Vanished (5 page)

“I’m sorry,” I say, “It’s just so…”

She interrupts, “Amazing.  I know.  You’re welcome.” She crouches back down into the luggage and hands me a stack of clothes. “Here, put these on.”

I stare down at the stack. On top sits a neon pink string bikini. I pick up one of the strings attached to it and raise it up above the pile, casting a questioning glance at Madison.  She looks back. “What?”

“I’m not wearing this.”

“It’s just a swim-suit.”

“That’s a matter of opinion.”

She glares at me, “So you’re embarrassed, right? You shouldn’t be.”

Was that a compliment? “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not blind.  Underneath all those baggy clothes there’s a pretty nice body.”

I feel like hugging a blanket around myself with the way she’s looking at me, “Um, I’m still not wearing it.”

She sighs and leans back on her heels. Her voice is gentle when she speaks, “Do you know what people say about you at school?”

A spasm hits my stomach. Yes I have an idea and I know I don’t want it repeated in this room, right now, by her. 
Please no.
“I don’t really care.” I spit back.

Her smile burns away my anger, it’s full of pity and suddenly I feel numb. “I think you do” she says softly, shrugs and stands up, “I just want to help.”

“And you think dressing like a slut is going to fix all my problems?”

She shakes her head, “No, but feeling confident is a start.”

The door shuts softly behind her as she leaves.  I stare down at the clothes and my face burns. 

Underneath the abominable pink suit is a pair of white-washed cut-off daisy dukes, a black halter top and a translucent blue shirt.   Growling I shove the clothes onto the floor and stand up to pace back and forth, my bare feet spreading moisture on the tiles. I wouldn’t dare admit it to Madison but part of me is secretly thrilled about wearing clothes like these. The other part wants to jealously guard my modesty.  Madison’s last words echo in the room, “
Feeling confident is a start.”
I look down at the pile scrunched on the floor.  Do they really have that power?

There’s only one way to know. 

My hands shake as I slide the pink strings up around my neck and tie them.  I do the same in the back, then bend and pull up the bottoms straightening to look in the mirror.  I gasp at my reflection.  I don’t look at myself like this in the mirror very often.  I feel vulnerable this naked.  My clothes are my armor.  I see two things at once; the shape of my body
is
pretty nice, and I have a lot of scars.   

Chapter Four

Logan

              The drive to Party Cove is interesting.  Madison didn’t say a word to me all morning and the tension between us in the car is thick enough to slice. 

              Trin is no longer Trin.  At some point, after I left her room this morning and before we left the house, she transformed into someone else.  This new Trin doesn’t have her bruise anymore and is showing more skin than she seems comfortable with. 

              We pull into the parking lot behind the dock and everyone piles out, carrying floats, coolers, towels and swim-bags. We go single-file, down the hill to the dock.  People are swarming in the cove, floating between docks, standing on small boats pulled into the cove, and up high on the cliff blaring loud music. 

Bored already, I slide down against the dock house, crack open a beer and watch – with mild interest – as Zayn tosses Jasmine off the dock, pounds his chest, kicks off his shoes and dives in after her.  Collin, following Maddie’s instructions puts the long, yellow lily pad float down into the murky brown water and helps her step down onto it.  She’s wearing a white string bikini that barely covers her lady parts and her long blond hair is piled on top of her head, a pair of white sunglasses stuck into it.  “Come put some lotion on me, babe,” she calls up to me.

              I glance over at Trin. She’s sitting at the small table, fully dressed, her sketch pad out, drawing.  She looks up, sees me looking at her, and quickly looks away, “Collin, lotion Maddie for me, bro,” I suggest, and take a drink of the beer.  The sunlight dances over the water and people laugh and carry on.  Across the lake someone is playing
Pump up the Jam
.  Leaning my head back against the dock house I try and enjoy the sun sinking into my skin.

              I must doze off because next thing I know someone is screaming.  Instantly alert, I take in the scene in front of me.  I see Trin, standing at the edge of the dock, her hand up by her forehead, shielding her eyes from the sun.  She’s looking at something out on the water. That’s the direction the screaming is coming from.  I follow her gaze to see a boat, about two hundred yards off-shore, people leaning over the edge and screaming.

              There’s movement in my peripheral vision and I see Trin stripping off her shorts and top.  My mind is confused about where to look.  She’s so pale in contrast to the bright pink suit and a long, thick, jagged white line runs down the length of her ribs. She puts her arms up in the air, touches her hands together and dives into the water.

              Staggering up, I run to the edge of the dock, kick off my shoes and pull my shirt over my head. Trin reaches the boat and I watch her dive again and disappear. I jump. It’s cold but not as cold as I expect it to be.  I kick out, ignoring Maddie and Collin yelling at me. 

              By the time I reach the boat, she’s coming up for air. She sees me, “His legs tangled in rope, we need a knife.”

              I pull the knife off my belt and dive down.  It’s murky but I can make out the image of a hand.  I kick pushing off from the boat and the rest of the body materializes.  It’s a kid, probably not much older than me with black hair.  He’s unconscious and bubbles are floating up from his nose.  Trin’s face appears before me.  Her eyes lead me to the problem.  We swim down his body and I see his right leg is caught in a wide fishing net of some kind. I start to cut the ropes, one at a time, feeling my lungs start to tighten.  Trin disappears and I resist the urge to follow her. Something tell me the kid doesn’t have that much time.  

              Pain clenches in my chest but I keep sawing through rope.  Trin returns and suddenly she grabs my face and presses her lips to mine. Instinctually I twist away until I realize she’s trying to help me. I open my mouth and let in the air, feeling the pain in my chest dull a little. My vision gets spotty but I have the breath to cut the last bit of rope. 
              She tugs at my sleeve and we both grab a hold of the body and kick up towards the surface.  The air comes just in time. 

