Vintage Volume One (23 page)

But we weren’t.

Because I wouldn’t let us be.

I thought about heading to the back of the bus to use the queen-size bed. It looked much more comfortable than the tiny sleeping compartment that had given me a stiff back after only one night.

Plus the bed meant I didn’t run the risk of sitting up too fast and hitting my head on the ceiling.

But if Parker saw me there, he’d see it as an invitation. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to give him that opening.

I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for, exactly, but I wasn’t ready to let him back in. I wasn’t deliberately trying to be stubborn, but every time I thought about letting him back in, my mind wandered back to the lies, the omissions, the deceit.

The only difference was that now an equal part of my mind was reminding me that while he had initially done it to please my father and to get his big break, the feelings that he’d developed were as real as the feelings I had for him.

It wasn’t fair of me to deny us both what we needed—what we deserved.

I headed toward the back of the bus. Fuck the tiny sleeping compartment. I was going to sleep in the queen, and if Parker saw that as an invitation, then so be it.

I wasn’t going to admit to the huge part of me that
wanted
him to come back and snuggle in beside me.

Except he didn’t view it as an invitation. I felt the bus moving, which meant it had to be sometime after five in the morning. I sat up in the darkness. I was alone in bed. I’d left the door open, so Parker must’ve closed it. He must’ve wanted to grant me some privacy.

I had the sudden need to see him.

I headed toward the living area on the premise of needing a bottle of water from the refrigerator. I heard voices toward the front of the bus, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying, so I crept a little closer.

“…drove a tour through the Grand Canyon once when I worked for a charter company,” I heard Hank say.

“We didn’t travel much, but the Grand Canyon is definitely my favorite trip from my childhood.” Parker was discussing vacations with Hank.

Hank was focused on the road ahead, and Parker was sitting on the floor next to him. A glass partition and a lowered seat separated the driver from the rest of the bus, so typically Hank had no idea what was going on in the bus behind him. He didn’t need to. That became pretty important depending on who was riding on each bus, but between his seat, the CB Radio he used to communicate to the other drivers, and the nondisclosure agreement the bus drivers all had to sign, we could be fairly certain that whatever was said on the bus would remain private.

I found it adorable that Parker was talking to Hank like they were old buddies. I’d seen too many musicians treat the bus drivers like pieces of trash. It was one of those moments that showed me that despite the pain he’d inflicted on me, he was actually a good guy under all of the issues that had blossomed between us.

Parker must’ve seen me out of the corner of his eye, because he turned and his eyes met mine. His looked warm. He looked younger sitting there somehow. Maybe vulnerable. He looked boyish and sweet as opposed to the usual carnal sex-god that I saw when I looked at him.

Those eyes that usually looked upon me with heat and lust were gentle.

That did it. Seeing this other side of him when I was so close to taking him back pushed me over the edge and into his arms.

If I fell, I knew Parker would be there to catch me.

Yes, he had hurt me. But I had to believe that life was about second chances. I’d hurt people before, too. No one is without sin, and I counted on the forgiveness of the ones I loved. If I couldn’t grant that even after Parker had been trying to prove himself to me, I’d be even worse than the lies.

Parker stood, his eyes never leaving me. I felt like he was searching me, like he could see through my exterior to the inside of me that had been warming back up to him. “Hank, you have fun up here doing your thing.” I heard Hank laugh.

He smiled broadly at me as he walked toward me. “Hey, you,” he said softly.

“Hey.” I rubbed my eyes sleepily. He reached out and tousled my hair. His actions were tender and loving.

He stood awkwardly. He was unsure. It was interesting to see him off-balance. He wasn’t sure if he should pull me into his arms or if he should leave me alone.

So I took the guesswork out of the equation.

I walked into his arms, wrapping myself around him.

It took him a few seconds of stunned silence before he enveloped me. His lips were in my hair, and then they were on my face, and then they were on my own lips before I even knew what hit me.

