Un.Wavering (Claimed Series Book 3) (24 page)

It left her just as conflicted as before.

She gazed at her surroundings, seeing nothing but endless trees and earth. Her eyes dropped to their clasped hands. “I think… I think I love you, Cole.”

Her voice was soft, reflecting the frightened chord deep within her.

She’d never said it before, never admitted it aloud.

Cole’s hand released hers. For a moment, she stood solitarily, feeling vulnerable after her confession. However, she didn’t have to wait long for a response. Warm hands cupped her cheeks and forced eye contact.

A soft smile played across his lips. “And I love you, Hayden.”

He leaned closer and touched her lips with his. The kiss was gentle at first, almost as if this were new to them, but he deepened it a moment later, channeling his devotion and complete admiration.

She smiled into the kiss as he snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him. Pressing herself against him, Hayden met his fervor with equal fortitude. Her chest tightened the longer she was in his arms.

She’d needed this.

Cole pulled back slowly, looking down at her. “All of this has put a strain on our relationship. I’ve neglected you and my mind has been elsewhere—”

“You’re not the only one to blame, Cole,” she interrupted. “You’re going through a rough time.”

“We’re both going through a rough time, Hayden. But that’s no excuse. We are stronger united.” He pressed his forehead against hers and cradled her close. “I am truly sorry for the distance that has come between us.  I will make it up to you.”

She closed her eyes, taking comfort in his assurance.

His lips traced the crown of her head. “You deserve to be worshipped.”

A loud
thump
sounded, separating them instantly. Several yards away, Nicolas dropped a dead buck on the ground. Partially cloaked in the dark, his eyes were eerily bright as he regarded them.

“I am truly glad I could…” he trailed off, his tone acidic, yet he did not finish the abrasive remark that would have undoubtedly come out of his mouth. Instead, he motioned to the deer. “Breakfast is served.”

Hayden pressed her lips together, watching Nicolas closely as he crouched down to start the fire. She didn’t know what had been said between Cole and Nicolas. Whatever it was, it had given Cole new life and it had put a muzzle on Nicolas’ sarcasm.

Sparks ignited and flame eventually caught the dried wood, causing a cloud of smoke to bloom. The small flame reflected brightly off the sharp features of Nicolas’ face.

Lazily, he looked up, catching her regard.

Nicolas would never come across as defeated, no matter how much the odds were stacked against him. He would always raise his tail proudly, never one to drop it between his legs.

And yet, there was something in his gaze that couldn’t be described as anything but
defeat
. It truly puzzled Hayden.

Whatever Nicolas felt for her had to be purely physical and animalistic. It would have been sour to swallow his pride, but he would have found it easy to step aside and surrender to Cole. She highly doubted the elusive Alpha had feelings like admiration and
love
. He had a sense of duty and loyalty, yes, but he didn’t strike her as someone who had a soft bone in his body.

Nicolas looked away and stood up, leaving Hayden doubting her earlier assumptions of the man. Perhaps there was more to Nicolas than what he’d let her see.

Fatigue clung to Cole like a second skin, yet somehow, he was happy.

His earlier conversation with Nicolas had done wonders to his demeanor. He stuck close to Hayden in a protective, yet unsmothering way. He gazed at her with admiration and was attentive to her every move.

It was a pleasant change, but she’d also noticed Nicolas’ change as well. Along with his silence, the eldest Slayter wore a hard, icy expression. He kept out of the conversation and returned to his previous role of a silent bodyguard.

Nicolas had sacrificed something for his brother’s happiness. Hayden didn’t know if she’d ever, truly understand what that sacrifice entailed.

She didn’t want to dwell on it, simply because she was satisfied with the way things turned out. For the most part, Cole was back to his old self and Nicolas kept a distance, preventing any sparks of unwanted pleasure Hayden would have felt in his presence.

It was avoidance at its best, but if Nicolas chose it to be this way, than Hayden felt no qualms doing the same. Although, despite her insistence, a constant nagging coiled in the back of her mind.

She couldn’t have it both ways. It had to be this way.

“We’re stopping by to see what information Troy Arnold has on Xavier and Logan.”

Near nodding off in the back seat, Hayden straightened abruptly at Cole’s announcement. They’d been traveling for about a day, taking frequent breaks to eat and reenergize. It hadn’t taken long for the desert-like environment to change into cooler temperatures and deep snow-covered grounds.

“We are?” she asked dazedly. “What made you change your mind?”

The snow was a welcoming sight. Being back in Oregon even more so. With the full moon so close, Hayden was anxious to get back to her pack. It felt like ages since she’d last seen them, but in reality, it hadn’t even been a full lunar cycle. Or even a half of one.

Cole looked back at her. “It’s on our way to the others. I have a good feeling about this, Hayden. It shouldn’t take long.”

