Vince and Joy (43 page)

‘Nope.’

‘Seriously?!’

‘Yup. I left him the day after we met.’

‘No!’

‘Yes. I waited till he got back from his creative writing course the next day and told him I was going.’

‘Oh, my God. What did he say?’

‘He was cool, actually. I’d really psyched myself up for it. It was incredible, as if I was possessed by some kind of demon spirit. As if after all those years of being so submissive, so scared of him and his moods, I was suddenly somebody else, someone strong and fearless. There was nothing and no one that could have stopped me leaving him. I was so impatient for him to get home, I was literally pacing back and forth. I just wanted to do it. To say it.’

‘So what did you say? How did you tell him?’

‘I said, “George, I’m leaving you.” Just like that. And it was weird because he didn’t look at all surprised. He tried persuading me to stay for a few minutes, but it was a bit half-hearted. And he asked me if there was anyone else. But after that we just talked. We talked for five hours and it was great. It was as if he’d been expecting it, as if he was relieved. I think he felt the same as me. I think he thought when I came back last month, that things could change, that he could be different, that I could be different, that we could still live up to this big romantic ideal he had in his head. But then he realized that it was impossible, that we’d gone too far to ever get back to
where we were – or, at least, where he
thought
we were. It was all really, really civilized.’

‘Wow. Joy. That’s great. I’m so pleased for you. You must feel extraordinary.’

‘I do. I feel amazing. To be out of that situation. To know that I never have to go back. To know that he’s happy, that I haven’t ruined his life. I just sent off my divorce papers. And I’ve told him to keep the house and the furniture and everything. I really don’t want anything material. I just want a clean break. I just want my freedom.’

‘Well, you deserve it. Totally. I’m really pleased for you.’

‘And I just wanted to thank you. That day, when we met. I think I was at my lowest ebb ever. I’d even thought about getting pregnant, having a baby, just to give it all some sense of purpose. It felt as if… I don’t know… ever since I met George I’ve had this weird feeling, as if I was veering off course, taking the wrong path. In my head I felt like a ship that was out of control, in the middle of the ocean, no land in sight, but always with the hope that I’d find my way back to dry land eventually. But just recently, before that day we met, it was like the ship had capsized… and I was drowning. And then you turned up in Neal’s Yard and all of sudden I was rushing up through the water, I could see the light above, I could breathe again. Does that sound stupid?’

‘No. Not at all.’

‘You rescued me. Do you see? You pulled me out of the water and plonked me on a life raft.’

‘Like that bloke at the end of
Titanic?’
he laughed.

She laughed, too. ‘Yes. Exactly. Like that bloke at the end of
Titanic’.

‘Well, I’m glad to have been of assistance.’

‘You really were in the right place at the right time. Although, if you’d marched into Chelsea Town Hall on the 24th of December 1993, bundled me into a cab and taken me home then, you would have been a real hero!’

‘Oh, God,’ he said, ‘I feel awful.’

‘Oh, don’t feel bad. I was only joking. I had plenty of opportunities to bail out. I just chose not to take them. I wanted somebody else to make the leap for me. You know, sometimes I used to sit in George’s car, outside the off-licence, or outside the video shop, and wish that someone would kidnap me, wish that some big brute of a man would leap into the driver’s seat and take me away somewhere. Anywhere. Isn’t that tragic?’ She laughed.

‘That’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard,’ said Vince.

‘I know. It’s pathetic, isn’t it.’

Vince smiled. ‘So, where are you staying?’

‘Back at my mum’s. Which isn’t so great.’

‘Yeah – I moved home for a while when I came back to Enfield. It’s weird, isn’t it? It feels like such a step backwards…’

‘Yeah. Exactly. And my mum’s doing her best to make it feel all right, but it doesn’t make any difference. I just want to get myself a place as soon as possible. Get my life back.’

