Vow of Seduction (14 page)

She felt herself wavering, the ripples of her undoing a warm imprint on her sensitized skin. Still.

Kat finally made her move, jumping over two of Rose’s black pieces. “We went riding and stopped to have dinner by a pond. When a shower came up we returned to court.” With a nonchalant shrug she added, “’Twas rather uneventful, actually.”

The lie to her friend felt sour on her tongue, but there were some truths better left denied.

Even so, Rose looked at her, doubt evident on her face. “I really believe Alex has changed, Kat. Do you not think it is time to give him and your marriage a second chance?”

Kat smiled dryly. “He’s your brother. Of course, you believe him. I, on the other hand, cannot find it in my heart to trust him.”

Rose looked up from the game, her eyes reproachful. “Aye, he is my brother. But you are my dearest friend and I would say or do naught that would bring you unhappiness.”

“Aye, not knowingly. But I would think you of all people would understand my distrust?”

Rose frowned, her light blue eyes darkening with pained memories. “Our situations are completely different, Kat. Alex may have been young and foolish, but he was never cruel. You cannot know what vile acts some men are capable of, or you would never compare Alex to Bertram.”

Although Rose never spoke about her brief marriage, Kat had known her friend had been terribly unhappy in her union. But this was the first time she had mentioned Bertram had a cruel streak. She could not imagine what Rose had endured at his hands.

Kat reached across the game board and grabbed her hand, sorely contrite. “You are right. Forgive me, Rose. I should not have brought up unpleasant memories, ’twas thoughtless of me. I’m sorry.”

Rose smiled to reveal no harm had been done. “You know I only wish the best for you. You cannot deny, though, that you and Alex have always had this strange and amazing connection. ’Tis as though you are both made of steel, forever clashing and striking sparks off one another whenever you meet. You owe it to yourself to discover the cause and explore whatever underlying feelings you have for each other. If you do not, you will regret it for the rest of your life.”

Rose’s words eerily echoed Alex’s, and Kat could not help wondering.
Is it possible that Alex has true feelings for me?
Should she give him a chance to see where this odd courtship led? Who was she fooling? She had already decided to truly give him the opportunity to prove he wanted a marriage with her based on mutual respect and trust.

What of love, though? Alex claimed to care for her deeply, but Kat would not settle for anything less than love. And what of her feelings for Alex? It was just one of a plethora of issues yet to be resolved. She would give Alex a chance to win her, to prove his desire to have a committed, loving marriage; meanwhile, she needed to explore her own chaotic feelings for Alex.

Still, trust was the key. Her faith in Alex had been destroyed the day he deserted her. And although he returned a wiser man, no doubt due to his horrific experiences in captivity, could she ever trust him again?

Only the coming weeks would reveal the answer to all her questions, but some feeling, warm and soft and expectant, began to creep into her heart. She was startled when she finally recognized the budding, long-dead emotion.

Hope.

Guilt.

The debilitating emotion roiling around inside Alex since yesterday, making him unable to sleep or concentrate was definitely guilt. His secret search for the traitor was tearing him apart. He could not help feeling that hiding the truth from Kat was going to be the worst mistake of his seven and twenty years. Rather, his second worst mistake. But there was no help for it. To tell her about the assassin and put her in danger was something he refused to do.

“You are awfully quiet this morn, Alex. Kat got your tongue?” Rand, who stood beside him in the crowded reception hall, quipped.

The guards at the entry announced the entrance of yet another lord, one of many returning to court before the opening of Parliament on the morrow. Alex looked at Rand. His smile crooked, he said, “Aye, I suppose that is one way to describe my predicament.”

Rand chuckled. “I do not envy you, my friend. Indeed, you are lucky Kat has not ripped out your innards and fed them to the pigs.”

She still might when Alex discovered the traitor and the truth came out. After the recent disturbing events, he thought it time to let Rand in on his search, but he had been unable to talk to him alone and away from prying ears at court. Alex wanted someone he could trust to protect Kat when he was unable to. Who better to do so than her own cousin?

