Waking Elizabeth (24 page)

Chapter
25

L
ater that night, we
had each retreated to our own room, mostly for show for his parents who were
heading to the opposite wing towards their own room.
 
Ronan had whispered his intention to join me
in my room as soon as we were safely locked away.
 
I heard our joined door open behind me and
smiled as I watched him leisurely coming towards me.

“You
know, your mother is too smart for this,” I shook my head, “She knows what’s
up.”

“Well,
as long as we didn’t blatantly go to the same room, it’s not a big deal.
 
We
are
adults, for the record,” he reached for me, pulling me into his arms.
 

I
couldn’t wait any longer, it had bothered me for most of the day, “So, what
happened with that phone call earlier from work?
 
Is everything okay?”

I
was drawn into his chest, unable to see his face.
 
I felt him exhale a deep breath, “Yes.
 
Unavoidable … I apologize that it kept me
from you for so long.”

That
was it?
 
I wasn’t going to let it go that
easily, “It sounded pretty serious.
 
For
a minute I was worried we were going to have to rush back.”

“No.
 
Nothing like that.
 
Some people have a different timetable than I
do about things.
 
It was a simple
miscommunication.”

He
seemed earnest in his explanation and I didn’t feel I should question him
further.
 
If he wanted to give me
specifics, than he would.
 
I wasn’t going
to push him to do it.
 

“Well,
I’m glad we have another day.
 
I’ve grown
very attached to this place … this room in particular along with that bed.
 
Fond memories for me there,” I twisted my fingers
in the belt loops of his jeans.
 

“A
fan of the bed, are you?” he answered, running his hands down my back to my own
jeans where he shoved his hands in my back pockets and gently pressed me
towards him, “I would have it shipped to London but I’m not sure it would fit
in my apartment at the Tower.”

I
laughed, “Probably not.”

“So
my parents weren’t too bad?”

“They’re
wonderful.
 
You were right, I had no
reason to be nervous.”

He
pulled away to look at me and ran his finger along my hairline, “Would you like
me to draw you a bath, your grace?” he whispered against my lips.

“You’re
going to spoil me,” I answered in return.

“Good.”

He
took my hand and led me into the bathroom where he drew a steaming hot bath in
the claw foot tub.
 
Closing the doors to
keep the heat in the room, he slowly undressed me and helped me in.

“Are
you joining me?”

“Is
that an invitation?” he scratched his bearded cheek.

“Would
you deny your queen?”

His
smile deepened, “Never.”
 
Shedding his clothes
he sank into the warm water behind me.
 
I
closed my eyes and reclined against his chest.

“Who
would have known that a few short days ago when I handed my Heritage Pass to
Beatrice that I would be here with you, like we are now?”

“I’m
glad I searched for you.
 
Had I not,
would you have returned to the visitor’s center to look for me?” he asked,
dipping his hand in the hot water and then lifting it to massage my neck.

“Probably
not.
 
I already felt weird about the
questions I’d asked.
 
I think Beatrice
thought I was crazy.”

He
laughed, “No she didn’t.
 
She told me you
were beautiful.
 
I made her pull you up
on the screen so I could see you.”

I
turned towards him in the tub, “You did?”

“I
certainly did.
 
I wanted to know who I
was looking for.”

“Had
you already made your mind up to find me to answer my questions?”

He
smiled, “Not until I saw your picture.”

I
playfully slapped his arm, “Cad!”

“Does
it matter?
 
I found you all the same,” he
laughed.

“You
did find me,” I curled into his damp chest, “How is that possible?”

“I’ve
learned there are certain things you don’t question.”

“I’m
beginning to believe that.”

His
damp hands moved across my bare back, “How else can I be of service, your
grace?”

I
smiled against his chest, “I can think of a few things.”

“I’m
at your command.”

I
turned to face him in the water and he lifted me briefly before lowering me
down to him once more, “I could get used to this,” I whispered.

“I’m
counting on it,” he answered, his mouth opening on mine.
 
His kiss was languid and weakening, “I await
your instructions, your grace.”