She smiled thinly, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Now that Celeste’s stomping grounds were behind them, she could only focus on the pack. A detour, even just a small, insignificant one, could set them back.

“And what about after? Are you coming back to the pack with us?” She directed her question to Nicolas, yet the man continued driving, completely unfazed by her voice. “Nicolas?” she persisted, feeling slighted by his intentional ignorance.

For a moment, she thought he wouldn’t even respond to his name.

“I am not,” he eventually replied in a clipped tone. “I don’t belong in a pack, nor do I have any desire to play hierocracy with the traditional wolves.”

Hayden tried not to reveal her shock. She looked to Cole, expecting him to intervene and convince his brother otherwise. After getting to know Nicolas, it was difficult not imagining him with them any longer.

Only, Cole stayed silent, as if he already knew Nicolas’ plans.

“I’m sure you can find a place,” Hayden insisted fiercely. “Not everyone will expect you to conform to our pack traditions—”

“The traditional wolves and their backwards customs disgust me. I don’t wish to have any part in their war with Celeste.”

Nowhere in his tone suggested that it was up for debate.

Hayden sat in silence, her mind racing. It didn’t surprise her that Nicolas was opposed to things about the traditional wolves. He’d said as much before. He even supported some of Celeste’s earlier ideas.

However, Hayden also knew he supported
some
customs that the werewolves had established a long time ago. He wasn’t entirely opposed to the concept of tradition to stay neutral in this war. He had no right.

Neutral
….

“You sound like Julian Crow,” Hayden spoke softly, a hint of loathing in her tone. “Pathetic and cowardly. You have assets and you have great skill. But instead of using them, you’d rather sit on your hands?”

“Hayden,” Cole said warningly.

She pressed her lips together, staring at Nicolas’ turned cheek. His silence only fueled her. “Who knows what the Hunters have decided. They could be out hunting every single werewolf they find, no matter if it’s a traditional wolf or a rogue. And the humans are still learning of our kind. Things could go into complete chaos.”

Nicolas stirred dangerously. “What you have just described,
my dear,
is complete chaos. I have already told you that Celeste has won. It is no longer about winning, but of survival. The traditional wolves will not see it that way. They will shed blood of every last noble werewolf in hopes of achieving something they cannot have.”

“I remember you saying that,” she said, her voice still a leveled calm. “But I also remember you saying that we must cut off the head of the beast. The beast is Celeste.” Hayden lifted her chin as Nicolas glanced at her in the rearview mirror. “And you’re still going to be neutral?”

“Yes.”

Hayden sat back, disappointed. “My opinion of you just dropped considerably.”

Nicolas actually turned in his seat and stared at her, his pale eyes piercing straight through her. “It should have never been so high in the first place.”

He was trying to return to the sinister rogue Alpha everyone feared. But that wasn’t right, she corrected herself. He had never changed. He’d just opened up enough to allow Hayden a glimpse of what was underneath.

But a glimpse was all she’d ever get.

“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own agenda.” Cole easily slipped into the reprimanding role. “Even if you do not agree, Hayden, its best you keep it to yourself.”

Hayden scoffed, but said nothing. Cole had been guilty of doing the same thing many times before. She wouldn’t argue, though, knowing when she’d pushed too far.

It was frustrating to hear of Nicolas’ cowardice. He had a direct hand in Celeste’s victory. They were fighting for their lives because of Nicolas’ involvement. The least he could do was attempt to atone his wrongdoings.

Nevertheless, as soon as Cole returned safely to the pack, Nicolas would disappear. Hayden had no doubt about that.

The truck suddenly swerved as Nicolas pulled to the side of the road. A sheet of ice possessed more emotion than his chilly stare.

“We should rest and eat.”

Without waiting for a general agreement, the eldest Slayter exited the truck. She watched as he smoothly made his way down into the ditch and into the surrounding evergreens.

A part of her wondered if he would even come back.

“I’m not going to apologize,” she informed Cole stubbornly. “If that’s what you were going to convince me of.”

Cole exhaled at her obstinacy. “I’ve come to accept your outspoken ways, Hayden. I’m not going to ask you to apologize for them.” He opened the truck door, letting in a blast of cold air. “At any rate, I couldn’t agree with you more.”

“About Nicolas?”

He nodded once. “It’s not our place to make him come back. The other werewolves wouldn’t appreciate his presence. I’d imagine even a few would try to eliminate him for the trouble he’s caused.”

She hadn’t thought of that. She
should
have thought of that. Yet it still didn’t change her opinion of Nicolas’ neutrality.

Cole exited the truck, waiting for Hayden to join him. As she planted her boots into the snow, she couldn’t help but to feel like she was back home. They’d passed the direction of Albertville quite a distance back, reminding her of when the chaos all began.

“Have you adjusted yet?” Cole asked. “About your father?”

