Vengeance 02 - Trust In Me (23 page)

Nicholas groaned as she shifted beneath him. It took all his control to tamp down the urge to take her quickly.

He pressed against her heat and eased forward, breathing slowly to keep his desire under control.

As she released a moan, he made her his. He clenched his teeth and stopped to give her a few moments to adjust to the feel of him. His body shuddered with the effort, wanting nothing more than to continue this sweet torture.

She wound her arms around his neck to pull his head down for another heated kiss, teasing him with her tongue. All thoughts left his mind when she tilted her hips toward him. The sensation was more than he could bear. His body took over, continuing their intimate dance until he knew she neared the edge. He reached down to caress her, wanted nothing more than to feel her tighten around him in release.

He was rewarded when he felt her first shudder and held back his own release until he could stand it no more. For a moment, he feared he didn’t have the will to do what he needed to. But at last, his body obeyed his mind’s command. Anger and regret filled him as he withdrew from her to spill his seed into the linens, the pleasure of his release dimmed.

Several moments passed before he could think coherently. Slowly, he lifted the weight of his body onto his elbows, not wanting to crush Elizabeth, surprised at how weak he felt.

“Nicholas?”

He raised his head to look at her, her frown at odds with the warmth of her brown eyes, her face flushed with the aftermath of pleasure. His gaze was drawn once again to her lips, and he leaned down to kiss her tenderly.

“Why did you – ”

He put his finger over her lips. “Shhh. We will speak later.” He needed to clear his head, to gather his thoughts before they discussed anything. This feeling of vulnerability tempted him to tell her everything and hope she understood.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t explain his second sight and watch fear creep into those warm brown eyes, watch revulsion take over her expression.

Instead, he shifted to her side and drew her warm body into his arms, trying to determine how what he’d sworn to both her and himself would never happen, had.

Her long, brown hair splayed across his chest. He wound the soft silk around his fingers, fearing she’d also wound herself around his heart. His desire for her had been so strong, he’d lost all thoughts except giving her pleasure and easing the ache that had plagued him since he’d first met her.

But now, that ache seemed to have moved into his chest. He rubbed the spot, hoping it would go away.

Lying there with her warm, soft body in his arms, he let go of his worries for the time being and relaxed. Elizabeth curled next to him, her head resting on his shoulder. His mind quieted, his thoughts stilled.

William had awakened.

His wife lay in his arms.

Life was nearly perfect.

He wouldn’t let that one word, ‘nearly’, stop him from enjoying the moment.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Nicholas?” Elizabeth had laid there as long as she could, but couldn’t find the peace Nicholas obviously had.

The light of day had faded, leaving the chamber awash in warm gold. Not so her heart. Nicholas’s action felt like a betrayal, had turned their love making into something less.

How could the afternoon have come so close to her dreams, only to fly completely off target like an archer’s arrow gone awry?

Why had he chosen to pull away from her at the end of their lovemaking? Did he think her less than worthy? What had he meant when he’d told her that he wasn’t who she thought he was?

The questions rolled about in her mind as Nicholas slept, but for the life of her, she could find no valid reason for any of it.

Nay. That was not true. There was only one reason – he did not want to have a child with her. She might have been inexperienced with the details of what happened between a man and a woman, but she knew well enough what was needed to procreate.

She sat up so she could better see his face. In slumber, he seemed so relaxed, so content. More content than she’d ever seen him. Though loathe to disturb him, she had to have some answers.

“Nicholas?”

He frowned, his eyes still closed, and pulled her closer.

The simple action squeezed her heart. Surely it meant that he cared for her on a deeper level. Or did he just want the warmth of her body nearer to his?

Annoyed at the thought, she tried again. “Wake up, Nicholas.”

His eyes opened, immediately alert. “Is something amiss? William?” He sat up, still holding her tight against him.

“Nay,” Elizabeth reassured him, laying her hand on his chest. “I would speak with you.”

He drew a long breath as though he already knew he wouldn’t like what she was going to ask. “What is it?”

“Why?” she asked. “At least tell me that.”

He closed his eyes, and she could feel his body tense. “Elizabeth, can you never just let things be?” He abruptly released her to sit on the edge of the bed, his gaze locked on hers. “Why do you always have to push for more?”

