Violet Chain (16 page)

My eyes thinned. “Then what do you mean, Violet?”

“I just didn’t think you would want to be involved, that’s all.”

“Like it or not, I’m already involved,” I retorted. I was angry with her for thinking for one second that I would not want to be there for her. Christ, does this woman not know what she means to me? “Do you know how much it hurt when you walked away, without even acknowledging me? It’s like you were embarrassed of me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then why did you completely ignore me? It hurt, Violet, it hurt a lot.”

“I just got out of jail, I was frustrated and tired, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to treat you like that.” I could see tears welling up in her eyes. “I just didn’t know what to do. You were there, Callie, David, my father, my brothers—I was so confused. How did you expect me to introduce you? As the man I’m sleeping with?”

“Is it that hard to figure out what I am to you? I was hoping at least I was your friend.”

“Oh, Chain, I’m—” Her words broke off as tears began to trickle down her cheeks.

I took her into an embrace. “Don’t, Violet.”

“I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I know you hate me for what I did, I hate me.”

I slid my hand under her chin, lifting her eyes to mine.

“Violet, I could never hate you.”

She smiled as I wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’m really sorry, Chain.”

I kissed her nose. “I know you are. But I need you to promise you will never do that again. Regardless of what happens between us, we will always be friends, okay?”

“Okay. I promise from now on that I will introduce you as my friend.” It wasn’t exactly what I wanted her to say, but at least she was willing to give something. She laid her head against my chest and gave me a tight squeeze. “So what do you want to do now?”

I cleared my throat and stood up, extending my hand to her.

“I think it may be best if you went home, I am extremely tired.”

She stood up without taking my hand, placing her hands on my chest. “I was hoping we could, you know, fool around a little.” This woman made me feel like a piece of meat. I needed to get a grip on the situation. If we were going to be more than just fuck buddies, I needed to change things.

“Violet, I don’t want to have sex with you.”

She gasped. “What?” Her head practically whipped off her shoulders. “Why?”

“I’m just not in the mood, okay.”  I really wasn’t. I was drained mentally and I felt weak; the only thing I wanted to do was slide into my comfortable bed and sleep.

She looked dumbfounded. I took her hand in mine and walked her out to the elevators. I pressed the down button, then turned to her and she was pouting.

“This sucks,” she mumbled and I had to bite back my grin.

“You’ll be alright.” I kissed her on the forehead, changing the subject. “How about dinner tomorrow night?”

“Fine.” She stepped into the elevator.

“Text me when you get home.” She nodded and the elevator door closed.

Five minutes later she texted me.
Home safe.

I’ll see you tomorrow night.

K.

The famous k, which was short for OK, normally used as sarcasm. I knew why she was angry, it was because I wouldn’t have sex with her and it made me feel a little empowered, in control.

Not that I minded being her plaything, because I really didn’t.

But I was happy to have finally found something to use against her, as devious and underhanded as it may sound. This woman had me dangling from her baby finger, jumping through hoops to be with her and now I had something she wanted and I planned on using it to my advantage.

I walked towards my bedroom to take a much needed rest, and veered towards my closet. I reached to the shelf and took a box down, carrying it over to my bed, sitting down.

The box was filled with old photo albums. I took one of the photo albums out and began glancing down at the pages. They were photos of Carena when she was just a baby. It amazed me how much she reminded me of my mother, they looked so much like each other. I sifted through the pages and stopped at a picture of me, my mother, Carena and my father. It was a picture of us standing in front of a cabin when we were on vacation in Tennessee. I remembered that trip like it was yesterday. My father and I spent our time fishing and kayaking; it was one of the best trips I ever had with him.

I slammed the album shut and put it to the side.

I went to grab another one when I saw the pile of white envelopes. They were unopened, letters sent from my father. There had to be hundreds of them, compiled over the years. He had sent one every month or more for three years and then they suddenly stopped. Why I kept them I didn’t know. Why he stopped sending them I didn’t care. I wanted nothing to do with my father. I blamed him for the accident, for the deaths of my sister and mother. Although it was deemed an accident, I felt if he had been paying better attention the accident would not have happened.

I stared at the envelope resting in my palm. I was fighting the urge to open it. I finally caved in and ripped the top off.