The question jarred her.

“No,” she answered stiffly, “I’ve been trying to forget it as much as possible.”

Cole absorbed her response. “Despite how easy it is to practice, avoidance isn’t nearly as effective as you’d expect, Hayden.”

Her immediate response was to argue, but she stopped short, remembering just
why
they were on this hunt to begin with. Cole had his own issues with his father. He knew exactly what Hayden was going through.

If anyone could give her advice and truly understand her situation, it would be him.

“Logan is your father. Despite his past misdeeds, you should be proud of your lineage. It’s a very strong line that dates back.”

She looked sideways at him. “Depending on what you find out about Xavier, will you still be proud of him? It’s hard to imagine our… fathers doing anything honorable after finding that chamber in the basement of Logan’s business.”

He was silent for a moment, mulling over her question. “He was still my father and a good man to his family and pack. That’s what I will remember of him. What matters now is finding out his wrongs and trying to correct them.”

It was hard enough finding out that Kevin Grey was also Logan Crow. Hayden hadn’t even begun to connect the fact that Logan’s wrongdoings were also her father’s sins. Logan was an entirely different man in her eyes. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to combine the two entities as one.

“Finding out about your father
does
answer many questions.” The male Alpha seemed amused at something, lost in his own mind at her expense.

“Maybe,” she conceded, thinking primarily of her transition as werewolf, and Celeste’s steadfast interest. “But it also brings up more questions.”

Like why Celeste hadn’t killed her in the first place.

“Questions that may never be answered,” he agreed solemnly. “Lately, I’ve realized that my father and his questionable acts don’t reflect back on me. I am my own person, just as you are, Hayden.”

He offered a small smile and reached over to stroke her cheek. “I never have expressed my admiration in your abilities. You truly are a woman of great talents.”

Hayden curled her hand over his, squeezing it. It meant a lot to hear it from Cole, simply because he’d been the reason behind her insistence to learn how to fight. She admired him, she wanted to stand proudly at his side.

“Thank you.”

He kissed her knuckles. “Come. Let’s go hunt for food. I don’t think Nicolas will be inclined to share today.”  

Hayden smiled briefly, but frowned a moment later. As she began to unfasten her clothes in preparation of shifting into her canine form, she glanced around the trees, her mind subconsciously centering on Nicolas.

* * * *

“At least it’s not a tavern this time,” Hayden commented dryly as they rolled to a stop in front of a secluded house. “Although… I think I’d take the tavern in this case.”

The seclusion wasn’t unusual. It was typical for werewolves to surround themselves with miles of trees as opposed to hundreds of people. But she hadn’t expected a small bungalow-style home, in poor condition, to be their last stop.

“Didn’t you say this was your father’s old cabin?” she persisted.

Nicolas glanced at her coolly from over his shoulder. If looks could kill, she’d be six feet under. Apparently, he wasn’t impressed with her chattiness and found no reason to respond to her.

“Our father had the cabin before I was born. I believe he used to take Nicolas up here when he was younger.” Cole looked pointedly at Hayden, ignoring the brooding darkness next to him. “Obviously, he never got rid of it like he claimed he did.”

She surveyed the home through the windshield. There were no lights on through the windows that suggested Troy Arnold’s presence. In all ways, the home looked abandoned. Roof shingles curled, paint peeled, and the upstairs window was shattered.

“I can see its potential,” she commented dryly.

After shutting off the truck, Nicolas exited first. Hayden scrambled out after him, immediately scrunching her nose at the odd smell. Their surroundings smelt a bit like decaying wood, mildew, and… something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

Death? Dead animals?

The trio moved silently over the snow-covered grounds, cloaked in a tense air of anxiety. Hayden moved alongside Cole, glancing despairingly at the back of Nicolas’ head. It was incredibly impressive how quickly the man could shut down and return to his soldier-like countenance.

As they closed in on the house, Cole chose to approach the front door while Nicolas wandered around the perimeter, glancing into the dark windows.

Standing with her hands in her back pockets, Hayden eyed the thick cobwebs in the corners of the door and held her breath. She strained her ears, hoping for any sign of rustling coming from inside.

Only deafening silence greeted her. 

She hadn’t expected anything to come out of this lead, yet she couldn’t help but to feel a bit disappointed. Next to her, Cole raised his fist to knock, attempting one last effort to rouse whomever was inside.

“Wait,” Nicolas ordered before Cole’s knuckles descended. “Let’s go inside. Silently.”

The cold male swept past them and twisted the handle. Astonishingly, the front door opened without struggle, but with plenty of sound. The hinges squealed in protest, ruining any chance at a surprise entrance.

She doubted anyone was inside. This was just another dead-end, a desolate place where they would only find old relics and draw incomplete assumptions from the ghostly memories left behind.