Valley Of Glamorgan (37 page)

Clearing my throat, which had grown raspy
from the smoke that came from the fire, I announced, “I do accept
the Pacu way of life, and I swear to never kill another animal,
unless it is between life and death.”

“So mote it be,” Maggie responded.

Then Willow joined us and said, “I call upon
the great Pacu spirits on this night, and pray that you be with
Carmina on her journey, and that you help soothe her pain and mind
as she goes through this painful, life altering experience.” Having
spoken the two ladies began to walk round the circle, chanting but
too low for even me to hear. Handing me a double braided rope I ran
my hands across it, remembering that Declan’s had been a single
braid.

When instructed I threw it into the fire. I
couldn’t see what was happening in front of me but everyone gasped
in awe, and I pictured the owl that had risen from the smoke at
Declan’s ceremony; a beautiful white colored one with a brown spot
around its eye. I wondered if the fox was as beautiful but my
thoughts were silenced when Maggie came to me and asked, “Do you
accept this gift from the spirits?”

“I do,” I announced feeling strange to be
accepting something I couldn’t see yet somehow it felt right. And
with that thought I was suddenly tossed up into the air where I
literally hovered above the ground.

Suddenly frightened I called out, “What is
going on?” Just as suddenly, it was as if someone had removed a
blindfold from my eyes, the darkness began to recede! At first it
was like trying to focus your eyes after someone takes your picture
with a flash camera; there were patches of light everywhere I
looked! But most importantly I could see!

Looking below me I saw Maggie and Willow
watching me nervously. I saw my parents smiling faces! Tears ran
down my cheeks and yelled out, “I can see!”

Everyone began clapping and then the bright
light I saw hovering over the crackling fire turned to me. It was
the same faceless light I had seen when I was stabbed and when it
spoke many voices echoed out around us. “You have done well my
daughter, you have learned to see with your heart. Do you accept
the gift that we offer you young one?”

“Yes! I do,” I yelled out feeling so happy
that I could see again. Slowly I watched as a large ball of light
held out its arm and it produced a smaller ball of light.

Then the Voices called out, “So mote it
be.”

Suddenly the ball of light came rushing at
me taking the form of at least a dozen animals before it reached
me. It made one swift motion and entered my body. I had no idea
what pain was until I fell to the ground, feeling as if my body was
on fire. My God, had I landed in the fire? I felt as if my skin was
stretching and pulling in ways I didn’t know was possible.

In desperation I yelled out, “Someone please
help me,” and I curled into myself, screaming over and over again
as my bones began to shift; every inch of my body felt nothing but
pain. It was the most agonizing thing I had ever felt in my life! I
just wanted it to end and kept screaming out please, just make it
stop! My body was shaking and I could see people gathering around
me their mouths moving but I couldn’t make out what they were
saying because I couldn’t quiet my screams.

“The darkness will come soon,” I heard
someone say and thankfully it did. Finally, when I didn’t think I
could take anymore the blackness settled in and I fell into a deep
sleep.

Chapter 23

The first thing I saw upon waking up was a
dark room. The only thing keeping it from being pitch black was the
moon shining through the window, leaving a shadow of light across
my feet as I lay in the small twin sized bed which appeared to be
handmade and carved out of wood. Slowly I traced my hand against
the smooth finish and it hit me I was all alone. There was no one
around for miles but I recalled my mother assuring me that the
guardians would be keeping watch; although they must have been in
there animal forms as I couldn’t see anyone standing outside. It
wasn’t as scary as I had feared.

Suddenly I could see again! Now that most
definitely changed everything! The ceremony came back to me in
flashes and suddenly I knew it had come true; I was the one
everyone thought I was but what that meant exactly I still wasn’t
sure. All I knew was I wasn’t frightened by it anymore. Along with
getting my eye sight back I also had a strange sense of calm
lingering over me. Lying back against the pillows I looked up at
the ceiling, thinking about all the people who had laid here before
me, in this exact spot. Despite that I was still enthralled by the
fact that I could see again! I had thought I was going to be blind
forever.

This was a new start for me and I sent a
silent thank you to the Pacu spirits. Everyone said the pain would
last for the majority of the three days and that during that time I
would come to be one with the knowledge of the animal I had chosen,
which was a fox. Unfortunately I wasn’t quite sure what I had
received, as I remembered the flashing images from the ball of
light coming towards me kept shifting from a fox, to a bear and
then a dozen other creatures. Did this mean I could shift into any
of them?

That would be pretty awesome; other than the
pain. I couldn’t think about the pain. ‘It is the worst thing,’ I
thought, ‘that has ever happened to me and that includes my
boyfriend kissing my enemy and finding out my parents were not my
parents but had kidnapped me and had intended on killing me.’ The
memories made me shiver as I knew it was something I would just
never forget.

Thinking back I remembered Declan telling me
about his animal ceremony and how he was supposed to be assigned a
job after his first transition even though he wasn’t a real
guardian. Then it smacked me in the face like a ton of bricks, the
reason he had been so jealous of Lorcan. His job assignment was to
be a guardian just as he always wanted to be. I had been so caught
up in my own drama I hadn’t even thought to question it when my
father told him he wouldn’t be done with his training for a while.
He had done it to become my guardian but when Lorcan came into the
picture it broke his heart because he knew he never would be my
guardian.

Running my hands through my hair I couldn’t
believe how blind I truly was (no pun intended). I needed to talk
to him and apologize. But still, it was no excuse for him kissing
Thora, yet it explained a lot. I noticed as I Stood up from the bed
my legs felt achy and my stance was a little wobbly. Walking into
the bathroom I looked into the mirror hoping to like the new
hairstyle I had opted for. When I looked I was surprised to see
that the hairstyle wasn’t the only thing that had changed. I
wondered if maybe I was dreaming or someone was playing a joke on
me. I rubbed my hand across the mirror but there seemed to be no
foul play.