I
smiled against his lips, “I dread the night, it brings dreams I can’t control.”

“So
I’m to chase away the monsters of your dreams?”

“Exhaust
me, so no dreams will come,” my hands buried in his damp hair as I rose above
him gently.

“With
pleasure, my queen.”

“How
could you?
 
You stupid stupid man!” The
anger was insurmountable and filled my chest to the point I could hardly
breathe.
 
I looked beside me to the table
where there was a fresh bowl of fruit.
 
I
reached for it and hurled it across the room towards him.
 
He ducked fluidly, the missile missing its
mark.
 

“My
love,” he said, shaking his head.

“Don’t
presume to call me that!
 
How dare you!”
I screamed at him through my tears.
 
I
hated him in that moment.
 
Hated him for
making me cry, hated him for betraying me.
 

“Elizabeth,
I love you!” he proclaimed.

“Love?
 
You speak to me of love when you were with
another?” I looked for something else to throw, something that would be easier
to hit its target.
 
I spotted a candle
burning in the corner.
 
I stalked angrily
towards it but he met me half way, snatching my hand away and holding it in his
iron grip.

“Elizabeth!”

“Don’t
touch me,” I yelled at him, “I’ll call for my guards!”

“Call
them!” Dudley hissed through his clenched teeth, his dark eyes blazed in anger
and held mine, “Have them take me away and put my head beneath the
executioner’s blade!
 
Release me from my
prison!”

“Prison!”
I jeered, “Is that what you think of me?”

“That’s
where
you
place me, Elizabeth.
 
I can’t have you and you will allow me no one
else!”

My
face softened, his words cut me to the core, “You want another?”

“Never!”
he seethed, “I’ll never want anyone but you.”

“How
could you betray me?” I cried, tears running down my face.

“You
speak of betrayal when you parade your suitors before me like stallions ready
to be bred!
 
I’ve endured your torture
for weeks while you lock your doors against me!”

“They
mean nothing to me, you know this, Robin!
 
It is only to gain alliances,” I shook my head as sobs racked my body.

“Elizabeth,
you know naught of the pain I endure.
 
Forced to watch them court you, touch you, share meals with you, knowing
they don’t love you as I do.”

His
words drenched me beneath a blanket of guilt, “Do you love her?”

His
face contorted into that of a madman.
 
He
appeared on the verge of laughing.
 
He
looked around us until he found what he sought lying carelessly on the table.
 
He dragged me behind him towards it, my wrist
still painfully trapped by his fingers.
 
He picked up the knife and handed it to me and then ripped open the
front of his shirt exposing his battle scared body.
 
He took my hand and pressed the knife against
his chest.

“Here
Elizabeth, slice through my skin and take my heart, it’s yours regardless of
where it lies.
 
Place it in the box by
your bed along with your meaningless trinkets from your many suitors from
around the world.
 
I’ve no use for it
anymore, it only causes me pain.”

I
shuddered at his
words,
they had served their purpose
well.

“Take
it!” he shouted at me through his anger and I visibly shook with fear.
 
I had never heard him speak like that before,
and never imagined that he would ever speak to me that way.

“Robert,”
I cried, dropping the knife to the floor and resting my head against his chest.

Robert
sighed in anguish and wrapped his arms around me, “Never doubt my love for you
Elizabeth.
 
She meant nothing to me.
 
A reckless moment to fill the emptiness I
felt from your neglect.”

My
fingers wound into the folds of his shirt where he held me as sobs tore through
my body, “Why can’t I just be Elizabeth and you, my love, you just Robert?”

I
sat up in bed, drenched with sweat and struggling to draw a deep breath.

“Ellie,”
Ronan sat up next to me, “What is it?”

“Robert,
he cheated on her!” I whispered breathlessly.

“What?”
Ronan was still half asleep, “What are you talking about?”

“Robert.
 
He cheated on her and she caught him.
 
She was furious.
 
She was throwing stuff at him.”

Ronan
chuckled, “One of her many tantrums.
 
Luckily he escaped unharmed.
 
I
guess he was an expert at dodging her projectiles.”

