Viridis - A Steampunk Romance (21 page)

Seth took a sip of whisky, his eyes on the amber
liquid glowing in the light. When he spoke, Gavin couldn’t help but
notice the guilt tainting his friend’s voice. “I had not realized
you’d come to see her. I appreciate it. It was a difficult time for
her.”

Playing with his glass, Gavin said, “Aye, it was. I
willna say I’d have gone if I were in yer place.” He looked up at
Seth for just a moment before looking away, his own guilt tugging
at his conscience. “But ye canna dwell on it. We’re nae but human.
None of us are perfect, each of us carrying the burden of that
humanity. We’ve all made mistakes, aye? We can only hope to redeem
ourselves, and that forgiveness will be granted.”

Seth looked at him, a question in his eyes. Gavin
knew he was being far more serious and brooding than his normal
self. “We’ve been friends a long time, aye? And you know you can
talk to me if there’s something bothering you. You’ve always been
here for me, and I’d hope to return the favor.”

Gavin looked back at him and sighed. He’d not get a
better opportunity and the time had come for honesty. “Verra well,
then. I only ask that ye let me finish what I have to say.” Seth
agreed, and Gavin continued. “To be honest, I dinna ken where to
even start, so I might as well start at the beginning. Do ye
remember when ye first met Phoebe?”

Seth took a deep breath, his eyes flashing at Gavin
in question before looking away. “Aye. How could I forget?”

Gavin’s mind wandered back in time, the memories
playing through his mind. “She really was so different than any of
the other women. Ye’ll remember we would seek her company? The
three of us grew to be close friends before ye decided to openly
court her.”

“Gavin, I don’t understand where this is going. I
remember being concerned that you did not care for her, since you
constantly tried to avoid accompanying me when I went to visit her.
Did I misjudge the situation?” Seth fidgeted with his glass,
seemingly unable to sit and listen quietly, anger tainting his
voice. Seth locked eyes with Gavin, demanding the truth.

Gavin struggled with himself, trying to get the
words out. When he finally spoke, the anguish in his voice was
clear. “I couldna help myself,
mo charaid
. The time spent in
her company had the same effect on me as it did you. I tried to
fight it, tried to make excuses not to accompany ye, but in the
end, I was far too weak a man. I’m sorry.”

Seth’s face flushed with anger, his jaw clenched as
he spoke. “Gavin, what are you telling me?”

“I fell in love with her, Seth— even before ye
decided to court her. It was not my intention. Ye must believe me
when I tell ye that.”

Seth’s hand tightened around the glass, his knuckles
white. “And when I was no longer around? When I’d gone to the
Outlands?”

Resigned, Gavin said, “Aye. I only saw her the once
in yer absence. She was furious with ye, and in my defense, I did
try to justify the reasons ye’d gone. In the end she still claimed
to want nothing to do with ye; said she wouldna wait idly by,
pining for yer return.”

Reliving the moment in his mind, Gavin continued,
“With emotions high, and quite a bit of drink in the both of us, I
confessed to her my feelings. She didna say a thing. Just stood
there shocked.” Gavin gave his head a shake. “I kissed her… by the
gods, I kissed her ‘til I thought my soul might catch on fire. And
then she asked me to leave.” He had left with no argument,
devastated, his heart broken. “That was the last I saw of her until
the other night, may lightning strike me if I’ve told ye a
lie.”

Seth said nothing for what felt like an eternity,
leaving Gavin to stew in his guilt. Finally Seth pinned Gavin with
a stare. “Do ye still love her?”

Without meeting Seth’s eyes, he put his head in his
hands and said the only thing he could.

“Aye, I do.”

Chapter Twenty Nine

Phoebe opened her eyes to find Seth sitting on the
bed next to her, still fully dressed, looking at her. There was
enough moonlight coming through the windows for her to see that his
hair looked disheveled as if he’d been running his hands through
it. She blinked a few more times to wake herself more fully from
her sleep, and then propped herself up on her elbows. Her stomach
clenched with dread, suspecting Gavin had spoken to him.

“Were ye going to tell me, Phoebe?” The stiffness
and hurt in his voice tore her heart to shreds.

She sighed. “Gavin had a bit too much to drink is
all. It meant nothing, Seth.”