Staring back at me was me but not with my
usual reddish brown hair now it was the lightest blonde color I had
ever seen. But worse than that I discovered my usually green eyes
were the worst part. Now I had one very bright blue eye and one
very bright green eye. I felt I looked like a beautiful freaky
version of my sister and mother.

Feeling as if I was going to pass out I
opened the window by the bed and sat down in the rocking chair next
to it. I breathed the fresh air in deeply and watched the last
embers of the fire burn out. What has happened to me? I called out,
hoping someone would answer, but I was met only by the sound of the
creek running over the rocks and a few crickets calling into the
night.

Leaning back against the cool wood of the
chair I let it welcome me as I wondered what I was going to do out
here for the next three days. A dozen thoughts ran through my head
when all of a sudden an image came before my eyes, almost as if I
was watching a silent movie. There was a beautiful long, red haired
fox crouched down waiting, it’s yellow eyes watching something
intently. I watched in awe as the fox suddenly leapt out from
behind the rock and caught a rabbit in its mouth. It was stealthy
and fast; its size didn’t matter as it knew the right time to
strike and so was it rewarded for its patience. ‘My first lesson,’
I thought to myself. I had become wiser by learning the patience of
the fox.

It was happening. I was now learning and
becoming connected to my spirit animal. Another image flashed in
front of me. It was a bird carrying a large worm, her wings
flapping hard against the rapid wind. As she flew I could feel her
exhaustion but she kept flying on flapping her wings tirelessly,
mile after mile until she came upon a tree. As I watched her
landing I saw a nest of birds; they were crying out in hunger and
she dropped the worm inside their nest, watching as they ate, and
grew tired. She leaned her body against the nest, beginning to fall
asleep. I could feel the hunger within her, she had fed her young,
not herself; flying for miles to bring them their food. I knew
instantly as the images left my vision what lesson the bird had
taught me, something that I needed desperately to understand,
selflessness. The bird would rather have starved than watch her
babies go hungry. I had such respect for the tiny bird that tears
began to fill my eyes, she was a true mother, and I knew instantly
that my mother would have done the same for me.

I wasn’t sure how many more of the visions
were to come, but I knew that each one would change me, making me
see my flaws and wanting to become more like the animal I had seen.
As it was it was a few hours before the next image came. I was
starting to wonder if the first two were all there were but I
should have known better as it seems there was so much more I
needed to learn.

The next one was a bear with her cubs. She
lay asleep with them when a hunter approaching shot off a warning
shot in order to make them scatter. The bear stood and knew the
moment the hunter next pulled the trigger it would hit her, or
worse, one of her cubs. Quickly she scattered to the trees, the
smallest baby in her mouth and the other at her side. She did her
best to hide in the bushes under cover. But, as she had feared a
shot rang out and she felt something slump at her feet. It was the
second cub who had been shot. At this point I could feel tears
running down my face and I wondered what this could possibly teach
me. The mother bear hid the other cub and coming out from behind
the bushes on her back legs she let out a scream of pain. The
hunter took aim but his gun jammed and he found himself face to
face with her; she was seething with anger as she slashed her paw
out at him angrily. The man broke out in tears holding his hands in
his arm, I crying out, “I am so sorry! Please, don’t kill me,” and
the bear stepped forward and slashed out with her paw again, this
time hitting him across his face and leaving a deep trail of blood
behind. The man cried out in pain. The mother bear turned and
grabbing the baby bear that had been shot; she dropped it at his
feet so he could see what he had done. The man cried out as he
touched the baby bear. “I am so sorry. I never meant to shoot him!
I was trying to kill you!” he declared looking at the wild beast as
if she could understand him and calling out, “Please forgive me.”
Rising up on her back paws once again the mother bear was going in
for the kill when the other cub waddled out from the bush. It
watched his mother with frightened eyes. Seeing him she watched the
cub and suddenly she turned from the man. Maybe she had forgiven
him, because if she hadn’t she would have been a monster, just like
him.

It took me a while to come out of the
depressed state I felt from this one. I got the message; I needed
to learn to forgive, not for others but for myself. That way I
didn’t or wouldn’t become the monsters they were and I knew exactly
who I was supposed to forgive; my pretend parents who like the
hunter taking the cub’s life had destroyed the good in its path for
sport. I had been nothing but a trophy to them; I was the baby bear
in this case and I knew I had to let the pain go. But they had cut
me so deeply that I didn’t know if it was possible. Then I thought
back to the mama bear walking away from the hunter, forgiving him
not for herself but for the other cub. I needed to forgive them for
the betterment of my family and friends. Standing up from the chair
I looked into the woods and said out loud, “I forgive you Stephanie
and Jack for the lies and the pain you have caused. You are like
the hunter, too blind to see the destruction you cause along your
path.” And as I stood looking into the sky tears rolled down my
face. I had been holding on to that hatred for so long, letting it
suffocate me because of the fear of what would happen if I let it
go. Yes I would be letting them go but no matter which way I tried
to twist it the truth was that I had needed them to hate. Now
though I was free from their hold over me.

The sun began to rise and I hadn’t known how
much time had passed but I felt different in every sense of the
word. I was still Carmina deep down, but now I was free, I held no
more hate or sadness in my heart. This gave me the perfect time to
think about Declan so sitting back in the rocking chair and pushing
my feet on the floor I began rocking back and forth finding it
soothing.

The very last image I got was of a man not
an animal. He was sitting alone in a small cabin and looked to be
about my father’s age although it appeared time hadn’t been as kind
to him as it had my father. He sat looking at a photo in his hand
of a very beautiful woman. Suddenly the door swung open and he
quickly tucked the picture under his leg.