Valeria’s Cross (26 page)

When Daza left her room and the servants returned, she continued her needlework, pondering his words. With each stitch she prayed that Galerius would grow to love her and want to protect her and grant the happiness that Daza offered. What woman alive would not want to be loved in such a manner?

V
aleria’s joy over her pending motherhood was short-lived. As she lay in bed with Prisca sitting faithfully by her bedside, they mourned together.

“I waited so long,” Valeria sobbed. “And I wanted this baby so desperately! Why has God taken him from us? Why would He deny us such joy?”

Prisca’s eyes glistened with tears. “I have no answer for you,” she said. “There are some things we will simply not understand this side of heaven. But, my darling, you must never doubt that God loves you and grieves with you, even at this very moment.”

Valeria desperately wanted to believe her mother’s words, but the emptiness in her heart and in her womb were too strong to overcome. And she couldn’t even begin to consider what this loss would mean to her relationship with Galerius. He had been so devastated by the blow that he seemed to have aged ten years in a matter of days. Though Prisca tried to console her heartbroken daughter with the hope that she and her husband would be able to conceive another child, Valeria somehow sensed that it was not to be.

And so it was. Though Galerius and Valeria continued in their relationship as man and wife, they were unable to conceive another child.

Meanwhile, when Diocletian celebrated his twenty-year reign as the Roman emperor, he decided to mark the celebration in Rome, and Valeria was grateful for the distraction. The family traveled together to the great city, where Diocletian and his co-emperor, Maximian, enjoyed the honor of a triumph, followed by festive games, but the mood of the citizens of Rome dampened their enjoyment. It was obvious that the people weren’t as welcoming of their emperor as they had been in the past.

“The people no longer worship me,” Diocletian complained on more than one occasion. Prisca and Valeria tried to reassure him, but he was so hurt by his subjects’ rejection that he insisted on leaving Rome in the middle of winter. It was not a wise decision.

By journey’s end, the emperor was so sick he had to be carried into his palace at Nicomedia on a litter. By the spring of 305, inaccurate rumors had spread through the kingdom that Diocletian had died.

“I must counter these falsehoods,” he insisted when they were brought to his attention. Prisca did what she could to convince him to stay in bed and rest, but to her great surprise and delight, Diocletian rallied and soon showed himself in public. His subjects were stunned, not only at the fact that he was indeed still alive but also because his appearance had so deteriorated.

As word of the seriousness of Diocletian’s condition reached Valeria, she was devastated and quickly convinced Galerius to take her to Nicomedia. Had she known that Galerius would
use the opportunity to persuade Diocletian to abdicate, she might not have been so anxious to make the trip.

On the first day of May, at the very spot where, several years before, Diocletian had proclaimed Galerius as Caesar, he addressed his officers and court.

“My infirmities of age have warned me to retire from power, and to deliver the administration of the state into stronger hands,” he explained, following with the proclamation, “Bow down before Galerius, your new Augustus.”

The Roman people, especially the soldiers in the army, had fully expected that Constantine would replace Galerius as the new Caesar. The troops were stunned when Galerius announced that Daza would be his new Caesar, and then watched in amazement as Diocletian removed his own purple robe and placed it upon Galerius’ stepson.

After the coronation of the purple, everyone cheered and saluted the old emperor as he and Prisca departed in a carriage to return to Nicomedia. Soon after, Diocletian left for Spalatum in Dalmatia, where he had built himself an extensive palace by the seashore for his retirement.

At the same time Diocletian abdicated at Nicomedia, Maximian, the emperor of the west, performed a similar ceremony at Milan, proclaiming Constantius as Augustus, and Severus as his Caesar, completely overlooking Constantine.

Both Prisca and Valeria rejoiced when Diocletian, in response to a request to try to reclaim his power, replied, “Were you but to come to Solano and see the vegetables which I grow in my garden with my own hands, you would no longer talk to me of empire.”

The great Emperor Diocletian had indeed retired, and the Roman Empire would never be the same.

After Diocletian’s retirement there was great upheaval in the Roman Empire. Emperor Maximian was betrayed by his son and died, smothered by his son’s own hand. Severus, never having the respect of the soldiers, was deserted by his own troops and killed in battle.

Only then did Diocletian leave his retirement for the installation of the new emperor. He traveled to the palace in Nicomedia, where Galerius and Valeria had taken up residence as the emperor and empress.

