Upside Down (10 page)

“So
, this is all you’ve got to say to me. Both of you?” I paused expecting they would apologize. “Nothing?”

“What d
o you want us to say?” he asked.

“Mom? Nothing?”

“I’ve told you what happened, honey.”

“Oh, you don’t think I deserve an apology, then?
It’s no big deal for you if I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to her. If she thought I didn’t care about her.”

“Carol, she knew you
cared. She would always come show me the Christmas and the birthday presents you sent to her.”

“Gosh, mom, you
are
unbelievable!” I shouted. “Caring for somebody is much more than Christmas and birthday presents!”

“That’s enough, Carol!
”

My father stood up, walked around the table and
put himself between my mother and me, as if to protect her, in case I lost my temper all together. “I won’t tolerate you shouting at your mother like that, especially not over such a thing like the cook’s death.”

I saw red
and had to fist my hands into balls, driving my long nails into my own flesh, to keep from scratching his eyes out. I couldn’t control the hatred in my voice or the tears rolling down my eyes when I spoke very quietly.

“You are both unbelievable
! Iris was so much more than ‘
the cook
’ to me, dad! She took care of me when I was here; she visited me at the boarding school every single Sunday; she stayed up all night listening to me wailing when my first boyfriend dumped me; she stayed up all night listening to me bragging the first time I had sex. The list is endless. She was always there for me and I didn’t have the chance to be there for her when she needed me.”

I paused and looked at them. At least, my mother look
ed ashamed. My father was still shielding her from me.

“
You took that away from me, mom. And you don’t even see what’s wrong in this picture.”

“No, honey, I see that now. I’m so sorry.
I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”

“That’s the thing with
you guys, mom. You two never mean for me to get hurt, yet, I’m always the one left out. Or left behind. Well, this time, you’ve screwed things up pretty badly. Iris was the mother I didn’t have when I was growing up. Now, she’s dead. You do the math.”

My father looked over his shoulder at her when s
he sobbed loudly.

“You can’t talk to you mother like that.
It’s not fair. She suffered every second of every day while we were away from you. It wasn’t an easy choice for us to make. You were too young then to understand why we had to leave without you but I thought you would come to see our reasons as you grew older.”

“First of all, dad, it’s very hard for
a child to understand something on their own. Even for a girl as smart as I was. Eventually, I figure it out by myself, but, then, you don’t get to complain about the conclusions I drew if you didn’t bother to supply me with your arguments.”

I
knew my sarcasm wasn’t lost on him. He raised an eyebrow and I felt like looking in a mirror. He wore the same expression of disdain I liked to wear.

“And what conclusions did you
draw?”

“Over time
, I came to realize you and mom lived in a world of your own. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered. There was only the two of you. It has always been this way. It took me a long time but when I finally understood that, I gave up giving a damn. It was a good thing, though, because I also stopped hurting.”

I t
urned to my mother to continue.

“
Now, thanks to you, mom, I’ve been reminded of how selfish both of you are. Don’t you think it’s funny I came all the way up here because you found time to call me because you needed me to help you? Don’t you see a pattern here? I do. And I don’t want to be a part of it anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I’m through with both of you. I’ve had enough. I can’t stay here another second. I’ll go back home.”

I
stormed out of the library, slammed the door shut and flew down the stairs but nobody ran after me. Not that I expected them to try to stop me. But, the fact they didn’t do it hurt me further still. Bob heard the commotion and caught up with me in the hall.

“I had the feeling you wouldn’t stay. I didn’t ask Peter to get your bags
up. They’re in the car.”

“Thanks. You know me well.”

“Yes, I do and as an old friend I’ll say something you may not want to hear. You may not like to hear it, either. Then again, that’s what friends are for, right?”

I nodded. He held both
my hands and spoke. Patience and love radiated from each word.

“Freckles, you shouldn’t judge anyone in haste or with a heavy heart. When we are angry or sad,
we don’t think before acting and that usually ends up in disaster. You are both. And you are hurt.”

“Damn right I am! But don’t say I’ve judge
d them in haste, here. I’ve had many years of heartache and disappointments before realizing who those people upstairs really are. You know that! You saw what they did to me! This time they went too far and I’m through with them!”

“I
know what I saw. I saw you suffer as a kid for things you were too young to understand.”