She reared back, hurt and bewildered at his words. “I’m trying to understand.”

He rose, and she couldn’t help but draw a breath at the impressive sight of him stalking around the chamber naked as he gathered his chausses and tunic. Watching his muscles bunch and flex was like observing a moving work of art.

“I am trying to understand as well.” He approached the bed, his features sharp with anger.

His words wiped away her momentary distraction. She frowned, uncertain what he meant.

“I’m trying to understand what made me marry my brother’s enemy, and how I’m going to explain all of that to him now that he’s awakened.”

Her heart sunk as he spoke. Nothing had truly changed then, even though the afternoon had been so close to perfect. Their relationship might have altered physically, but not in any other way.

“I’m trying to understand why you’d think our...union is worthy of producing a child.” He glared at her as he pulled on his clothes, his movements angry and abrupt.

She opened her mouth to protest, but didn’t get the chance as he continued.

“I’m trying to understand why, time and again, I let you distract me from our original agreement.” Fully dressed now, he towered over her at the side of the bed.

She drew the bed linens over her breasts, holding tight as though to help shield her from his verbal blows. But the pitiful defense failed miserably. Anguish, sharp and piercing, shot through her.

“Nicholas, I only wanted – ”

“I cannot give you what you seek.” A flash of pain crossed his face.

Elizabeth looked up at him, wondering what he meant by the cryptic comment.

“We can
never
have the kind of marriage you desire.”

Tears filled her eyes as her hopes were crushed once again. “Because of William?”

“I’ve betrayed my own brother with you. What more could you possibly want from me?” He turned to leave but paused. “Stay away from William.” He left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Elizabeth remained where she was, hardly breathing. She thought with longing of the brief feeling of bliss that had come over her when Nicholas had made her his.

The love she felt for him was so deep, so huge, it was nearly unbelievable that he didn’t return it in some small way. She’d tried to earn his respect, even his regard, by working hard, by putting her money to good use, by doing everything she could possibly think of to help William.

All for not.

Twice now, she’d offered her heart to Nicholas and he’d rejected it.

No more.

Never again.

She’d had enough pain to last a lifetime.

Her gaze moved to the chest at the foot of the bed where her bag sat packed and ready. Could she stay here, day after day, seeing Nicholas, being close enough to touch him, but knowing she’d never have him? Could she stand to see his contempt time after time? She’d hoped his disgust for her would lessen after William recovered, but that no longer seemed possible, for William apparently felt the same way he did.

She had no tears.

No pain.

Nothing inside her but emptiness.

She pulled her chemise on, then curled up on the bed and huddled beneath the covers, her body an empty shell that would never serve a purpose.

*

Christ
!
What had he done?
Nicholas thought as he made his way toward William’s chamber. His anger at himself had made him lash out at Elizabeth.

Wasn’t it bad enough that he’d made his brother’s captor his wife? Nay. He’d slept with her as well.

What would he tell William?
I took the woman who nearly killed you for a wife – oh, and I bedded her as well
.
I have feelings for her that won’t be denied.

He shook his head, amazed at his actions. Not only had he betrayed William, he’d hurt Elizabeth. Neither was acceptable to him. He could not – would not – touch Elizabeth until William had recovered and explained what had happened. After that, Nicholas could determine what action he should take with his marriage. The fault of this whole mess lay with him, not her.

She deserved someone better than him. He hadn’t been truthful with her, wasn’t sure he ever could be. He closed his eyes, for the memory of her sweet body threatened to make him forget what was important, to make him return to her.

He stopped outside William’s chamber, wanting to calm down before he saw his brother.

He already believed Elizabeth had done what she could for William while he’d been in her care. How could he doubt that after watching her tend his brother this past fortnight? She’d helped him in every way possible and he had to believe she’d done the same while he was at Amberley.

And he’d forgiven her for hauling William here and leaving him at the gate. In truth, he should be grateful that she’d had the courage to do so. And if she’d made her presence known, he’d never have let her leave. All of that to protect her father – an honorable desire for certain.

It mattered not that he had feelings for her. Though his heart squeezed painfully in his chest, he refused to acknowledge anything more. His loyalty lay with his brother first.