After I unfolded the paper I read through it.

Sean,

I hope all is well with you. I miss you and think about you all the time. I have to say, son, life has been difficult without you here. I ask myself every day what I could have done to keep you here. I wish you would talk to me. We can work this out, I promise. I know you are still hurting from the loss of your mother and sister, as I am. But I wanted you to know that I am here for you whenever you need me.

The reason I’m writing this letter is because I have some wonderful news. I met someone. You would like her, Sean, she reminds me a lot of your mother. I have asked her to be my wife and I was hoping that you would be there by my side. Please call me, son. I love you and am always thinking about you.

Your father,

Devin Michaels

I couldn’t believe he still addressed my letters with my birth name, Sean Michaels. He knew perfectly well I had changed my name to Chain Alexander. I lifted the envelope, looking at the date: May 21, 2012. The letter had been written over three years ago. I realized this was the last letter he sent. How could he marry another woman? And how could he expect me to be at his wedding? It was as if he was trying to replace my mother. I hated that woman, whomever she may be. What did she think, that she could replace my mother? There was no one, I mean no one who would ever replace my mother.

Rage filled me and I began ripping the envelope and letter into pieces, throwing the scattered pieces onto the ground. I lay on my bed then kicked the box off the bed. What was my father thinking? Did he think that he could just replace his family? Was he thinking of having children with this woman? The more I thought of my father, the better I felt about my decision to cut him out of my life completely.

My head was starting to ache from all the anger and rushing thoughts that filled it. I needed release.

Even though it was early afternoon, I needed to sleep. I reached to the drawer of my nightstand and took out two sleeping pills and threw them into my mouth and slumped back on my pillow.

Did you ever have a dream that seemed so real that you woke up and looked around to make sure the person you dreamt about wasn’t lying next to you? Well, that happened to me last night.

I dreamt of Chain. We were walking around the mall, admiring the different shops. I stopped to read an advertisement on one of the shop windows. They were having a clearance sale, as summer was beginning to die down. I turned back to Chain and was mortified. He was locked in a passionate kiss with the blonde I had seen him with at the mall opening, the woman I had seen Harrison with the other night, Tara.

This was a sign, this was definitely a sign. But I wasn’t sure if it was a sign that meant that Chain was with other women, or if it was a sign that I shouldn’t be with Chain. He said that he wasn’t with other women, but was he lying? We never discussed seeing other people, I had told him that he had to do what he had to do, but emphasized that I wasn’t crazy about him sleeping with other women. But maybe he was? When he refused to have sex with me last night, I at first thought it was because he was mad at me for the way I had treated him at the courthouse. But maybe that wasn’t it at all, maybe he was having sex with other women and was too tired to have sex with me? Maybe he had a different woman every night. I shuddered at the thought.

It wasn’t like I had the right to say anything about it, actually I had no right. It was I who had made the rules. Ugh! This was why I wanted to stay clear of men.

“So, Vi, that sure was shitty the way you treated Chain at the courthouse,” Vince said as he strolled into my house. Why did he care how I treated Chain? What business was it of his?

“Okay, I was having a bad day and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to my best friend’s boyfriend’s friend, so kill me.”

Vince plopped down on the chair in front of my desk and waved his hand in the air. “Look, Vi, I know about you and Chain so you can stop with the charades.”

“What?”

“Did I stutter? You and Chain, I know he’s Corey, I know you two have been seeing each other for over a month.”

I blinked with astonishment before asking, “How did you know?”

A lazy smirk flashed across his face. “I’m your brother, I know everything about you.”

“Vince, I didn’t mean it to go this far, I mean me and Chain—” He held his hand up, halting me.

“Vi, I don’t care that you two are seeing each other so just relax.”

I blew out a breath of air. “I should have told you.”

“I understand why you didn’t, it’s no big deal. But Vi, Chain looked pretty upset at the courthouse.”

“I know, I talked to him last night.”

“Why did you act that way?”

“I don’t know, Vince, I was scared. Scared of introducing him to Dad and Victor.”

“Why?”

“Come on, Vince, you know why. I just had a four-year relationship end badly. How would it look if I was to take up with a man so quickly?”

