Vintage Volume One (17 page)

thirty

I’d been staring at the ceiling mere feet from my head, lost in thought for an indeterminate amount of time, when the jarring of my cell phone pulled me back to the present.

I glanced at the screen. “Parker” flashed at me.

I denied the call and sent it straight to voicemail.

It rang again. I ignored it again.

I glanced at the clock. Flashing Light would be taking the stage soon, and instead of preparing for the first night of a huge tour with his band, a tour that could literally make his career, Parker was calling me.

I needed to get back to my dad, anyway. I needed to make sure he was ready to go. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t wallow. I had a job to do.

So I swept the thoughts swirling through my mind away, feigning enthusiasm for the first night of this leg of the tour. Philadelphia deserved that from me, the assistant to the lead singer of the headlining band. I could fake my way through the next few hours, and then I’d go back to my cocoon made up of a bunk bed set too close to the ceiling of a bus and continue wallowing in my misery until morning.

Morning would greet us in New York City. We had a night off and then two nights at Madison Square Garden to prepare for.

I wondered where Parker would fit into all of that. Sometimes bands on tour together hung out, and sometimes they kept to themselves. My dad was a known life of the party, and he tended to be the one who brought everyone together on tours. He allowed everyone into his Black Shadow family. But he was married now, and I had a feeling that this tour would be a lot less wild and a lot more family-oriented.

I wasn’t sure how my dad would feel once he knew Parker and I were over. And beyond that, I wasn’t sure what he thought about Parker in the first place. When they’d met, my dad had been an asshole to Parker. Maybe it had all been an act, and I wanted to pick my dad’s brain about it, but a few hours before the show wasn’t the best choice in time on my part. My dad was a little busy, you know, being a rock star and everything.

I climbed out of my bunk and fixed my make-up. I ran a brush through my hair and sprayed some perfume on my wrists.

It was dark outside, which I couldn’t have discerned from my bunk cocoon with the curtains against the windows drawn.

I found Vanessa waiting in the hallway outside my dad’s room. She wore a simple black dress and bright red lipstick that made her skin look pale and like porcelain. She had nearly black hair cut in a blunt bob and equally dark eyes.

“Pre-game?” I asked.

Vanessa nodded.

“You on guard?”

She shrugged. “They always kick out the ladies during pre-game.” I wondered briefly where my new mommy had gone. “You okay?” she asked, her dark eyes alarmed.

I shrugged.

I’d relied on myself for far too long, and maybe I just needed some girl talk. Maybe I needed some perspective. The loneliness was eating at me, and maybe Vanessa could help.

I was stubborn enough to know that she could offer all the advice in the world and I wouldn’t take it—I’d still ultimately make my own decisions—but it couldn’t hurt to talk to someone.

Vanessa’s husband Keith had been Black Shadow’s manager for as far back as I could remember. Keith and Vanessa had gotten married seven or eight years earlier, and I’d always looked at her as sisterly. Someone I could trust.

“Boy trouble?”

I nodded.

“Talk to me. I’m expert level on boys.”

I laughed. She’d married a good guy, and I had no doubt that she had some experience in the man department.

“It’s a long story.”

She glanced around the empty hallway. A loud noise sounded from inside my dad’s dressing room, and we both chuckled. “I’ve got time.”

“Four weeks, right?” She nodded, and I sighed. “Fine. I met this guy and I really liked him. I fell for him, actually. The first guy I’ve fallen for since my ex left. And he fucked it all up.”

“You know that’s not nearly enough detail, right? Of course he fucked it up. He’s a guy. It’s what they do.”

“He’s a musician. He knew from the start that I was hesitant to get involved with a musician.”

“Because of Gideon?”

I nodded. “It’s hard figuring out who wants to be in my life because of me versus because of my dad.”

She gave me a look of sympathy. Or maybe it was pity. I chose to believe it was the former, because I didn’t want anyone’s pity.

“Who’s the boy?”

I sighed and leaned against the wall next to the door. “Parker James.”

“From Flashing Light?”

I nodded. “You know him?”

“Yeah. I got the impression he was in a relationship.”

“He was. With me. Until a few hours ago.”

Her hand found my forearm and squeezed. “What happened, Roxy?”

“He didn’t tell me that he was touring with my dad. It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud. I should’ve figured it out.”

“Why did he keep it from you?”

“He said he wasn’t sure how to tell me without hurting me.”

“But he hurt you anyway.”

I nodded in confirmation.

“And now you’re stuck with him for four weeks.”

“Essentially.”

