Vindicate (21 page)

“I understand.
I come from Infante .
I lived in your reality. I know what it feels like to grasp the idea of another dimension – to grasp a fate you would not choose for yourself…but I’m happy you’re here. H
appy that I’ve met you.” I hesitated. “
I wish I could have met you long before today.”

Her green eyes met mine. “I’m going to tell you what I told Charlie. I refuse to be anyone’s second choice.”

With that statement, I knew we w ere both ignoring the obvious. “That is not a fair statement. I t’s not like you were standing next to anyone and were chosen second. Y
ou cann ot blame anyone for their past. F
or the decisions they made when they followed the path they were told to take.”

She smiled faintly as she furrowed her e yebrows. “I’ve dreamed of you.
I was standing next to you... and I was chosen second. N
ot you or anyone else in your life follows a path they were told to take; all of you follow your heart.”

“You dreamed of me?” I asked in shock.

“Often,” she said as she looked around the observatory. “Recently – you’ve become violent.”

“And before?”

“Before – before, I thought you were a mirror image, a reflection of who I would become.” Her emerald green eyes grew dim. “
T
hen on the last blue m oon I understood you were not a mirror image. I was finally certain of it .”
Anger and jealous was now reflecting in her gaze. “Y
ou were the other woman. Y
ou hurt him.”

A sick feeling settled in my stomach, and the open ceiling of the observatory reflected a gray sky that grew so dim that you would have thought dusk was approaching. “I didn’t mean to, and I am not the other woman.”

“He loves you,” she said in a deep whisper as her eyes focused on me.

I held my breath, fight ing to sustain a calm emotion. O
ne that would not cause th e skies to reflect how I felt. H
ow horribly guilty I felt. “Maybe so, but not in the way Landen loves me…not in the way he will love you,” I promised. I looked over her carefully. “Have you dreamed of Landen?” I asked, trying to hide the jealousy I felt building inside of me.

She moved her head from side to side. “Why?”

“Hard to explain…I guess I’m just trying to see if you are his bad soul mate – trying to find a way for me not to hate you if that were true. E
ven though I have no right to feel that way.”

“Bad soul mate?” she asked with a smirk, falling from her knees and crossing her legs in front of her.

“Yeah,” I said, mocking her stance. “It’s how Alamos and Perodine explain the difference between Landen and Drake to me.” I let a sardonic smile echo on the corners of my lips. “T
hey say one gives undyin g love and ones gives passion. T
hat in our past lives, I have loved them and they have loved another. I always assumed it was the same person - that who brings Drake love will inspire passion in Landen.
I dread that.”

“And you believe them?” she asked in a voice that was full of doubt.

“Why would I not?”

“Because they are human and they are ruled by emotions, and emotions change our perspective and shape our opinions of the truth; of all people, you should know that.”

Well, now, that was something I’d never considered. And now that I had it felt like a weight had been lifted from shoulders.
“Point taken,” I said as I stu died her features.
“But there has t o be some truth there, some basis for that insight …
I can’t feel Drake.”

“Drake. The tall, strong, regal boy with magnetic dark eyes,” she said as she looked to the stone floor.

I nodded to confirm. “He is a good man, and he needs a queen.”

“I’m not her,” Madison said sharply , locking eyes with me.

Oh, yes you are I thought to myself.
“How do you know for sure?”

“I told you, I refuse to be his second choice. I will not allow any man to ‘settle’ for me. I don’t deserve that; no girl does.”

“How can you blame him for something he has not done? It’s not fair th at he did not know you before. T
hey toyed with his mind . Invoked dreams of me. T
old him over and over I would rule with him , but that was all a cruel ploy. T
hat evil angel did that so it could take over his life the m oment I coincided to love him. Y
ou should be furious at that ghost that cam e after your friends. N
ot him. It’s not his fault.”

I could see that she had no idea what Drake had endured by her eyes that widened for a split second. But she regained her distant stance.

“I am furious with th at ghost for more reasons than you could imagine.
” She sighed heavily, obviously looking for the right words to say to me. “
Willow, I think yo ur perspective has been blinded. E
vil does not live here.
” She said with a glance around the stone room.
“
What is here is the damage left in its wake. I go to the place where it’s bred. I’ve fought there a nd will continue to fight there.” She leaned slightly forward to capitalize her next point. “
I will never stay in any palace and have countless people wait on me as long days drift by. I will never rule with anyone because no one should rule another.”

I smirked. “I’ve said the same thing,” I mumbled. “Listen,” I said weakly. “I don’t have ti me to convince you to love him. I t’s not my place to do that anyway ..
. but I can’t be two people in The R
ealm, at least I don’t think I can . Y
ou may have to face him there .” I captured her distrustful stare.
“
– can you handle that? Will you help me save his life?
”

“Once again, I will tell you what I t old Charlie.
I would stand at your side with or without your permiss ion and save whomever I need to. N
ot because of some love you think I should have, but becaus e that is what I do. I save damn ed souls whether they deserve it or not.”

“He’s not damned.”

“If he’s where I think he is – he’s damned.”

Fear shot through me as I leaned forward. “What are you saying? Landen is there. Is he damned?”

“Do you think Draven is?” she asked curiously, weighing my reaction.

“He’s not damned – he’s made a choice to love Charlie. I don ’t even think it was a choice. S
he is the air he breathes.”

“Then there is hope for your Landen – Drake.”

“What are you not saying?” I asked impatiently.

