Waiting for Something (19 page)

“I’m originally from Colorado. Of course I am.” The song finished and I heard cheers erupt. The microphone turned on and a voice came over the speakers.

“Hey, little lady, what’s your name?” Yep, I was blushing.

“It’s Ali,” someone yelled, I looked around and of course it was Jackie.

“Fellas, I think little miss Ali is single,” the mic cut. After that and I felt guys erupt.

“Looks like you’ve made it, Ali,” Jesse wrapped his arms around my waist and we kept dancing to the usual music.

This was something I had been waiting for. I felt like I was slowly discovering who I was.

“I need a breather.” We started to stammer off the dance floor.

“Want something to drink?” Jesse held my hand as we headed to the bar. We’d danced for a couple of songs. It wasn’t anything serious but he was so hot and the fact that we’ve met before makes him all the more attractive.

“You two!
We’re doing body shots!” Jackie pulled my arm and Jesse followed.

“Who wants to take a shot off Ali?” She modeled me off but most of the guys already recognized me from the dancing.

“I am not doing this,” I tried backing out but she wouldn’t hear it.

“We’re charging ten bucks a shot for you and you get it all. Come on! It’s a special selection.” She was insane.

“Fine, okay. But no yuckie guys.” I laid down.

“Hun, we don’t have “
yuckie” guys at this school, haven’t you noticed?” She was right. The selection here was impeccable.

“I’m going first,” Jesse handed me a ten.

“No, you’re free,” I gave it back to him and grinned. 

He placed the salt on my neck, my most sensitive area and I nearly swooned when he licked the salt off. The shot was placed between my push -up bra, and it enhanced my breasts .When he did it, he
went painfully slow, making me want to grab him right there and take advantage of him. The lime was placed between my lips, as it should it be, and right as he reached for it, the lime slipped and our lips met.

“Well,
Liss, seems like we messed that part up,” he leaned back and grinned.

“The airport,” I sat up.

“What about it?” He looked at me like I just went from hot and fun to crazy and weird.

“That’s where we met. I remember because I’ve never had anyone call me
Liss for a nickname,” I pulled my dress up a little.

“Now I remember!” he helped me down.

“Wait! Ali, you’re done? Come on! Don’t be a downer!” Jackie was defeated but I didn’t care.

Jesse and I continued dancing for a bit and as we were sitting down for another drink, my phone went off. I read the screen and it was Jake calling.

“What is it, Jake?” I wasn’t expecting him to call, especially after the afternoon we had.

“Come to my place,” he sounded drunk.

“Jake, you’re drunk,” I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“Please, I need you kind of right now,” his slurred words sounded genuine.

“Yeah, alright. I’ll be right over,” I hung up the phone.

“Boyfriend?”
Jesse looked concerned.

“No, I don’t have one. It’s a friend of mine. He
sorta sounds desperate right now. I gotta go.” I felt terrible.

“I get it. Don’t sweat it. I’ll get you a cab,” Jesse grabbed my hand and we headed outside.

“Thank you so much for everything.” I started to feel a light sprinkle come down.

“Here’s my number. I don’t want this to be a one night deal. Oh, and
Liss? Don’t be late for class,” he smirked at me, his dimples showing, and turned back to the club.

“Jake?” I walked into his dimly lit apartment.

“Ali Cat? Ali where are you?” I heard his voice echo from down the hall.

“I’m here, Jake.” I headed in his direction and when I saw him, he looked like complete shit.

“Ali!” He ran into me with a force that almost knocked me to the ground.

“What’s wrong, Jake? What’s going on?” I started looking around and the place was trashed.

“It’s my parents.” I held him close as he began sobbing.

“Okay,
hun. Let’s just get you to your bed first.” I helped carry him to the bed.

“My parents, Ali.
As much as they hurt me,” he stopped and began crying again and at this point I could only expect the worst.

“Jake,
hun, talk to me. Look at me,” I held him at arms’ length.

“They’re dead, God
damnit! They got into a crash on their way home from the airport,” he was now yelling at me. I couldn’t believe it. After everything that life has thrown at him and his brother, now this?

“Okay, okay. Just come here.” I brought him back to me and held him against my chest so he couldn’t see me cry too.