A loud noise sounded from above us, and I recognized it as a bass guitar.

“Sounds like they’re on stage now. Want to go watch?”

I shrugged. Part of me wanted to go watch more than anything. I wanted to see him. I’d always been curious about Parker James on stage. But the other part of me never wanted to see him again.

I was in this confusing place where I was completely in love with him and completely in hate with him at the exact same time.

She grabbed my elbow and directed me toward the elevators. “Come on.”

We made our way to the side of the stage where Parker stood, both of us flashing credentials at the security guards backstage. I saw his profile from where I was. Intensity radiated off of him in waves. He was in his element for sure, but I could also see an anger inside of him. It was vying for his attention when he was trying to focus on his music.

I’d put that anger there.

I’d hurt him as much as he had hurt me.

I stared at his profile. The strong jaw that worked magic against my body. His eyes were cast downward as his fingers moved nimbly across the strings of his guitar. He was concentrating on the music. He was lost in some element that I’d never seen him in, and it was fascinating to watch the transformation as his eyes lifted up and out toward the audience. His lips moved as he sang the bridge of the song behind Fitz. I’d never actually talked to Fitz before, but I knew who he was from the night the band had come into Vintage for a signing.

The night I’d met Parker.

The night my life had changed.

If I could go back to that night, I wondered what I could change so that I wouldn’t have ended up in this very place at this very moment.

I believed in fate. I believed that things happened for a reason.

I knew that Parker and I would’ve crossed paths at some point in our lives, and I couldn’t help but think that it would have been so much easier to have met him on this tour than the night I did meet him. If we were just starting now, I could be certain that he liked me for me. I could be certain that he wasn’t interested in me simply to make it onto the music scene.

An evil part of me wanted to tell my dad that I didn’t want him around. I knew what my dad would do. He’d kick Flashing Light off of their tour. Typically record labels put tours together, but my dad was the equivalent of a god in his line of work. If Gideon Price said jump, people jumped.

So if Gideon Price said he wanted Flashing Light off the tour, they’d be off the tour.

As much as I hated Parker, I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t do that to his career.

Besides, I knew that it would never happen. Not only would it be horrible press, it would be unprofessional on every level.

Staring at Parker as he performed, I could see how much talent he had. He was incredible, and he deserved success.

It was a shame that he had felt it necessary to go through me to get to my dad, but it was reality.

So I’d deal with him for the next four weeks. It should be easy enough to avoid him. I’d hang by my dad’s side when he needed me, and I’d spend the rest of the time on the bus or with Vanessa. I didn’t have to spend time with Parker James.

His head turned in my direction, as if I somehow held a magnet that pulled him toward me.

He watched me watching him for a few seconds, and I couldn’t look away. A faint smile erased the anger I’d seen emanating off of him only seconds before. He still held the same intensity, but as he turned away from me and back to the crowd, I saw a subtle change in him. His movements were more fluid, his voice turned to warm honey, and those fingers shredded that guitar with the most masculine grace I’d ever seen.

thirty-one

I managed to avoid the after party. The first night was always a little crazy, but I didn’t feel any inclination to participate. There would be other nights, nights when I’d be in a better place to celebrate than I was that night. So I called it an early night and headed back toward my bus.

My chat with Vanessa had been enlightening, but the few seconds when Parker’s gaze had locked onto mine had told me so much more.

I tried falling asleep, but I couldn’t. I was waiting to hear voices. There would be four other people traveling on this bus with me. They must all have still been at the after party, wherever that was. The bus remained still, so we weren’t traveling to our next destination yet.

I couldn’t get that look in his eyes out of my head, the one when he’d glanced over at me on the side of the stage. It had been laced with hunger, with need, and most of all, with love.

I knew I saw it there.

I started second-guessing myself. Had I been hasty in my decision?

He’d betrayed me.

But I hadn’t stopped to listen to him.

I hadn’t given him the time to explain his side of it. And if I had learned anything from my favorite book in the world, Atticus Finch taught me in
To Kill a Mockingbird
that I needed to stand in Parker’s shoes and walk around in them.

I tried seeing things from his perspective.

I didn’t know when the tour was arranged. All I knew was that it was very last-minute. I supposed it was even possible that he’d never met my dad. Maybe he deserved a chance to explain.

I wasn’t sure why a few minutes to myself so strongly revolutionized my perspective, but when it came down to it, I didn’t want to be mad at Parker.

I didn’t want to be apart from him.

I was hurt, and I was weak. I was only human.

And that was the driving force behind me wanting to give him a chance to explain.