“What do you care what people think? How you feel about Chain is all that matters. If you want to be with him, then be with him and fuck what everyone else thinks.”

“That’s just it, Vince, I’m not sure if I want to be with Chain.”

He exhaled. “Well you better let Chain know that, Vi. I saw his face and I have to tell you that guy is falling hard for you.”

“I know, I didn’t mean for that to happen.” He stood up and placed his hands on my desk.

“Mean it or not, that guy’s totally into you. If you don’t want him he has the right to know. You know what it’s like for someone to break your heart, Vi, so please consider that when it comes to Chain.”

“I will.”

“Hey, I have a 2:30, I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

After Vince left, I thought about what he said and he was right. I had to let Chain know. I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship and it wasn’t fair that I continued to lead Chain on. I had to tell him, I needed to tell him, I didn’t want to tell him. My heart sank at the very idea of letting him go. As selfish as it may sound, I was just not ready to.

***

I was a little disappointed that Chain hadn’t called me all day. Normally he would send a text or two during the day, but here it was, already 5:00 pm, and I hadn’t heard a peep from him. Was it possible that the stunt I pulled at the courthouse might have pushed him away? Who knew? I was tempted to text him, to call him, but decided against it. I had to break away from him and this seemed the easiest way to do it, even if it made me feel suddenly lonely and sad.

At least I had something to look forward to tonight. I was meeting Callie at the mall, to have dinner and do a little shopping.

Shutting down my laptop, I made my way out of my office and to my car.

I was thankful that the mall had valet parking, my feet were aching from breaking in a new pair of heels. As the valet man handed me my ticket, I made my way to El Guava, a Mexican restaurant at the front of the mall, the place I would be meeting Callie.

Callie waved from a table in the corner when I walked in and I walked over.

Dropping my purse on the table, I sat down and Callie handed me a menu.

“The burritos here are amazing.” Callie beamed.

I picked up the menu when I felt a hand graze across my back. I turned to see Chain walking past me, sitting on the chair beside me, David sitting beside Callie.

Chain grinned. “Hi, Violet.”

“Hi, Chain,” I responded. I coolly lifted my menu and began glancing across the page. I was trying so hard to stay calm, but my heart was beating so fast and my hands were trembling. I was nervous and confused, I didn’t know why. Maybe it was because I hadn’t talked to him all day? Or maybe it was because I was starting to believe I had lost him. Why did I care? Mostly, why did I keep asking myself these stupid questions! I was driving myself insane!

I felt his hand rest on my thigh and it brought an instant sense of relief to me. I hadn’t lost him.

I glanced up at him and he smiled.

Callie laid her menu on the table. “So I’m getting the enchilada dinner. Do you know what you’re getting, Violet?”

“I was thinking of getting the quesadillas,” I said distractedly.

Chain rubbed my thigh before lifting his hand and leaning forward. “So are you ladies up for a game of miniature golf?”

Callie popped a chip in her mouth. “I’m in, what about you, Violet?”

“I don’t care,” I responded. Chain flagged down the waitress and ordered a round of margaritas and four shots of tequila.

“So, Violet, how was your day?” Chain asked.

“Eh, it was alright, and yours?” I responded.

“Better now that I’m here with you,” he said, wriggling his eyebrows.

“Chain!” David warned.

Callie rubbed David’s arm gently. “It’s okay, Violet already has a guy.”

David feigned shock. “She does?”

“Yeah, some guy named Corey, they have been fucking for over a month now,” Callie blurted out.

“They have?” Chain and David said in perfect sync.

“Callie, that was supposed to be a secret,” I growled.

“Sorry,” she said in a small voice.

David chuckled. “Huh. That’s weird, Chain’s been seeing this girl Vicky for that long too.”

“Really,” I said as I glared at Chain. Of course, he was glaring right back.

Music began to stream through the speakers and Callie stood up. “Dance with me, David, it’s the Macarena,” she gushed.

“Callie, please don’t make me—” Before he could finish, she yanked him up by his arm and pulled him to the dance floor.

I heard the legs of Chain’s chair squeak. “This is why you don’t have time for me. I can’t believe you, Violet, you asked me not to sleep with any other women yet you have been fucking this Corey guy the whole time we have been together,” he said, his voice elevated slightly.