She signed deeply. “Listen, Draven has always been closer to the edge than the rest of us. We all see or perceive the da mn ed differently. Aden sees lost dreams, I see emotions – Charlie somehow sees it all, but Draven has only seen the darkest parts of those souls’ lives…
we knew he was different; we just didn’t realize how different he was until a few months back. M
ore so in the last few weeks.”

“What happened? Why do I see fear in your eyes?”

She looked down, hiding that emotion from me. “Charlie help ed an image – it warned her of E
scorts, of Bianca. We thought we were ready for her. T
hought we would fight her in our reality the way all girls fight – with words and wit – but she took him to The Realm . He was tested on the night h e first played that song live. I n that test, he had a choice to either fall back into the numb absence of pain The Realm has – or step forward and face all the deeds he had done in this life and every life before.”

“He’s here . S
o I guess I know what choice he made,” I said, telling her I was hanging on to her every word.

“Yup. T
hat album cover – that is what Charlie – all of us witnessed. We thought that it was over, that at this point we just needed to find a way to save the damned, but life is never simple. Draven has not been the same. He has always had an edge to his personality. That self-loathing bite to his temper that all creative artists have, but it’s more defined now. He and Charlie are fighting with each other more. H
e doesn’t think he deserves her – deserves to be fighting at our side.”

“Is it because of that other guy? The one he thinks will kill him if he hurts her?”

Her stare told me yes. “
Yup. Silas.
And if Draven isn’t careful – he will drive her right into his arms.”

“Did that world do something to him? Did that test do something to him?”

Madison leaned back on her arms and gazed at me for a moment – obviously finding trust for me. “Some might think stepping forward and facing your deeds is an easy thing to do . S
omething you do once, and your debt is paid, but it’s not. Draven has memories of all of those lives he le d. A ll of the evil in his past . O
ne word can spark a memory – an emotion . H
e has to make the choice to face his deeds every moment of his life …
Charlie has to make him focus on this life. T
he way he feels with her right now to stop him from spiraling out of control.”

“You think Landen and Drake will be ‘tested’? That they will have to face the choices they made in past lives?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know . N
one of us do. I think that test is onl y for those bred by that evil, but all of us are different . T
he more time we spend there, the more – the more – I don’t know how to say it – we perceive life differently . W
e don’t fear death or feel that an y choice we make is permanent. W
ho we bring hom e for you may not be the same. I t just depe nds on what was done to them. W
hat past they were shown.”

“I don’t think either of them led an evil past life. A t least not by choice,” I said, defending both Landen and Drake.

She smirked. “Have you ever said something and regretted it – hurt someone with words or choices – felt the guilty agony?”

“All the time,” I said, firmly holding back the urge to bring up Drake again.

“They didn’t have to be evil to have bad deeds. T
hey just had to be human. That world amplifies those memories in its victims. I t does that to draw out the energy of all those that come there.”

“And what regrets have you faced . H
ow altered is your perception now?” I asked, wondering if that world had managed to place a divide between her and Drake before they ever had the chance to meet.

She raised one eyebrow as a sly smile came across her face. “Listen, I’m a Scorpio .
I think deep, and my th oughts make no sense sometimes. T
hey just create more questions.”

“Well, so am I,” I said, encouraging her to tell me what was mustering in her mind.

“Alright,” she said, stretching her legs out in front of her. “How do you know this is reality? How do you know that this world – this place – you – me – Landen is nothing more than a projection of your thoughts? How do you know that everything you are fighting is not in some way – you? What is it that makes something evil? Something good? How do you know that talking to me right now or breathing in a certain direction has not somehow caused a chain reaction and caused some kind of natural disaster? Are you really making a difference in this place – or are you just a hamster spinning in a wheel – looking like a fool to the heavens above? What is truth? What is a lie? What you believe today – will you believe it tomorrow? How powerful are your thoughts, really? Your dreams? Is there a heaven ? A hell? How is it that some suffer and some are blessed? Why am I wide-awake and aware of all the energy around me, and others shift through mundane lives waiting for death – just to find some kind of escape? Why is it human nature to find a fight – to find a common enemy? Why is peace so seemingly boring?”

My eyes rushed over her face, trying to recall the absurd amount of questions she asked – trying to find an explanation or comment that would justify any of them.

Seeing that she had left me speechless, she leaned forward. “How do you know that you and I are seeing the same thing? We may agree that this is a stone floor,” she said, tracing the grey stones we were sitting on , “but is what you see as a stone floor t he same thing I see? Is your gray my gra y? How differen t is my perception than yours. H
ow many people could describe this room utterly differently – with different emotions yet capture it perfectly? There are too many whys and not enough answers in this life.”

I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. “The Realm gave you that perception?” I asked, completely mystified.

“No,” she said quietly. “I had those thoughts long be fore I followed Draven into The Realm. T
hat place just amplified my thoughts . M
ade me doubt and believe everything I see…
most of the time, I think about what is on the other side of The Realm.
W
hat I can’t see. H
ow deep the rabbit hole goes, if you will.”

“You don’t think it’s some kind of dream world? A shared dream or shared conscious?”

“We could argue that point – but what if this world is? What if we are nothing more than a feeding ground for that dark energy? What if we are prisoners in a lost war of souls – living in exile – trying to fight our way home, fearing that death is our only way there – but at the same time fearing one wrong deed will forever capture us in the evil realm I’m fighting in now?”