“What meant nothing, Phoebe? His kiss or saying he
was in love with ye? Is
still
in love with ye.” He looked at
her when she gasped. “Did ye not know? He still loves ye, my
dear.”

Feeling guilty, she turned her gaze away from him.
“No, I had not known.”

“Why did ye not tell me? When we were aiming for
honesty and trust, why did ye not tell me? Was it not the only
thing I asked?”

“Nothing more came of the situation, and I did not
think the issue would arise again. I’m sorry I was mistaken, but I
did not want drunken words and a kiss to ruin your friendship with
your closest friend.”

“Unless Gavin fell into a barrel of rum and drank
his way out of it, the lad wasna drunk.” Seth tilted her chin so
that their eyes met. “Do ye love him, Phoebe?”

She shook her head, exasperated. “Of course I do.
He’s a good friend and a close one at that, but if you’re asking if
I love him the way I love you, then the answer is no.”

“Do ye still want to marry me?” It tore at Phoebe’s
heart to hear his uncertainty and fear.

“Nothing has changed, Seth.” Phoebe leaned forward
and rested her head on his chest, his arms closing around her to
hold her close. “I should have told you.”

“Aye, ye should have.” He let go of her and got
undressed before sliding under the covers. He stayed on his side of
the bed, though, and did not approach Phoebe or say anything
more.

The silence between them was deafening, the space
between them immeasurable. With each passing moment, Phoebe felt
more and more miserable, until she could take it no longer. “Seth—”
Her voice caught, leaving her unable to say anything else.

“Try and get some rest, Phoebe. ‘Tis been a long
night.”

But sleep refused to come. It felt like she tossed
around for hours, while Seth lay next to her, his breath slowing as
he slipped into slumber. Hoping a drink might help her sleep, she
got up and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders to protect her
from the chill that had crept into the air.

The sitting room was deathly quiet, with only the
moon for illumination. Phoebe found the bottle of brandy and poured
herself a generous glass in hopes of settling her nerves. She then
eased herself onto the velvet chaise, taking in the view through
the window. The stars sparkled up above, the moon hanging in the
sky, three quarters full.

She sipped the brandy, savoring the molten glow that
spread through her body, trying to ignore the thoughts and fears
that battered her soul. Seth would forgive her. He had to, for she
could not live without him. Forcing her fears away, she distracted
herself from her troubles by gazing at the stars, trying to find
the constellations she could remember. Her body relaxed joint by
joint and she finished her glass, her eyelids heavy with sleep.

She awoke with a start sometime later. Outside, the
sky had lightened considerably, though dawn was still hours
away.

“Ye canna be comfortable. Why do ye not get yourself
to bed, love?” Gavin stood across the room, half hidden in
shadow.

“I could not sleep and thought a drink might help.
It appears to have worked.” She managed the faintest smile, before
it faded from her lips at the thought of returning to her bedroom.
She did not think she could manage lying next to Seth, when he
obviously wanted to be left alone.

“I’m sorry, Phoebe. I’d have left it for another
night, but the conversation strayed in that direction. I had kept
the truth from him far too long and didna want a lie between us if
I were to marry the two of ye.” He took a few steps closer, now
only feet away from her. She was suddenly self-conscious of being
dressed in only her chemise, and shifted the throw so she would not
be indecent.

“It’s no one’s fault but my own. I should have told
him when he first returned.” She felt crushed for making the wrong
decision, her tears threatening to fall. “Gavin, what if he’ll not
have me?” She couldn’t keep the hitch out of her voice.

He closed the distance between them and sat next to
her, but there was still an awkwardness in the air, leaving them
not quite comfortable in each other’s presence.

“Of course he’ll have ye. He loves ye, and nothing
will change that, lass. After all, ‘twas not yourself, but rather
me that crossed the line. He’s only feeling a bit cross with us
both. He’ll come around soon enough, aye? At least where you’re
concerned.”

The worries that had been needling her all night
long finally got the best of her, and Phoebe couldn’t stop her
tears from flowing. “I just don’t know if he’ll ever be able to
forgive me for lying to him.”

“Hush, love. It’ll be all right.”

