Waiting for the Storm (19 page)

We were going to be okay. He hadn’t lied to me because he wanted to, and I knew that now. Life was too precious to hold a grudge, especially against the only person who was able to make me happy and help me forget the bad stuff.

I climbed the stairs and quietly opened Ella’s bedroom door. She was still asleep, so I crossed the room and crawled into bed beside her. I was almost afraid that when she woke up she’d be back to her old hateful self. Last night felt like a dream in so many ways, and I was still afraid I might wake up and be back where I was twenty-four hours ago—miserable and alone.

I scanned Ella’s room in the semi-darkness. I hadn’t been in here all summer, and I hadn’t had time to notice much last night. She hadn’t added many personal touches or done much to make it homey. A small seashell collection adorned her dresser across the room, along with what appeared to be a framed picture turned face down.

My curiosity had me slipping once more from the bed and tiptoeing across the room. I picked up the picture and nearly dropped it when I recognized it—it was the picture of Mom, Dad, Ella, and me taken at the barbeque last summer. The one I’d wanted so badly but couldn’t remember where it might be. Ella had had it all this time.

She stirred behind me, and I set the picture down reluctantly before returning to the bed. She opened bleary eyes and gazed up at me, her brow creased. “What are you…oh.” She let out a long, sleepy breath and buried her face in the pillow. “I thought maybe I dreamed the whole thing,” she mumbled.

You and me both
, I thought. “You didn’t. And I’m still here. Is that okay?”

I realized I was holding my breath as I waited for her answer.

“Yes.” She pushed herself to her elbows and met my eyes. “As much as I wish last night hadn’t happened with Chris, I’m glad we got some of our issues out in the open. I slept like a baby for the first time in months. It was like I was able to release all the crap that had been holding me down, you know?”

I nodded. I did know—better than she could imagine.

“I really am sorry,” she said. She looked anxious and contrite, and I thought again how young she appeared without her face plastered in cosmetics.

“I know,” I told her. “I am, too. I just hope now we can start fresh. Get back to where we used to be before…well, just before. I think we need each other more than either of us wants to admit. Mom would want that.”

Ella bobbed her head solemnly. “She would. And I want that too.”

“So we’re agreed.” I smiled slightly, and she returned it with a weary smile of her own. “Now…we need to talk about Dad…”

CHAPTER TWENTY

At nine o’clock that morning, Dad shuffled into the kitchen. He stopped and stared when he saw Ella and me sitting side by side at the table. His expression would have been comical any other time, but after spending the last two hours talking to Ella, we were both stoic and resolute. We knew what we needed to do.

“This is…” Dad searched for the word, but couldn’t seem to settle on one. “It’s nice to see the two of you together.”

“Why don’t you sit down and I’ll get your coffee,” I suggested, rising from the table. I fixed him a cup and topped off Ella’s and mine before returning to my seat. “Dad, we need to talk to you.”

“All right.” He looked from one of us to the other, his brows drawing together. “This feels like an intervention. Have I done something I don’t know about?” He said it lightly, trying to inject humour into his words, but they fell flat.

I looked at Ella. We had planned this all out, rehearsed what we were going to say, but my mind was now blank. I thought about Ezra and his mom, and suddenly knew where to start. “Did you know that Ezra’s mom lives with him?”

Dad’s brows arched in surprise. “No, I thought he lived alone,” he replied. “I’ve never seen anyone else around other than him.”

“That’s because Izzy is so deeply depressed she never leaves the house,” I said. “It started when Ezra’s dad died. She fell apart, and Ezra and Lilah thought it was just normal grieving, but they were wrong. She fell into a depression and it got progressively worse.”

“That’s terrible,” Dad said quietly. “Your mother would be heartbroken if she knew that.”

“Mom would be heartbroken if she knew the same thing was happening to you,” Ella pointed out quietly.

Dad looked at her sharply and I sucked in a breath, holding it. He looked from her to me and back, his eyes narrowing, cheeks turning red. “That’s what this is about isn’t it?” He waved a hand between us. “It
is
an intervention.”

“Of sorts,” I agreed. “We understand that this last year has been hard on you, and that Mom’s death was horrible. It’s thrown us all for a loop. We’re all acting strangely, dancing around our issues, and covering up how we really feel.” I glanced at Ella and she looked at me steadily, her eyes sad. “But we’re falling apart. Individually, and as a family.
That
would break Mom’s heart.”

Dad stared down into his coffee, his hands turning white where they gripped the mug. His shoulders were hunched, and he looked exhausted. For the first time this summer, I realized how much he’d aged. His dark hair was shot through with silver, deep lines were carved under his eyes, and the thick stubble on his face was mostly grey.