I’d already realized that this was my first real, adult relationship. And maybe this was my first real, adult choice to hang onto what we had.

A part of me hated him, hated what he did, but hate was a feeling. It was strong. And it wasn’t the opposite of love. I’d learned that the opposite of love was indifference. Damien had brought out that side of me, but Parker ignited my passionate side. A very fine line existed between love and hate, and I was precariously teetering between the two. It wouldn’t take much to sway me toward one side.

I climbed down from my bunk, desperate for some water. I opened the door that separated the sleeping quarters from the living area, and there sat Parker James on the leather couch, his eyes downcast. There was a melancholy air about him even from where I stood. He glanced up when he heard me.

Dark circles shadowed his eyes. His eyes were always dark, but the shadows were a little unusual. He looked beat down. His hair was covered with a backwards baseball cap. He wore a black hoodie and black jeans, his typical uniform. Black Nikes adorned his feet.

I wanted to run to him, to cuddle into his lap, to rest my cheek over his heart and listen to its steadying beat.

Instead I moved as if I didn’t see him there.

I was too damn stubborn to make the first move.

I pulled a cold bottle of water out of the refrigerator and took a few sips.

“Can we talk?” he asked, his voice hoarse. I wasn’t sure if it was from emotion or from singing.

I shrugged. I glanced at the clock at the front of the bus. It was a little after one in the morning, which meant everyone would be coming back soon.

I heard him mutter, “Goddammit.” It was the shrug. I knew it would piss him off. That was why I had done it, if I was being completely truthful.

I sat in the recliner across from him.

He ran a hand over his face. He was clearly exhausted emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I couldn’t help but think it was his own fault.

If he’d have been honest with me from the start, we wouldn’t be in this place.

Or would we?

I thought about Atticus Finch’s words again, and I tried to see it from Parker’s perspective. We were just starting something. He was just gaining my trust. Would telling me before he left have softened the blow?

It was ridiculous to think I wouldn’t find out, but Parker knew I didn’t really follow my dad’s career. I wondered whether seeing me there had been as big of a surprise to him as seeing him had been to me.

Unfortunately, though, that didn’t excuse the lie.

I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I felt his eyes on me, powerful and intense as always. I couldn’t meet his gaze. I was afraid of what it would do to me.

“I’m sorry, Jimi.” His voice was just louder than a whisper, and it was resigned. He was clearly out of his comfort zone.

So was I.

The door opened, and Hank took his place at the driver’s seat. He started up the bus, and then we started moving. We were backing up.

I looked with alarm at the front of the bus. Hank wouldn’t hear anything going on behind him because he was trained not to.

I’d been played.

Again.

Motherfucker.

“What did you do?” I demanded, finally meeting Parker’s gaze.

He looked at me unapologetically. “I knew you wouldn’t listen unless you had to. I’m lucky you slept as long as you did.”

“You hijacked my bus?”

“That’s a little dramatic. I just made some arrangements for your travel companions.”

“Fucking Vanessa,” I muttered, focusing on the bottle of water I held in my hands. I unscrewed the cap slowly, deliberately, and took a sip. I refused to meet the inquisitive eyes I felt on me.

“She’s worried about you.”

“So much that she stuck me with you until we get to our next destination?”

“It’s a two hour drive to New York City. Two hours for me to tell you why I waited to let you know my travel plans.”

“Two hours to tell me why you lied to me.”

“I never lied, Jimi.”

“A lie of omission is still a lie.”

He sighed in frustration. He stood and paced the small area in front of us. He ran his hand down his face again. Then he leaned against the counter, arms folded across his chest and one ankle crossed over the other.

He looked irritated and angry, but he held an air of cool and casual confidence about him. It seriously pissed me off that he was able to look so sexy when I just wanted to be angry. “Let me ask you a question.”

Like I had a choice. I didn’t acknowledge his statement.

“Would it have been any different if I had told you from the start? Would you have believed that I was interested in you and not your dad?”

He had a point. I shook my head. “No matter how you slice it, I see this for what it is now.”

“That’s just my point. There’s so goddamn much that you know nothing about. And now that this is out there and you already hate me, I might as well tell you everything.”

The catch in his voice caught my attention.

“More lies?”

He walked over and stood in front of me. His eyes were hard as he looked down at me. In the short space of time we’d gotten to know one another, I’d never seen him look so angry. The anger was cold and captivating. I couldn’t look away.

His voice was sharp when he spoke. “I said this once already, and I won’t say it again. I never fucking lied to you.”

