Villainess (29 page)

I nodded, completely numb. “Can I at least say goodbye to her?”

“Don’t make this more difficult on yourself. You don’t need closure when you won’t remember her.”

“What about Ella and everyone else? Will their memories be stripped as well?”

“Yes.”

“And what about the courts who want her head on a platter? How will you erase her from the media?”

“We have plans.”

I snorted. “I’m sure you do.”

I turned and headed up the stairs. “Regardless of what you say, I’m going to say goodbye to her.”

I needed time. I just needed a little bit of time to figure out how the hell I was going to get both Leila and me out of this mess. There was no way I was going to accept our story ending like this.

Leila

My eyes popped open, my adrenaline surging, and my body hyper alert. I swung my gaze around the small room, not recognizing it, tugging on the handcuffs that attached me to the headboard. My heart swam with betrayal.
Jonah doesn’t love me after all.
He was simply trying to do exactly what he did—lull me into a false sense of comfort and then drug me. I guess I’d been hoping he’d be my salvation, obviously neither him nor Theo was. My visions have been known to be wrong before.

Voices wafted through the darkness, both of them distinctive and familiar.
Jonah and Kristoph.

“It’s my talent, son. I’m one of them too, not just working for Project Reaper, but a part of it. Mind manipulation with memories and such—that’s my specialty.”

“The drugs were a cover. That’s why you’re so good at what you do. That’s why you can do things that no one else can.”

“Precisely.”

“But if I’m a shield then—“

“I obviously figured out a way into your mind despite your natural talent. It may have been different if you could control it, but you can’t.”

“Can I at least say goodbye to her?”

“Don’t make this more difficult on yourself. You don’t need closure when you won’t remember her.”

“What about Ella and everyone else? Will their memories be stripped as well?”

“Yes.”

“And what about the courts who want her head on a platter? How will you erase her from the media?”

“We have plans.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“Regardless of what you say, I’m going to say goodbye to her.”

My breathing became erratic as Jonah’s footsteps came closer and closer. What would he do? Say? Was he really just going to say goodbye? Despite all my plans, was I really going to lose him again, and this time forever?
How had my visions been so terribly wrong?

Jonah flipped the switch on the wall, and light flooded the room. I stared up at his beautiful face, probably for the last time. “I don’t blame you,” I said. “I know I’m not an easy person to love.” I chortled. “Or maybe that’s an understatement, I’m not just difficult to love, next to impossible.”

Jonah crouched beside the bed, reaching out to touch me. His fingers slid through my hair and I let my eyes flutter shut at the show of affection. It was most likely the last real one I’d ever get. I wanted to savor it. Lock it away in my mind so I’d have it for the rest of my life.
Jonah Yoshihara is my everything.
I knew it in that instant. I’d give up everything for him, no questions asked. I had to let him know, even if he wouldn’t remember soon.

“I’d do anything—be anything for you. I just want you to know that, Jonah. As twisted as I am. You make me want to be a better person for you. You make me want to try and be a hero.” Tears spilled down my cheeks. “Even though I know I’ll never be anything other than the villain of the story.”

He stood abruptly, swearing under his breath. “No. It can’t end like this. I can’t let you go again.” His eyes were wild as they moved around the room, searching.

My heart squeezed. “You didn’t lie?”

Jonah dropped down beside me again. “No. Of course not. I just made the mistake of trusting the wrong person. I thought he was going to help you—us.” He pressed his lips against my temple, tenderly. “I love you, Leila, with all that I am. I was young and stupid the first time around.” He laughed darkly. “And just as stupid the second time around even though I’m not a kid anymore. I didn’t know what I had. I do now.”

My nostrils flared as I tried not to completely break down.
I can’t lose him. I won’t. Please…please…please… I need him. Don’t take him from me.
“Jonah, please.” I didn’t know what I was asking him for, not really. He had no power in our current situation. We were both up shit’s creek without paddles.

He stared at me a moment, not moving, his teeth grinding together. “I know what I have to do.” And then he left me there without another word.

I strained to hear what was going on downstairs, but it was difficult to hear over my thrashing heartbeat.

The sound of a gun going off rent the air, and I screamed, unable to stop myself. The only thing worse than losing Jonah again, would be knowing he wasn’t out there in the world living his life.
He can’t be dead. Kristoph wouldn’t shoot him, would he? But I knew the answer.
Kristoph was capable of a lot more than any of us had previously realized.

And then he was there, standing in front of me like some kind of avenging angel. Blood was spattered across his chiseled features, his expression grim until it landed on me.

“Jonah!” I gasped. “You—you killed him?” I didn’t think him capable.
It looks like I was wrong.
And I didn’t know how I felt about that. I wanted to create heroes, not more villains. Jonah would never have killed anyone before I came along. I’d corrupted him. I’d corrupted him but I still wanted him any way I could get him. He would always be my everything—no matter what he did.