“Ali, I need you right now. Please don’t leave me,” he held me tight.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I set my phone alarm for 8. My first class wasn’t until 11. I wasn’t too worried, but I wanted to make sure he was okay.

“I love you so much,” he looked at me.

“I love you too, Jake.” And I did. I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t, especially now that he really needed me.

“I have to leave tomorrow. Carter will be here tomorrow to fly with me to San Diego. We have to take care of funeral arrangements and shit,” he wiped the tears out of his eyes and looked at me.

“Should I come with?” I searched his eyes for an answer.

“No, you have your life here. The funeral won’t be for a week or two,” he sniffled and grabbed a tissue to blow his nose quickly.

“Are you sure? I can come if you two need me.” I would drop out this semester if he needed me that badly.

“Listen to me. If you drop out or something stupid for me, I will never speak to you again. This is my problem. I don’t want you to drop your life for my problem.” He started to pull away and that was scarier than seeing him cry.

“I won’t. I’ll stay in school. But only for you,” I gulped, hoping I would pull him back to me.

“I don’t care why you stay just as long as you do,” he looked at me again and our stares dug into each other’s souls.

“Well, then good,” I smiled.

“You’re so beautiful,” he brushed his face against my cheek.

“Jake, you don’t want to do something you’ll regret,” I knew where he was going with all this.

“Maybe I want this. Maybe I’ve wanted this since yesterday or for months, but I’ve just been waiting for the right moment.” His lips were against mine.

“Jake, I miss you so much but this could end badly.” It always has anyways.

“Let’s not let it,” he whispered as he moved his hands to the bare part of my back.

“Jake, I really want to but you’re so fragile,” I pushed away and he just looked at me in awe.

“Ali, this is what I need right now. Your touch, your lips, your skin against mine, your eyes piercing into me. I need that now more than ever. I just need to feel close to you.” He grabbed my arms and wrapped them around his waist.

“I don’t know.
This sounds like it could end painfully. Haven’t we put each other through enough pain?” I couldn’t look at him. I knew what I was saying could end badly, especially with his emotions right now.

“Ali Cat, look at me,” he instructed me and I obliged.

“Yes, Jake?” I felt the energy between us again and I suddenly felt bound to him.

“Do you want to make love with me? Don’t think about the bad things that could come. Just answer. Do you want to make love with me?
Yes or no?” The electricity pulled us tighter together and I knew what my heart wanted no matter what my mind was telling me.

I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded “yes.” And so we did.

I woke up the next morning not to the sound of my alarm but to the sound of things breaking. The sun was just starting to rise and I felt very disoriented, especially after all the alcohol I had had the night before. I got up and heard two voices yelling at each other. It could only be Carter and Jake. I hurried out to the hallway and ran to the kitchen only to see a few  broken plates on the ground and Jake pointing his finger at Carter while watching Carter bawl his eyes out.

“Jake, stop it!” I yelled louder than the both of them. They stopped and looked at me and I could see the pure pain in Carter’s eyes.

“Carter,” I wrapped him in my arms and he let his body go limp.

“It’s
all my fault, Al.” He shook in my arms.

“No, it’s not Carter. It was an accident. This sort of stuff just happens.” I pointed to the dishes and pointed at Jake. As I led Carter to the living room Jake began picking up his mess.

“They were coming back from visiting me, Ali. This is all because of me. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have no one.” He sobbed into my shoulder and I just held him close to me.

“You’re damn straight. As shitty as our parents were they were still our parents. As far as I’m concerned you lost me too, Carter,” Jake yelled.

“Jake! Damn it, knock it off. Don’t say things you’ll regret. I mean it. Pick up your mess and shut your mouth.” I couldn’t even believe he was blaming this on Carter.

“Carter, sweetie, let’s get you cleaned you up,” I lifted his face up and brushed back his hair.

“Will you help?” he sniffled.

“Of course I will.” I helped him off the couch and Jake practically glared at me. I knew this would happen.

“You do anything and I swear,” he whispered loudly to me.

“Don’t worry about it, Jake,” I walked off.