He brushed the tears from her cheeks and put an arm
across her shoulder, ignoring her protests. Worry had her choking
on her tears, but he held her close with her head nestled against
his chest, while he murmured to her in Gaelic to try to sooth and
calm her.

“Dinna go worrying yerself, lass. I promise, it
willna be long before ‘tis all forgotten.”

She knew she should pull away, get as far from him
as possible, but with the tears still flowing and the prospect of
having to go back upstairs to the deafening quiet of her room, she
could not do it. She was exhausted— exhausted and spent— and along
with her tears, sleep finally came and took her in its mercy.

Chapter Thirty

Seth awoke to find himself alone in bed. His anger
and hurt crashed over him, and he could not help but wonder where
she’d gone and whether Gavin was with her. The quietest of knocks
sounded, and Seth fumbled on his pants, cursing as he wrenched open
the bedroom door.

He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. A queasy
nausea mingled with a sickening emptiness as he watched Gavin carry
Phoebe into the room, asleep in his arms. “What’s happened?”

Gavin laid her down on the bed, and covered her with
the blankets, before turning to Seth. “She fell asleep downstairs,
and I didna think it wise or appropriate to leave her there
sleeping in a chair in nothing but her shift.”

Seth cursed, his anger and jealousy getting the
better of him, fists clenched at his side. “What was she doing
there in the first place, Gavin? And why were ye with her?”

“Hush, man. Ye’ll wake her.” Gavin stepped out into
the hall, and Seth followed suit, closing the door behind him. “And
ye can wipe that look off yer face. Ye act as if ye dinna ken
me.”

“I’m not sure I do, anymore.”

Gavin headed down the stairs leaving Seth to follow,
cursing behind him. Once in the sitting room, Seth could clearly
see Gavin was upset. It was also clear Gavin’s temper was starting
to get the better of him.

Gavin spun on him. “Now what was it ye wanted to
ken? What was she doing and why was I with her, aye? Well I’ll tell
ye what she was doing. She was crying her eyes out over ye—”

“And ye decided to console her, aye?” Seth’s body
coiled tight, ready for a fight.

Had he been so oblivious to what was happening
around him? He’d always known Gavin harbored a certain fondness for
Phoebe, but had thought it nothing more than harmless flirting and
a close friendship. Perhaps he had misjudged exactly how close.

“Is that what ye’re thinking?” Gavin’s hands curled
into fists. “That I’d take her right there on the chair, with ye
sleeping away right above us? What kind of animal do ye take me
for?” He gave Seth a shove, and through gritted teeth, said, “And
what exactly are ye saying about Phoebe, to think that of her, aye?
What’s happened to ye, man?”

The words hit Seth like a slap in the face. He shook
his head, his hands up, calling a truce. “I dinna ken.” He sank
into the nearest seat. With his head in his hands, he said, “I just
canna think straight when it comes to her. I left her for a year,
knowing she might very well move on; half expecting her to do just
that. With her refusing to marry me at the time, I had no hold on
her, and if she chose to accept another’s advances, I could not
fault her. Yet the thought of her with any other man is enough to
make me see red and turn my guts inside out.”

Gavin sat across from him, the corner of his mouth
twitching into a smile. “Aye, I ken what ye mean. No?”

Seth looked at his friend, and saw the irony of the
situation. He couldn’t help but let out a weary laugh. “Ye poor
bastard.”

***

Seth crept into the bedroom, easing himself onto the
bed and kissing Phoebe lightly on the lips. He knew he should let
her rest, but he needed to make things right between them. She
stirred as he covered her in gentle kisses, trailing down between
her breasts, her back arching in response. She buried her fingers
in his curls, his name escaping her lips in a sleepy sigh.

“I’m sorry I got upset with you, Phoebe. I had no
right to. The time in question was while we were apart, and even
then, you did nothing dishonorable.”

He pulled her into his arms so she lay there,
half-propped on his chest. “What about Gavin?” She did not need to
go into any more detail. He understood.

He took a deep breath as he muddled through his
thoughts. It was a good question, though not an easy one to answer
when such raw emotions were involved. Finally, he said, “I do not
know, love, but I reckon, that too will work itself out. Though I
do not like it one bit, I cannot blame the man for surrendering to
charms I myself was helpless in succumbing to. I know he meant no
insult by it.”