Even if William could eventually forgive Elizabeth, Nicholas’s second sight still stood between them. He knew he couldn’t hide it if they had the closeness of a true marriage. She’d eventually find out and when she did, she’d think him a beast.

He’d nearly been overcome by a vision when he’d first come to talk to her this very afternoon. The headaches seemed much worse when he tried to hold back his visions, but sometimes he had no choice. He couldn’t let her see his true self. He was saving her from hurt. And himself as well, he admitted.

Nothing could come of the feelings they had for each other. He should never have allowed their relationship to get this far out of hand. He should’ve kept his distance.

Life would be impossible if he remained on this course for long. He’d already proven he couldn’t resist Elizabeth’s charms. If he spent much time with her, he knew he’d soon succumb yet again to the desire that filled him whenever she was near. He couldn’t trust himself. ’Twould be best to stay as far away as possible. He could only hope he would find a way to do so.

All that was important right now was William. The future would have to take care of itself. He straightened, pasted a smile on his face, and entered William’s chamber. He would do anything to help his brother, even if it meant turning his back on his wife and his heart.

Chapter Twenty-Three

During the long night, Elizabeth wondered how she could possibly get through another day, especially if she wasn’t allowed to tend to William.

It turned out to be much simpler than she’d anticipated. She kept her focus on putting one foot in front of the other, of completing the next task before her. First, she attended Mass, then broke her fast and spoke with Peter, the cook. On and on, the tasks pulled her through the day. She’d even managed to work more on her design for a new tapestry although she’d found no pleasure in it. Perhaps one day she’d regain that.

Mary kept her updated on William, but there was little to report as he slept most of the day. Mary and Edith were able to get him to sip a fair amount of broth each time he woke. Mildred had told them not to give him anything more substantial until he was able to rise. Mary’s customary smile was strained, her hands wringing as she reported to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth hadn’t given her any explanation for the change in their routine. She wondered if Nicholas had told Mary to make certain Elizabeth stayed out of William’s chamber. What a dismal thought. No wonder Mary eyed her so worriedly.

Throughout the day, Elizabeth held tight to the emptiness, doing her best not to think at all. Knowing she couldn’t bear to sit beside Nicholas at meal times, at least not yet, she advised Walter to make certain the meals were served without her. Though the old grizzled servant was obviously unhappy with her request, he complied nonetheless.

What the future held, she did not know. But of one thing she was sure – she’d had enough pain. Nicholas would hurt her no more. She wouldn’t give him the chance. He wanted a marriage in name only, and that was what he would get.

*

“So have you come to your senses yet, my lord?” Walter kept his gaze on the chess board before him.

Nicholas stared at him, not certain he’d heard correctly. “Surely you aren’t speaking to me.”

Walter rubbed his finger across his upper lip, studying his possible moves. “Aye, I know, I’m oversteppin’ my bounds. I believe we’ve had that conversation once or twice afore.” He moved his pawn as he looked up at Nicholas warily.

Nicholas sat back in his chair and looked around the hall, relieved to see it was mostly deserted except for a few remaining servants who cleaned up after supper. He did not want anyone to overhear this conversation. “Walter, I – ”

“These are desperate times, my lord. Someone needs to put a bit of reason back in that thick head of yers.” Walter glared at him, one eye narrowed and the opposite brow raised.

The odd expression might’ve amused Nicholas if anger weren’t coursing through him. Though the servant had been with him since boyhood, that did not give him leave to speak so freely.

Nicholas leaned forward to make certain Walter heard him clearly. “Explain yourself before I take offense to your words.” He moved one of his knights in a bold move to make his point.

Walter swallowed hard. “Now, my lord, I mean no insult. I have yer best interests at heart. I merely think ya should reconsider the – uh – situation with Lady Elizabeth.”

“I hardly think the ‘situation’ is any of your business.” Nicholas studied the board again, ready to change the subject.

“How can ya be sayin’ that?” Walter’s incredulous expression caught Nicholas by surprise.

Rather than ask what his servant meant, he merely waited, knowing Walter would soon state what was on his mind. The old man obviously referred to the rift between him and Elizabeth, but he couldn’t imagine what was going through Walter’s head.