I
looked at him in the darkness and snapped, “It’s not funny!
 
How could he do that?”

“Ellie,”
he pleaded, not fully away, “It was just a dream.”

“No!
 
How could you defend him?
 
How could he betray her like that?”
 
I slung the covers off my legs and stormed
from the bed.

“Betray
her?” Ronan answered with anger, a tad more alert at this point, “Do you know
what he put up with?
 
Watching her on a
daily basis parade around with other men who meant nothing to her.
 
She was simply using them to help forge
alliances.”

He
rose from the bed and came to stand beside me in front of the fading fire,
“You!
 
You sound like him!” I yelled at
him.

Ronan
took a step back and appeared shocked by my words, “Ellie.
 
This is
her
talking.
 
This is Elizabeth’s anger!”

He
was right.
 
I was still angry from the
dream, my hands clenched into fists at my side.
 

He
pulled me to him and for some reason I found myself hesitant to allow him.
 
Why was
I so angry?
 
“Ellie, this is their
fight, not ours.”

I
allowed his words to penetrate my wall and I began to relax into him.

“You
have to separate her anger from yours.
 
Don’t allow her that much power.
 
Her regret is not yours.
 
Her
battles are not yours.
 
And his betrayals
are not mine.”

I
nodded, knowing he was right, “Maybe I should go see Dr. Cross when we get
back.”

“I
think it might be a good idea.”
 
He
pulled away from me, “Come back to bed.”

I
allowed him to lead me back to the bed and once in place I snuggled up beside
him.

“Should
I hide the knives?”

I
smiled, exhausted, “No.
 
I think you’re
safe.”
 
As I drifted off to sleep I
thought about his comment.
 
Had I told
him about the knife and how he had asked her to slice him open?
 
I must have.
 
How else would he have known?
 
I
wanted to ask him but before I knew it, thankfully a deep sleep set in.
 

Chapter
26

I
sat at the bar in
our suite, a steaming cup of coffee before me as I pondered my nonexistent
plans for the day.
 
Jess had already gone
to an early meeting and I knew that Ronan would not be free until well after
lunch.
 
He had invited me to the Tower so
I could wait for him there but it seemed overly clingy.
 
I would find something to do by myself, which
had been the plan all along.
 
I had a
driver and a heritage pass that would get me into almost anything.
 
I reached for my phone to dial the driver and
was unable to remember which number was his on the multiple long distance calls
I had logged.
 
I quickly remembered that
I had his business card in my purse and reached for it.
 
I sifted through the side pocket, weeding out
the packages of gum and receipts and found a card.
 
I pulled it out and looked down at the
elegant scroll across the crisp white card.
 
Dr. Cross.
 
I had forgotten I even
had his number.
 
I put it down in search
of the driver’s information but kept staring at it out of the corner of my
eye.
 
I had a quick flash of my most
recent visions at Ronan’s parent’s estate.
 
Their affect on my disposition was becoming alarming.
 
My sadness at Elizabeth’s desperation and
attempt to jump from the window as well as her anger at Dudley’s infidelity and
how livid I was afterwards had quickly manifested itself in my attitude towards
Ronan.
 
It was certainly unfair of me and
I wondered if Dr. Cross might have some thoughts on all of it.
 
After all, he had told me to call him at any
time.
 
I narrowed my eyes at his number,
contemplating the call, feeling both foolish and inquisitive.
 
I quickly dialed his number before I could
change my mind.
 
It was early and I
expected an answering machine so I was surprised when he answered.

“Dr.
Cross?
 
It’s Ellie Regan, I met you
through Ronan Sutton,” I hesitated, positive he was going to completely blow me
off.

“Ellie!
 
I’m delighted to hear from you.
 
I expected it to be sooner, but
none-the-less, I’m glad for the call.”

I
was puzzled.
 
Why had he expected to hear from me?
 
“I was wondering if I could come by and see
you, if you had time?”

“Of
course!
 
My first appointment is not
until 9:30, can you make it here before then?”

I
looked at the clock, it was 7:15, “Absolutely!”
 

“Wonderful,
I’ll see you then.
 