I started the shower and grabbed a towel while Carter got undressed. Right now I was numb to all sexual things and I’m sure Carter was too. Jake and Carter were different like that.

“Hop in. It’s warm.” I helped him step over the tub.

“I’m sorry. You must think I’m pathetic,” he said, his limp shoulders facing me. I felt bad for the boys.

“No, I don’t. You’re in pain. That’s okay.” I grabbed the bottle of shampoo and began lathering up his hair before he washed it out.

“We leave at 10. I don’t know if Jake told you or not.” Carter was trying to make small talk.

“He didn’t,” I grabbed some body soap and started washing his chest.

“I know you two were together last night. It’s okay.” I didn’t know what to say to that.

“Every time we try to work, something happens. I get it. I was too late. Again,” he leaned against the shower wall.

“Carter, don’t feel like being with me is some sort of competition,” I rinsed the soap off my hands and leaned against the edge.

“I don’t think it is but I’ve wanted to be with you since I first met you. Every time I get a hold of you, you slip away.” He looked so defeated in every way and this made me yearn for him. 

“Carter, I’m not with Jake. I’m not with anyone for that matter. You haven’t lost me yet,” I kissed him sweetly on the cheek.

After he got out of the shower, it was about 7 in the morning. I got him dressed and we headed back out to the living room where Jake sat quietly letting tears roll down softly. I sat in between them and just held them both while they cried. These boys had no one anymore. They were alone and that was it. Besides a few aunts and uncles, it was just them. They only had each other left and I’d be damned if I didn’t make sure they stayed close with
one  another. My new mission, keep the boys that held my heart safe and close.

“I’ll see you in a few weeks,” I hugged Carter quickly before he got into the cab.

“See you,” he smiled softly.

“Jake, thank you for last night.
Remember what we said. Let’s not let it end badly.”

“We won’t. I still love you. Let me have your hand.” He put it against his heart.

“This is yours and don’t wreck it,” he kissed my cheek softly.

“I’ll see you soon. Be nice to your little brother. He needs you,” I felt my heart sink.

“And I need you. Feel free to stay at the apartment. No parties,” he kissed me on the lips this time and turned to get into the cab by Carter. I watched them wave as they drove off and my heart left with them.

Twenty One

“Oh,
hun, it’s so nice to see. How are classes going?” my mom started the car and we drove off from the apartment.

“Classes are fine. They’re really pushing me which
is good.” I didn’t feel like small talk and my mom caught the drift.

“Well, I’m just glad you’re happy,” she smiled.

“I never said I was,” I slumped back in my seat and that was the end of that.

We walked into my house to my brother and his friends playing video games and eating tons of popcorn.

“Dillon, your sister’s home,” my mom came up behind him and kissed the top of his head.

“Mom, stop, seriously. Hi, Ali, welcome back,” he didn’t take his eyes off the TV.

“Is he always like this?” I looked at Mom.

“Unfortunately, yes. He’s a handful,” my mom sighed.

“Well, how’s dad? Where’s he at?” I couldn’t hear him singing in the kitchen like usual.

“He’s working right now. He wants to make the funeral so he’s putting in a few more hours today.” We walked up the stairs to my bedroom.

“Oh, well that’s nice. Have you talked to the Jake or Carter?” I hadn’t heard from them since the day they left and it’s been two weeks now.

“No, I’m afraid not.
Marlie said she’s been seeing them on the beach a lot.” My mom started to help me unpack.

“You talk to
Marlie?” Even Marlie has been oddly quiet with me.

“I see her in the store down the block sometimes. She stopped me last week. Justin was with her. They look happy.” I knew what she was getting at now.

“Mom, don’t start this. Please, not this weekend,” I put my shirts in my closet.

“I just want you to be happy, sweetie. Those
Thompson  boys, as sweet as they are, they have baggage. I don’t want you to get your heart broken.” I froze in place and felt my palms clam up and my heart swell.

“That’s none of your business, Mom.” She bought it, even with my voice as inaudible as it was.

“I’ll leave you to unpack,” she kissed me on the cheek.

I finished unpacking and let myself relax as I
laid down on my back on the bed. It felt good to be home but I was home for such a depressing reason.

