Violet Ink (23 page)

‘We are gathered here today –' says Finn in a serious voice, and Alex elbows him in the ribs.

‘This is no laughing matter, Finn,' she scolds him. ‘We're about to decide the name for my daughter – sorry, OUR daughter.' She looks at Charlie here, but he just smiles at her. Things seem to be OK with them. He comes to visit when he can and when he starts university next year he says that he'll keep in touch in the holidays. Alex doesn't seem to mind. I think she's glad that they aren't always fighting any more.

‘Sorry,' says Finn, and gets his piece of paper out of his back pocket.

We've eaten supper and cleared the table and Bad-News is snoozing in Grandpa's arms. When he's around, the rest of us have no chance of
cuddling her; it seems to make him feel calm and he hasn't wandered off once since she was born.

Granny leans forward and picks up her cup of tea.

‘Oh, look at the little dear,' she says. ‘She's totally unaware that her future is about to be decided by you lot. Poor little lamb!'

‘Yes, thank you, Granny,' says Alex. Granny grins; she never lets Alex get away with being too uppity.

‘Right then, who wants to go first?' Alex demands. She has appointed herself chairperson of this meeting and hasn't made a list of her own. We're all suddenly a bit scared: Alex has high expectations and her list of requirements was quite demanding. Nobody wants to be the first to make their suggestions.

‘How about you go first, Charlie?' says Mum. She tries to make it sound as if she's being kind, but I know better and look down at the table so that nobody sees me grin. Charlie looks at his list a bit uncomfortably and then rattles off four names so fast that I can barely understand them.

‘SavannahParisMelodyChelsea,' he says, and then slaps his piece of paper on the table, relieved
to have done his bit. There's silence for a moment while we all work out what he has suggested. I look at Alex; her face is steely and she's glaring at Charlie.

‘We've had this conversation before,' she says, sounding as if her teeth are gritted. ‘I don't want her to have a trendy name. There'll be millions of girls with those names in her class when she starts school.'

Charlie just looks at her, as if he doesn't really understand what her problem is. Mum is looking concerned and I can tell she's crossing her fingers under the table that Bad-News doesn't end up with one of those names. So am I actually. She'd be better off keeping the name I've given her – at least she'll be the only Bad-News in her class.

‘I must say, those are quite “cheap” names, dear,' says Granny.

‘Why don't I tell you my suggestions?' says Mum in a breezy voice, trying to drown out Granny's words, and Alex stops frowning at Charlie and turns to Mum.

‘Please do,' she says. Mum looks down at her list, and it might just be my imagination, but her face seems a bit white and her hands seem to be shaking just a little.

‘I think you can't go wrong with classic names,' she tells Alex, who scowls suspiciously. ‘Some names never go out of fashion, so I thought Rose, Charlotte or Sophie.'

‘Oh, lovely!' cries Granny. ‘Your great-great-grandmother was called Rose. How perfect to choose a family name!'

Mum shoots a warning look at Granny and then looks anxiously at Alex, who is pulling her ‘thinking' face and looking at Bad-News who has started making little snoring sounds.

‘They're good names, Mum. I just don't think they're right for her. Do you know what I mean?'

Mum nods, but as soon as Alex turn away I see Mum's face fall and I can almost hear her brain screaming, ‘No! I do NOT know what you mean! JUST PICK A NAME FOR YOUR BABY!' Granny grins again. I'm getting the distinct impression that this is the most fun she's had in ages.

Finn's up next, which is a good job because he can barely sit still in his chair, he's so excited about his choice of names – although he keeps shooting nervous looks across the table at Charlie, who just looks straight back at him. Alex nods at Finn and he clears his throat.

‘So I thought about what you want her name to mean,' he tells Alex and she smiles, starting to look interested. ‘You want her to be brave and unique and independent, right?' Alex is nodding and trying to crane her neck round so that she can read Finn's list, but he's holding it close to his body, ready for the big reveal. ‘I thought about the women I know who represent all of these things and the answer was obvious.'

‘It was?' breathes Alex and we all lean in closer in anticipation.

‘Female rock singers!' says Finn and slams his piece of paper on to the table.

I get up and stand behind Alex so that I can read the list over her shoulder. It's impressive – he's managed seven names.

Mum has read the list and is muttering to herself just under her breath. Granny is finally quiet. Finn's suggestions have stunned her into silence. Alex looks at Finn in disbelief.

‘How do you say that one?' asks Charlie, pointing to the last name.

‘Suzie,' Finn tells him.

‘So why is it spelt like that?' Charlie looks puzzled and I feel a bit sorry for him. I think he just wants this to be over and the baby to finally have a proper name.

‘It's like “Sioux” – the Native American tribe. They pronounce it “Sue”. Siouxsie Sioux is a rock singer.'

Charlie still looks confused and Finn turns to Alex.

‘You don't like my names, do you?' he asks her.

‘It's not that I don't LIKE them,' says Alex. ‘Although seriously – are you genuinely suggesting that my daughter looks like an Emmylou? It's just that –'

‘I know, I know,' says Finn, sounding exasperated. ‘None of them look like her. I get it.'

‘What now?' asks Mum. ‘We're still no closer to choosing and she really needs to have a name!' Her voice goes higher towards the end of her sentence and I wonder if it's time to share my idea.

Alex is looking totally miserable, Charlie looks like he's about to do a runner, while Finn and Mum look completely and utterly fed up. Even
Granny is starting to look a bit concerned. Only Grandpa seems happy, singing under his breath to Bad-News.

‘I've got a name for her,' I tell them and they all look at me in surprise. I try to ignore the slight feeling of hurt this causes; honestly, they all seem to think I'm more like Bad-News than like them. It's about time they realized there's only one baby around here – and she needs a name she can be proud of.