My receptionist is
off today so just knock on my door when you arrive.”

“Sure,”
I answered, “Thank you.”

I took
a quick shower and ran a brush through my hair before dashing out the door to
Dr. Cross.
 
I didn’t bother to call Ronan
to let him know since I remembered he was in a meeting for most of the morning.
 
I was determined to prove to him that I could
go the day without talking to him and that I could make it around this city on
my own before meeting him at 3pm as planned.
 
I texted Jess to ask her if she was free for lunch and she quickly
responded that she wasn’t.
 
She asked
what I was doing out and about already and I told her that I was going back to
Dr. Cross.
 
She responded that she would
let me know if her afternoon plans freed up.
 

As
we arrived at the door of Dr. Cross’ office building Thomas pulled into a
vacant space and opened the door for me.

“I
should only be an hour,” I shrugged, “That’s usually how long these things
last, I guess.”

Thomas
smiled at me and opened the main office door, “I’ll be waiting.”

I
went inside the quiet room and went straight to his door as previously
instructed and knocked gently.
 
Upon
hearing his voice I pushed open the door and went inside.

“Good
morning to you,” he said cheerfully, rising from his high backed leather chair,
“Can I offer you some coffee?”

“No
thank you,” I answered, placing my backpack on the settee, “I’ve already had my
limit this morning.”

I
sat down across from him on the sleek black lounger as he settled in his chair.

“So,
how are you?
 
I must admit I thought I’d
hear from you much sooner.
 
I’m sure it’s
quite a lot to digest, although having him around no doubts helps ease that …
transition.”

I
was confused.
 
I wondered what he meant
but there was a tiny voice inside of me that didn’t want to ask.
 
“I’m doing okay.
 
The visions … or whatever you want to call
them are coming more frequently and much stronger than they were since I first
saw you.”

Dr.
Cross nodded, “Undoubtedly.
 
Not only are
you pulling from Elizabeth’s reminiscences you are now no doubt feeling the
energy of Robert’s.
 
I wanted him to tell
you sooner, I encouraged him to do just that several days ago on the phone, but
as I’m sure you are aware, he was nervous about doing so.”

The
hair stood up on the back of my neck.
 
Obviously he thought I knew something that I didn’t.
 
I attempted to balance a calm, unquestioning
look on my face while grasping at the right words to urge him to continue.

“It’s
been difficult, but enlightening,” it was vague and non committal and the first
thing that entered my mind.

“This
has to be an overwhelming time, for both of you.
 
He’s been dealing with this for over 28 years
and has been seeing me steadily for the past decade.
 
It was hard to get him to open up, as I’m
sure he told you, the only person he’s ever told was his mother.”

I
nodded, taking in the information and quickly processing it in order to guess
at its meaning, “It’s certainly nice to have each other during this time.”

Dr.
Cross smiled, “It’s almost too extraordinary to believe that the two of you
have found each other.
 
I’ve been
practicing for over twenty years and I’ve never seen it.
 
I’ve never been one to believe in fate, but
considering this situation I might change my view.”
 
He opened up his notebook and I could see two
brightly colored file folders within it.
 
I silently allowed him to continue, uninterrupted, “There is nothing I
can recommend for the visions being more frequent and possibly disturbing.
 
He shared with me that you had a vision of
Elizabeth contemplating ending her life at the news of the death of Robert.
 
It’s understandable considering that the two
of you are spending so much time together.
 
You are both bringing out those recollections in each other.
 
Ronan himself is experiencing them more and
more frequently,” Dr. Cross looked up at me over the rim of his glasses as he
jotted down notes in the folder, “although he has certainly had more time and
practice learning how to cope with them.”
 

Ronan.
 
This was all tied to Ronan and his own visions of his past?
 
Of course!
 
Why else would he be seeing Dr. Cross!
 
But that left another question … who the hell
was he?
 

At
that moment there was a light knock on his door.
 
Dr. Cross gave me a puzzled look and glanced
at his watch, “I don’t have another appointment for nearly an hour.
 
If you could excuse me momentarily.”
 