“Ali, get your butt up. We’re going out.” I heard
Marlie come rushing in.

“No, I don’t want to move,” I groaned and sat up.

“You can’t mope around all day. Justin is waiting in the car. Let’s go,” she pulled me off the bed.

“Fine,” I slipped my shoes on.

“Carter and Jake will talk to you when they’re ready. Until then, we have to keep your mind busy.” We walked downstairs.

“Oh, good.
Marlie’s here,” my mom smiled as we walked to the door.

“Hi, Dillon,”
Marlie smiled and he blushed.

“What was that?” I looked at her when we walked out.

“He likes me,” she grinned.

“Hey, now, be nice to him. He is my brother,” I rolled my eyes and we got into the car.

“You talking about Dill?” Justin grinned from the driver’s seat.

“Yes, we are. Our little Ali is concerned,”
Marlie mocked me.

“Ok, this is all irrelevant, so who cares? Where are we going?” I dropped it.

“Dancing,” Marlie grinned.

“Where?”
We’ve never been dancing all together.

“
Bassmnt. I heard they serve great booze,” Justin looked all excited.

“We’re not 21,” I rolled my eyes.

“Tonight we are,” Marlie held up some fake IDs.

“No, I am not drinking. I’ll go and have fun but no drinking for me.” They didn’t push me any further.

We got to the club and the place was packed, mostly with slutty drunk girls and creepy spikey-haired douchebags. This was nothing like the place I went to in New York and I actually wish it was.

“Ali, come on,”
Marlie waved us in.

“I’m
gunna go get us drinks,” Justin shouted as we got in.

“Just a ginger ale for me.”
  Marlie shot me a look.

“Fine, I’ll take a dirty martini.” I did need to loosen up.

“I’ve missed you,” Marlie squeezed me.

“Okay, dork, you can let go. I missed you too,” I somewhat shoved her off me.

“So how is New York?” We sat at a booth.

“It’s amazing. I met this girl Jackie. She’s a little nuts but I think we’ll get along and then Jesse. He’s great. You’d love him,” I couldn’t help but smile when I mentioned him.

“Is this Jesse guy something serious?” Marlie wasn’t good at beating around the bush.

“No, it’s nothing. I mean it was something but when I went to Jake’s the night everything happened, that changed.” Justin came back with our drinks.

“Thank you, sweetie,” Marlie kissed him as he handed us our drinks.

“No problem, baby,” he winked at her.

“Okay, disgusting. Guys, I’m right here,” I joked.

“Here’s to a night full of memories we won’t remember.” We all cheered and I downed my drink in one gulp.

“Pace yourself, hun,” Marlie laughed.

“Let’s go dance.” I got up and felt the alcohol sink into my veins.

“We’ll catch up.” I saw them start fooling around a little. They were adorable together. I wanted that.

I made my way to the dance floor and started dancing with a random group of people that seemed nice enough.

“Hey, sweetheart,” I heard a familiar voice and turned around.

“Jake! You’re here! Is Carter okay?” I freaked out and hugged him close. It felt good to be in his embrace again.

“Carter’s with Justin and Marlie. They told me you were on the dance floor. Ali Cat, I missed you.” The music slowed and I felt like the DJ knew we were having an intimate moment.

“Dance with me,” I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“It’d be my pleasure,” he pulled my waist close to his.

“I’ve missed you.” I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Sorry for not calling. It’s just been crazy.” He didn’t say it back but I knew he missed me.

“Don’t apologize. You’re fine. At least you’re here now,” I smiled to myself.

“I’m staying here, Ali Cat,” his voice shook a little.

“What do you mean?” I pushed back and looked at him.

“Let’s go back to my place and talk about this.” He had pain in his eyes.

“No, I don’t want to wait. Tell me now.” I looked at him with the same pain.

“I’m not going back to New York, Ali Cat. At least not for now,”he held me at arm’s length.

“Why?” That’s all I could
say., That’s all I could think of.

“Carter is transferring to the University here so I thought it’d be best if I came home too. My personal assistant is taking care of all the moving and selling. I’m sorry, Ali Cat. It’s just what’s best for now,” he shouted over the music.

“It’s okay.” I took a step back and walked away.

