not ready for answers."

"I know, but you need them. You need the truth."

"I need
you,
" I said, running my fingers down his cheek.

"You have me. I'm not going anywhere."

"No. I
need
you. Now."

"Auden, I—"

"Please, Cam. I need you," I whispered, pulling his lips to mine. Slowly, he submitted to my kiss, caressing my face with his hands. Hot water danced on our cheeks, our lips, our fingertips as we lost ourselves in one another. Under the scorching stream, Campbell pressed me against the tile. He lifted me from the shower floor and my legs wrapped around his waist. Carefully and with such compassion, Campbell made love to me, helping me to escape the hell that engulfed me from every angle...even if only for a little while.

When the water turned cold, we hurried from the shower, wrapped ourselves in bath robes, and laid down for a nap. I rested my head on Campbell's chest and I drifted off to sleep. He was my saving grace, my safety net, my
peace
.

I had to do this. In two short days I'd be leaving for a four week tour and would do nothing but stew if I didn't. I had to do this.

Now.

If I didn’t, she'd always have power over me. She'd always have the power to mess with my head, to cause me anguish and hours wasted with nothing but confusion and betrayal.

Do it, Auden.

Do. It.

Taking a deep breath through my nose, I pressed on the large door of Harrods, walking as confidently as possible to the makeup counter. When she saw me coming, she froze, her hands stopping in mid-air as she watched me approach. Her skin went ashen and she swallowed hard. I could see the rise and fall of her chest increasing rapidly. She was terrified. And I was glad.

We stood facing one another for several moments before she spoke.

"Hello," she said in an overly formal voice.

"I'm here," I said, my arms crossing in front of me. "Talk."

"I don't understand."

"You said you'd answer my questions."

"That's true. I did."

"So, talk."

She looked around the counter. "Here?" She looked uncomfortable and shaken, and I really didn't care. A funny thing happens when your life gets turned upside down: you stop giving a shit. When things can’t get any worse than they already are, what on earth is there to lose?

"Just as good a place as any," I said matter-of-factly.

"One moment," she said, again sounding formal. Not at all like a mother talking to her daughter.
Poser.

"
Gillian, would you mind if I took my lunch break now?" she asked an older, stern-looking woman with deep-set wrinkles in her forehead.

"I suppose," she said, rolling her eyes. "Be back in an hour."

"Thank you," she said, removing her white lab coat and walking around the corner to face me.

"Shall we?"

"Where are we going?" I asked, arms still crossed in front of me.

"There's a coffee shop around the corner. We can talk there."

"Fine."

"I don't know where to start," she said, stirring her iced tea with a straw, her other hand drumming rapidly on the small table.

"At the beginning," I snapped. "How old were you? You don't look much older than me."

"I was fifteen."

"Who's my father?" The question tasted like poison as it left my mouth. I hadn't just lost the only mother I'd ever known, but I'd also lost my dad. I was seething.

"His name was George. He was..." She cleared her throat. "He was my first love."

"Does he know I exist?"

"No. He um, he died."

"Oh," I said, unsure of what to say. I forced myself to be polite. "I'm sorry. When?"

"Before you were born. Car accident. His entire family was killed."

"Oh," I said. "Is that why?"

"Yes, no...honestly, I don't know. I was fifteen," she said, her eyes welling with tears, her shoulders slumped in defeat.

I fidgeted in my seat, starting down at my hands. I didn’t want to ask the next question. But, I had to. I just… I had to.

"Did you think about me?"

"Of course," she said, her brow knitted. "Of course I did. All the time."

I took a sip of my Diet Coke and a bite of my banana nut muffin before continuing. My stomach was doing flip-flops and I needed to calm it down with carbs.

"How do you know my parents?"

"Charlotte, your mum, is my cousin. My first cousin."

"So, my nan is your..."

"Aunt. She's my aunt Gemma."

"How have we never met then?” I asked in disbelief. “I've spent every summer of my life in England."

Silence.

"You said you'd answer anything I asked."

"I couldn't...I couldn't see you."

"Why not?"

"It wasn't an easy decision for me, Auden. But, it was the best one. For both of us."

"Well, we'll never know, will we?"

"I knew Charlotte and Stan would give you a loving, stable home. Something I couldn't provide."

Her hand was balled into a fist, placed just above her heart… like her words were giving her physical pain.

"You didn't even
try
," I argued.

"I was
fifteen
," she said, her voice begging. "And George died just weeks after I found out about you. I just couldn't."

"What about your parents?" My
real
grandparents.

"We don't speak."

"What do you mean? Why not?"

"They kicked me out when I started to show. I tried to hide it for as long as I could." She wiped her eyes with a tissue, looking up at the ceiling.

"Where did you go?"

"Gemma's. She took me in."

"Oh," I said. It was all making sense. "Was this all
her
idea?"

"Yes," she said, nodding. "It was the right thing to do."

"I see," I said, staring into space, feeling so betrayed by my nan, who wasn't really my nan at all.

"Why my parents? Why the Kellys?"

"Your brother was a toddler and they were planning for a third. Maya really wanted a baby sister."

"So what, they just took me instead? That seems awfully convenient."

"It was good timing, I guess."

"Well, your timing in my life is anything but good."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Why now, Tabitha? I've been to London more times than I can count."

"It's complicated."

"Well," I said, glancing at my watch. "We still have thirty-two minutes."

"What your parents did for you, for
me
, I just couldn't. I couldn't take their daughter from them."

"So you waited until I was here alone?"

She nodded, staring down at the table.

"You're a coward," I sneered.

"Yes, I am," she said miserably. It was her turn to look down at table. A few seconds later, she said softly, "When you sat in my makeup chair and you told me about your job at Jordan, and I saw your name, it seemed like a sign. Like the stars had aligned or something."

"I don't want your fucking stars!"

"I know. I just felt like you were an adult. That it was finally time to tell you."

"Without giving any consideration to what that would do to
me?
" I shouted. "All you thought about was yourself! Getting all of this off
your
goddamn conscience. What about
me
? You've
ruined
my life."

"I know. I'm sorry. So, so sorry," she said, dropping her head into her hands and sobbing.

"You stole my parents from me. You stole my brother, my sister, my nan and granddad. For God's sake, you've tainted them. All of them."

Her sobs were so heavy that when she tried to speak, no words came out. Tears poured down her face and landed on the table. She kept opening her mouth to speak.

"We're done here," I said, rising to my feet and pulling my purse from the back of my chair.

"Wait, don't go."

"I have to. I can't even look at you. I need to go or I'll end up punching you in the face. Because, believe me, I'm fucking tempted right now."

She stood to her feet.

"Do it," she begged. "Please."

"You think it's
that
easy? No fucking way."

"Please, I'll do anything. Just...you have to forgive me."

"I what?" I said in disbelief. "I
have
to forgive you? Fuck you. You will
never
have my forgiveness.
Ever
."

I left her sobbing in the middle of that coffee shop. A coffee shop I planned to never visit again. It would forever be tainted by Tabitha and her lies.