“Oh, no! Not you, too, Bob.
Don’t give me this crap about me being too young back then. They didn’t come home until I was eighteen years old! I wasn’t a child anymore. What kind of moron did they think I was? What explanation could they possibly give me for being MIA for ten years? And why are you defending them, anyway?”

“I’m just saying, little one.
I saw many things during those years. Some of them might have shed a different light on the situation,” I opened my mouth to ask why he never told me anything but he did know me too well. He raised his hand for me to stop and continued. “But it was not my place to say anything. It’s still not my place, freckles. I’m sorry.”

“What are you trying to say, Bob? What am I missing here?”

“I shouldn’t meddle. And I won’t. That’s the number one rule for any decent butler,” he smiled to lighten up the mood. “I love you but there are things only a parent can tell their children. I’m so sorry.”

“Gosh, Bob. You’re not helping me at all. Now, I’m angry
and
confused. What the hell?”

“I couldn’t let you get behind the wheel of th
at murderous machine in the state you were in when you ran down the stairs. You were seething,” he winked. “Now, confusion will get you to drive slower.”

“Oh, you
, conniving old dear you!” I kissed him on both cheeks and hugged Bob for as long as I could without embarrassing him. “You know I can’t get mad at you. You gave me something to think about but that doesn’t mean I’ll let them off the hook any time soon. I still don’t understand them.”

“Don’t worry. They’ll talk to you when they
’re ready. In the meantime, try to be more patient and cut them some slack. Now, drive safely.”

“I will.”

“Yeah, right!”

In the rearview mirror, I saw Bob shak
ing his head in resignation as I roared the powerful engine to life. I just laughed, turned the car around in one swift movement, waving goodbye, and sped up the one-mile-long driveway leading to the property gate.

I wanted to g
et home quickly where I could lick my wounds and find a way to solve all my problems in order to get my life back on track. Everything was getting out of control and I’d never liked that feeling. I had to be on top of things. I felt powerless otherwise.

* * * *

I had been back in New York for over a week. I had somehow licked some of my wounds but all my problems had remained the same. Mark was still acting out of character. Cindy - I wasn’t able to think of her as Ms. O’Rourke after all those dreams – was still an enigma to me. The weird dreams still haunted my nights – the difference being Mark made guest appearances in them. The economy was still circling the drain. I was still hurting over the last knife my mother had stabbed in my back. And, there was some big secret in my parents past that I had no real interest in unlocking.

Mark bec
ame a person I didn’t recognize anymore. I wasn’t sure I liked the change, either. Each day, when I arrived at the office, for example, I found a different surprise he had prepared for me. They would be things like: breakfast delivered by my favorite coffee shop; a gift certificate from a fancy spa in town; tickets for the ballet; a rare edition of one of my all-time favorite books - ‘
A Christmas Carol’
; a single, exquisite red rose waiting for me on my desk.

Regardless of
how badly I had treated him the night before, the little surprises would come. Even if I had spanked him until my wrists were sore or if I had teased him until his shaft was about to explode, then, left him literally hanging. The more a mistreated him, the nicer the surprise would be. But, one day, he really pissed me off with yet another red rose, this time accompanied by a gorgeous gold and sapphire ring. I marched out of my room and, forgetting where I was, threw the rose and the ring on his desk.

“This has got to stop
! Enough is enough, Mark! Stop giving me these things!”

While I was having my tantrum, t
he ring bounced off the top of the table, rolled through the polished wooden floor and landed at Cindy’s foot, who had just arrived at the reception counter. She gracefully caught it, walked up to me, put it inside my hand, closing it around the shining object with her own. She kept her hold of my hand but turned to Mark to speak.

“This one is a keeper, Mark. Don’
t ever let her go.”

We were the only people in the office
but I didn’t want to make a bigger fool of myself by telling Cindy where exactly she should stick the ring, her hand and her nose. I just yanked my hand free, set the ring on Mark’s table and went back to my office. However, I did slam my door once I got in. Somebody, or something, had to pay for my frustration.

After that
day, Cindy became bolder in her interactions with me. I had thought her flirtatious behavior was a figment of my vivid imagination. I had even felt embarrassed about that. But, that was all before that morning. Whenever we met, after the scene with the ring, she would compliment my outfit. She would touch my hand or arm every time she handed me something. I had the sensation each time she touched me she lingered a little longer.