He hadn’t seen his wife since he’d told her to stay away from William. Not surprisingly, Elizabeth had thus far avoided any part of the keep he was in. She’d been absent from the meal last night, and he’d yet to see her on this day that was nearly at end. Nicholas had returned to sleeping in the chair beside William’s bed.

He wavered between being grateful to her because her absence made it easier for him to ignore the situation and angry because it made him feel all the guiltier for his poor treatment of her. Reminders of her presence were everywhere in the keep, from the fresh scent of the rushes on the floor to the food on the table. She was always in his thoughts.

Walter leaned forward and lowered his voice. “The servants already love Lady Elizabeth dearly, my lord. Of course, they care for yerself as well. ’Tis obvious the two of ya aren’t gettin’ along so well. Why is that? Did ya see somethin’ in a vision?”

“Nay, it has nothing to do with a vision.” Nicholas shifted in his chair, uncomfortable with the conversation. “I owe my loyalty to William first. Not her.”

Walter shook his head, clearly not convinced. “She did what needed to be done to protect her father. Sir William will take no offense to that.”

“William may not remember what happened to him or who nearly took his life.”

“All I know is that it wasn’t Lady Elizabeth. She’s been workin’ hard to make things right,” Walter said, his mouth firming into a stubborn line. He made a move with his own knight, but his mind was obviously no longer on the game.

“Whose side are you taking in all this? What of William? Are you ready to forget about the harm done to him now that he’s recovering?”

“Nay, my lord. Course not, but I’m not so sure the battle lines are drawn where ya think they are. I’m only suggestin’ ya not give Lady Elizabeth up too easily, else ya might pay a steep price.”

Walter rose. “I’m tired and ready for my bed. I think I’ll sleep in the stables. Good night, my lord.” He bowed formally, his movements slow and careful, then turned and made his way out of the hall, leaving Nicholas staring after him.

Frustrated by his conversation with Walter, Nicholas was far from ready to retire. He decided to go sit with William again.

Though his brother had awakened several times during the day, he’d spoken very little. Mildred had cautioned Nicholas against pushing him to remember what had happened until he offered to speak of it for fear he’d forget permanently.

“Greetings, my lord,” Mary said as he entered William’s chamber. She paused in her thread spinning to curtsy.

“And to you. How is he faring?”

“He’s been a bit restless, moaning and tossing.” Mary frowned as she glanced at William. “Mistress Mildred said to keep an eye on him and make sure he’s not in pain.”

Concerned, Nicholas walked over to William and touched his forehead with the back of his fingers but his skin was cool. “She doesn’t think it to be serious then?”

“Nay, my lord. He has no fever. She thought he might be having bad dreams, maybe starting to remember things he’d rather not.”

Nicholas’s worry eased slightly. After all his brother had been through, it was no surprise that he’d have a nightmare or two. His color was still good as far as Nicholas could tell in the low-lit room, and he looked more like he was sleeping than the unconscious state they’d seen so much of. “Has he eaten of late?”

“He’s had broth several times. Mildred says he’s not ready for anything else until he’s up and about.” Mary rarely had idle hands and after a few brief moments, she lifted her yarn to smooth the thick, uneven strands into a thin thread on the wooden spindle that bounced at her feet.

“I suppose not. You’ve been spinning a lot of thread of late,” he commented, his gaze riveted on the dancing spindle, the sight bringing to mind Elizabeth’s same movements. Nicholas doubted that Mary had enough light to spin thread, but soon realized she didn’t need to see.

Her face lit up at his words. “Oh, indeed, my lord. Lady Elizabeth has started a tapestry. I’m helping with some of the thread. The pattern is beyond description. Have you seen it?”

Curiosity pricked Nicholas. “Nay.” He had to admit that he was relieved to hear she was weaving. He would’ve liked to watch her do her magic, watch those clever, elegant fingers create the pattern. But that would only lead to trouble.

Elizabeth had obviously impressed Mary with her skills, for the maid was enthusiastic in her praise about the project.

“What is the design?” Nicholas asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Mary looked up at him, eyes wide. “’Tis difficult to describe, my lord. Perhaps you could see it for yourself?”