When Diocletian arrived, Galerius told him that he planned to appoint Licinius, his closest childhood companion, to replace Maximian. Diocletian argued that Licinius was ill-prepared for the position, but Galerius’ mind was made up. To appease Diocletian, he agreed to name Constantine as his Caesar.

Daza was so incensed with Galerius’ decision that he approached Valeria, barging into her quarters without knocking and marching right up to her bed, where she was resting.

“You must speak with your husband on my behalf,” Daza blurted. “He has humiliated and betrayed me!”

“I am sorry,” Valeria answered, sitting up on her bed, “but you of all people should know I have no influence over Galerius, especially when it comes to the business of the empire. It infuriates him when I try to meddle in his affairs.”

“Well, you must try. For the love of your son, you must do something. Galerius should have made me the emperor, and not Licinius. I would have named Candidianus my Caesar.”

“But you are yet so young, and Candidianus is just a boy. Have patience, and your day will come. Will you not remain Caesar and serve under Licinius?”

“For now, yes, but for how long? I will be passed over again in favor of one of his sons eventually. And now Constantine is in the picture, for he shall be Licinius’ Caesar. Even worse,
Constantine has promised his sister’s hand in marriage to Licinius. Do you not see our family’s power is weakening? I have heard a rumor that Licinius is just biding his time until he can be rid of me.”

“Galerius would never allow that.”

“But what happens when Galerius is no longer around?” “You will succeed him.”

“No, Licinius will succeed him. I do not think you understand the seriousness of this matter. Galerius’ decision to choose Licinus could have dire consequences for both Candidianus and me. Mark my words … Licinius will never appoint Candidianus a Caesar. He will choose his own sons over him.”

Valeria frowned, not wanting to believe what she heard. “But the intention of the tetrarchy is to have the sons succeed. Galerius will insure that you and Candidianus succeed him. Besides, Licinius is Galerius’ closest childhood friend. They are like brothers. Surely, Licinius will honor Galerius’ sons.”

Daza shook his head. “If Licinius is named emperor today, Candidianus will never become Caesar.”

Valeria felt a flash of fear. She was confident that Daza was strong enough to take care of himself, but Candidianus was still so young. “What can I do?”

“If Galerius will not listen to you, perhaps you can enlist the help of your father before he returns to Spalatum. I am positive he does not approve of Licinius’ appointment. He must know that Licinius is a fool and a terrible soldier as well. Worse, he is a coward. Please, Valeria, ask your father to intervene.”

“You must talk quietly. If anyone hears you, I tremble with fear for what could happen to you,” Valeria said, touching Daza’s hand, surprised at the feeling of tenderness she still carried for him.

Daza stood to his feet. “I am sorry. I should not have burdened you, but I have nowhere else to turn.”

Valeria made up her mind. “I will do what you ask. I will speak to my husband and my father.”

When Valeria approached Galerius, he scorned her fears concerning Candidianus.

“Licinius is like a brother to me. He will treat our son far better than Daza ever would,” he assured her.

“But would it not be wiser to keep the titles in the family?” “Licinius is my family.”

Valeria sighed. There was no use in trying to change her husband’s mind. She sat down at her desk and quickly penned a note to Daza, in which she promised she would speak to her father, and then she had it secretly delivered to him by a trusted servant.

Valeria asked Prisca to accompany her to Diocletian’s quarters. When Valeria shared her fears with her father, he agreed that Licinius’ appointment to emperor was a dreadful mistake, but he also told her there was nothing he could do to change it since Galerius was now the Augustus.

The coronation took place, but Daza defiantly refused to participate. He was incensed at the nomination of Licinius to the dignity of emperor, and he refused to be called Caesar or allow himself to be ranked as third in authority.

Weeks later, Galerius sent messages to Daza, pleading with him to yield to Licinius as the emperor, in reverence for Licinius’ gray hairs. But Daza became even more insolent, insisting it was he who first assumed the purple; by possession, then, he had right to priority in rank.

Galerius was furious. Valeria heard him bellow about the despicable creature he had made Caesar and who forgot the great favor conferred upon him and impiously withstood the requests and will of his benefactor. Galerius, eventually
overcome by the obstinacy of Daza, abolished the subordinate title of Caesar, gave to himself and Licinius that of the Augusti, and to Daza and Constantine that of sons of the Augusti. Some time after, in a letter to Galerius, Daza pointed out that at the last general muster his army had saluted him under the title of Augustus. Galerius, vexed and grieved at this, commanded that all four should have the appellation of emperor.

