Vengeance 02 - Trust In Me (27 page)

She said nothing, but sat down across from him, her expression open and curious.

“If it was a gift, I would give it back,” he continued, in an effort to make her understand. He wanted to explain it to her though he hadn’t tried to explain his second sight to anyone for a long time. Over the years, he’d learned not to bother.

“The things I see,” he clarified, “I don’t always know what they mean. I interpret them as best I can, but even then...” He shrugged. Years of bad memories were difficult to explain. “I seem to be damned if I take action on what I see and damned if I don’t.”

She reached out and took his hand. The fire crackled, casting long shadows over the walls of the small chamber.

“I cannot risk the chance of passing this curse to a child. ’Tis a burden no one should have to bear.” He shook his head as he rose and moved to close the window shutter.

Elizabeth waited a long moment, then walked over to join him at the window. “I can’t imagine what it must be like, to have something like that control you, even for a moment. To not be able to draw on it when you need it most.”

Though he listened to her words and tone closely, he still heard no pity or fear. He turned to look at her, searching for some sign of it on her face. He found only understanding. Something cold and hard deep within him seemed to warm and loosen, releasing him.

A peculiar sensation, for certain.

“My visions are a foul thing. People who have befriended me suddenly look at me with distrust and fear when they discover my second sight.” He held her gaze, willing her to truly understand. “I fear one day I will act rashly based on a vision and cost someone their life. I’ve already come close several times.”

Elizabeth looked at him for a long moment, as though weighing her words carefully. She laid her hand on his cheek, her fingers soft and gentle. “Nicholas, if God gave you this gift, it was for a reason.” She looked at him so earnestly that he knew she truly believed what she’d said.

“What if it wasn’t God at all?” His quiet words hung in the air between them. This was a question he’d never dared to voice his entire life for fear it was true.

“Nay. I do not believe that. Not for a moment.” She answered so matter of fact that he almost believed her. “God does not punish the good.”

He nearly smiled as he took her hand from his cheek to hold it in his. Idly, he played with her long fingers which had captured his attention from the start. Her bare toes peeked at him from beneath her chemise. “Who said I am good?”

“Oh, but you are, Nicholas. Your honor runs deep. I knew that the day I met you.” Her brown eyes looked like endless pools to him, inviting him in. “’Tis easy to blame ourselves when bad things happen. I have done that many times as well.”

“Perhaps,” he acknowledged. He had to admit there was logic in what she said.

“You are a very honorable man. Trust me.”

If only he could trust her, trust himself, but he didn’t know if that was possible. “You thought me honorable before I proved you wrong, you mean.”

He dropped her hand and pulled back, unable to hold her gaze. Even if he set aside the past, he’d wronged her in more ways than he could count, certainly more than he could ever make up for. He didn’t deserve her.

“We are human. We make mistakes. Whether we have visions or not, we all make mistakes. The question is how we live with those. Do we learn from them or repeat them?”

Nicholas looked down at her, struck by the wisdom of her words. How had he been lucky enough to come across this beautiful, intelligent woman, to have her for his wife, even for this short time?

“Who are we to say what is a mistake,” she added, “and what is simply fate?” The firelight silhouetted the narrowness of her waist, the curve of her breast, the arch of her neck. The rosy bow of her lips begged to be kissed. Her soft voice rippled across his skin, urging him closer.

Desire filled him, pulsing through him. He stepped closer, unable to resist her allure. “And what is this? This situation between us? A mistake or fate?” He reached out to touch a silken tendril that had fallen onto her cheek.

“I would prefer to think of it as fate.” She stayed where she was, neither retreating nor coming nearer.

He could hardly blame her for her caution after the way he’d treated her. Her warm brown eyes watched him carefully. Her lips parted, the pulse at her throat fluttered. She drew him with every breath she took, but still she waited, forcing him to decide what he wanted.

He wanted her.

Of that, he was certain.

He trailed his finger from her cheek to trace her lower lip. “You are a special woman, Elizabeth.”

“I’m pleased you think so.” Before he could respond, her hands swept up to frame his face. She rose on her toes to press her lips to his.

