Vision of Destiny (Infinity Book 2) (13 page)

“I’m making it. Jensen’s a great guy and he’s sweet.”

“I know my brother is an asshole and I wish I knew what he was thinking. Trust me, we’re all surprised and we wanna know the truth. I know that bitch is up to something and I’ll find out one way or another.”

Jamie. Jamie, fucking Jamie. Coming back and ruining everything. God, I hate her. “Well, when you find out, let me know. Ugh, I hate her.”

“Me too, girlfriend. All right, let’s relax and focus on getting tan and staying beautiful.”

“Cheers to that!”

IT SEEMS THE ONLY TIME I CAN FIND ANY SORT OF PEACE IS DURING THE NIGHT. Jamie and Emma are upstairs sleeping, leaving me in the living room with my thoughts and ghosts of what could have been. 

Settling on the couch, I pull the ring from under my shirt and hold it in my hands. One day, this ring will be on Karly’s finger. I know I’m completely addicted to her and I’m okay with that. When you love someone as much as I love Karly, these feelings are okay and not crazy, or in the danger zone. The regret in my chest builds. I hate being away from her.

Thinking back to everything I’ve shared with her eats away at me. She opened a piece of me that I kept hidden for so long. I hated being around people and sharing my life with them, but with Karly, it was easy. She made everything easy. I woke up happy because she was next to me, in my life. Now, here I am, an empty man without the one who can make me weak and strong at the same time.

Remembering what Emma told me haunts me. I want to know what’s going on with Karly and if she’s happy with Cocksucker. After picking her up, she wouldn’t stop talking about him. Now this fucker has both of my girls in his life? Not being able to take it, I pick up my phone and do the one thing I know I shouldn’t do, but can’t help myself. There’s something that always brings me back to her, regardless of what I’ve said and done. She’s the other part of the string and we’re tied together. The string’s been cut a few times, but we have Emma there to bring us back together. It’ll be hard and it’s not fair, I know that. In life, we’re given choices, and if she answers, then that’s her choice.

It rings a few times before my Angel’s tired voice comes on the phone.

“Nicholas?” Her voice brings me to my knees. It’s only been two days since I saw her. How could I miss her this much already?

“What’s wrong?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” She sighs. “It’s four in the morning, Nicholas. Are you okay?”

“I ... um ... heard you’ve been crying and I want to know why.”

“Nicholas.” She pauses before talking again. “I’m fine. Even if I feel like I’m dying every day, it doesn’t concern you. My feelings and how I’m doing shouldn’t matter to you.”

“But it does. It fucking does!” I hear another voice in the background. What the fuck? “Who is there with you?”

“Nicholas, I have to go. I’m sorry, but please don’t call me this late. Jensen and I are dating and it’s not fair to him. You have Jamie and I have Jensen. Goodbye.”

Before I can say anything, she hangs up. When the hell did she move on? I throw my phone across the room. It slams against the wall, shattering to pieces. “Fuck!” I roar, knocking shit off the table.

Grabbing my car keys from the table, I storm out and head to the house. Not caring that the car’s on, I rush out of it and stand outside, screaming for Karly to come out and talk to me.

“Angel! Come outside! Please! We need to talk!”

The door opens and my Angel comes out. Sure, she’s pissed as fuck, but she’s here.

“Angel, why are you with Jensen?”

“Nicholas, are you crazy?”

“Crazy for you, Angel.” I reach for her face, but she backs away, shaking her head. “No. Don’t back away. You promised.”

“Promises are meant to be broken.”

She can’t believe that. Guilt washes over me. This feeling won’t go away. It’s my new friend and I’m used to it. Everything I’ve done has been for other people. I forgot about me and Karly. “But you promised.”

“So did you.” She looks at the door and back at me. “Go home, Nicholas. This isn’t right. We’re both with different people and we’ve moved on.”

“I’ll never move on.” I grab her and slam my lips against hers. But her next reaction I wasn’t anticipating. Her hand connects with my face, covering her mouth.

“You do
not
have the right to do that! You’re married and I’m with Jensen. Get it through your head. If you wanna be my friend, then you’ll stop with this shit. Do you understand?”

