Vendetta Nation (Enigma Black Trilogy #2) (22 page)

“That doesn’t sound silly at all,” Ian said warmly. “That sounds beautiful.”

We stood there in the middle of the concrete, neither one of us willing to break our hold. Unexpectedly, I felt a sense of peace in his arms, and I believed that he felt the same in mine as well. At that moment, it struck me that even had the roses still been here, the sense of awe I would have had wouldn’t have lasted long; for it isn’t the tangible things you can feel and see that bind you to a person, it’s the memories. And in my memories just then, I saw Carol sitting in a bed of brightly colored roses, her eyes sparkling in the sun.

*****

Marshall Leitner gazed out at Potomac Park from the second floor balcony of his hotel room. Other members of the rebellion were scattered throughout the city so as not to raise suspicion, while more members had opted to come into the city tomorrow before the rally was slated to begin. Regardless of their promises and resolution for change, he still couldn’t help but wonder who would show up and who would decide—at the last minute—not to go through with the plan out of fear of the consequences that would go along with it. Regardless of whether their group consisted of two hundred or twenty, the show would still go on. Brooks had his days in the sun, now it was their turn.

He took a sip of his bourbon, contemplating whether it would be the last one he’d ever have, or if he would be spared death tomorrow to live another day. Either way, it was no matter to him. Marshall Leitner was prepared to fight for his beliefs, regardless of what the outcome may be.

The sun set just as the stars and crescent moon were ascending to their rightful thrones in the evening sky. Below their celestial beauty, Ian and I sat at a small table on the balcony of my suite, taking the events of the day in. We both remained in our formal attire even though we had no plans on going back to the ball or partaking in any of the other festivities that were going on throughout the hotel. We chose this option partly because we were both exhausted, but mostly because we knew that Brooks would be down there now, doing his best to schmooze the masses. Just the mere thought of that man induced a subconscious eye roll from the more vocal woman in my head.

I took my high heels off and rubbed my throbbing feet. Why women subjected themselves to those medieval torture devices, I would never know. Grumbling expletives under my breath, I threw the shoes through the open French doors back inside the suite, and in the general direction of the suitcase Kara had packed for me. As I watched the stilettos strike the ground near the suitcase, I tried my best to disguise my swiftly reddening face, and contemplated the words I would use to express my ‘thank you’ to Kara upon our return to The Epicenter.

I looked up at Ian, who sat staring across the river in the direction of the park. He appeared to be in deep concentration, like he was taking on all the problems of the world in that one instant, and I felt guilty for the thoughts that prevailed in my head. Like him, I, too, should have been staring in that direction and formulating a plan of attack for our mission tomorrow. But, instead, all I could think about was how devilishly handsome he looked in the faint light of twilight. His green eyes glowed deceptively chartreuse; his hair, still slicked back perfectly, reflected what little light the buildings around us gave off. At that moment, I saw what those women saw at the bar the night I first met him.

But just as I allowed my thoughts to venture into unknown territory, a familiar path flashed through my mind. A path that led back to Chase. Again, I was consumed by guilt. Chase had been the one I’d loved, the one I had been ready to give my life to no more than a year ago. Now, it was like he was nothing more than an afterthought.

No. I knew he was more than that to me, which made everything I was thinking and feeling right now that much more confusing, that much more…frustrating. With a sigh, I stood up from my chair and walked over to the balcony to get some air and—hopefully—clear my head.

“Are you okay?” Ian asked. I could hear his chair scraping across the concrete on the balcony as he spoke.

“I’m fine,” I answered without looking back at him. “I think the wine is catching up to me.”

“I always pegged you for a lightweight,” he laughed, meeting me where I stood at the balcony railing.

“What were you thinking about so intently just a few moments ago?” I asked him in an attempt to divert our conversation.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he answered. He rested his arms on the railing, mere inches away from my own. “I was just going through different scenarios in my mind as I replayed the speech our President gave us this afternoon.” He grew quiet for a moment, his gaze reflecting once more on the park across the river. “Tomorrow, I fear, we’re going to have to make a choice. Standing with the tyrant responsible for the mess we’re all in, or standing up against an injustice.”

“Tomorrow,” I began, “we choose to either become the heroes they think we are, or we choose to be no better than Brooks himself. Revenge is only worth the cost if the price isn’t paid with your soul. If we give away our humanity, then what? What kind of heroes would we be in their eyes? Is a hero driven by revenge or by doing what’s right even if their own desires are at stake?”

“How’d you get so wise?” Ian asked me.

I turned my head to meet him face-to-face. “My father,” I answered simply. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about my decision to join The Epicenter, and whether he would have made the same choices I did. He wouldn’t have lived his life with hatred and vengeance in his heart like I have. I just feel like…like maybe I’ve been selfish, when all I’ve ever wanted was to make him proud.”

“He would have been proud of you, Celaine,” Ian said, his lips curved upward in a small smile.

“Look at you. You’re smart, you’re strong, you put everyone else ahead of yourself. I never knew your father, but I can’t imagine that he could have possibly wanted any more in a daughter.”

“Thank you, Ian,” I said, my eyes watering a little. “There are just times when I need to hear that.”

“Well, I would have thrown in a ‘you’re beautiful’ too, had I not been afraid of you jumping off the balcony to get away from me,” he laughed.

“I’m never going to live that one down, am I?”

“No, I don’t see myself forgetting about that any time soon.”