I kissed him back, passion overtaking both of us as I finally gave into the very thing I’d been fighting—except when we found ourselves in a bed together.

His kiss was full of hope. This one was different from the heated animalistic ones that led to sex.

This one was filled with reverence and love and optimism and beauty. His mouth opened slowly to mine. His tongue moved sensually against mine, holding a promise of truth and emotions.

I pulled back to look at him.

His dark eyes met mine. Some lust had crept into his, but the unfiltered hope I saw there was enough to prove to me that he had true intentions. I’d been hard on him for long enough.

It was time to forgive and move forward.

“I think it’s time for us to talk,” I said.

thirty-nine

“Who’s Kimmy?” I asked.

I glanced over at the clock. It was a little before six in the morning. Too early for this conversation, surely, and we had twelve more hours together on the bus before we arrived in North Carolina, but the question had been playing on my mind since the night of his drunken confessional.

His eyes were full of surprise at my question. “What did you say?”

“I asked you who Kimmy is.”

“My sister.” I breathed a sigh of relief that it was a relative and not a love interest. Surely he’d had girlfriends before me, but I wasn’t really ready to hear about them quite yet. “Why are you asking me about Kimmy?”

“You mentioned her the other night. You actually mentioned quite a few things when you stumbled in drunk that night in New York.”

He gave me a look of alarm, and then he chuckled. “So this is how you want to start this big conversation we need to have?”

I shrugged. He laughed.

“Same old Jimi.” He pulled my hand toward his mouth and brushed his lips over my knuckles. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“I know.”

He chuckled. “Who’s Damien?” he asked, countering my own question.

I froze. I supposed if I was asking questions about people in his life, he had every right to ask questions, too. I just wasn’t prepared to dredge all of that back up.

“An ex.” I kept it simple. “Why do you ask?”

“Your dad had mentioned something about Damien to George in one of our meetings. He didn’t elaborate and I just wondered who he was.”

“He left without an explanation in the middle of the night. Apparently my dad knows more.” Parker shot me a look of sympathy, but I didn’t want it. “I’m over it, Parker. I’ve moved on.”

“With me.”

I nodded.

“My dad knows the specifics of why he left, but he won’t tell me. If you want to know more, you should talk to him since you two are so close.” The last part came out more bitter than I’d meant it to.

Parker sighed and then completely changed the direction of our conversation.

“That first night we were together, do you remember that?”

I nodded. “I don’t think I will ever forget that night. You were so…” I trailed off, searching for the exact right word. “Dominant.”

“When I shoved my dick down your throat, you were scared. Did you like that?”

I froze, unsure how to answer that. “Uh… that’s two questions.” I stared at the floor, my cheeks burning.

He chuckled.

“Honestly?” I asked, my eyes finally lifting to meet his.

“I always expect you to be honest, Roxanna.”

“You never call me Roxanna.”

“I can’t believe it’s actually, really your name. You’ll always be Jimi to me.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about you yelling out ‘Jimi’ when you’re dick is inside of me.”

He chuckled, and then his voice turned serious again. “Answer my question.”

“Yes.” My voice was barely a whisper as I glanced over his shoulder. Part of me was worried that Hank would overhear our conversation even though I knew he couldn’t, but the other part of me was trying pretty much anything to avoid eye contact at my reprehensible admission.

“Yes?” he asked, his voice much louder.

I looked down at my lap, nodding once.

“I was writing a song about fears right around that time. It was the fear I saw in your eyes when you looked around like someone was watching you. Half the time it was me watching you, but you couldn’t have known that. I was just doing my job. That was before we met. But that night, I was in the moment, we both were, and I couldn’t stop myself. When I saw that fear in your eyes, it turned me on. But when I was able to save you from that fear, to strip away that fear… It was a thrill.”

“So you’ve got some hero complex?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. I like saving people. I like protecting people.”

“Hence the tattoos.”

He nodded.

“Who else have you protected?”

“We’re not talking about me right now.”