There was a brief silence, during which Vince contemplated suggesting to Joy that she come to stay in his flat, the one he shared with Clive. He was only there a couple of nights a week and it wasn’t anything special, but it was better than living in Colchester with her mum.
But then he thought of his own circumstances, of Jess, the baby, of everything that was about to happen to him in the coming months, and he decided against it. Joy took the continuing silence as a sign that Vince was tiring of the conversational theme and broke it.

‘Anyway,’ she said. ‘That’s
more
than enough about me. How about you? What was Jess’s big announcement?’

‘Aah, yes,’ he said, dropping a sugar cube into his tea. ‘The announcement. You were right.’

‘What – she’s pregnant?’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘Oh, Vince! That’s fantastic! That really is brilliant news!’

‘Yes.’ He stirred the cube idly around his cup, watching it shrink away to nothing. ‘It’s amazing, isn’t it?’

‘You must be so excited. And so terrified, too.’

He smiled wryly. ‘A fair amount of the former and shitloads of the latter.’

She laughed. ‘So have you sorted out your problems, you know, with Jess’s partying and staying out and everything?’

‘Yeah, kind of. I mean obviously now she’s pregnant she’s not exactly going to be clubbing and drinking anyway. She’s feeling pretty ropey, so it’s not really an issue at the moment. God knows how it’s going to work out for us in the long term, but right now it’s good. It’s exciting. It’s an adventure…’

Joy made a strange noise, halfway between a snort and laugh.

‘What?’

‘Sorry. Nothing. It’s just, George’s best man, Wilkie.
Bless him – he was so flummoxed and so bewildered by the whole thing, really didn’t have a clue what was going on. And that was what he said in his speech. He said, “If nothing else, it’ll be an adventure.’” And boy, was he right.’

‘Well, yeah, it’s all a learning curve, I guess… ‘ ‘But you love her, don’t you? You do love Jess?’ He nodded. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘I do.’

‘And she loves you?’

‘Yeah. Well, I think so. I mean, she’s not actually said it, but she shows it. She’s loving, you know.’

‘Well, then – that’s all that matters. If you love each other, whatever happens you can deal with it, you can work it out. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that it’s really not much fun having an adventure with someone you’re not in love with.’

‘Yeah,’ Vince smiled. ‘I can see that.’ He looked up at someone hovering in his peripheral vision. It was Terry, another BSM instructor. He was looking at Vince expectantly, a mug of tea in one hand, his paperwork in the other. Vince patted the seat next to him and Terry sat down.

‘And whatever happens between you and Jess,’ Joy continued, ‘whether you stay together or split up, if you love each other there’ll always be that strong foundation there for your child.’

‘Yeah,’ said Vince, ‘you’re right.’ He was feeling selfconscious now, with Terry sitting next to him bristling with his desire to strike up conversation.

‘And it’s funny,’ Joy went on, ‘how people always say that marriage is the greatest commitment you can make
to another person, the biggest decision you’ll ever make in your life. And maybe once upon a time it was. And obviously, I stayed with George a lot longer than I would have if I hadn’t married him, but, once I’d decided it was over, all I had to do was pop into WH Smiths, pick up a DIY divorce kit, fill it in and I never, ever have to see George again as long as I live. But babies – they’re the real commitment, aren’t they? The real glue that keeps people together. Without babies it’s all just paperwork…’

‘Yes,’ said Vince, ‘indeed. Look. Joy. I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to go.’

‘Oh, right.’

‘Someone needs to talk to me.’

‘No, that’s fine. I’ve chewed your ear off for longer than I intended to anyway. It’s just that I promised I’d call and I never break promises – oh, except ones I make in register offices, that is.’

Vince laughed. ‘I’m glad you called. Really glad. A lot’s happened to both of us since that day in Neal’s Yard.’

‘A lot’s happened to us since
Hunstanton!’

‘It certainly has, it certainly has. Look, let’s stay in touch this time, eh?’

‘Definitely. I’ve got your number. And now you’ve got mine – it’ll be on your phone.’