“We think you need help.” Ella’s voice was timid and carried a slight tremor. “We want you to see a doctor.”

Dad released a long, weary sigh. “And if I say no?”

Before I had a chance to formulate a reply, Ella blurted, “Then we’ll leave. You’ll lose us. If you’re sick, you need help.”

I glared at her. That wasn’t part of what we’d discussed. She looked back at me unflinchingly, her chin tilted upward in defiance. For a minute I thought the old Ella was making a reappearance, but her cheeks were flushing, and her eyes swam with tears. I didn’t think threats and ultimatums were going to work, but her guess was as good as mine.

I nodded in her direction and turned back to Dad. “We need our dad back. We already lost one parent, we can’t lose you, too. We may be old enough to get by on our own, but we shouldn’t have to. I feel like I’ve had to be the parent for months now, and I just want to be a kid again while I can.” I thought of Ezra and how he hadn’t been a kid for years—maybe ever, since he had to grow up so fast and learn to defend himself against his dad.

“Girls…” Dad rubbed a hand over his chin, the rough sound of his stubble loud in the otherwise quiet kitchen.

“We know that everyone deals with grief differently,” Ella chimed in, glancing at me. “But we think you might need some help dealing with yours.”

Dad’s shoulders slumped even more. He looked defeated. “I don’t want to go back to Toronto yet.”

“You don’t have to,” I told him quickly. “Ezra said if we wanted, he’d look into getting you a referral with a doctor in Kingston. You’d just have to go over to the mainland, and we would go with you if you wanted.” I looked at Ella and she nodded her head quickly.

“I didn’t want to admit it.” Dad’s voice was faint, his eyes shifting in and out of focus. “I’ve been trying to avoid dealing with it, hoping things would get better. But they’re not.” He blinked hard and focused on me, then Ella. “You girls deserve better. You deserve a father who can take care of you, not one you have to take care of.” He met my eyes apologetically.

“It’s okay, Dad. You’ll get the help you need, and everything will be fine. We can be a family again.” I jumped when Ella took my hand under the table. I clutched at it, unable to look at her for fear I’d fall apart. I couldn’t fall apart now, not when I was trying to pick up the pieces of my family.

“Maybe I’ll talk to Ezra myself,” he said slowly. “Ask him some questions about his mom and about this doctor. Do you think that’d be okay?”

“I think he’d be happy to talk to you,” I told him. “It might help you both.”

“Okay, then.” He fiddled with his coffee cup, turning it around and around on the table. “I’m sorry, girls. I’m sorry for all you’ve had to go through the last year, and for making it even harder on you since Mom died.”

Ella squeezed my hand convulsively and I heard her sniffle beside me. “We love you, Dad. We’ll get through this together.”

The three of us sat in heavy silence until I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Why don’t I make breakfast?” I suggested.

And so with Ella’s help, breakfast was made, serious topics were set aside, and the three of us ate as a family for the first time in months.

*****

The minute I heard Ezra’s car pull into the driveway that afternoon, I ran out of the house and met him.

His grin when he saw me was lightning quick, and almost made me trip over my own feet. He opened his arms and braced himself, and I rushed to him, throwing myself into his arms.

“God I missed you,” he breathed, burying his face in my neck.

“You just saw me this morning.”

“I know, but it wasn’t quite the same,” he told me. “We were working things out, and I was afraid you were still kinda mad at me even though you’d forgiven me. But this…this just made my day.”

I wiggled down so my feet touched the ground, and took his face in my hands, kissing him long and hard. There was a glimmer of hope in my life, a chance for new beginnings all around, and he was part of that. Even if somewhere deep in my brain I was still hurt that he’d kept such a big secret from me, I didn’t want to waste any more time being angry. I’d had enough anger to last a lifetime.

“Okay,
that
just made my day,” Ezra said when I released him. He had a silly grin on his face, and I was sure mine mirrored his. “You seem…lighter. Not as burdened somehow.”

“I have good news.” I took his hand and led him over to our swing.

“I like good news. I have some of my own, but you go first.”

I told him about the conversation between Ella, Dad, and me that morning and how Dad had agreed to get help. Ezra confirmed what I had told dad—he would be happy to talk to him about anything, and he said he’d put in a call to the doctor’s office when he got home.

“Okay, what’s your news?” I asked him when I was finished.

“Well…I just spent the day with Lilah, and she told me she’s been in touch with that facility in Kingston I was telling you about—the one I want to send my mom to for help. They said a room just became available, and when I had Lilah go over my finances with me, I figured out I can finally afford to send my mom. Lilah might have to help me out, but it’ll be worth it to get Mom the help she needs.”