As
Cindy became less subtle, I got more disoriented. I couldn’t understand my reactions to the woman. I was happy in my relationship with Mark. Granted, I was uncomfortable with the changes we were facing in said relationship, but sexually speaking, things couldn’t have been better. So, why the hell, would I be so curious that I caught myself wondering what it would be like to be with a woman? Why would I allow these visions of Cindy’s blonde beauty invade my thoughts at the most inappropriate moments? Why would I find myself squirming in my chair when I thought of her mouth on my fevered body and not Mark’s? Finally, the question that had tormented me after each one of these daydreams: why would I even consider Cindy instead of Mark for a lover? I had no answers.

One
morning, she took her teasing way too far. I had had an early meeting at a client’s office so I arrived at mine around ten o’clock and took the private elevator up. Being a private elevator meant that, when the electronic display blinked and the bell beeped on our floor, I was the only person who could be expected to come out of it because I was the only one who had access. And the very intelligent new receptionist knew it quite well.

Anyway, I got off the elevator and didn’t see her behind the counter. Cindy was never late so I got worried.
I stopped by the counter to check if her purse was in there, which would mean she was somewhere else in the office. I choked on my coffee because I was greeted by her round derrière wrapped in the black pin skirt of her uniform. She was on her fours looking for something on the floor.

“What happened, Ms O’Rourke?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you coming. I’m looking for my cell phone.”

The little tramp did
n’t stand up to talk to me. On the contrary, she looked over her shoulder and wiggled her rear in the air. I kept my face straight and serious and raised my eyebrow at her before pointing at a small table on the corner.

“Isn’t that your cell phone
over there?”

“Oh, my, silly me
! That
is
my cell. Thank you, Ms. Sullivan.”

She finally st
ood up and I swore she winked at me but it was so fast I couldn’t be sure.

“You know, today is my day off from the bar and I’d love to go to a gym near here. Can you recommend me one?”

“There’s an excellent fitness center on the twentieth floor. Most people from the office go there.”

“Do you go there, Ms. Sullivan?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.”

“Interesting.”

I was in no mood for her little games. Also, she mentioned the bar where she worked in the evenings, which reminded me of something. So, I changed the subject.

“
I’ve been meaning to ask you the name of the bar you work at.”

“It’s the Living Room at
the W Hotel,” she winked and I saw it clearly that time. A cold shiver ran down my spine. That uncomfortable ominous feeling again. Luckily, Mark appeared and she didn’t have a chance to say anything else.

“Good morning, Ms. Sullivan. Ms. O’Rourke. Can I have a word, Ms. Sullivan? I need to
wrap some things up with you before your eleven o’clock meeting.”

“
Absolutely. We still have some time and I need to straighten some things up with you, too. Talk to you later, Ms. O’Rourke.”

I did
n’t wait for her reply. I marched into my office and, when Mark closed the door, I locked it behind us. Before he figured out my intentions, I pinned him to the door with a loud bang and kissed him. I invaded his mouth with my tongue as I invaded his pants with my hand. He grabbed the lapel of my suit jacket, pulling me closer, and returned the kiss in kind. We moved to the couch without breaking the kiss, without saying a word. We fell on it, Mark on top, not wasting any time on foreplay. He was always up for some fun and I had had all the stimulation I needed watching Cindy wave her bottom at me. I didn’t want to think about that, though. I didn’t want to examine my real reasons for jumping Mark’s bones like that, either. I just wanted to seize the moment.

A m
oment that came fast and furious. We panted, moaned and gasped when we found pleasure so suddenly. There was an extra rush when a couple got down and dirty as fast as we had just done. That was precisely why I loved quick sex - the thrill, the urgency, the adrenaline.

When we
finished, Mark stood up to straighten his clothes and I stayed on the couch watching him. He was a gorgeous man. He was a generous lover. He said he was falling in love with me. What else could I ask for? Who else did I need? Stubborn that I was, I ignored the face that popped up in my head, stood up and rearranged my clothes. Apparently, all that had been for nothing.

“Did you bring the
contracts?”

* * * *

A few days later,
Mark called me on the intercom when I was checking some reports from the financial department.

“I’m sorry to bother you but Ms. O’Rourke is here. She’s just finished her shift and she’
d like to talk to you briefly.”

I t
ook a deep breath and looked at the pile of papers on my desk. Jonathan, our CFO, needed them checked and signed within the hour. It would take me another half hour to finish reading them.