I pouted, and his lips lifted up in a tiny smile.

“So you like causing fear and then eliminating it?”

“Not causing it. That first night we were together, I wasn’t trying to scare you. Part of it was the pleasure of that mouth of yours, but the other part was testing your limits. I’ve never deliberately done something to cause you fear. But I do seem to enjoy saving your ass.”

“Because you were hired to.”

His fingertips came under my chin. He forced me to look at him. “That might be how it started. But that’s not at all where I am now.”

“But let’s call it what it is. You get off on saving me. It doesn’t matter who causes the fear.”

“I wouldn’t say I get off on it. I don’t want you to be scared. But if you are, I want you to know that I’m here. And what we do in the bedroom should never be scary. As soon as I told you to relax that night, you did. You enjoyed it.”

“That night in the break room when Vinnie snuck up on me, you saw the fear in me then.”

He nodded. “I did. Vinnie’s harmless, but you didn’t know that. You were terrified. You looked like you wanted to claw his eyes out. And when I held you, when you trembled in my arms…” He closed his eyes for a moment at the memory. A shudder of desire passed through me as I watched the look on his face.

He stood up and pulled me up with him, right into his arms. I rested my cheek against his chest, and we stood in the exact pose we had on the night he was referencing. His heart was racing against my cheek. “God, you were terrified of Vinnie. And you were so fucking grateful that I walked in when I did.” He kissed the top of my head.

“Did…” I paused, not sure if I could really form the question. “Did you put Vinnie up to that?”

Guilt flashed through his eyes for just a second, but he played it off well. We both sat back down.

“Be honest, Parker.”

“I didn’t put him up to it. He doesn’t know about my deal with your dad. No one does. We’ve both been really careful about that. Vinnie really is just that big of an asshole. But I did use it to my advantage. I caught you in a vulnerable spot and used it to gain your trust.”

“More lies.”

He looked sharply at me, and then he sighed. “I never lied.”

“You told me you weren’t going to tell me that again.”

“Then stop questioning its validity. You trusted me because I saved you from Vinnie. You trusted me when I saved you from my own dick down your throat.” He grinned wickedly.

I smiled back. When he looked at me with that glint in his eye, and when I thought back to that first night between us, I couldn’t help but smile.

“And you trusted me that night we ran into Randy.”

“Wait a minute. You knew he was going to be there?”

He shook his head. “No. I took you to that place because it really does have the best cheeseburgers in LA. I had heard a few details about Randy, but not much. Your dad had shown me his picture, said he lived in Culver City, and told me that he was a threat. I thought if Randy happened to see us together, he’d believe that we were a couple and he would never question why I was always around you. He’d never link me to your dad if he saw me with you first. I still don’t fully understand what he’s capable of.”

I nodded. It was like a giant puzzle finally coming together.

“Do you want to tell me why you were so scared of him that night? Did you know about the shit between Gideon and him?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t find out about any of it until my dad invited me to come on the tour. He told me about my ex’s connection to Randy.”

“Your ex Damien?”

I nodded. “And no, I don’t want to tell you why I was scared of Randy.”

“Tell me anyway,” he demanded.

“He hit on me one night when I was a teenager.”

“What did he do to you?”

“Nothing. He was just a slimy, drunk old man. He freaked me out a little, but I got away.”

“Fuck,” he muttered.

“I have a question for you now.”

He nodded, looking at me expectantly.

“Where were you really during those weeks when you said you were writing?”

“I was writing.”

“But you stayed away from me.”

“I was writing. But I was also doing everything in my power to find a way to protect you while staying the fuck away from you. I was falling for you, and I was terrified you’d reject me, or you’d find out your dad hired me to protect you and you’d want nothing to do with me. And I was right.”

“You were. But I think I’m starting to get it.”

He looked at me with that same sense of boyish hope.

“You think so?”

I nodded, and he smiled. He stood, and we walked together to the queen-size bed in the back of the bus.

And then there was no more talking.