He crushed her to him, his heart nearly bursting with joy. Relief, so great, so profound inundated him. After all he’d told her, after all that had come between them, she still offered herself to him. He didn’t understand what he could have possibly done to deserve her, but he wouldn’t question it. Not now.

She wrapped those clever hands around his neck, fitting her curves to his hardness, making him feel needed, wanted. Her mouth opened beneath his, and he took everything she offered. She tasted so sweet, so right. He moved his hands down her back, then lower to cup her bottom and mold her to him. He released her mouth and nibbled his way down her neck to her collarbone. His hands raised slowly to the sides of her lush, full breasts.

Her sharp intake of breath gave him pause before he realized it was an invitation. “Nicholas, I want to feel you against me.”

His desire for her sharpened, if that was possible. “Aye,” was the only word he managed.

She ran her hands up under his tunic, her fingers moving over his torso. Nicholas growled in response. He released her for a moment – just long enough to remove his tunic. She sighed in appreciation as her hands lingered over his chest. Then she backed away.

Uncertain what was wrong, he stepped toward her, but she held up her hand. “Wait.” With her gaze on his, she pulled her chemise up over her head and let it drop to the floor.

Oh, indeed, he would wait for this. Her slender grace and long limbs were everything he’d ever dreamed of. The warm glow of the fire cast flickering shadows across her form, teasing him. Her full breasts, narrow waist, and rounded hips were perfect in every way.

“Elizabeth.” He could think of nothing else to say except her name, overwhelmed with the gift she gave him.

She moved closer to touch his shoulders, her fingers moving slowly as though to learn his form. He had no patience for that. He had to feel her against him. Now. With a groan, he drew her to him, her breasts pressing against his chest. Her lips trailed across his collarbone, lighting fire as she went.

He returned the favor, bending to nuzzle her neck, working his way down her body. Her moans fueled the flames of his desire. He reached for her, tension coiling deep inside in him. He could wait no longer.

Together, they tumbled onto the bed. To his delight, she seemed as hungry for him as he was for her despite everything he’d told her.

Again, she reached up to touch his cheek. “Nicholas, there is something you must know.”

He paused, the seriousness of her tone catching his attention. “What is it?”

“I love you.”

His heart stopped. He was sure of it. Then it thundered in his ears, blocking out all else.

Her eyes were damp with emotion, and he read the sincerity of her words there. Surely it was just this moment that caused her to say those words. She couldn’t possibly love him. Not after he’d hurt her so badly. Not after all he’d just told her.

How could she love a beast?

As though to confirm her declaration, she reached up and pressed her lips to his, pouring herself into the kiss. He swore he could feel her love flooding into him, filling him and making him whole.

But he couldn’t answer her. For so many years, he’d held back from any sort of connection with others. How could he trust these new, fresh feelings? Surely, this was simple desire.

Nay, he realized at once. Never had he felt like this. This sensation stemmed from deep inside him, from his very core. Did that make it love?

Uncertain, the only thing he could do with honesty was return her kiss, to show her how much he wanted her, how much he treasured her. He hoped that was enough. Easing her back against the pillow, he kissed her forehead, then one cheek, followed by the other. He kissed the soft spot just below her ear and made his way toward her lips, drawing out the pleasure for both of them.

His tongue swirled with hers, a long, slow kiss meant to melt her, but in fact, it melted him. Stopping to draw a breath, he did his best to tamp down his desire, unwilling to rush this. He leaned his forehead against hers. “You overwhelm me.”

“Oh, Nicholas. Please, I can wait no longer.”

He felt her fingers at the fastening of his chausses, nearly sending his carefully won restraint out the window. As he stood to remove the rest of his clothing, her heated gaze caressed him, making his breath quicken and his fingers clumsy. At last, he moved to join with her yet hesitated before he once again made her his. He needed to be completely honest with her.

“Elizabeth, you should know, I can’t risk having a child. This...curse is too much to pass on. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Can you accept that?” He held still, waiting for her answer, praying she would agree.

“I think you’re wrong.” She gave him a small, sad smile, her gaze locked on his. “You have so much to offer a son or daughter. All the wisdom you’ve gained over the years would help our child should he or she be blessed with second sight.”

Elizabeth cupped his cheek. “I truly believe any part of you passed on to a child, including your second sight, would be a gift.”