Backing away, I raise my hands. “Okay; friends. I’m sorry.” Turning around, I head back to my car and drive back to the place I share with Jamie and Emma. Is it home, though? No, Karly’s my home.

Making it back home, I can’t help myself. I have to text her and talk to her.

Me
: I’m sorry for tonight. I don’t know what came over me. Don’t be mad, please.

No answer. I pace the living room, sitting down and trying to watch TV; anything to drown out the silence.

Me:
I’m sorry for everything. Promises aren’t meant to be broken. I promise to be the best friend you’ve ever had. Please come to me if you ever need anything. I’ll be here for you.

I notice the kitchen floor needs to be swept. I take the broom and sweep the kitchen, making sure I get every nook. I look around, marveling at my good job.

There’s still no response.

Me
: So I’m still up. I think I’m going to call in to work and spend the day here at the house. Do you wanna go for a run on the beach? Maybe grab breakfast? Anything?

Again. Nothing.

Soon, the doorbell rings. My head snaps towards the door and I run to open it. It’s Karly. It has to be my Angel.

As soon as I open the door, I see one pissed-off pregnant girl. “You woke me up!” She pushes me inside and demands that I make her breakfast. “I’m in a deep sleep, you know, finally, and then wake up because some idiot decides to stand outside my house, screaming and crying.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nicky, you can’t do that! I mean, Jensen and Karly are dating and you’re, oh, I don’t know…MARRIED! For the love of God, own up to what you did and be a man.”

I crack eggs in a bowl and start mixing, adding some pepper and a pinch of salt. “I can’t help it. She does this thing to me and it’s hard to let her go.”

“Well, you have to or else she’s gonna cut you out of her life. Is that what you want?”

“Of course not.” The thought of not being in her life breaks me. “I’ll be good, all right?”

“You better. Now hurry up with my breakfast! I’m
so
hungry!”

Fixing my sister a plateful of food, I sit down next to her with a cup of coffee and watch her eat.

“All right, you’re ruining this exceptional breakfast. What is it?”

I glance at her. “There’s nothing going on.”

“You can’t lie to me, Nicholas Landon. I’m your sister and I know when you’re having a shit day, so talk to me.”

I open my mouth, ready to pour out everything, but I stop myself. It’s the same thing.

I miss Karly.

I want Karly.

I need Karly.

There’s no ignoring the ache in my heart – actually, the ache through my whole body. No words can describe how I feel.

“I know it’s Karly and I know you miss her. I’ve told you this so many times. You messed up and now you have to live with it. I know there’s more to the story and I can’t
wait
until you can tell us the truth. Because when that day happens, I’m gonna slap you so hard and then hug you. Everyone knows you don’t want this, but we’re going along with you because we love you, Nicky. That’s what you have to realize. Family means standing by each other, even when we don’t agree with their decisions.”

“I don’t want to talk about it – about Karly or Jamie. I know what I did and I know what I’m doing. But,” I pause, taking a sip of my coffee, “I appreciate you being here.” Taking her hand, she nods and returns to her breakfast.

“You’re gonna be okay, Nicholas.”

“Sure.” I tell myself that I need to be okay and stay strong, even when I feel empty. I’m hurting everyone around me, but this is my decision and, one day, I’ll have to answer to my actions.

Lexi leaves after she’s done eating, so I run upstairs and change into my running clothes. I need to get out of the house and head to the beach.

Parking my car in the lot, I head out and start my run. It’s nice out and the beach is starting to get crowded. A part of me wants to run into Karly. I wonder if she’s here running too.

Running hard, focusing on my breathing, and not caring about who’s around me. I need this, to get away and try to clear my head.

My body gets sore and I feel it in my knees. Brushing away the pain, I run faster. Each time my foot hits the sand, I pump faster. It feels good out here and, little by little, I’m breathing again.

“SO I WAS THINKING,” JENSEN SAYS, BRAIDING MY HAIR. “We should have theme dates.”

“Theme dates?”

“Theme dates. One of the nurses at the hospital found it on Pinterest and explained it to me.”

I quickly turn around, very interested to hear what he has to say. “You know about Pintrest.”

“Don’t read too much into it.” He laughs. “All right, so we take popsicle sticks and write down a date idea for each one. Like hiking or beach day or skydiving day…”

“Yeah, no skydiving,” I protest. I thought I wanted to do that, but nope, not happening. Thinking about jumping out of a moving plane thousands and thousands of miles off the ground…Nope.

