Up Your Score (60 page)

Another concentration problem you might have is an inability to move right on to the next question if you have not been able to solve the previous one. This difficulty arises because your mind is unwilling to accept that it is unable to do the problem and wants to keep working on it. A brain transcript might look like this:

This sort of zigzagging really wastes time. When your brain tries to occupy itself with two problems at the same time, it doesn’t work well on either of the problems. You have to trick your subconscious mind so that it will move on to the next problem without trying to go back. Three things will help you do this:

1. Guess—This is another good reason for guessing on all questions you can’t answer. When you guess, your subconscious is satisfied that it has found an answer and is more willing to move on.

2. You shall return—Tell your brain that you’re going to come back to the problem after you’ve finished the test. Then your brain will be more willing to leave the problem temporarily. (Put an X in the test book next to a
problem you think you can’t get, a ? next to one you think you might be able to get with more time.)

3. Practice—The more timed practice tests you take, the more relaxed your brain will become with moving on.

Just as the “Fashion and Beauty Tips” say on
page 321
, wear a good watch. A darn good watch. In unfavorable circumstances, there might not even be a clock in the testing area. In any case you don’t want to keep looking up nervously at the clock and risk spraining your neck. Also, remember the start time! A nice proctor (isn’t that an oxymoron?) who knows what she’s doing will write the start time on the blackboard, but since you’ll mostly be staring at the test booklet, write the start and end times there at the top for easier reference. Or on your hand. But don’t smudge it on your sweaty forehead. Check the time on your trusty watch regularly, with increasing frequency near the end of a section. But don’t freak out—it’s only to help you pace yourself better.

Done early? Go back and check your answers, duh. Still have time left? (Wow!) Check them again. Sometimes neuroticism works to your advantage . . . and you’re stuck in that chair with nothing else to do anyway.

S
AT
proctors tend to be selected haphazardly, and for the most part they do not give a flying poo about your life or your problems. They’re paid only a pittance, not enough to make them care.

Sure we’re being harsh, but we’ve interviewed students at many schools, and we have heard some nasty horror stories about incompetent and ignorant proctors. On each test date, students across the nation go in to take the SAT in what they hope will be a fair environment. Instead, some of them must cope with bumbling idiots who forget to read instructions, eliminate break time, talk while you work, or give incorrect responses to student questions (responses like “No, you shouldn’t guess”). Many proctors simply haven’t learned how to do their job. They are given a proctor’s manual with specific instructions on what forms of ID are acceptable, how far apart to seat people, what to do if there’s a fire alarm, etc. But since their wages are not incentive enough for them to read it and no one ever checks on them, they usually are left to say and do whatever they want. Here, once again, we discover the Evil Testing Serpent doing his foul work. He insidiously fails to insist on the quality of the proctors he selects.

Proctors come in three varieties. The first and most prestigious model is the Test Center Supervisor—a popular item, but available only in limited quantities. The TCS is in charge of the whole test center. She’s supposed to find all of the underling proctors, procure rooms, and maintain contact with the ETS.

Next in the pecking order is the supervisor, the bigshot in each room. The supervisor is the dude who reads the directions in a clear and carefully modulated voice (“Please read the directions as I read them aloud to you . . .”). The supervisor is in charge of all the proctors in his room.

The plain old proctors are the people who hand out the tests and answer sheets and make sure you don’t cheat. (Sometimes the proctor is the same as the supervisor.)

Proctors are selected by the test center. Often local teachers are chosen as proctors—people whose faces are familiar to students. Supervisors are paid in proportion to the number of students taking the test, and proctors are paid a flat fee.

Because your proctor may not know all the facts, it is necessary for you to find out everything you need to know about the SAT before the test date. We hope this book has answered all of your questions. If it hasn’t, read
The SAT Practice Booklet.
If that doesn’t help, go to
www.collegeboard.com
. If you still have an unanswered question, get a life.

If you happen to get good proctors, thank them, kiss them, and offer to nibble gently on their earlobes. (They’ll love this.) However, you should be prepared for a bad one and know how to cope. This will save you from getting screwed.

To be on guard against a bad proctor, to misquote the Beastie Boys, “You’ve Got to Fight for Your Right to SAT.” Your liberties, so generously granted to you by the ETS, include the following:

1. You have the right to 25 (or 20, or 10)
silent
minutes to work on each section. The minutes begin
after
the proctor has finished reading all instructions, not before!

2. You have the right to a 5- to 10-minute break at the end of each hour.

3. You have the right to use the test booklet as scrap paper.

4. You have the right to have your seat changed for a legitimate reason. The proctor, of course, decides whether your reason is “legitimate” or not. Being placed at a right-handed desk when you are left-handed, having the sun in your eyes, and sitting with water dripping on your head from a ceiling leak are all examples of legitimate reasons. Wanting to sit next to your girlfriend is not.

5. You have the right to retain what you’ve stored in the memory on your calculator.

6. You have the right to breathe.

If any of these rights is violated,
speak up
. If one of the proctors says something you think is questionable or even admits that he doesn’t know something, go ask the supervisor, who we can only
hope
knows what she’s doing. Never be afraid of “authorities” who actually know less than you do about their own jobs. Be polite, but insist. Remember, it’s your future, and you don’t want to spend it as an SAT proctor, do you?