Alex looked across the room again, his gaze resting on Kat. She stood with Rose and several other ladies-in-waiting near the queen. She looked delectable in an amber silk tunic and a jeweled snood over her plaited hair. An intricate brooch clasped her bodice closed and her full sleeves tapered down to tight cuffs at her wrists, which were embroidered with green leaves.

She must have felt his stare, because she raised her eyes and unerringly met his gaze. A quiver rippled over his flesh, the attraction instantaneous. Her light eyes flared, glowing with warmth, and sent blood pumping from his heart to his lower extremities in a mad rush. He grew light-headed.

He knew she felt the jolt, too, he saw it in her eyes. But it was more than just lust seizing him. He wanted more from Kat. Wanted to possess her love and admiration and respect, but most of all he wanted her forgiveness. All this he tried to convey with his eyes, then another arrival was announced, breaking the spell. Kat, eyes shocked, glanced at the reception doors. Curious as to her reaction, Alex followed the direction of her gaze.

Alex’s mouth dropped open. The crowd around him receded, for there, walking down the center aisle towards the king and queen was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. And one he never thought to see again. Short, petite, and blond, she exuded an angelic grace rarely found. Her hair was uncovered, the golden waves rippling down her back shimmering like liquid gold, contrasting vividly with the black silk surcoate she wore.

He could not take his eyes off her.

Curtseying to the royal pair, the woman smiled, her expression somehow sweet and sad at the same time.

The king motioned for her to rise. “We bid you welcome and condolences upon the death of your husband.”

Alex jerked in surprise. But he supposed he should not be shocked. Lydia’s husband was ancient when she married him eight years ago. It also explained her mourning dress.

“I thank you, Sire,” she said, surreptitiously wiping something from her eye. A tear. His heart contracted. Lydia must have come to love her husband in the intervening years since she begged Alex to marry her. “He was a good man and I miss him terribly,” she said, confirming his thoughts as he watched her exquisite, sculpted lips move.

Then without warning, his heart began to beat out of control as an inexplicable emotion began to take hold in his chest. Bewildered, he tried to concentrate and capture the essence of the feeling bombarding him.
Why do I feel this deep sense of loss and regret?
Alex wondered. When the reason finally dawned on him, astonished disbelief sucked the air from his lungs.

Lord, I have been such a fool
, Alex thought.

“’Tis a fine sentiment. But a woman so young and beautiful as you should not remain widowed for long.” The king chuckled. “In fact, I am sure there are many gentlemen here today who count you a worthy prize. Eleanor and I welcome your presence at court.”

Rand punched his arm. “You may stop gawking like a boy in the throes of his first love.”

For the second time that day, Alex was stunned. What, exactly, had Rand read on his face?

Dismissed, Lady Lydia curtsied and disappeared into the crowd.

“I hope you are not going to let that woman make a fool of you again. She has an uncanny knack of arriving at the wrong time.”

Kat. Alex turned to her again. She was watching him, her gaze cold. There was no warmth, no smile, no expression. In deliberate rejection, she turned to speak to Rose.

What have I done?
Alex wondered desperately. Then he left Rand leaning against the wall and headed for Kat, unsure of the damage he had wrought.

Next to Kat, Rose squeezed her hand, her voice soft. “Prithee, Kat, do not rush to judgment. Alex was very young when Lydia sank her claws into him. That woman is a menace who is clever at hiding her vile nature. Alex will soon see through her disguise.”

So Rose had seen all, too. Kat could not say what she felt. Too many emotions clambered inside her, confusing her, numbing her.

But it was not difficult to tell what Alex thought. He had stared at Lydia in fascination, as though she were an angel come down from heaven to grace mere mortals with her goodness. Obviously, he still loved her. Was still awed by her beauty and fragile, ladylike demeanor. She was everything Kat would never be.