‘Let's hear it,' says Alex, and Mum nods at me encouragingly. I feel suddenly nervous. I spent hours on this last night and if Alex is rude about it then I don't want to embarrass myself by crying. I hesitate for a second – maybe I won't show them – but then I look at Bad-News lying in Grandpa's arms. She's awake again and is looking at me with her beautiful eyes that are turning more and more purple every day, although I think I'm the only one who has noticed.

As I look at her, she smiles. Her very first smile and it's at me. I heard Mum and Alex talking about when she'd do this and Mum said it wouldn't be for a while yet, but I just saw her smile, absolutely definitely for certain, and it was a smile meant just for me. And I know in this
instant that I have to be the one to name her, that she'll love my choice of name far more than any of those other suggestions. Because she is not a Charlotte or a Savannah. She is most definitely not an Emmylou. I know her and I know who she is.

Walking across to the fridge, I take down the large piece of paper that I hid there earlier and put it on the kitchen table. Then I stand back and watch.

Five people crane over the table and for a moment all I can see are the tops of their heads. Then Finn looks up at me and gives me a nod, followed by Charlie who smiles. Mum and Granny are next, looking teary-eyed, and then Alex has leapt out of her seat and is hugging me and laughing.

‘It's perfect, Izzy – totally perfect!' she says, spinning me round the kitchen and bringing me to a stop in front of my artwork. I painted the name in the right colour and then drew pictures round the outside. Delicate, small flowers in one corner. Alex's fountain pen in another.

And there, in the middle, the name that I think will suit Bad-News more than any other name on the earth. Violet.

‘It's beautiful, Izzy,' says Mum, wiping a tear off her cheek.

‘Just perfect,' agrees Granny.

‘It means all of the things that you wanted her name to mean,' I tell Alex. ‘But you knew that already because it's your colour. You just listed all the colour meanings of violet.'

Alex's eyes are shining and she looks at Charlie.

‘What do you think?' she asks and for the first time in ages it sounds like she's desperate for him to agree with her. ‘Can we call her Violet?'

‘I think it's a brilliant name,' says Charlie, getting up and taking Bad-News from Grandpa. ‘It really suits her.'

Alex whoops and spins me round again. Then she stops and plonks herself down next to Finn, who is still looking at my piece of paper.

‘Finn?' she says. ‘What do you reckon?'

Finn looks at Alex and then across at Bad-News. ‘I reckon you've got a very clever little sister,' he says and I feel myself flushing with pride. ‘Violet is definitely a name that will take her a long way. Maybe even rock-star status!'

‘My gorgeous baby girl is not going to be a rock star, Finn!' shrieks Alex, punching him in the shoulder. ‘Don't you ever dare suggest such a
thing – not where she can hear you. She's going to stay at home with her mummy forever and ever and never leave me and never cause me any trouble. Got it?'

I look across at Mum who is smiling at Alex.

‘I seem to remember saying a similar thing when you were a cute little baby,' she tells her, but her voice is teasing, and when Alex goes across the room and scoops Mum into a big hug I see Mum close her eyes and rest her head on Alex's shoulder, a happy, contented smile on her face.

‘And I said exactly the same thing about you,' Granny says to Mum. Mum looks up and makes eye contact with Granny over Alex's shoulder. ‘And I wouldn't want to change a single thing that's happened,' Granny continues, smiling gently at Mum. ‘Life has a funny way of doing just what it wants – and if things had been done differently we might not all be here together right now.'

We're all quiet for a moment, each thinking about what Granny has said. I look at the four generations in our kitchen and wonder if Violet will ever love the rest of us the way that we all love her.

‘Is it time for her to go to bed?' says Charlie, and I freeze, thinking for a minute that he's talking
about me, and that once again I'm going to be packed off like a baby. But then I realize that he's actually talking about the real baby and I laugh at myself for being so quick to leap to conclusions.

‘Can I put her to bed?' I ask, and Charlie looks at me, uncertain. Mum comes forward and touches my arm.

‘That's a lovely thought, sweetheart, but you've not done it before. Why not let Alex do it tonight and she can show you how it's done tomorrow?' I nod and start to step back, but Alex stops me.

‘No, I'd love it if Izzy put her to bed. I think it's a great idea and she was the one to choose the perfect name after all.'

‘Are you sure?' I ask her. ‘I know how to change her nappy and I'll put a clean sleepsuit on her. I'll be really careful.'

Alex laughs. ‘I know you will. You're the best Aunty Izzy in the universe. She's a very lucky baby to have someone like you. Her very own darkness-destroyer!'

Charlie kisses the baby's head and puts her in my arms and slowly, very carefully, I walk round the kitchen, stopping so that Mum, Granny, Grandpa and then Alex can give her a kiss. When I walk past Finn, he ruffles the fluffy hair on her
head and I see him look over at Charlie. A look fizzes between them and I can't work out what it means, but then Charlie nods at Finn and Finn smiles and looks relieved. Then, with all of them watching me, I walk upstairs and into Alex's room.

The lamp is on and the whole room has a cosy glow. It feels safe – like a good place for a baby to sleep. I put her on the bed and ease her plump little arms and legs out of her clothes. She lies on the changing mat, her legs kicking in the air and gazing at the room around her, as if it's the best, most wonderful place she's ever seen.

I laugh, watching her tire herself out with her kicking, and then I change her nappy and slide a fresh sleepsuit under her body, pulling the sleeves over her arms. It takes a while to get her feet into the legs of the suit because she keeps kicking them out, but I get there eventually and do up the poppers at the front. Then I pick her up and hold her close to me while I look round the room. It's really hard to remember what this room was like before and I truly can't imagine a home without her in it.