“That’s terrific, Ezra!” I studied his face, and despite his smile, his eyes gave away the fact that there something more.

“I have to decide by tomorrow,” he told me. “There’s a waiting list, and they can only hold the room for forty-eight hours. That’s no problem because I know this is the right thing to do, but…” He shifted uncomfortably, taking my hand and holding it in both of his. “I need to go with her. They want me close, and I can’t be close if I’m a ferry ride away. Lilah’s booking a hotel for me near the facility.”

I swallowed hard. “How long will you be gone?”

His eyes pinched around the corners. “Could be a week, could be two…maybe even longer. They want me close, like I said, but they also want me to participate in some of her sessions. They said the trauma in her life involved both of us, and since I’m the one who’s been taking care of her all this time they think it will help to have me there.”

My stomach churned. I had less than three weeks left before we went back to Toronto. Ella needed to get home to start her senior year of high school, and Dad had to get back to the university. “I’m so glad your mom’s finally going to get help,” I said, unsure what else to say. I meant the words, but my voice was flat, hollow.

“If it was a couple of weeks in the grand scheme of things, that would be fine, but this is your last few weeks here.” Ezra’s eyes were intense as they locked onto mine.

“You can’t think about that,” I told him. “You have to concentrate on helping your mom. You said yourself we’ll find a way.” My voice faltered, and I snapped my mouth shut before I could start to cry.

“And we will,” he promised. “I just feel so…”

Guilty? Torn? I was feeling that way, too. Guilty because the selfish part of me didn’t want him to leave, and torn because I knew this was the break he needed, but it killed me that it meant not getting to spend my last few weeks on the island with him.

“I know,” I sighed. “I know.”

“For now, I just want to be with you,” he said. “I want to sit here and hold your hand and forget about everything and everyone else. I want to have you over for dinner, sit outside and watch the sunset, then go do our designated driver gig one last time. Can we do that? Please?”

“Of course. Just the two of us.”

“And Adam.” Ezra laughed lightly, squeezing my hand.

“And Adam.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

The next two weeks dragged on endlessly. It felt like a series of highs and lows—Ella and I were on good terms, and she was slowly changing everything I associated with
Gabriella
. We went shopping and she bought some age-appropriate clothes, she toned down her makeup, and ditched Chris. In fact, in those two weeks, I didn’t see her with a single guy, and even though she hung out with the same crowd as before, they didn’t seem to notice or mind that she was dressing and acting differently.

Miranda and Kennedy noticed, and commented on a regular basis. I told them things were changing for the better, and Ella was working on some self-improvement before her last year of high school. They accepted that, and even seemed pleased, which in turn made me happy.

Dad went for an appointment with the doctor Ezra referred him to, and the doctor put him on anti-depressants. Dad didn’t love the idea, but he knew he needed help, and he accepted it with little complaint. He even asked the doctor if he could refer him to a therapist so he could work out the issues he was having and try to find his way back to some semblance of normalcy.

I was really proud of him for taking that step. I knew it wasn’t easy, but every day I could see him making an effort. He got up early, showered, shaved, and dressed, then got to work at his laptop, and actually had long conversations with us. The three of us ate dinner together every night, and I had to admit it was a little strange, but in the best possible way.

The lows were mostly from missing Ezra and worrying about how hard this would be on him. I was sure it must be difficult being away from home, staying by himself in a strange place, and having to watch his mom go through such a huge transition. We talked on the phone every night and texted often, but it wasn’t the same.

I felt restless, and even though things with Ella continued to improve, I still found myself lonely from time to time, especially at night. I kept myself busy volunteering at the library, working on the blog, and looking up job opportunities in Toronto for when we returned home.

I was still amazed at how many hits my blog posts were getting. Shelley told me the overall site hits had doubled since I started posting reviews and recommendations. With everything that had happened in my life over the last year, I felt inspired to branch out a bit, and I wrote a post that ended up being my most popular ever.

Why I Read and Why You Should Too

by Charlotte O’Dell

It occurred to me recently that books are one of the only constants in life. They’re there for you no matter what. If the rest of the world walks out on you, there are always fictional characters to walk in and make you laugh, make you cry, make you think, and make you
feel
. There’s a whole world of fictional characters waiting to be your friend. Their world becomes your world, their problems and triumphs become yours, and for a little while you can forget about your own worries. It’s a pretty magical thing.

Books may be fictional stories, but to readers, the tales truly come to life. They cover topics from birth to death and everything in between—friendship, love, family, the good, the bad, the mundane, the thrilling—all of it between the pages of a book that can come to mean the world to you. Fictional characters suddenly become three-dimensional people you can relate to. There are lessons to be learned and adventures to be had, hearts to be won or broken, and new lands to be discovered, whether it’s in your own backyard, halfway across the world, or a place born of someone else’s imagination.