Not daring to move, he waited, trying to make sense of her words, to find her answer in them.

“I will love you no matter whether you choose to give me your babe or not.” She pulled him down for a heated kiss.

He could no more stop from making her his, then stop the sun from rising. She fit him perfectly, answering each of his movements with her own. He moved slowly at first, but she drove their rhythm faster and faster. Intent on seeing to her pleasure, he touched her, whispering in her ear, “Let go, Elizabeth. I have you. Just let go.”

She cried out, making him grit his teeth so he could enjoy all of her before he allowed himself his own release. At last he withdrew from her to finish, but never before had he wanted to remain within a woman as much as he did now.

Nay. He nearly shook his head at the temptation. That was not for him. As best he could, he ignored the niggling of doubt at his decision, the longing he suddenly had to see their babe in her arms. There was no point in wishing for things to be different. He had second sight, and now he had a wife. Somehow, he had to make this work. For both of them.

If she’d still have him.

If she stayed with him.

She sighed and ruffled her fingers through his hair. Her long, graceful hands ran up and down his back. He arched at the pleasurable sensation.

Weariness tugged at him. With a kiss, he shifted to her side and held her close against him.

For this moment at least, she was his to hold. He sank into oblivion, comforted by the warmth of her soft body which fit so perfectly against his.

*

A flash of light.

Crefton sprawled in a chair.

Was he ill as the message had said?

Nay! A knife at his throat!

The old man stared at Nicholas with hopeless, empty eyes.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Elizabeth jerked awake from a deep sleep, not certain what had woken her. Nicholas sat up. “What is it?” she asked.

He shook his head, not looking at her, but he shuddered.

Her heart caught in her throat, she tried to imagine what could cause this strong man to tremble.

Nay, that wasn’t true. There seemed to be but one thing: a vision. Hoping he’d trust her enough to tell her about it, she didn’t question him further.

Instead, she put a tentative hand on his bare back and caressed those broad shoulders. She sat up to press the warmth of her body against him, trying to think of anything she could do to bring him comfort. At a loss, she simply held him and was rewarded when at last, his trembling eased.

She laid a gentle kiss on his shoulder, waiting. If he rejected her now, after all they’d shared this night, the shards of her broken heart would never mend. Her worry grew with each passing moment.

He turned and pulled her into his arms, holding her cradled in his lap. Her heart squeezed at his gesture, and tears filled her eyes. Relief left her lightheaded. She held him as tightly as he held her. Now, if he would only talk to her.

After a long moment, she pulled back, looking into his eyes in the dimness of the room and cupped her hand over his cheek. “I love you, Nicholas.”

It seemed as though he stopped breathing for a moment as he stared at her. Then he kissed her – a long, deep kiss she felt all the way to her heart, slowly healing her from the inside out.

He drew back, but still held her tightly. “We need to leave. At once.”

Bewildered, Elizabeth searched his expression in the glow of the hearth. “Why? Where are we going?”

He released her to sit on the edge of the bed. “Amberley.”

Without his warmth, the coolness of the room seeped into her, and she shivered. “But it’s not yet light outside.”

“Your father is in trouble.”

“He’s gotten worse?” She rose immediately, her heart pounding.

“I don’t know about his illness.” He looked at her, obviously uncomfortable. “I had a vision. Of someone threatening him.”

A chill ran down her spine. “But that makes no sense. Who would do such a thing?”

He stood immobile, his gaze on her, as though waiting for her reaction.

“Who is it?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I didn’t see.”

Stunned, she could hardly think, could barely breathe. She shook her head, unable to comprehend how such a vision could be true. “I can think of no one with a reason to hurt him. At least...not anymore.” The words left her lips before she thought to stop them. Why had she brought up Nicholas’s quest for vengeance?

Nicholas said nothing, his face carefully blank, but for a muscle that ticked in his clenched jaw. He turned away and drew his tunic over his head.

Elizabeth slipped on her chemise before walking over to him and touching his arm. She needed to look into his eyes, to see his expression. He glanced down at her, but she didn’t find what she sought. “Are you certain?” she asked.

He moved his arm away from her to reach for his chausses. “Nay. When it comes to the damned visions, I’m never certain of anything.”

Sympathy for his plight welled within her, but she was careful not to let it show.