And now the woman he loved was free to marry.

Hope
. It drained from her like blood from a lethal sword thrust to the heart. She shivered, rubbing her arms. She was cold, so cold. How gullible, how stupid she had been to even dare to hope. She thought she had learned her lesson not to trust Alex, but it seemed her heart had not. At least she had discovered the truth before her feelings for Alex deepened beyond repair. But why, oh why did that statement ring false in her ears?

Damn you, Alex
.

Then Rose’s eyes flashed with dark emotion as someone nudged Kat’s arm. Sidling up beside her, Sir Stephen had returned like a persistent sickness she could not shake, no doubt intending to infect them with his vitriolic poison.

“I do believe this parliamentary session will be quite entertaining. With the arrival of the lovely Lady Lydia at court, I am
so
looking forward to watching events unfold.”

“What do you know of Lady Lydia?” Kat said sharply.

He answered in a roundabout way, his voice sly and smug. “Indeed, this reminds me of the time when Lady Lydia made her first appearance at court. If I remember aright, she made quite an impression on the young men at court. And of them all, Sir Alex was her most ardent and devoted suitor.”

Ardent sapskull,
Kat countered. Aye, she remembered it well, too. At ten and three, Kat had been excited to receive an invitation to attend court during the Christmas festivities that year. It was when King Henry was alive and still ruled. Kat’s father had even had a village seamstress make up an appropriate wardrobe for the trip. She had never worn tunic dresses before in her life, preferring instead the more comfortable attire of boys’ tunics and hose but, hoping to impress Alex, she had been exceedingly grateful.

It made not a wit of difference when compared to the sophisticated Lady Lydia St. John. Alex was smitten at first sight. And Kat fell far short no matter the comparison. Where Lydia was fair and beautiful, Kat was dark and plain. Where Lydia was curvaceous and mature, Kat was tall, gawky, and had no breasts of which to speak. Lydia was shy and coy and demure and flirtatious all at once. Kat was bold, brash, outspoken, with not a flirtatious bone in her body.

And her unadorned gowns of wool paled in comparison to Lydia’s elaborate and costly silk dresses. Indeed, Kat became a figure of fun until Alex’s mother took pity on her and altered several of Rose’s gowns for her. But naught could change the fact that Alex had fallen hard. Kat was devastated; not even the knowledge that Alex had been the one who kindly warned his mother of the cruel jests about her wardrobe had eased her pain. He had behaved like a lovesick fool over Lydia.

And now, it seemed naught had changed either.

“My, my, look yonder, there is the handsome couple speaking even as we speak of them.”

Alex jolted to a stop when Lydia stepped in front of him.

She smiled, her blue eyes shining up at him through her dark lashes. “Dear Alex, what a pleasure to see you. It has been much too long since we last met.” Innuendo laced her words.

A rush of heat flooded his face. The last time he saw Lydia, he had taken her innocence at her tearful insistence. Alex hesitated, and then took her outstretched hand. A shock rippled through him as he bowed.
He felt not a thing
—no warmth, no tingling awareness, no aching tenderness—unlike what he felt with just one brush of his wife’s hand. Indeed, the hand he held was too pale and too delicate. He preferred the vibrant strength and gold-dusted hands of his indomitable Kat.

Raising his gaze to Lydia in amazement, Alex saw her pleased smile then smoothed his features. “Lady Lydia, I’m glad to see you well. My condolences.”

He released Lydia’s hand, but she gripped his fingers with a ruthless hold, surprising him. This day was full of surprises. He tugged and he was free. Alex looked to where Kat stood. She was gone. Cursing under his breath, Alex took a step to find Kat. Once more, Lydia stepped in front of him, preventing him from reaching his beloved.

Aye, he finally realized that he loved Kat, that he had loved her for a very long time. But he had not recognized the depth of his feelings before because he had had naught to compare it to except his infatuation with Lydia. That blind, idealized love he once felt in his youth. It was as though he saw Lydia clearly now, realized that he had seen no more than the mirror image Lydia presented; his view distorted by her beauty, never once had he delved deeper below the surface to the inner woman.