So when people ask me why I read, my response is: ‘Why
don’t
you?’ It’s an escape, sure, but it’s so much more than that. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, a book will change you. It will make you look at the world a little differently, hold your loved ones a little closer, and realize that when love is standing in front of you and staring you in the face, you have to grab it with both hands and hold on tight. And sometimes if you’re
really
lucky, you’ll learn that in life, as in books, that love comes in many forms—the boy next door, the sister, the parent, the newfound friend you weren’t expecting.

So go pick up a book. Immerse yourself in someone else’s world. Strike up a conversation with a bookworm. You never know when your new best friend—whether fictional or real—is waiting right around the corner.

After hitting Publish, I sat back with a satisfied sigh. The front door slammed from downstairs, and I didn’t even jump. I was making progress. Quick footsteps moved through the house, stopping at the foot of the stairs.

“Charlotte, are you up there?” Ella called.

Instead of yelling back, I left my room and peered down at her from the top of the steps.

“Oh, good.” Ella smiled up at me, and the sight of it made my lips curve in response. “Wanna come hang out with me on the beach?”

Moments like this still made me wonder if I was dreaming. A couple weeks ago I would have thought my sister was playing a cruel joke on me, but now…now things like this made me feel like the cracks in our relationship—and in my heart—were healing.

“I’ll meet you out there in a sec,” I told her. She nodded and headed for the glass doors, her flip flops slapping loudly against the floor.

I went to my room to grab my own sandals, and as I was searching for my sunglasses, I heard voices outside. Miranda and Kennedy were trailing along up the beach, and when they saw Ella near the water, they joined her. It was a strange but wonderful sight.

Sticking my sunglasses on my head, I hurried downstairs and through the back door, joining my sister and my friends in the warm sand.

*****

One night while I was preparing dinner, Dad wandered into the kitchen and sat at the table to watch me. He looked distracted, but he had this weird smile on his face, like he had a secret.

When we all sat down to dinner, I finally caved. “What’s up, Dad?”

“Hmm? Oh.” He looked up from his spaghetti and took a sip of water. “I have something I need to tell you girls, but I’m not sure how you’re going to feel about it.”

Oh god. Was he off his meds already? Did his therapist want him to check himself into a place like Ezra’s mom? “What is it?” I asked warily, casting a furtive glance at Ella, whose eyebrows were pinched together.

“About a week ago I was approached by someone at Queen’s University,” he said, twirling pasta around his fork, then letting it slide back to the plate. “They read one of my papers and liked the research I had done. They…they want me to be a professor there.”

“
What
?” Ella and I asked in unison.

Dad nodded vigorously. “They said they’d make it worth my while. They’d pay me more, and they’d set us up with housing near campus. But…but I can’t do it.”

“Why not?” I asked.

Dad threw up his hands like it should be obvious. “Our lives are in Toronto. I can’t ask Gabriella to leave high school before her senior year. And you, Charlotte, you’ve been looking for a job and you were planning to go to school in the city this winter. Plus…Mom’s there.”

I shook my head. “Mom’s not there,” I said quietly. “Our
memories
of Mom are there. She’ll be with us whether we live in Toronto, Kingston, or halfway across the world.”

Dad looked at me like he was seeing me—
really
seeing me—for the first time. Maybe he was, in a way. He bobbed his head thoughtfully. “I guess you’re right. But, still…I just don’t see how it could work.”

“I do,” Ella piped up. Her voice was small, and she sank down slightly in her chair when we both looked at her. “I’ve actually been thinking how nice it would be to start over,” she said, staring at her plate. “All the kids at school know me as…well, as someone I don’t want to be anymore. The kids here have accepted me for me, whether that was the me I was two weeks ago, or the me I am now.” She paused and tilted her head as if she wasn’t quite sure she was making sense. “Anyway, I’m sure Kingston has good schools. Or, you know, I’ve heard great things about the Angel Island school…”

“Angel Island?” Dad asked. “You mean…stay here?”

“Why not?” Ella’s gaze slid to me, and I felt a surge of hope rise in my chest, but I tamped it down quickly.

“What do you think?” Dad asked me.

“What do
you
think?” I countered. “Be honest.”

“I think…I think it would be a great opportunity for me,” Dad said slowly. “I feel like work and you girls are what’s keeping me sane. I know that the medication and the therapy sessions will make me better and help me deal with my issues, but when I’m working, when I’m
really
immersed in it, I feel almost normal. I…I hate the idea of going back to Toronto.” He said it like it was a confession, something he was ashamed of. “I hate the idea of being back in that house, in that city, where absolutely everything reminds me of her.”