“Mark, I’m sorry but I need
at least thirty minutes to finish these reports.”

I heard muffled voices before Mark replied.

“She said she can wait.”

“Ok, then.”

I didn’t rush things but finished signing the reports in less than twenty minutes. It took me another ten to call Mark in to take them to Jonathan. I spent the time staring at my door wondering why Cindy had asked to talk to me.

The other day, w
hen she had told me she worked at the W Hotel, she had confirmed my suspicions. I was sure she had really been in the hotel room, on the day of her interview, while I was having sex with Mark. I had considered the possibility that she might plan to blackmail me. Yet, she hadn’t said anything then or since. Would she have the nerve to do that?

“I don’t really know the woman. She may be a psychopath for all I know
,” I muttered.

Then, I g
ot angry at myself for mistrusting my instincts. I had hired her because I had seen her potential, because I thought she would be a good employee. Besides, if Cindy had tried to get money from me in exchange for not selling that story to the tabloids, she wouldn’t have seen a dime. Neither me, nor Mark were doing anything wrong. We were both single, consenting adults and we wouldn’t have been harmed if the story leaked to the press. Nevertheless, I gripped the intercom receiver so furiously I almost broke it.

“
Mark, could you please come grab the reports and take them to Jonathan? And tell Ms. O’Rourke to come in.”

“Certainly.”

“Ms. O’Rourke, please, have a sit. What can I do for you?”

“
I have a question about my employment contract, Ms. Sullivan,” she answered as Mark left and closed the door behind him.

“Maybe you should take it to the HR department.”

“I think you’ll be able to clarify it better than they might. You see, I’d like to know why you haven’t included a non-disclosure clause in my contract. It’s common practice in companies, especially in the Stock Market.”

“You’re right but t
he non-disclosure clause is signed by employees who have access to confidential information, both from clients and from our company. It’s not your case. At least, not while you work part-time at the reception desk.”

“
Oh, I see. What about information of a more personal nature? Wouldn’t the clause cover that too?”

I had that uncomfortable feeling of doom again. I didn’t like where this conversation was going.

“What kind of information?”

“I
don’t know. Maybe a tantalizing scene I witnessed in a certain hotel room.”

I got pissed off at her nerve.

“I knew I had seen you.” I almost shouted pointing a finger at her. “But don’t think for a minute you can use this information to blackmail me, young lady. There is nothing you can get from that.”

“Oh, I got plenty from that, believe me,” her smile was
positively wicked. “I’m not talking about blackmail. It never crossed my mind, either. I just thought that if I signed this clause, you’d feel less uncomfortable around me.”

“I’m not uncomfortable around you,” I sound
ed feeble even to my own ears. What was wrong with me?

“Really? Because I’ve been feeling
very uncomfortable around you. Hot and bothered, you know?”

I didn’t believe my ears. I was in shock. It had to be that. Otherwise, why didn’t I react when she stood up and walked around the table
towards me? Or when she grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to stand? Or when she trapped me between her body and the table? I was paralyzed. That was why I also didn’t do anything when she leaned towards me clearly to kiss me. I still didn’t move when she stopped an inch from my mouth. I could only hear my blood pounding in my ears.

“
Still not uncomfortable at all, huh?” she whispered. Her breath invading my half-opened mouth. I only shook my head in denial.

“Let’s see if we can change that, then.”

I had expected another woman’s kiss to be soft and tender. Maybe it was true for other women. Not for Cindy. She assaulted my mouth with hers. She crushed her body against mine. She grabbed my hair with one hand and my butt with the other. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. I could only feel. I felt Cindy was so different from Mark or any other man I had had. I felt the different texture of her tongue and lips. I felt the different temperature of her skin. I felt the different pressure of her hand on me. I felt the different shape of her body. I registered the differences. I forced myself to ignore the fact those differences didn’t feel bad or wrong. They should, shouldn’t they? I was confused, hot and bothered. Just like she had predicted.

Cindy
ended the kiss as abruptly as she had started it. She let go of me, took a couple of steps back and check me up from my feet to my head and back. It must have been a pitiful picture to behold. I was panting, disheveled and shaking like a leave. My legs were so wobbly I had to sit down. I ignored other parts of my body, the lower parts, because the moisture gathered there was too embarrassing to acknowledge even to myself.