“All right, well, you get the picture. And then we put those sticks in a jar and, when we have a chance, we pick one out and, boom, that’s our date.”

I have to say, this man is too cute. I love how he’s trying to make this work and making me happy. “Awwww, I love it.” Leaning in, I give him a kiss on his lips before getting out of bed to make us breakfast. “So can today be ‘Karly makes her sweet boyfriend breakfast while he rests after working sixteen hours’?”

He smirks his sexy smirk. “Sure. I like that theme. And maybe I can add ‘Karly has amazing hot sex with her sexy boyfriend so he can hear her moaning and screaming his name.’”

With that, I leave the room laughing, shaking my head. The topic of sex with Jensen is never easy. Yes, he’s my boyfriend and yes, he’s absolutely sexy, but I can’t. I can’t bring myself to give him that piece of me. Not yet.

After whipping up a southwestern omelet and coffee for him, I head back to the room and we talk for a little bit before he passes out for a few hours. I head to the craft store and pick up the supplies, but before I go back home, I drive by Nicholas’ house. It looks empty, no cars in the driveway. I wonder where he is today and what he’s doing.

Sitting in front of the house, I lean back in my seat and stare outside. I still miss him and think about him all the time. Even though I’m with Jensen, a piece of me belongs to Nicholas. I’m not going to let him go. I won’t let him go. Nicholas taught me so much about life and living. He’s the only place that makes sense. All my life, I thought I would be alone, too scared to give someone my all. Now I have two men on my mind and in my heart: One who is married and one who wants to take it to the next level. I should be happy someone wants me, yet, all I want is someone I can’t have.

Pulling away, I drive back home to spend the day with the man who seems to make me forget for a little while.

It’s date night! Dinner and club night for tonight’s date!

Getting home from a day of shopping with Lexi, I run upstairs, taking the stairs two at a time to make it to my room.

Today’s been exhausting! Lexi and I went shopping and went kind of crazy. For the first time in a while, I actually splurged and bought myself everything I wanted, including some nice things for my best friend. We took our time and relaxed. Finally, after so long, I felt like I could fly – felt like I could breathe.

Slowly, I feel like the old Karly is coming back and I’m glad because I’ve missed her.

Tonight, we’re heading out to dinner with Lexi, Larry, Bradley, and Jana. They’re coming up for the weekend and Jensen finally has a few days off from the hospital, but he’s on call.

Jumping into the shower, I take my time, shaving and singing along to
“Bye Bye Bye”
by N’Sync. Suddenly, I hear clapping and I almost die.
Shit! Jensen!

Opening the curtain, I see him sitting on the toilet seat, laughing. “Really! I am trying to get ready and thought I was alone!” Closing the curtain, I finish my shower. Grabbing my towel, I wrap it around my body. “You’re not cute.”

“Oh, I am. Admit it.”

“No!” I shake my head. “You’re an invader of privacy.”

He kisses my forehead, pushing me against the wall.
Mmmmmm, yeah, he can be my invader any day.
“I want you so bad, babe.”

My walls come up. I’ve only been with Nicholas. Being with another guy; I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready.

“I know, but I don’t think I’m ready.”

He pushes his erection against me. “I’m so fucking horny,” he whines. “I’ve been getting blue balls since first sleeping over. It’s not fun jacking off.”

Bursting out laughing, I push him away and walk out of the bathroom. I may be acting like a child, but I’m not ready to have sex with another man. There’s too much emotion and attachment that goes along with sex. I can’t do that again. Not right now.

After I put last-minute touches on my makeup, I head downstairs with Jensen. After dinner, we’re heading to a club and I volunteered as DD. I haven’t been drinking lately, and the desire is gone.

“Will it be trashy if I go tonight?” Lexi asks, looking at herself in the mirror. She’s barely showing, so no one will know she’s pregnant.

“No, honey. It’ll be fine!” The girls gather around the bar, sitting and chatting, waiting for the guys to get done with their shots.

“How you holding up, girl?”

“I’m good. Really good. Jensen’s a good man and he makes me happy. What about you and Bradley?” I wink as Lexi and I wait for the answer.