In contrast, his love for Kat was no passing fancy. It was volatile, explosive, and exhilarating. Aye, he loved her for so many reasons: for her kindnesses to a young boy cruelly taunted; for her intelligent mind, as cunning as any man’s; and for her courage and brave heart, whether she was defying those who scorned her after he had deserted her, or rushing into danger to protect
him
from harm without a care for her own safety.

Aye, he loved his brave, tempestuous, foolhardy wife. And he had wasted so much precious time. He grieved for those lost years.

Lydia smiled up at him, her celestial blue eyes vapid and empty. Odd, he had never noticed this before. Kat’s silvery depths sparked with life, every emotion revealed.

Alex blinked.

Lydia was speaking. “…your miraculous return. Prithee? I’m so desperate to hear all the latest court gossip. Since my husband’s death I have been so lonely and need some cheering. Unless…” Her lower lip quivered. “Unless you have other, more important matters to attend,” she beseeched him, a lone tear in her eye.

Unable to refuse a lady, to ignore her tears, Alex nodded. Ostensibly looking for a less conspicuous spot to converse, he searched the crowd for Kat. He did not see her, but caught Rand’s eye where he leaned against the wall where Alex had left him. Relieved, he waved and steered Lady Lydia through the crowd towards Rand, even as he felt every eye in the chamber on them.

Upon reflection, he admitted that when Lydia had entered the chamber, her beauty had dazzled him, and all the old feelings came rushing back. But the illusion of love quickly faded. The realization came too late, though. He had not concealed his thoughts and Kat had seen. He winced as he remembered the look in Kat’s eyes—one moment they had been warm and expressive, the next they chilled him with their complete absence of emotion. He had never wanted to hurt Kat and suddenly wished time would reverse so he could have those moments back.

Alex stopped before Rand, imploring him with his eyes to rescue him. “Lady Lydia, you remember my friend, Sir Rand Montague, do you not?”

Rand smiled and reached for her hand. Lydia withdrew her arm from Alex’s reluctantly.

“Of course,” she said, her small smile swift and brief. “How could I forget your charming friend?”

“Indeed, ’tis I who am charmed by your exquisite beauty and grace, as always. Your servant, madam,” he bowed deeply.

“Do you mock me, Sir Rand?”

Surprise crossed Rand’s face. “Upon my honor, I would never mock a lady.”

Lydia’s eyes narrowed.

Alex interrupted any reply. “Sir Rand, Lady Lydia was just telling me how she needs cheering. She has had no news from court since her husband’s death. I have been here little more than a sennight and I think you would be a much better choice to regale her with court gossip.”

“But, Alex,” Lydia’s soft voice entreated.

While at the same time Rand said, “I would be honored and delighted. I
have
been told I have a unique gift for telling tales.”

Alex nearly snorted, but when Rand looped his arm through Lady Lydia’s and began to lead her away, he thought better of it.

Rand said to Lydia as he edged them along the crowd to a nearby alcove. “Hmm…now where shall I begin? Have you heard the latest scandal about the old reprobate, Lord Stilwell? It seems the very prim and proper wife he acquired so recently was not quite what she seemed.” Rand lowered his voice conspiratorially. “Poor Lord Stilwell discovered quite by accident his wife liked…”

Lydia thus occupied, Alex scanned the room looking for Kat, his gaze flitting through the crowd in search of her amber surcoate. But she was nowhere in sight. She must have slipped out unnoticed, he thought, cursing his foolishness. He had to find her, somehow make her understand what he had not understood himself. Indeed, he still could not explain his initial reaction upon seeing Lady Lydia; all he knew was that what he once felt for her was not love. Nay, ’twas as if he had been bewitched by Lydia, and as insubstantial as smoke, the spell she cast over him dissipated. She had no more power over him.