I hated the idea, too. I had ever since Ezra and I went to my house after the break-in.

“I’d do it for you two,” Dad said quickly, mistaking my silence for something else. “After what I’ve put you through this summer, I’d do anything for you two.”

“Say something,” Ella hissed at me.

I swallowed hard. “I c-could go to St. Lawrence or Queens,” I stammered. “Find a job here or in Kingston.”

Dad stared at me with wide eyes. “You mean…”

“I want to stay
here
though.” My voice was firm even though I was shaking inside. “I want us to rent or buy the cottage from Lilah. She told me hardly anyone rents it anymore. I’m sure she’d be happy if we stayed here.
I’d
be happy if we stayed here.” I glanced at Ella. “And I’m pretty sure Gabriella would be happy, too.”

“Ella,” she whispered. That one word was almost my undoing. I just about lost it right there at the table. “I’d be happy to stay,” she confirmed, her eyes never leaving mine.

I gave her a watery smile. “So…Dad?” I turned to him. “It’s up to you. We’ll back you up no matter what you want to do.”

Dad closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “I’ll need to go home and talk to a realtor,” he muttered, more to himself than to us. “I’ll have to put the house up for sale, and we’ll have to pack, and I’ll have to tell the university, and—”

“So that’s a yes?” Ella interrupted. “We’ll stay here?”

Dad’s eyes popped open. They looked a little wild, and he let out a short, manic laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I’ll have to figure it all out, but…I think a fresh start is what we need.”

We carried on with dinner, and Dad continued muttering to himself. Ella sniffed the air and looked at me, her eyes questioning. “Do you smell lilacs?” she whispered.

I inhaled deeply. If Ella could smell it too, it wasn’t just my imagination. I didn’t know what to think about it, but I wanted to think it was somehow Mom’s way of telling us she was pleased with our decision…pleased with
us
.

*****

Three days later Ezra called to tell me he was coming home later that day. That night was the concert in the park that Miranda and Kennedy had invited me to at the beginning of summer. I told Ezra I would skip it, but he insisted we go, and said he’d find me there when he got back to the island.

I invited Ella to come along, and she accepted. Miranda and Kennedy came to our house, and the four of us got ready together. I hadn’t been this comfortable around a group of girls since my days with Alexis and Bianca. I still had moments where my mind would wander, or I’d miss my mom like crazy, or that hollow ache would return to my chest, but I knew Mom would want me to move on and live my life.

Miranda drove us across the island to the park, and we found a spot to spread out a blanket and sit. While Ella and Kennedy went in search of drinks, Miranda stretched out next to me.

“I’m kinda sad we didn’t get to know each other better,” she said. “I love Kennedy to death, but it’s hard to have an intelligent conversation with her sometimes, you know?” She smiled affectionately as she said it, and I understood what she meant—I’d felt that way sometimes with Alexis and Bianca. “I think you and I could’ve been real good friends.”

“We still could,” I told her. Ella and I had decided not to tell anyone we were staying until it was a done deal. Dad had already talked to Lilah about us staying in the beach house, and she was thrilled, but Dad still had some logistics to work out. Despite that, I was planning to tell Ezra later tonight. It had been torture keeping it from him over the last few days.

Miranda cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

I shrugged and smiled mysteriously. “I’m not that easy to get rid of, that’s all.”

Ella and Kennedy returned with icy cans of pop, and the four of us talked and laughed while we waited for the bands to start playing.

Almost the minute the sun went down, the first band took the stage. They were really good, kind of a mixture of pop and rock, and apparently they had written all their own songs. Everyone around us got to their feet and started dancing, and that’s what I was doing when strong arms wrapped around me from behind and began swaying with me in time to the music.

“Ezra!” I whirled around and threw my arms around his neck, clutching him tightly. It had only been two and a half weeks since we’d seen each other, but it felt like so much longer. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“How’s your mom?” Ella asked. She looked almost shy as she shuffled from foot to foot.

“She’s doing better, thanks.” Ezra smiled warmly at her. God, this boy was amazing. “She still has a long way to go, but she’s not fighting it anymore.” Every day when we talked, Ezra gave me a progress report, telling me about his mom opening up to the doctors, and talking more to him. The doctors were pleased, and said she could start getting involved in some of the facility’s activities soon. Ezra suggested she try music therapy or perhaps painting.

“I’m glad,” Ella said. “I hope she gets better quickly and can come back home.” She gave him another shy smile and turned to Kennedy, who was tugging on her arm and saying something.