“So then what don’t I know?”

“I’ve known your dad for a long time.”

I should have been surprised. I should have felt sucker punched at what I considered yet another lie, what Parker considered another omission.

But somehow everything was falling into place.

I wasn’t shocked.

The worst part was that I had to just sit there and take it. I had nowhere to run. I could run to my bunk, my protective cocoon, but I had only a curtain separating me from Parker. I could run back to the bathroom or to the bedroom and close the door, but he’d be right on the other side waiting for me.

So I was stuck in place, forced to talk to the one person I didn’t want to see. 

“We first met… God, maybe ten years ago in Chicago. I was in a different band at the time. There was a local battle of the bands to open for Black Shadow, and my band won. That was the first time we met. Your dad told me that I had real talent, but he could see that I was in the wrong place. That stuck with me. He told me he wanted to see me succeed, that he saw something in me. He gave me his cell number and told me to use it. So I did. I knew I had to take my chance if I wanted to make it in music.”

He paused. I could see the passion in him as he talked about music and my dad. He headed to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of Coors Light. He opened it and chugged down half the can in his signature move.

I remained silent, watching him like a hawk. One part of me was relieved to finally be learning about who Parker James actually was while the other part of me was terrified what it all meant.

He continued talking. “Your dad became a mentor to me. He was like a father to me in ways my own dad never was. He believed in me, in my music. He saw that I was with the wrong people, and because of his advice, I left the band. I worked security for a few years as a way to make ends meet. I met Fitz backstage at a different show, and they were looking for a new guitarist. We formed Flashing Light shortly after.”

He stopped to drink down the other half of his beer, and then he tossed the can in the trash. He grabbed a second, and I had to wonder how many he’d already had. “Want one?” he asked. I nodded, and he opened one and handed it to me.

I needed some alcohol to filter this story.

“So how did you end up on this tour with Black Shadow?” I couldn’t help my question as it spilled out of my mouth. I wanted to remain neutral, to just listen as he spoke, but I had to know.

He resumed his pacing. “That’s where things get a little complicated.” He ran a hand down his face. He was nervous. “Your dad told me he’d gotten into some trouble with an old friend. He knew I’d worked security for a while, and he told me that if I moved my band out to LA and kept an eye on his daughter, he’d repay me in opportunities for my band.”

My eyes grew wide at his admission.

My heart raced.

Anger boiled over.

Not only had I been betrayed by Parker, but I’d been betrayed by my dad.

The one and only person in the entire world I trusted completely.

“So you knew I’d be here all along.” My voice was flat. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

He nodded slowly.

“So you’re on this tour because you watched out for me? Basically you’re getting paid to fuck me?”

A look of horror like I had slapped him crossed his face. “God, no. Jimi, that happened because I couldn’t stay away from you.”

“Bullshit.” I stood up, enraged by his words. He was a fucking liar. This entire time he’d completely played me. He led me to believe that we’d met by chance when he’d known exactly who I was. I’d truly been his ticket to stardom all along.

“You know I said multiple times that I shouldn’t be with you. But once I met you, I couldn’t stay away.”

“It’ll pass.” I stepped around him and stormed to the bunks, throwing open my curtain and climbing into my bed.

I pulled my curtain closed, praying for privacy. It was futile, though. I couldn’t escape him in this tiny space.

He ripped open my curtain as quickly as I’d closed it.

“It won’t pass. It hasn’t passed since the second I laid eyes on you.”

I turned over to look at him, to spew some more venom at him because in that moment, I fucking hated him. I stared daggers at him.

But then he said the words that changed everything.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said, his eyes filling with unshed emotion, his voice laced with an edge of desperation. “I can’t stop what I feel. I can’t control it. I didn’t mean to, but I fucking fell in love with you.”

I wanted to feel the force of his beautiful words, but I was too angry. “You know something, Parker? There’s a fine line between love and hate. And right at this moment, I hate everything about you.”

I held his gaze until he turned away in defeat. I turned back toward the wall.

I don’t know where he went, and frankly, I didn’t care. He couldn’t have gotten far. We were enclosed together in a little under four hundred square feet for the next two hours.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and that was what broke the dam.

Tears rushed down my cheeks, thick and hot and fast.

I’d been betrayed by literally everyone I trusted.

Parker and my dad were in it together. Somehow they’d both managed to break my heart at the same time.

The pain I felt from this betrayal proved to me that I hadn’t really been in love with Damien, at least not in a real, adult way. When he left, he broke me, but his absence had also taught me to live independently. I’d learned how to rely on myself.