With a heavy sigh, he stepped closer to her. “I need you to trust in me. To believe in me.”

Her breath caught in her throat, for she knew how hard that was for him to ask. But he needn’t have bothered. “I already do.”

The tension in his shoulders eased at her words. He gave her a swift kiss and then pulled on his boots. “I’ll fetch the others. Meet us at the stables as soon as you can.” And then he was gone.

Quickly, she donned the rest of her clothes and gathered her things, her mind numb with worry for her father. She hurried downstairs and entered the courtyard to find Nicholas and the other men readying the horses. Had Nicholas told them the reason for their sudden departure, or were they used to him changing his mind? None of that mattered, for they prepared to leave without question, just as she did.

*

The small group was on the road shortly, riding as fast as they dared in the cold darkness of early morning. It still wasn’t fast enough for Elizabeth. Her mind turned over and over what Nicholas had said, but found no logic in it. She could now understand how difficult it was for him to take action based on what little he saw. And for Nicholas, taking action was the only choice. He was not one to sit and watch.

The glances he cast her way made her realize that although she’d told him she trusted him, he expected her to change her mind. He’d have to wait an eternity for that. While the vision seemed improbable, she loved and trusted him. It was as simple as that.

Their fast pace allowed no opportunity for conversation, and her thoughts ran as quickly as the horses. What would they find when they arrived at Amberley? Her father, both ill and in danger? That seemed a terrible scenario which his fragile mind would not bear well. How should they approach – with caution or aggression? On and on her worries churned as the cold deepened and a hint of dawn lit the horizon.

After a long while, Nicholas slowed their pace and eased his horse back to ride beside her. He glanced at her as though to see how she fared, but said nothing. That one small glance eased the knot in her stomach. The burden of protecting her father was not hers alone. Relief and gratitude swept through her.

Something must’ve shown in her expression, for he looked at her questioningly and slowed down his steed further. “What is it?”

“I’m so grateful you’re with me.”

Nicholas frowned as he glanced around at their traveling companions. He kept his voice low as he responded. “’Tis doubtful I’ll have another vision to tell us more.”

Did he think she meant to use him for his second sight? “That matters not.”

He eyed her warily. “What I see does not always hold true.”

“Nicholas, none of that matters. Having you by my side eases my worry for I know you’ll help me with whatever situation we find.”

“We may find nothing.”

She hid a sigh, frustrated that he didn’t seem to understand. Would he learn to trust her? Given the events of his past, trust might be long in coming. Rather than argue, she changed the subject. “Do you think your intervention changes the outcome of your visions?”

He shrugged. “My family thinks that to be true. I, however, have doubts.”

She glanced around at the other men, relieved to see they rode a short distance away, keeping their conversation private. “I think you should consider the visions a warning. An alert, if you will.”

He frowned. “I don’t understand.”

The more she thought on the idea, the more sense it made to her. “What if you treat each vision as a message telling you to gather more information?”

“That isn’t as easy as you might believe.”

“Nay, I suppose not, not when you don’t know the identity of the person shown to you. That makes it impossible to find out more.” Embarrassed, she smiled at him ruefully. “Never mind. Please ignore my ramblings.” How naive of her to think she could find a simple solution for his frustration with his second sight when he hadn’t after living with it all his life.

Nicholas was quiet for a long moment. “I’ve always tried to act on what I see. I make assumptions, and those have often been wrong. Perhaps I should do as you suggest and consider it a sign of possible trouble and see what more I can discover to make sense of the situation.”

“Well, I don’t think ’tis fair for God to give you a small grain of information and expect you to always find the right way to proceed. As we both know, there isn’t always a ‘right way’.”

He nodded as he scanned the road ahead. “I will think on what you’ve said.”

She was pleased that she might’ve helped him in some small way. Her thoughts moved back to what they could find waiting for them at Amberley. “When we arrive, shall I slip in and see what I can discover?”

“What?” He looked at her as though she’d suggested they drop in from the sky. “Absolutely not. You’re staying with me. You’ll not move from my side.”

Taken aback at his response, she tried to explain her reasoning. “But what if someone is there? What if the person who intends to harm my father is holding him prisoner?”

