Unwritten Rules (21 page)

“Please? You need to rest too.”

“I’m not having sex with you,” I reiterated, climbing into bed next to him as he chuckled.

“I know. I just want to revel in the fact that you didn’t run away once I confessed what I’d done.”

I rested my head on the pil ow, inhaling a scent that was pure Jonah and told him to sleep. “We can talk about this tomorrow,” I added. “And we wil .”

He gave a smal nod, before closing his eyes and eventual y drifting off to sleep. I didn’t find it that easy. I laid there staring at the ceiling, processing every detail of what he’d confessed. There were stil things he hadn’t explained. As much as it pained him, I would need al of the answers before we could begin to move on.

I was most concerned about the deep hate he

held for himself. After so many years of self-loathing, it would take a lot for him to ever believe he was worthy of care and affection. It would be an uphil battle. I shifted onto my side, taking in his sleeping form, and considered what I’d just opened my heart up to.

I was somewhat disorientated when I woke. Then I felt a gentle, steady breath skim my cheek, and a hot, hard body bracing me from behind. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of waking up next to Jonah. By the sound of his breathing, I could tel he was stil asleep, and I tried to gently twist around. His arm came around my waist, holding me next to his body.

“Morning,” I smiled, my voice husky.

His hand slipped up my ribcage, underneath my

top; his fingers tickling the underside of my breast. I arched my back, pushing my breast into his hand. At the same time, I felt his eagerness press through his sweats against my spine. His lips touched the shel of my ear, caressing it as he spoke. I felt the vibrations down to my toes.

“Good Morning, Red.”

“I love it when you cal me that,” I exhaled in contentment.

“You must get it al the time,” he chuckled, flicking the pad of his thumb across my pert nipple.

“Someone tried once. They never repeated it.”

Jonah snorted then pushed on my shoulder,

turning me to face him. He looked happy and wel rested, something I hoped to see more of. The grin suited him, especial y when it was large enough to make his cute little dimples appear at the corner of his lips.

“But you don’t want me to stop cal ing you that?

I’m honored.”

I kissed the tip of his nose, feeling his pinkie finger link into mine. “I love it when you do that too.”

“Real y?” He lifted our joined fingers so we were both staring at them as they rested between our chests. His eyes darkened with sadness as he kissed my knuckles. “It was our thing...”

My brows knitted together.

“Quinn and I. Instead of kisses – because guys don’t kiss – we would pinkie hug. I miss it, and for some bizarre reason, I subconsciously started to do it with you. How odd is that?”

“It’s sweet, personal.”

He gave a smal nod, stil looking at our hands. I could tel he was miles away, thinking about his brother along with everything that had happened since that day; the day that had changed everything for him. It was apparent no one had forgiven him for his childish mistakes, just as Jonah had yet to forgive himself. I felt useless in my comfort. Al I could offer was a hug, kiss, or a shoulder to cry on, not that Jonah did much crying. That would be the hardest part of al .

“Let’s do something today,” I declared, trying to bring him out of his own thoughts.

A solitary brow rose as he licked his lower lip.

“Like?”

I shrugged. “I just want to see you smile.”

“
You
make me smile. Just having you here makes everything seem a bit better.” He closed his eyes, nuzzling my knuckles and taking a deep breath.

“Jonah, I’l do what I can to help you. I can’t help myself anymore; I care about you.”

His eyes shot open; his pupils dilating as they tried to zone in on me. I didn’t like the coldness of his expression. He frowned at me, and recoiled when I reached out to touch his face.

“Jonah, I-”

“Don’t say that!” He spat. “Don’t ever say that.”

“But it’s true! You can’t expect me to be

impervious to you, and I can’t deny what I feel.” I tried to reach out again.

“No,” he interrupted. “Don’t touch me.”

I sat up and stared at him, completely perplexed with his change of attitude. Last night he’d needed me and embraced the comfort I offered. Now he was on lockdown with every emotion he had held behind gates of steel. I thought we’d reached an understanding; he said he wanted to enjoy time with someone who knew the truth. Why did that change when he knew my heart was involved? Did he not feel the same for me?

I swal owed down my anxiety but couldn’t stop my stomach from churning. It became worse when Jonah shifted across the mattress. He sat on the edge with his back to me; his tattoos standing out starkly against his pale skin. My fingers itched to touch them, to touch
him
. I knew him enough to know that once he shut down, no amount of care would turn it around.

“You should leave. I told you to go last night,” he responded, his words like ice.

“But then you said you wanted my comfort,” I

pointed out.

“I was stupid.” He stood up, keeping his back to me. “I can’t expect you to want any kind of relationship with me, knowing what you do. I got carried away by the freedom I feel when I’m around you. I shouldn’t have. There’s a reason I let no one in, and now you know. Don’t hate me, Red. I don’t ever want to hurt you. I’m stopping this before you’re in a prime position for me to fuck you up. Just see this for what it is.”

“And that would be?”

I moved off the bed, stalking angrily over to him, intent on getting some answers. His mood swings drove me crazy. Though I could understand why he was like this. He couldn’t continue being alone. Jonah Quinn was crying out for someone to understand him, but the more I tried the more he seemed to push me away.

“I’m not going to spel it out for you. I’m not that cruel.”

“Are you trying to say that we were nothing more than sex? Are you kidding me?” I asked, raising my voice.

“I just thought I made it clear that I can’t be with anyone.”

Anger coursed through my blood, heating it until I could barely hang on to my sanity. He was throwing rocks, trying to get me to retreat, and they stung.

My voice came out high pitched and slightly

hysterical, “When? When did you tel me that? When you were singing to me? When you set up the roof for a very personal movie date? Or was it when you had me up against a tree in the park? How about when I had my hand in your shorts, feeling just how aroused you were? Because I don’t recal having
that
conversation with you, Jonah!”