“Ian, it’s not…it’s not you. It’s just Kara and everything that’s happened between us 
lately…and…I’m just…confused about my feelings…”
Oh God, shut up, shut up, shut up
, the voice in my head pleaded with me. I turned away from Ian abruptly, hoping that he would just let it go and accept my rambling attempt at an apology.

“Wait,” he grabbed my arm gently and turned me around to face him again. His touch caused an unexpected shock to travel up the length of my arm. My heart pounded heavily in my chest as though it were made of lead. It was a similar feeling, though not as intense, as the one I’d experienced the first time I met Chase. “What do you mean by confused?” he asked warmly. “What kind of feelings do you have?” I wasn’t sure what to say to him, for I hadn’t expected to confess what I had already admitted to him. All I could do was look him in his hopeful, pleading eyes, speechless. “Talk to me.” His hand slid up my arm and rested lightly on my cheek. “It’s only me, Celaine. You can tell me whatever it is. You’ve always been able to talk to me.”

“I know, Ian,” I managed to squeak out. “I’m just not sure what I’m trying to say. I’ve been thinking about so many things lately; things that both excite and scare the hell out of me. A part of me knows that I need to be able to be happy again, but I’m too afraid to let that happen. I’m too afraid to…let go.” He looked at me intently, his gaze blazing even in the steadily approaching darkness. If I was going to lay everything out on the line in order to sort it all out, it was now or never. “It’s just when I thought that you and Becca had something, a part of me was a little…jealous. Because I have feelings for you, Ian, that I don’t quite understand. I just…I don’t…” Before I could finish my sentence, Ian leaned in and gently touched his lips to mine. It happened in slow motion, or so it seemed, but it caught me off guard nonetheless, and I believe that even Ian, himself, was caught by surprise.

He paused ever so briefly, his breath quickening, before moving his hand from my cheek through my hair, his eyes never leaving mine. Then his lips found mine again, but instead of a gentle, chaste caress, they pressed against mine firmer this time, as though he was allowing himself to give into a need that had lain dormant inside. A need he no longer felt the obligation to suppress. I felt my heart racing. Confusion, need and guilt overpowered me, all dueling for control over my actions.

Ian began to pull away from me, but I didn‘t let him get too far. Allowing need to prevail in the battle being fought in my head, I touched my hand to his cheek and pulled his mouth to mine again. It was as though he’d been waiting for that one sign from me to unleash every pent-up desire he’d been keeping tucked away, and as soon as I began kissing him back, he wrapped his other arm around me in the same firm, protective hold I hadn’t even realized I’d been missing. In response, my body relaxed, giving in to him, becoming implicitly compliant with his wants and needs.

Suddenly, I felt my feet move backwards, the result of him walking with me still in his grasp. All the while, he never let go of me; he never allowed his lips to leave mine. We left the chilled night air on the balcony, entering the suite through the French doors. From there, we moved through the darkened room, until the back of my legs struck an immovable object situated in the middle of the room. The bed.

A new conflict arose within me, like the mere presence of the bed had somehow knocked me back down to reality. Ian paused just then, reality, perhaps, striking him over the head as well. Yet his heart pounded fiercely. As close as our bodies were, I could make out its every beat. It was rhythmic and soothing, perfectly in tune with my own. My hand drifted upwards to his face, tracing the curvature of his jaw. Just a hint of stubble had formed. And though I could barely make out his face in the shade of night, I still felt his eyes on me, coupled with his breath upon my face, his smooth lips on my forehead, and his body lowering mine down onto the bed.

My head hit the satin pillowcase while Ian lowered himself down next to me. He brushed my face lightly with his fingertips in the dark while he leaned over me.

“I have a confession,” he said.

“A confession?” I asked, unable to control the smirk from forming on my face. “Sounds pretty scandalous.”

He laughed softly, his fingers moving their way from my face to my hair. “I think a part of me has been hoping this would happen since we started sleeping next to each other.”

The smirk faded away from my face, replaced by a slew of contradicting emotions. “Ian, what exactly is
this
?” I asked, unsure of whether an answer to that question truly existed.

“Right now, I think it’s whatever we want it to be,” he answered. “The possibilities are in our hands.”

“What do you want it to be?”

He kissed the bridge of my nose, skimming my face with his lips until he reached my mouth. “I want to explore every possibility possible with you,” he whispered. His lips brushed mine again, and the desire behind them was even more evident than before. “I meant it before when I said you were beautiful. Actually, you’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever laid my eyes on. When I saw you in the bar back in Norfolk, I couldn’t believe you were there to see me. I thought there had to be some catch behind it, like maybe you were there to try to sell me a vacuum or something,” he chuckled.

“Well, it wasn’t a vacuum, but you still bought it nonetheless.”

“Hook, line and sinker,” he agreed. Ian’s fingers ran their way through my hair. At some point, he’d positioned his body over mine. Mere inches separated us. I felt the warmth of his breath slide down the side of my neck, and I closed my eyes while I allowed my body to succumb to a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. A feeling that only Chase had been able to bring about before. Chase. His image appeared in my mind just then, precisely at the moment when Ian’s lips met the skin of my neck.

“Ian,” I said, the guilt becoming too much for me to withstand. “We can’t…we can’t do this. We need to stop.”

He paused abruptly, propping himself up on his arms over my body. “Okay,” he said, disappointed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get carried away.”

“You don’t need to apologize to me, Ian, it’s just…” He moved from his position over me to a sitting position on the bed, catching his finger in the chain of the necklace around my neck. The heart locket rolled down the chain and met his hand.

“I guess it’s pretty obvious what you want this to be.”

“Ian…I…”