He paused for a long moment before answering. “Then we’ll free him together.” But now he didn’t meet her gaze.

Suspicion formed in her mind, curling its talons around her fear. “What are you not telling me?” she asked, certain he knew more than he’d told her.

He gave her a look that curled her toes. “You matter to me. That is what I know. Your safety is more important than anything else. You will not go off on your own to rescue anyone. Do you understand? Your protective streak is going to get you in trouble. Again.”

“Again?”

“You’re always trying to save someone,” he said with a smile. “William, or your father, or others you meet.”

“I never seem to succeed at that,” she mumbled as old hurts rose.

“At what?”

“Protecting those I care for.”

Nicholas took hold of her reins to keep her horse next to his. “I don’t know who in your past put you in the role of protector of all of mankind, but it was unfair of them.”

How could she possibly explain? “When I was a small girl, my father left for a time. He said I was to take care of my mother, but she got sick and died.”

She held up her hand when Nicholas opened his mouth to protest. “I know it wasn’t my fault, but as I said, we often blame ourselves. In my heart, I still worry that I didn’t do enough.” She gestured, trying to express the helplessness she still felt when she remembered. “And then, when my brother was leaving on his last trip, he bid me to take good care of Father.”

“Elizabeth, surely you don’t – ”

“I know. I saw what my brother did not – that we were already losing Father. He’d become more forgetful, less aware of the things happening around him. I don’t think Gregory wanted to see that, so he chose not to.”

Nicholas reached over and squeezed her hand.

She smiled at him, appreciating the gesture more than he could possibly know. “And as you know, I didn’t take very good care of my father after that.”

“Elizabeth – ”

She shook her head. “When Father brought William home, I soon realized he’d brought home the wrong person. Don’t ask me how exactly. I just knew. Added to that was the little William told me, which didn’t fit with the details Father had shared about Gregory’s death. I knew William hadn’t killed Gregory.” She shrugged, still unable to explain her certainty of William’s innocence, even to herself.

“All I could think to do was to get William to you. You weren’t so far away. But I couldn’t just send you a message to come and fetch him. I knew that wouldn’t end well.”

“I can only imagine your worry over what course of action to take,” Nicholas said.

She laughed, well aware it was not a sound of mirth. “I had to do something quickly. William wasn’t getting any better. Robert and Margaret were helping me as best they could, even though they, too, were defying Father’s commands to ‘let that damned knight rot’.”

She looked up at Nicholas. “William spoke of you so fondly during his more coherent moments. I was sure you were the answer. But I didn’t know how to get him to you without bringing my father’s wrath down on all of us. Or yours.”

“You took a great risk by bringing him to me.”

“Robert helped me take him to you, much against his wishes. We made William as comfortable as we could and then timed our arrival so darkness would hide us.”

“Why not announce yourself at the gate of Staverton?”

She shook her head. “From the little William told me of you, I was certain you’d never let me go.”

“Thank you.” His quiet words took her by surprise.

“For what?”

“For doing your best by William. For bringing him to me. I don’t think he would’ve recovered without you.”

Warmth filled her heart. “I did as much as I could, but it wasn’t enough. We both know that. Mildred is the one who deserves your thanks.”

“Deny it if you wish, but I know the truth of it.”

“You’re being too kind.” She pushed his thanks aside, uncomfortable with it. “Now, what is our plan when we arrive at Amberley. Are you certain I shouldn’t – ”

“Do not even suggest sneaking in.” He was quiet for along moment. “I think we should act as though we’ve come for a visit.”

“But if Father is in danger, then what?”

“The men will stay at the stables and wait for our word. If they don’t hear from us, they’ll know something’s wrong.”

Unease filled her, both for her father’s safety and their own. The plan seemed risky, but she could think of no other option. She pushed her worry aside as she trusted her husband completely.

*

Nicholas watched the guards closely as their small party passed through the gate of Amberley shortly after mid-day, but detected no sign of upset. Perhaps his second sight had once again misled him. He hadn’t forgotten the vision of Crefton covered in blood, though he’d decided against telling Elizabeth about it. She was worried enough already. His instincts told him that the message she’d received of her father’s illness was false. However, he couldn’t say if that was because of the vision he’d had of Crefton in danger or merely a gut feeling.