He kicked the bed, letting a juicy curse rip through the air, but I was on a rol . I wouldn’t be discarded twice by this man. I had more respect for myself than that. He didn’t need to hurt me like this, no matter how much pain he was in.

“I know what you’re trying to do, and as much as I’d like to say that it isn’t working, I can’t. You
are
driving me away. It was you that said this was supposed to the fun part, the beginning of something new and al that. I real y want to help you, but you’re making this far from easy.”

“Yeah, wel , welcome to my world. Nothing’s

easy.” He kicked the bed again, wincing when he caught his bare foot on the wood.

“That’s because you’re making it this way!” I

protested, pushing my finger into his chest, trying to get him to look at me. “You trusted me enough to tel me what happened, so why won’t you trust me enough to help you?

Or is it more important for you to be right?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“The hel you don’t!” I snarled. “You just want to prove that no one gives a shit about you. But I do!”

Jonah opened his mouth, so I talked right over him.

“You messed up. It affected your brother in ways I can’t imagine, but at some point you need to resolve the hurt and move forward.”

“So easily done,” he responded sarcastical y.

“Ten years! It’s been ten years. That’s a fucking long time to hate yourself,” I pointed out, wishing I hadn’t as he pushed passed me and thundered into the living room.

“Jonah, you can’t keep ignoring me.”

“I can,” his mumble was so low that I barely heard it. In some ways, I wished I hadn’t. My heart began to crack, my chest tightened in pain.

“What happened to you in the space of a few short hours? Last night you let me hug you. You al owed me to kiss you. At one point
you
reached out for
me
. Why are you being like this now?”

I knew what the answer was; it was because I’d admitted to fal ing for him. Tears began pricking the back of my eyes, and my throat closed so tight that I found it hard to swal ow.

He coughed as he leaned over the kitchen

counter, baring his back to me again. His muscles were taut. The hooded figure tattooed on his ribs was more sinister than ever. I shivered and wrapped my arms around my waist.

“I’m doing this because I should never have taken it this far. I’ve involved you in something that I shouldn’t have. I just couldn’t help myself, especial y after you spoke to me. Then there was your attack...”

“Don’t,” I whispered.

“Yeah, it’s not nice when someone wants to

discuss experiences that you’d rather forget, is it, El e?”

I could hear the sneer in his words. I didn’t need to see his face to know that his lips were curling in disgust. This was going nowhere fast as Jonah was now firmly in his shel . He would do everything he could to keep me from getting any closer.

How many times was I going to let this happen?

Was this precarious relationship real y worth the heartache? Could I real y be so lonely that I’d continue to accept this rejection from him?

Resolve sluiced like ice cold water, putting out the fire in my blood and giving me perfect clarity. My voice shook, along with my body, when I spoke. I pushed past it, saying what I needed to, “I’m leaving. I can’t do this anymore. I’m not a dol . You can’t keep picking me up and cuddling me, only to toss me aside a few moments later. I won’t be your emotional blankie.” His shoulders sagged. “I thought we were heading somewhere, thought we were growing closer. It turns out I was wrong. I’m not sticking around and al owing you to continue trampling al over my heart.”

“Your heart?” Jonah croaked.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t know. It’s the reason you’ve shut down. I started to fal for you the moment you opened your mouth, Jonah. My feelings have continued to grow as I’ve gotten to know you, spent time with you. I don’t know where you thought this was heading, but obviously we aren’t on the same page. I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

I staggered to the door, remembering I hadn’t

worn any shoes but needing to find my keys.

Jonah must have turned and seen my struggle,

because he growled, “Your keys are in the bowl near the door.”

I rushed over, snatched them up, and turned the door handle.

“I’m sorry, Red.”

I stared out at the empty corridor, sadness

consuming my system. “I believe you, but I don’t think you’re sorry enough. If you were, you’d understand what you’re losing by al owing me to walk out of this door.”

“I do understand that.”

“No, you don’t. I’m not making myself a doormat here, but Jonah, if you need me...if you have

another...attack, then cal me. You have my number. I’m only downstairs. Goodbye.”

I stepped into the corridor and pul ed the door closed, hearing a strangled “El e” as I closed it completely. I walked down the stairs to my apartment, my body numb and unable to process my feelings any longer. I’d opened my heart up, knowing Jonah had secrets. And though I’d been wil ing to help him with them, there is only so much one person can take. Tears threatened to spil . My chest ached as I took step after slow step over to my front door. I was so absorbed in my own little world that I didn’t even see my neighbor clutching Meow.

“Another night at that young man’s, El e?”

I stared at her, the words she’d spoken taking longer than usual to register.

“Honey, are you okay? You’re looking very pale, and where are your shoes?”

I reached out, stroking Meow and wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed and cuddle with him for comfort.

“I’m fine. Jonah and I had an argument. It’s kind of upset me. It’s nothing serious. You don’t need to worry about me, Mrs. Kindle.”

She made a sucking sound with her teeth,

shaking her head and pursing her lips. “Sil y girl, you’re here al alone. Of course I’m going to worry about you. Your Momma wouldn’t want you in that apartment crying away to yourself, would she?”

“Actual y, I think talking to my Momma is just what I need right now.” I took Meow from her, my heartbeat slowing as I petted him. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just need a shower and chat. Thank you.”

Mrs. Kindle tapped my arm and shot me a weak

smile then let me enter my apartment. It was in the same state of disarray that I’d left it yesterday. I mumbled, looking around at the mess before taking action. I placed Meow on the floor, watching him sulk off into my bedroom, and after picking up a trashcan, I began purging al the garbage from my life. Granted, I couldn’t remove the heartache I was currently feeling, but I could make my life as new and as pure as possible, because maybe then I could forget. Maybe I could move on.