“So good. He’s really sweet and his dad’s nice.”

“I still cannot believe you’re dating Bradley! Ahhhh.” I slap Lexi’s hand. God, she can be so loud sometimes. “I mean, he’s cute and everything, but it’s like preppie meets bad-ass chick.” All of us laugh and tell the guys to hurry up and to go. I’m starving and no one’s going to stand in the way of me getting dinner.

The dinner was really good. Jensen paid for everyone and I smiled. He’s trying to impress me and our friends, but he doesn’t need to do that. Throughout dinner, he kept his arm around me, except when we were eating, and kept me close to him. Everyone was smiling and happy. It felt good and I felt normal.

We make it to the club and go straight to the VIP booth. The guys paid for bottle service and start drinking. Jana stays with us and we sit on the couch, sipping water and talking.

“So how is he?” Lexi asks, raising her eyebrows.

“How’s he what?” Jana pushes me and mimics a sexual act, thrusting her hips into the air, using her hand to smack the imaginary ass. “Oh gosh! No, we haven’t!”

“WHAT!” they both yell.

“Yeah. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

“How are you not riding that man! I bet he’s
big
.” Jana extends her hands and her eyes go wide. “I mean, look at him. Look at those muscles and the way he is. Damn, his confidence screams sexy.”

“Jana, do you need a minute with my boyfriend?”

“He’s just so muscular, sexy, and…hot. You’re an idiot.” She shakes her head, leaning back on the sofa.

I let her words sink in. Am I being an idiot? I look at Jensen and, yes, he’s sexy and definitely has it all. With all the humping we do, I know he’s big. But it’s the thought of being with someone like that again. It’ll work out. Jensen understands where I’m coming from. I hope.

“Titanium” by David Guetta plays. We all get up and find our guys, walking over as sexy as possible. I turn around and rub my ass against Jensen’s cock. Working my hands in his hair, slowly going up and down. His hands find their way to my thighs, rubbing up and down, nuzzling on my neck.

“You’re so fucking sexy, babe.”

Closing my eyes, I keep dancing, feeling his hard body and erection poking my ass. At this point, I have zero self-control. I turn around and find his lips as he dips me down, kissing my neck.

When the song ends, I jump into his arms and he twirls me around, but as happy as I am, it quickly disappears.

Nicholas.

He’s standing at the bar with Stephen, looking at me. He’s beyond pissed as he holds his cup on the bar, never taking his eyes off me and Jensen. I look away, pretending as though I don’t see him.
Please go away and don’t come here. Please don’t come here.

“Way to give us a call, Gibson!” Stephen comes over, slapping Larry’s back.

“Yo, guys! Sorry; we wanted to take the girls out and spend time with them.” Jensen holds me back and I can feel Nicholas staring at me. I’m ready to tell him I want to leave. I can’t deal with this right now. The fact that he stared at me while I freaking humped my boyfriend on the dance floor doesn’t make me feel good.

“Oh shit, babe. The hospital’s paging me. Be right back.” He kisses my lips and leaves the club. Great; way to leave me with the shark. And yes, I call him a shark because he just stands there, lurking and staring, circling his prey – me.

“You look like you’re having fun.”

“Why, hello to you, Nicholas. Great seeing you!” Damn, I’m a bitch. I should tone it down.

“You’re not cute when you’re being sarcastic, Angel. It doesn’t fit you.”

“Things change, Nicholas.” I don’t know why I still let him call me “Angel.” Do I still like it? Of course. Is it right? Nope.

“Has he fucked you?” I turn around and our faces are inches apart. I see his chest raising and falling. “Does he know how fucking good you feel?”

“Oh, shut up. That’s none of your business if we’ve had sex.”

“Wrong, Angel. Everything you do is my business. I will
not
allow another man’s cock to enter what’s mine!”

Narrowing my eyes, I count to ten before I nearly kill him. “You do
not
own me. I am a fucking person, Nicholas. I’m not your property.” I pause. “Where’s your
wife
?”

Before he can answer, Jensen comes back and, damn it, he has to go to work. “I’m sorry, babe. I gotta go. But I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“All right. Have fun tonight.” We kiss again and he says goodbye to everyone else while I’m alone with the hungry shark.