“Me? What about you? Vicky, what kind of name is that! I should have known, man whores never change!” I retorted.

“Man whore? Well I think you may want to take a look in the mirror, fucking two men at one time doesn’t make you a saint.”

I turned to him. “Did you just call me a whore?”

“If the shoe fits then wear it.”

“How dare you, Chain Alexander.”

“How dare I? I stood by your rules, I didn’t go around sleeping with another woman, yet you broke the rule right from the beginning, talk about double standards.”

“You slept with Vicky!”

He snickered. “Please don’t tell me that you’re that naïve. Vicky is you.”

“What?”

“David could tell I was seeing a woman, so he pressured me about it. I knew you didn’t want people to know about us, so I made up a name. I was faithful to your rule, Violet, faithful to you. I haven’t slept with another woman since I met you. Too bad you didn’t show me the same respect,” he said as he lowered his head with disappointment.

I grinned. “But I did.” He looked up at me. “Remember when you came over to David and Callie’s, the day after I slept at your place?”

“Yeah.”

“I went over to Callie’s to talk about you. When she asked me what your name was, I told her Corey.”

A big grin spread across his face. “Oh damn. Seems we have a lot more in common than I thought.”

“Seems so.”

His hand stroked my face. “I’m sorry, I should have trusted you.”

I rubbed his thigh softly. “No, I’m sorry, I should have trusted you.” 

He moved closer to me.  “I want to kiss you so bad right now.”

A breath released from my lips before I said, “Ditto.” I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips, when we were interrupted by David storming over to the table. We pulled away from each other, sitting back in our chairs.

“That woman is going to kill me, I swear,” he said as he lifted the shot of tequila and downed it.

“Why did you leave?” Callie asked as she walked up.

“Callie, I cannot dance, you know that and now the whole restaurant knows it.”

“So what, David, we’re just having fun.” She pulled on his arm and he sat down in his chair.

“I’m not going back out there, so you can just forget it.”

She plopped down in the chair next to him, pouting. “Party pooper.”

David turned to her. “Callie, don’t be like that. You know I would do almost anything for you, but dancing the Macarena is not one of them.”

A slow song streamed through the speakers.

“Not even a slow dance?” she asked him cutely.

He smiled as he stood. “Slow I can do.” She took his hand and they walked out to the dance floor.

“So what about you?” I looked up and Chain was hovering above me, holding his hand out.

“What about Callie and David? They might see us.”

“I was thinking we could dance over there, no one will be able to see us,” he said as he nodded towards a dark corner in the restaurant.

I stood up. “Okay,” I decided, then took his hand.

Chain placed his hand on my lower back then curled his other hand into mine.

As we swayed to the music I looked up at him and he smiled. “So about that kiss,” he whispered as he bent his head and his lips found mine. Everything seemed to change in that kiss. It was no longer about wanting, it was about feeling. The feeling of his mouth on mine, the feeling of his fingers caressing my back, the feeling of his hot breath whispering in my ear, “I love you.” What?

I froze instantly at his words.

He let out a light laugh. “You didn’t know that I was in love with you?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Come on, Violet. I practically follow you around with my tail between my legs. You had to have known.”

“No, Chain, I didn’t know, really.”

“Well you know now, I am in love with you, Violet Townsend, and I have been for some time now.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I said the first thing that came to mind. “Alright.”

He seemed taken aback by my response. “Alright?”

“What do you expect me to say?”

“I love you too?” He grinned.

“Chain,” I responded, gritting my teeth.

“It’s fine, Violet, you don’t have to say anything. I just really needed you to know, that’s all.”

I felt bad, really bad. I pursed out my lip sadly at him and he laughed as he clutched my hand. “Come on, the song is over. We’d better get back before David and Callie think we ran off somewhere.”

I was still shaken by his words. I knew he liked me, but love? I wasn’t ready for love, I didn’t want it. I wanted him, but I didn’t want more. Was this wrong?  I hated when my mind went bi-polar on me.

As soon as we sat down at the table, I downed a shot of tequila and chased it with a sip of my margarita.

We never left that restaurant, we stayed and drank practically all night. Lucky for me, Chain had come via limo, otherwise I would have been stuck in a taxi.