The Greek word
proktos
means “anus.” So does the English word
proctor.

Welcome to our section about relaxation. Sit back, close your eyes, and imagine that you are on a beach next to the bluest of oceans. The sun warms your skin and your toes wriggle in the soothing sand. The smell of coconut suntan lotion washes over
you in a delicate sea breeze. As you take deep breaths of this beautiful air, you feel more and more at peace.

That sure would be relaxing. But the SAT isn’t anything like that. The SAT is when you get up from the beach and stroll into the blue ocean and a black cloud of stingrays surrounds you and stabs you until ravenous sharks smell your blood mixing with the saltwater and begin a feeding frenzy on your flesh.

Nevertheless, there are ways to become a little bit more relaxed while taking the SAT. Although the SAT will never be a day at the beach, it doesn’t have to be a gruesome drowning either. If you learn how not to panic, it can be sort of a lukewarm, slightly grimy, but not uncomfortable bath. Scientists have made considerable progress in recent years in the field of “stress management.” In consultation with some experts in the field, we have developed the
Up Your Score
Lower Your Stress Plan™.

Because people are frightened of the unknown, the best thing you can do to lower your stress is to prepare yourself. If you’ve memorized the test directions, know how to approach all the question types, and have practiced on numerous old SATs, then there won’t be any unknowns to stress you out. (You can even pick a Saturday morning to get up early, go through the routine you have planned for test day, and take a full practice test. There, there, it’s not that bad.) And this might sound pretty stupid, but a lot of people forget to just breathe during the test because they are so nervous. If you find yourself holding your breath subconsciously, take some long, deep breaths. A pretty useful method is “square breathing”: First, exhale all of the bad air out of your lungs. Hold that for four seconds. Then, slowly inhale all of the air you can for four seconds. Hold it for four seconds. Then, repeat the sequence. (Four-four-four-four—that’s why it’s called Square Breathing, get it?)

Another way to reduce your anxiety is to do what is called “positive visualization.” In the weeks before the test, each night before you go to bed, make a movie in your mind about exactly what it will be like to arrive at the test center, show your admission ticket and ID, sit down, get your answer sheet, listen to the incomprehensible proctor read the directions,
hear the smelly kid in front of you crack his knuckles. Then visualize yourself being completely relaxed throughout the whole ordeal. No, you are beyond relaxed—you are totally focused with intense energy on the test. Yet your body is not showing any signs of stress. You are breathing deeply, your palms aren’t sweaty, your pulse is slow. If you visualize this scenario numerous times before the real test, you’ll be amazed at how similar to your visualizations the real test will be. Of course, you’ll be more nervous than you were in your imagination, but you won’t feel any need to panic, and that extra bit of nervous energy might help keep you alert.

Another relaxing thing to remember is that you are
not supposed
to know all the answers. Sure, an occasional whiz gets a perfect score, but the SAT is not like a classroom test on which your teacher will be disappointed in you for each question you get wrong. In fact, you can get tons of questions wrong and still do okay. For example, you can skip 30 questions and still score around 2000. You can skip about half the questions and still get a score that is around the national average. So, don’t worry about whether or not you can solve a particular problem. Work on it for a reasonable amount of time, then say, “It just doesn’t matter. I’m not supposed to know all the answers,” mark it in the test book so you can come back to it if you have time, use one of our guessing techniques to make an educated guess for the time being, and then go on with the test.

Finally, we checked with the heads of the world’s major religions and they all agree that while a poor performance on the SAT might make it less likely that you will get into the college of your choice, it will not have any effect on your chances of getting into the heaven of your choice.

So enjoy your bath.

Yes, you have to sit through a longer test than your predecessors did. Boo hoo for you. Take five minutes to lament your fate, then suck it up. It’s time to build up your stamina. You
don’t want to pass out halfway through the test and get carried away on a stretcher.

A great way to improve stamina is simply to calm down. Don’t distractedly look up (or sideways or over your shoulder) too often. Force yourself to look
only
at the test—and your trusty watch (see
page 322
). Practice also helps. The more practice tests you take, the more ready you’ll be to handle the ordeal. Discipline yourself with daily routines. Do lots of pushups. Finally, if all else fails, bring a camel-pack backpack filled with 5-Hour Energy Shots to the test. This helped JaJa. Good luck going to sleep that night, though.

In order to succeed on the SAT, it is most important to use your
mind
. If you arrive at the testing area without your
mind,
you are sure to do poorly on the test. (There have been reports of test takers in California who scored above 800 without their minds; these rumors have been investigated and have been found to be vicious hoaxes.) Most of this book is devoted to training the mind to meet the intellectual challenge that the SAT presents. However, a certain amount of physical conditioning is necessary as well. Each year thousands of students all across the nation suffer from muscle fatigue, leg cramps, and spinal curvature as a direct result of the SAT. Yes, the SAT can be a grueling, bone-breaking, lung-collapsing experience for the ill-prepared. How can this be? How can taking a test be so physically draining? Simply stated, all the misery is caused by the beastly little desk pictured on the next page.