And so the empire continued, as did Valeria, tending her garden and raising her only child, Candidianus.

W
ith Prisca visiting Valeria at the palace as often as possible, the two immersed themselves in prayer and study of the Scriptures with Father Marcus, including Candidianus in their devotional times whenever possible. But as the boy transitioned into a young man, Galerius quickly insisted he enlist in military service.

“How will I ever let him go?” Valeria fretted during one of Prisca’s visits. “He’s just a boy, my only child! Why must Galerius insist on his going off to war? Why can’t he allow me this one joy, to keep my son here with me?”

Prisca held Valeria’s hand as they sat side-by-side on the divan in Valeria’s room. The two women had dreaded this day for months, but now it was upon them. Candidianus would leave in the morning, and Valeria was inconsolable.

“I know you think I offer you the same advice at every turn,” Prisca soothed as she increased the pressure on her daughter’s hand, “but I truly have no other answer for you. The truth is, my dear daughter, that once again we have no choice but to relinquish our desires and our fears to God and trust Him to do what is best for our loved ones.”

Valeria locked eyes with her mother, determined to elicit a more specific answer. “And what does that mean?” she asked. “Do I give up my son, along with everything else I’ve given up in my lifetime, trusting God to bring him back to me when the battle is over? I prayed to that same God to bring Mauritius back to me so many years ago and look what happened! What if …” She could scarcely speak, but the terror burned in her heart and she had to say it out loud. “Oh, Mother, what if Candidianus does not come back to me either? What if my precious son—my only child—dies on the battlefield?”

Prisca’s eyes filled to overflowing with tears, and her face softened as she answered. “Then you will know that he is with His Savior—and with Mauritius and so many others who have gone before. And when he rides away tomorrow, you can be grateful that we know for certain that Candidianus is committed to his Christian faith, and he is safe in his heavenly Father’s care—wherever he is.”

The truth of her mother’s words washed over her, but they in no way eased the pain in her heart at the thought of losing the young man who had brought her so much joy through the years, from the time Eugenia first brought him to her until he grew into the handsome young man that he was today. But in that moment she knew she must relinquish him into God’s faithful hands, for there really was no other choice.

That evening a knock at Valeria’s door interrupted her prayers for her son. She smiled when Candidianus walked into the room.

“Mother, I have come to tell you goodbye,” he said, standing tall and erect and looking very much like a soldier. “I know
you will see me off in the morning, but we may not have much time to talk then.”

Valeria choked back her tears, determined to put up a brave front for her son. “And you shall be the finest soldier in the Roman Empire.”

Candidianus ducked his head and took a seat beside her. “I hope so, Mother, because I would rather die than disappoint Father.”

“Do not say such words. You could never be a disappointment to us.”

“Between you and me, I do not believe I am designed to be a great warrior. I would rather be a scholar.”

“Ah, but it is your superior intelligence that will serve you well in battle and make you a hero.”

Candidianus blushed. “Then I shall not disappoint you, Mother.”

“Are you afraid?” Valeria asked bluntly.

“Not of battle, for I know I have God’s protection, and if He has ordained my time, then I will relinquish my life to him. But there is one thing that frightens me more than death.”

Valeria touched his face. “And what might that be?”

He blushed. “I have never been with a woman, and Father tells me he has arranged a marriage for me.”

Valeria’s mouth flew open. “I have heard nothing of this. You are too young! Who is he proposing that you marry?”

“I thought you knew. Please do not tell Father I told you, but he has arranged for me to marry Daza’s daughter, Paulina.”

Valeria relaxed. “Paulina is a beautiful child. She has her father’s green eyes. And Daza is your cousin. He is like a brother to you. He will protect you once your father and I are gone. This is a good match.”

“Perhaps, but I have much to learn about women. Father said he will enlist one of the concubines to teach me, but—”

“He will do no such thing. You and Paulina can learn together.”

“But Father said—”

“Do not be concerned about that. I will take care of your father.”

“What advice can you give me, Mother?”

Valeria took her son in her arms as though he were a little boy and kissed the top of his head. “My darling, Paulina will look to you to lead, so you must always put God at the center of your marriage, making choices based on your faith. Always focus on what is good and lovely in your relationship.”