“Ali Cat, please,
don’t be mad,” he came rushing after me.

“I’m not mad. I’m incredibly heartbroken. Jake, for once we were on the same page.” I felt the tears coming and quickly pushed them back.

“We can make it work. I’ll be faithful to you, I promise.” He was serious.

“I can’t do distance, Jake. It never works,” I grabbed my things from the booth where
Marlie and the guys just stared at us.

“We’re different than you and Carter were.” He said it. The first time either of them has ever admitted that two brothers had been with one girl.

“That’s the problem, Jake. I’ve fallen for two brothers that cause me nothing but heartbreak. I gotta go.” I excused myself and left while Carter and Jake just stared at each other.

“Ali, wait up.” I heard
Marlie come after me but I kept walking.

“
Marlie, I can’t have fun right now, okay? I just need to be alone and I just need time,” I turned to her once she exited the building.

“Just be safe. I love you,” she gave me a hug and I knew she understood.

I got a taxi and went home. I changed into the oversized tshirt that Jesse gave to me and let myself unravel. I haven’t felt this low and worthless in a long time. For the next three days leading up to the funeral I wouldn’t eat or talk. I let my phone ring and I refused to see anyone.

“Sweetie, it’s time to get ready,” my mom came in and sat on my bed.

“Is it really today?” My voice was raspy.

“I’m sorry, dear. Come on. Be brave for those boys today, okay?” she kissed my forehead and I got up slowly and reluctantly.

“Breakfast?” I came down after getting ready and my dad was, of course, cooking.

“Just toast,” I mumbled.

“That’s better than eating nothing,” my dad smiled graciously.

“We’ll leave in about a half hour. Oh, Alice, Jake dropped this by.” My dad always called me by my real name.

“A note?” I took it and opened it up.

I’ll never stop loving you
, Ali Cat
.

I felt my heart flutter and then sink back down to reality.

“What’s it say?” Dillon tried looking over my shoulder.

“It’s nothing, okay? Get away,” I shoved him back with my elbow.

“Hurry and eat. We gotta get going.” My mom came in while putting on a pair of earrings.

Once we got to the church I saw
Marlie and Justin standing over by the boys. I didn’t care what had been said, I was going to be there for my guys.

“Ali, thank you for coming,” Carter hugged me tight and I held him close to me.

“You’re going to be okay. I promise,” I whispered in his ear.

“Jake.” I hugged him close but he felt distant.

“Thanks for being here. It means a lot,” he smiled softly.

“Let’s go inside,”
Marlie suggested and I painfully agreed.

“Thank God it’s not an open casket,” Justin put his arm around
Marlie’s waist while we walked by pictures of the couple with their boys and other family and friends.

“I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.” I felt my skin redden and my eyes start to brim with tears.

“I don’t think you can handle this,” Marlie grabbed my hand.

“I can’t,” my voice barely audible.

“Go. Be with him.”
Marlie’s eyes looked reassuring. I stepped back outside and realized that I had to be there for both of them.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I stepped in between them and held their hands.

Once everyone stepped inside and sat down, the funeral service was about to begin and we three still hadn’t stepped inside yet. The two boys and their dad’s two brothers were ushers. The rest of the family stood behind them and I was welcomed in the procession as well. As we made our way up to the front of the church I couldn’t help but feel my heart slowly crack and I knew that I was going to break down. But when Marlie gave me one more reassuring look, I knew I had to be strong. After the ceremony and burial some of the guests came back to the dining hall in the church basement for the meal.

“Ali Cat, can I talk to you for a second?”
Jake came up from behind me. We hadn’t talked all day.

“Sure. What do you need?” I followed him to a secluded area.

“I can’t lose you again.” He was broken up.

“Jake, you’re staying here. I’m going back to school. I told you I’ve tried that situation before and it didn’t work. I love you and after everything, we’ve always found our way back to each other, so I wouldn’t doubt that we’ll find each other again. I love you. Always have, always will.” I gave him one last, long, sweet kiss and left.

I knew I was walking away from a lot but I had to be able to do what I had planned for myself and that was school and New York. We lose our way but we always come back and I had to have faith in the fact that the same thing would happen again.