Vessel (18 page)

“Be sure to read the book tonight.”

“I can take it with me?”

“These aren’t in the catalog. They’re my secret.”

“I’ll do my best to keep it hidden then.”

I tucked the book into the inside pocket of my robe, which was useful for carrying all sorts of things. The English would take a bit longer to read. It wasn’t my best language. Perhaps it’d improve my skill. I liked Italian more. Languages could be downloaded, but they were still difficult to master without regular use. Even my native Cantonese was becoming foreign to me; I used it so little now.

“Recks!” whispered an urgent voice behind me. Kinder was agitated. “I might’ve known I’d find you two together, determined to ruin everything.”

I turned to look at Alana, but she’d disappeared.

“I have the downloads you need on nuclear,” he said. “Come into the study room.”

I followed him into the cozy room he’d taken me to on my first visit to the library. Shutting the door behind us, he must’ve felt safer because he yelled at me.

“This isn’t going to work if you get too attached to her!”

I didn’t bother telling him it was too late for that. “Why do you say that?”

“Loving her will only make letting her go more painful. You may not be able to, which could endanger her life and the mission.”

Maybe he was right. I knew I’d never willingly leave her again.

“I would never harm her, Kinder. You’ve got no cause to worry about that.”

Kinder eyed me for a moment. “That may be. Just don’t go thinking there’s a happily ever after there for you.”

I sighed. It was like arguing with a madman. “What downloads do you have for me?”

“Specifics on nuclear particle accelerators and nuclear weapons.”

I’d asked for them, needing to know what to look for. Kinder stacked the three cylinders on the table.

“There’s something else going on too.”

“A Cleansing, I know.”

“No, more than that. They’re making plans for something big. You’re going to be very close to Anders now. Keep your wits about you and your eyes open for anything.”

“Like what? What do you think they’re going to do?”

“I believe, but don’t know if it’s true—”

“What?”

“I believe they intend to incite a war.”

The terrible nuclear downloads were still fresh in my mind that night when I returned to my room. I tried to remember if I’d seen any centrifuges near the cooling pool. If I had, I hadn’t recognized them, but they must be there somewhere. Trying to relax, I opened Alana’s book. The words made no sense at first, and I remembered it was English. My thoughts were a jumble of the past and the future, and I struggled to read the yellowing first page of the book. The paper was soft as cloth between my fingertips. It made only the slightest scraping sound as I turned the page.

Call me Ishmael
, it began and proceeded for several meandering pages of narrative about the sea until I noticed the tiny pencil marks under some of the letters, some of the lines no thicker than a hair. Looking closer, I realized the first few underlined letters spelled my name. She’d created a message for me, a letter of sorts. I dared not write it out on paper so I read it slowly.

Recks,

When you attend the Cleansing, there will be no way for Stef to escape. She won’t be strong enough by that time. Victims are kept barely alive, nearly starved before Cleansings so they cannot escape. But you can help Stef avoid the pain of Cleansing. You’ll be close enough to administer an analgesic with the prick of a pin unnoticed by anyone. I leave the decision entirely to you, but if you want this drug, mark your answer in this book and return it to me. I will get it for you. Alana

I dropped the book in my lap and rubbed my temples with both hands, as if pushing on my skull enough would remove all knowledge of this awful practice from my memory. How could I make such a decision? How could one person decide to kill another and then carry out the deed? Stef was completely inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. She was no threat to the Reticents. Nothing hinged on her membership or lack thereof. She could’ve easily fallen prey to street gangs had she escaped. Perhaps she was doomed either way? I could only do her this one favor now. I found a pencil and underlined the letters y… e… s… h… u… r… r… y.

I tucked the book back into the hidden pocket of my red robe hanging in the closet. I pulled my black hood on over my head. I had to go in search of the centrifuges to see if the Reticents were truly enriching uranium for weapons.

I watched the clock. It was two minutes until the appointed time when Kinder would shut off the tracking device on the chip in my head so I could move about the compound undetected.

Just after midnight, I stepped out of my room and headed toward the thirteenth sub-level. It was easy to avoid people at this time of night. Few were ever up. The stairwell that’d saved me the last time was locked tight. There was no opening the door this time. I’d have to go back into the vent system if I was going to get down there again.

As I scrunched myself into the hole in the wall, I wished I had a Geiger counter. I knew now that the burning in my eyes was probably from the radiation I’d been exposed to. Small doses wouldn’t harm me too much, but I had to be careful. Who knew how many times I’d have to go back? If I found the centrifuges that spun the uranium into weapons-grade material, we’d know for sure what the Reticents were capable of.

What that would mean, I didn’t really know. The Reticents were powerful already. Why would they fear any other nation enough to build these kinds of weapons? Weapons that could easily destroy the ones who wielded them were a fool’s errand. It seemed very simple to me. It was the height of arrogance to assume they could be controlled by a handful of men.

I inched past the stairwell and the cooling pools without bothering to look at them again. The centrifuges should be close by. The next room was too dark to see anything from the vent. I switched on my tiny flashlight, another gift from Alana, and directed the beam downward.