He got up from his chair, setting his folders
down on the table in front of us, and opened his door where I caught a brief
glimpse of a middle aged woman who appeared to be crying.
 
I heard him call her by the name of Julia and
reach an arm out to her in an attempt to comfort her.

“Ellie,
if you could give me a few moments,” he said.

I
went to stand, fully prepared to give him his office when he stopped me, “No,
I’ll take her to the small conference room up front.
 
Please forgive me.
 
I’ll be back with you shortly.”

I
smiled, “No problem.
 
Don’t rush.”

He
closed the door behind him, leaving me alone in his quiet office.
 
I could hear the other door open and shut and
could barely make out the muffled voices from behind it.
 
I tapped my fingers on my arms that were
crossed upon my chest.
 
What the hell was going on?
 
I looked towards the door, assuring myself
that it was closed before glancing back at the folders on the table.
 
I easily made out my own name on one of them
and the name Ronan Sutton on the other.
 
My mouth opened and I sucked in a quick breath.
 
Should
I?
 
My rational good girl side
quickly chastised my impulse to reach for the red folder with his name typed
across the tab.
 
I wondered briefly what
Jess would tell me to do.
 
I could almost
hear her voice,
Are you crazy?
 
Look in the damn folder!
 
I reached for it, blocking out my guilty
conscience.
 
I turned the already open
folder in my direction and looked up at the door to ensure that Dr. Cross and
Julia were safely on the other side.
 
I
scanned the page quickly and saw a set of typed notes dated from when came to
see Dr. Cross together.
 
Flipping further
back I skimmed through looking for words that stood out to me.
 
Visions, Nightmares, Dreams, Aversions, Fear
… all of them were there.
 
I thumbed
through the relatively thick file that dated back years until I reached the
first page.
 
I quickly read the first
line of the first set of notes,
New
Patient:
 
Ronan Sutton, 25, presents
significant evidence of past life regression since the age of 7.
 
Initial consultation resulted in the
agreement of patient to receive weekly therapy with hypnosis and discussion of
remedies to relieve insomnia and reduce stress caused by fragmenting.
 
Patient discovered at an early age his past
life of the Earl of Leicester, Robert Dudley, paramour of Queen Elizabeth
I.
 

With
lightening speed I withdrew my hand from the pages as if I’d been burned.
 
Robert
Dudley!
 
I felt dizzy and sick with
realization.
 
How could he have kept this from me!
  
I thought back to every vision I’d had since
being with him and it all started to make sense.
 
He knew my visions just as well as I did
because he was having them too!
 
I
immediately thought back to the conversation with his parents about when he was
a child and wanted to be called Robert.
 
It all made sense now!
 
I could
hear Dr. Cross finishing with Julia and opening the door to the conference
room.
 
I replaced the file the best I
could and fought to control my reeling emotions.
 
I had to get out of there and quickly.
 
I had to come up with an excuse.
 
The door opened behind me and I forced a
smile even though I could feel the color draining from my face. I stood, “Dr.
Cross.
 
I’ve just gotten a call from my
friend Jess.
 
She’s done with her meeting
and stranded across town.
 
I hate to cut
this short but I have to go to her.”

He
gave me a puzzled look, “Sure, Ellie.
 
Are you well?
 
You look a bit
pale.”

I
nodded, hating that I was so transparent without the ability to hide anything,
“I’m fine.
 
Just frustrated we don’t have
more time to discuss everything.”

He
nodded but I couldn’t tell if he believed me or not, “Well I certainly hope to
see you again.
 
Maybe next time you could
come with Ronan and we could discuss it together.”

“Sure,”
I nodded, reaching for my bag.
 
I smiled
and made my way to the door, attempting to hide the rush of tears I could feel
filling my eyes, “Thanks again for your time,” my voice was cracking as I
closed the door behind me and rushed through the lobby.
 
I flung open the main door and practically
ran to Thomas who scurried at the site of me.
 

“Ms.
Regan, are you alright?” he asked, a concern look on his face.

“I
want to get out of here Thomas, as soon as possible,” I fell into the back
seat, already reaching for my phone.