‘Yeah. Of course. I’ll save it. And I’ll be in touch. Maybe we could get together one night, for a drink?’

‘I’d love that,’ said Joy. ‘I really would.’

‘Excellent. Well then, I’ll call you or you call me, and we’ll arrange something. Definitely’

‘Cool. I look forward to it.’

‘Me, too. And, look – well done for leaving. You’re very brave.’

‘And congratulations to you. And Jess. You’re very brave, too!’

They said goodbye and Vince slipped his phone back into his shirt pocket and turned to Terry. ‘Old friend,’ he said, by way of explanation.

Terry nodded, clearly entirely uninterested.

Vince picked up his somewhat limp toastie and ate it unenthusiastically. The cheese inside had turned cold and rubbery, and he didn’t feel particularly hungry any more.

He listened to Terry banging on about his new conservatory and thought about Joy, free, unencumbered and ready to grasp her new life firmly with both hands. It was as if she’d been reborn, as if she was getting a second stab at life. And as he thought about her he felt a sudden sense of loss that he wasn’t able to join her on her journey. He wanted to help her find a flat, help her find a job, celebrate every moment of her new-found freedom with her.

Because, even though he adored Jess, even though he was as proud as hell of his impending state of fatherhood and even though this was everything he’d always wanted, there was still a small but powerful part of him that felt overwhelmingly like he was a passenger on the wrong bus, heading towards the wrong part of town.

And if he was to follow Jon’s bus analogy to its logical conclusion, then he couldn’t help feeling that the day he’d bumped into Joy, the day Jess had told
him she was pregnant, he’d actually been standing on the platform of the bus, ready to get off. And maybe if Jess hadn’t told
him she was pregnant he’d have somehow ended up on the same bus as Joy. Because every instinct in his body was telling him that that was exactly where he was supposed to be.

He stared at his phone as Terry talked. Joy’s number was on there. He could call her tonight. Make plans to see her. Place himself firmly back in her life. But he knew that he wouldn’t. Because Joy wasn’t just an ‘Old friend’ – she was his first love, his soul mate and someone he still had frighteningly strong feelings for.

He’d leave it up to her. If she called, then he’d see her. If she didn’t, then he’d take it as a sign. Not that he believed in signs, but sometimes leaving things to fate was the simply the easiest option.

Vince didn’t save Joy’s number on his phone, and Joy didn’t call him.

Al & Emma’s Kitchen, 1.50 a.m.

‘You’re kidding!’ exclaimed Natalie. ‘After all that. Bloody psychic cats and predestined meetings and lost ships and wrong buses and God knows what else, you just lost touch?’

‘Yup.’

‘But that’s terrible,’ said Emma. ‘I mean, you two were so obviously destined to be together.’

‘Do you think?’

‘Er –
duh
– what do you think? I know you don’t believe in destiny and, actually, I don’t either particularly. But sometimes you’ve just got to think that God’s trying to tell you something.’

Vince smiled and topped up his wine glass. All the men had left the table one by one as Vince’s story had unfolded. He could hear them now in the living room, chatting loudly about Balamory and colic. Having children had made women out of all of them.

The girls remained, however, enraptured by this story of missed chances, crossed wires and lost loves.

‘But you’re single now, Vince. What if she was, too? What would you do?’

‘God, I don’t know. Go out for a drink, I suppose. Get to know each other again. See what happened. But that’s not going to happen, is it, because I didn’t keep her number. I’ve got no way of contacting her.’

‘God, you
anus,’
said Natalie, slapping her hands against the tabletop with frustration. ‘God keeps throwing this woman in your path and you don’t even keep her fucking phone number. You really are a dickwad.’

Vince smiled. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘if God wants me to get it together with Joy so badly, maybe he’ll throw her into my path again.’

‘Ah, so, you don’t believe in destiny, but you do believe in serendipity?’

‘Is there a difference?’