“Yes. I killed him. And I’m not sorry because he didn’t give me a choice.” He came to me, cradling me in his arms as he unlocked my cuffs. “Now let’s get the hell out of here before more Project Reaper fucks decide to show up.”

“But where will we go? And how?”

“I have a plan. I have an old friend that I can reach out to—organized crime. I helped him once, and I’m going to call in the favor.”

I dug my fingers into Jonah’s shoulders, searching his eyes. “But why, Jonah? Why are you willing to do all of this for me? Everything you’ve known about me is based on secrets and lies. How do you even know that you love who I really am? How do you even know me? My first boyfriend was textbook case, you know.”

“What does that mean exactly?” Jonah’s gaze met mine with confusion.

The words spilled from me, like verbal diarrhea. “He was like this wounded animal that would lash out at people, but I thought I saw good in him. I thought I could help him. Turns out I couldn’t. He was just like my father. I was trying to fix my father. Textbook, like I said.” I chuckled darkly. “When I told my mother that my ex hit me, or well I guess pushed me around…literally… but I was afraid of more, she told me that I should stick it out. That he needed me. Can you believe that? I should have known then that I’d never be able to save her. I was nineteen years old. Why would I throw my life away like that? Because that’s what I would have been doing. That should have told me that she’d let my father destroy her. She’d never walk away from him no matter how badly he treated her. She couldn’t even wrap her brain around the concept of walking away.”

“Leila, I—“

“No. I want to tell you this. I just need to tell you…now.” I couldn’t let myself hope for a life with Jonah and then have it all ripped away when he found out the truth about me. I had no power over him. I could never simply make him love me like all the rest.

He nodded and I cleared my throat. “My father killed my mother, and I let him die because of it. I could have stopped it, just like his other suicide attempt, but I didn’t want to. I was happy he died. I was happy.” My voice cracked and tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. “I’m not a good person, Jonah. Never have been. Even before all of this.” Maybe I was to Jonah as my ex was to me. Maybe Jonah saw good in me that wasn’t really there, and when he discovered that, he’d walk away just like I did.

Jonah reached out, his fingers grazing my face, as if the urge to touch me was irresistible in that moment. “Did you know that a butterfly can’t see its own wings? It doesn’t know it has them, Leila.” My eyes slid shut and I turned into his touch. “You can’t see your wings either, baby. But I’ll help you fly, I promise. You just have to trust in me.”

“I don’t deserve you.” And I never would.

“Maybe not but you have me.”

I sucked in a shaky breath. “There’s so much more, Jonah. So many things you don’t know about me. And if you don’t know me—the real me—then how can you love me?”

“I know who you are, Leila. In here.” He pressed his hand to my chest, over my heart. “I knew you before all of this mess, remember? The things you’ve done don’t define you, your heart does, and I trust it. I trust your heart. Trust mine.” He smiled down at me. “And why am I willing to do all of this for you? You mean besides the fact that I love you—all of you—even the broken parts?” I nodded, my throat closing off. “Because—I figured—maybe you needed a hero. And I’ll move heaven or hell to be that for you.”

A smile broke across my face to match his. At least I knew for sure I’d managed to create one hero.

And he was the only one that would ever matter to me again.

Heroes and villains are two sides of the same coin. They’re both motivated to make some kind of social change, both believing they’ll leave this mortal coil a better place than they found it.

Guilt, hate, the need to be loved… Heroes and villains feel all of those things because they’re human, just like everyone else.

I wanted to be a hero, but I’m a realist. I’m too fucked up in the head to be anything but a villain…or a villainess to be more specific. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make the world a better place, after all, sometimes the hero and the villain are one in the same. Although I suppose the only holder of that duality card is Jonah. He created me, and he sustains me. He’s my hero and villain all rolled into one—my salvation and my ruination.

Or maybe I’m just utterly mad. Of course… Crazy? Sane? Those two things are often separated by a very fine line. Who knows what pushed me over the edge. Was it the things done to me as a child by Project Reaper? My mind had been scrubbed but things like that leave a lasting impression that can never be forgotten. They’re etched into your very soul, not just your mind. You can erase one, and not the other. Or was it the guilt that overwhelmed me about my parents? Maybe I’d never know all the answers, not that I needed them.

All I’d ever need is Jonah. Our love story…if you could call it that… Maybe a more apt description would be tale of obsession. Our story, no matter the label, at least gets a happily ever after. Our love—our obsession transcends all labels, and all definitions.

I’m at peace when I’m in Jonah’s arms, and he’s never letting me go.

Nothing else matters anymore.