Mary’s odd answer made him even more curious. Elizabeth had more talents than any one person had a right to. The keep had been transformed room by room in the short time she’d been here. Walter was correct; the servants did adore her. He’d yet to hear her raise her voice to anyone but him.

Ironic, that.

“I’ll sit with William,” he told Mary. “Find some food and rest. I’ll send for you when I need you again.”

After the maid had taken her leave, he patted his little brother’s good shoulder and tousled his hair. William moved his head, frowned, then settled into the pillow.

Even that small response lightened Nicholas’s mood. He sat down in the chair nearest the bed and stared at William. Thank God he’d awakened. A great weight had lifted from Nicholas’s shoulders. He truly couldn’t imagine life without him. But his joy was dimmed with regret.

Sighing, he rubbed his hands over his face.
Aye
, he admitted. He did regret the harsh words he’d spoken to Elizabeth. He wished things could be different between them, but how could they? Why did he have second sight? Why did she have to be involved in William’s injuries?

Yet if she hadn’t, he’d most likely never have met her.

Irony was something of which he’d never been fond.

*

Piercing blue light. Sharp pain shot through his temple.

A familiar hall. Amberley.

Lord Crefton lay sprawled amid the rushes on the floor.

His eyes were closed. His face pale. Crimson stained the front of his saffron tunic, spreading even as Nicholas watched.

“Nicholas?” William’s voice broke through the vision.

Nicholas shook his head to clear it. He was back in his brother’s chamber. His gaze caught on William’s.

His brother raised a brow. “A vision?” His voice was low, his words difficult to understand.

“William!” Nicholas rose to sit on the bed beside his brother. “How do you feel?”

He seemed to ponder the question as though to give an honest answer. “Was I trampled?”

“Nay.”

“Attacked by an army of large men?”

Nicholas smiled at William’s attempt at humor, warmth spreading through his chest. So typical of him, and so very welcome. “Nay, just a small group of large women.”

William scoffed, then winced in pain. “In truth, I have to believe it was all of those.”

Unable to resist, Nicholas grasped William’s hand and held on tight. “You had me scared for a bit, brother. I thought I might lose you.”

“And leave you on this earth in peace? Never.”

Ever since Nicholas could remember, William had always responded to any serious matter with a jest. “I would’ve dragged you back to this world kicking and screaming, just so I didn’t have to tell Mother.”

William smiled weakly. “Water?”

Nicholas handed him a small cup. William lifted his head, but the effort seemed to overtax him, so Nicholas supported him while he sipped.

William leaned back. His eyes drifted closed. “How long have I been here?”

“Over a fortnight now.” Questions burned on the tip of his tongue, but he held back, remembering what Mildred had said.

“I was at a tournament...in a joust...” William’s voice trailed off, his brow creased at the effort to make sense of the bits he remembered.

Reluctant to lose his brother’s company so soon, Nicholas responded, hoping William would say more. “Aye.”

“The vision – what was it about?”

Nicholas had nearly forgotten about it in his pleasure over seeing William awake again. How much should he tell him? Would the mention of Lord Crefton upset him?

“No secrets, Nicholas.” William opened his eyes and focused on Nicholas. “Tell me.”

How many times had they had this exact conversation since William had been old enough to understand Nicholas’s second sight? More than Nicholas could count. “It was of Lord Crefton. Do you remember him?”

William frowned, his gaze roaming the chamber as though it would give him the information he sought. Then he stopped, his eyes widened. “Crazy bastard.”

“Aye, the crazy bastard.” Nicholas shifted. “Next time something like this happens, make sure you give me a name. It makes the whole vengeance thing much simpler.”

“Vengeance? On Crefton? How?”

Nicholas ran his fingers through his hair. Where to start? Best to just spit it out. Perhaps somehow it would make William feel better that his suffering had been avenged. “I married his daughter.”

William nearly came up off the bed. “What?”

“Steady, William,” Nicholas said as he put his hand on his chest to ease him back down. “You’re still very weak.”

“Elizabeth? You married Lady Elizabeth?”

“You remember her?”

“Of course!” William frowned at him. “I can’t see how marrying her causes any hardship. Especially not for you.”

Nicholas felt heat fill his face. Trust his little brother to thrust his words straight into the heart of the matter. “I took away the one thing Crefton loves.”