              Someone helps us into the boat.  We all stand around the boy.  His skin is pale, his lips are blue and he’s not breathing. “Do something,” a blond with piggy tails yells in my face.

              Trin looks at me frantically then drops to the ground beside the boy and bends over to put her mouth on his.  We all stand back and watch as she gets frustrated and climbs onto his chest pressing her small palms firmly into his chest over and over while she murmurs something.  I kneel down beside her.  The blond with the piggy-tails is crying.  I hear the sound of a big boat approaching.

              Then suddenly the boys coughing up mucous and I help Trin off of him.  The blond with piggy-tails falls down beside the boys and touches his arm, “Pete, can you hear me?”

              The boy coughs and props himself up on his elbows.

              Someone hands me a blanket and I wrap it around Trin’s shoulders.  She gives me a grateful smile.  Her bruise is back and her cheeks are stained with mascara.  She’s shaking and, even though she just saved a kid’s life, she looks so small. My muscles twitch and I realize I’m resisting the urge to replace the blanket with my arms.   

___#___

We decide to have a bonfire out in the fire pit.  We roast hotdogs and marsh mellows, drink whiskey from a flask and shoot fireworks out over the lake.   New Trin has been remade by Madison again.  A trend I’m not sure I like.  Collin seems to be making an effort to get to know Trin and something about the way he keeps talking to her in a sleazy, false tone makes me grind my teeth together.

              Hours later, Maddie begs me to take her to bed. “I have to keep an eye on the fire until it dies down,” I lie, “Hey will you guys walk her up to the house?” I call to Zayn and Jasmine, whose arms were wrapped around each other as they walk side-by-side up the path.  Maddie gives me a dirty look, cuts her eyes over to where Collin and Trin are deep in conversation beside the fire-pit, then spins on her heels, takes Jasmine’s outstretched hand and they disappeared around the side of the house.

              As it has a million times since Party Cove, the images of what happened flash through my mind again, Trin’s swan-like dive, the jagged scar down her ribs, how she swam to the surface to bring me air, how small and vulnerable she looked after and the sudden, unexpected urge I had to touch and reassure her in that moment.

              I stir the fire and listen to Collin try to get her to tell him if she’s ever been kissed.  Even in the darkness, I can see she’s uncomfortable with the topic.  Collin leans in and tries to kiss her. “No,” she says putting her hands up and leaning backwards, away from him.

              “Come on, just one?” Collin begs. My fists contract and I taste blood in my mouth.

              “I don’t even know you,” Trin says trying to justify her refusal and simultaneously swatting his hands away.

              “Even better,” Collin quips and leans in toward her again, this time reaching out with his arms and trying to pull her toward him.

              “I said no,” Trin tells him again, her voice raising an octave as she pushes him away.

              “Don’t be like that, I promise, you’ll love it.”

              I see red. 

I’m on him and he’s in the lake before my mind really has time to catch up with my body.  “What the…” Collin yells, emerging sputtering and splashing.

Trin looks up at me with startled eyes. She stands, wraps her thin arms around her front like a shield, and we both look down at Collin treading water.

              “He’s harmless really. He’s just wasted.” I hear myself say and wonder why I’m justifying Collin’s inexcusable behavior.

              “I can take care of myself.” 

              “Come on, Logan, get me out of here,” Collin pleads. 

              I look over at him and when I look back she’s gone.  I turn and see her walking slowly up the path to the house. 

Turning back to Collin, I kneel down, grab his hand and pull him up to the cement.  He gets to his feet, sopping wet from head to toe, “What the fuck was that about, dude?” He peels off his shirt and wrings it out over the water. “You know you’ve been a real asshole lately, Darby.”

              I cock my head to the left and frown. I’ve seen Collin drunk a hundred times but he’s never tried something like that before, “Maddie put you up to that?”

              His head shoots up, “What?”

              “Come on, Collin.”

              He looks up to where Trin has just reached the house and then cuts his eyes back over to me, sighs and sits down on the edge of the fire-pit, toweling his hair dry. “She told me she was hoping Trin and I would hook up. That’s why she brought her.”

              I flex my jaw swallowing back a surge of unexpected anger, sigh, and sit down next to him, “Let me guess, she told you Trin might act like she wasn’t interested but if you pressed a little, she would come around, or something like that?”

              “Something like that,” he looks at me, touches the back of his neck and shrugs, “sorry, bro.”

              “I’m not the one you should be apologizing too.”

              He looks up at the house, “Yeah,” he runs a hand through his wet tangerine colored hair. “I’ll go do that now.”

              “Leave it. I doubt she wants to see you right now.”

              Collin’s eyes narrow, “You know you’re awfully concerned about that
nerd
.”

              “Someone has to be,” I contend, fighting the urge to knock him back in the water and let him get himself out.

              He stands and walks over by the fire, “You used to be like the rest of us.  A few months ago, you were the one doing Maddie’s bidding. Now you’re all
Mr. Honorable
and shit. It’s getting old, bro.” 

              I lean back and look up at the stars.  He’s right about me so there’s no point in arguing.

              Collin must see that I’m not up for talking anymore because he takes off up to the house, muttering something about being soaked.  The fire starts to die down and smoke wisps rise in the lazy breeze, drifting out, and drawing my attention over the black water. In the shimmering moonlit reflections – dancing over the surface - all I can see are those innocent green eyes looking back at me, seeing through me. For some reason, I don’t want her to know I’m just as bad as the rest of them.