There they were, like rows and rows of short, round soldiers, the centrifuges gleaming in my light. I didn’t want to risk leaving the vent again, especially after my last escapade and knowing the stairs were locked now, so I lay there for awhile, letting my eyes get used to the darkness. I memorized every detail I could. I even tried to read the gauges on some of the closest ones, but the numbers didn’t mean much to me.

These devices made uranium truly deadly. I wondered if I shouldn’t destroy them now. No enrichment meant no bomb, but it’d take more than that. All knowledge of how to enrich uranium would have to disappear with them. Alana might be able to do it, or Kinder with his computer access, but I didn’t know what else the Reticents might have hidden away somewhere. The Council of Eight would have to be destroyed as well to wipe the knowledge out of existence.

I shook my head to rid myself of that thought. I was becoming more like them, controlling who had access to knowledge, and it disgusted me. How could I think like that? Kinder was right. The best way to bring down the Reticents was to expose their knowledge and end the secrets.

I was sweaty now and needed to move. I’d seen enough. Hopefully, it’d be enough for Kinder. I wanted to be done with sniffing around like a cockroach. I wanted to get away from this place, from Reticents and Kinder and downloads. It was too much.

Maybe nothing could stop them. If it wasn’t this group of power-hungry men, would it just be another? I’d seen enough of history to know wars and killing had always been commonplace. Maybe men would never change. The only thing that made this place bearable was being able to fall asleep in Alana’s arms, and the hope that we might someday be far away from it all.

The next morning, I left the mess hall early and made my way to the library. The only light was the rosy glow of Mother’s Love, a peachy-orange sky just before daybreak. I left the light off and padded back to Alana’s hidden fiction section in the far corner. I would’ve liked to read more of
Moby Dick
, but I needed to get my message to her quickly. I slipped the book out of my robe and set it softly on the shelf by the other volumes. I scanned the other titles—
Pride and Prejudice, Fahrenheit 451, The Joy of Cooking
.

“What are you doing there?” Tiber’s voice cracked the early morning stillness. I fought my urge to jump. Surprised as I was, I made myself turn slowly.

“Just looking for something in psychology.”

“Psychology is down a few rows,” he said, striding up to me. I hadn’t expected him to know that. He must be smarter than I thought. His eyes scanned the stacks in front of me.

“What the hell is this stuff?” he asked. He grabbed the cookbook off the shelf and flipped it open. My heart stopped with him so close to Alana’s message.

“Chicken pot pie? Why they keep some of this stuff, I’ll never understand.”

I smiled uneasily, but I forced it to look natural. Tiber’s jagged teeth always made him difficult to be around. He was like a wolf that might take a bite out of you at any moment.

The lights flickered on overhead, replacing the pink glow with a blue one.

“Anders must be here,” he said, tossing the book back on an empty shelf. Tiber hurried to the study room, not waiting for me. I stayed to catch my breath. I thought about putting the cookbook back, but I left it there so Alana might notice someone had been there.

***

That night, Alana came to me and slipped quietly into my bed.

“You came,” I whispered, pulling my blankets around her to warm her cold limbs.

“You said to hurry.”

“We’re going tomorrow.” Every time I thought of it, my stomach threatened to empty itself. “Did you bring it?”

“Yes.” She handed me a tiny box underneath the covers. “It’s a needle laced with the poison. You need only prick her arm with it.”

“Will it kill her?” I didn’t want to know, but it was important.

“No, but she won’t be able to feel anything.”

“Will she feel fear though?”

“The drug will dull her awareness.”

“Enough to forget her fear?”

“I don’t know for certain.”

I sighed.
“
I hope so.
”

“It’s the best we can do.”

I shoved the box under my pillow and buried my face in her hair. It grew longer each day. I missed it more than she did now, even though her beauty was not diminished by the lack of it in any way.

“What did you do today?” I asked to get my mind off the Cleansing.

“Kinder finished my downloads today. He says the Vessel is filled. I think we’ll be leaving soon.”

“He never told me.”

Alana smoothed her hand gently over my forehead, down my nose, and across my lips.

“I’m not sure he knows where we’ll go. He knows I won’t leave you. Going in the dead of winter doesn’t seem wise … ”

“I wish we could go now, just you and me.”

“Go to Lhasayushu?” Alana smiled one of her rare smiles when she forgot herself and her imagined awkwardness, when she let herself feel happy.

“Yes, it’d be spring there already. The cherry trees would be blooming, all pink and buzzing with bees.”

“I wonder what cherries taste like. Sensations are the one thing downloads can’t teach you.”

“It’s a fruit like a tiny apple, but the flesh is red and so much juicier.”

Alana smiled a knowing look at me.

“Of course, you probably knew that,” I said.

“Do I seem smarter to you?”

“You were always smart, Alana. Smarter than me.”

“No.”

“Yes, much smarter. It’s no wonder Kinder made you the Vessel.”

“That was merely convenience.”

“He wouldn’t have picked you if you’d been a simpleton.”

“I might’ve been happier as a simpleton. This is a heavy load to bear.” Her smile faded. I caressed her forehead with my lips, pulling her closer to me.

“Don’t worry. I’ll help you bear it,” I said.

“I pray for your strength every day.”