Candidianus stopped her. “Mother, the Christian monks and priests have taught me well in the basics of marriage, but I am asking you what I cannot ask them … about making love to my wife.”

Valeria hesitated, touched that her son would approach her about this subject without a hint of embarrassment. She cleared her throat. “From my own experience, I can tell you that love between a man and a woman is a beautiful thing. The secret of success in a relationship is to focus on your wife’s satisfaction before your own and then you will be blessed with abundant love and passion.”

“Just as the scripture says, ‘It is more blessed to give than receive.’ So are you saying that the same is true in lovemaking?”

Valeria nodded. “It is true of almost anything in life.” Candidianus smiled. “Is there anything else you would recommend for a novice such as me?”

Valeria smiled. “Go slowly, and apply as much tenderness as you can when you are with your wife. If you do this, her heart will melt and she will respond to you with an undying devotion.”

Candidianus let out a big sigh. “You make it sound so easy.”

Valeria took his hand in hers. “You will be a wonderful husband, my dear, sweet boy. And I urge you to discuss this with your father.”

He blinked in apparent surprise. “Father is such a warrior … and forgive me for saying this, but he is a bully too.”

“Do not speak of your father in such a way.”

“I only share this with you because you and I both know it to be true,” Candidianus explained. “I just never imagined him as a great lover.”

Valeria smiled. “He is the best. Talk to him.”

It was her son’s turn to blush.

Valeria kissed his cheek before continuing. “I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you have chosen to discuss this sensitive topic with me.”

“But you are my dearest friend,” he told her.

“Paulina is a blessed young woman,” Valeria said with pride.

“I am blessed too. She is an extraordinary beauty, but she is fun and adventurous as well.”

“Yes, she is a darling girl with a spirited personality. I believe the two of you will be quite happy together.”

Candidianus stood to his feet. “I hope so. But for now, I have a war to fight.”

Valeria stood and hugged him goodbye. When he was gone, she threw herself on the bed and cried. The pain of losing her son was so great, but she had not dared expose her true feelings because she wanted to keep the pathway open for him to talk with her about anything.

Dear God, please watch over him for me!

The final goodbye, though brief, was no simpler or less painful as Valeria stood in the cool morning breeze the next day, begging God to give her the strength to stay on her feet as she watched her son depart. How grown-up and courageous he appeared as he prepared to mount his horse and ride away— and yet what a little boy he still seemed to her when he stood in front of her one last time.

“I will miss you, Mother,” he said, towering over her by nearly a foot. “And I will pray for you each day.”

“And I for you,” she whispered, unable to say more.

Candidianus pulled her into an embrace, nearly crushing her against his broad chest. “Please don’t worry about me. I will be fine.”

Valeria nodded, suppressing a sob and thinking how grateful she was that Galerius was not home to interfere with these last precious moments of farewell. She was grateful, too, that Prisca had graciously said her goodbyes the previous day and left Valeria and Candidianus alone this dreary morning.

The young man relaxed his embrace and pulled back so he could look down into his mother’s face. Valeria could no longer hold back the tears, and she let them flow freely as she gazed up at the one who owned so much of her heart and desperately tried to memorize his every feature.

“May God watch over and keep us safe while we are apart,” Candidianus said, “and bring us back together soon.”

Before Valeria could answer, he kissed her forehead and then turned and mounted his horse and galloped away, leaving his mother to watch him as he disappeared on the horizon.

Galerius’ hatred of Christians had not eased, and he at last succeeded in forcing his wife and mother-in-law to participate
in the pagan ceremonies. Though Valeria and Prisca agonized over the decision, they finally came to the place of outward compliance, though they unobtrusively made the sign of the cross during the sacrifices, begging the Lord’s mercy and forgiveness in the process.

But at night, when Valeria lay in the dark beside her sleeping husband, she shed silent tears, tortured over her compromise.
Mauritius would be so ashamed of me
, she thought, as she reflected on the ceremony she had been forced to attend just that morning.
He and his men went fearlessly to their deaths, singing praises to God and encouraging one another, while Mother and I have seemingly made a pact with the devil. I tell myself it is so we can live on to pray for the salvation of our husbands and others as well, but I wonder … is it really that we are cowards, that our first allegiance is not to Christ after all? Oh, God, can You truly forgive us our betrayal?

The only sound she heard in response was the deep, even breathing of the man whose life and name she shared, but whose heart and beliefs were so foreign to her own.